The Night Fruit Lived
Author's Note: Answer to a challenge. :) It's wonky.
Wacky. Weird. So NOT serious. Its like a mix of parody and.. author fic.. I
dunno if I like it or not, lol. Speaking of, you may need to know that my name
is Jaime, and the challenge was put out by Dana. Oh, and if you don't know, Tag
Alongs are Girl Scout cookies, chocolate and peanut butter. Mmmm. the ice cream
is good too. Oh yeah, challenge reqs first—
Anywoo, the challenge must include:
-Willow, Oz, Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, Giles, and
Angel (aka the Season 3 cast of Buffy)
-A feather boa
-No sadness, happiness and funny stuff
-The Hanson song MMMBop or the 2Ge+her song U + Me=Us (Calculus)
Can include:
-Deodorant
-Ballet shoes
-An iZone sticky film camera
*************
Willow took a bite from her Tag A-long cookie
and handed the box to Xander. They were sitting in the library, waiting for
everyone else to finally show up. Everyone except Giles, because he was already
there. Of course. When is he NOT at the library?
"Why exactly are we here, Giles?"
Willow asked in a rude voice, surprising the other two.
"Well.. I'm not quite sure of why we are
here.." Giles stammered, confused. He removed his glasses and cleaned them
with a kerchief.
Xander stopped stuffing cookies in his mouth at
this, and grabbed his backpack. "Well, if no one knows, I'm leaving."
He started off, but tripped over his shoelace, dropping his bag. 'Cause he's a
big klutz. The contents spilled out--a notebook with torn paper, a magazine or
two, Twinkie wrappers, and.. ballet shoes. Ballet shoes?? Um, okay.
Before anyone could comment on this strange
scene, Buffy, Cordelia and Oz walked into the library. Because they're still
there. You see. Xander scrambled around the ground, shoving all his crap back
into his backpack, while Buffy greeted everyone.
"So, Xander. Taking up ballet?" Buffy
asked innocently.
Xander cast a nervous look at Oz, willing him
not to say anything. Even though Oz *rarely* says anything ever. Oz nodded.
"Why do you say that?" Xander asked
with a squeak, zipping his bag up and standing, ready to make a run for it at
any given time.
"'Cause.. you have ballet shoes?" Wow,
Xander's slow. And why hasn't Cordelia said anything cruel by now?
After a few more moments of stammering and the
like, Buffy let Xander leave while he still had his pride--no wait, scratch
that. She let him leave.
"Well, gotta go see Angel. I hope he hasn't
decided to kill himself. You know, because of all the horrors he's done in the
past." Buffy left, and she may not be back for the rest of the story. Got
that?
"Xander's such a loser. Why did I ever go
out with him?" Cordelia flipped her hair over her shoulder, and left. Why
was she there? To make her appearance. And now she's gone. Deal with it.
Giles sighed. Giles opened a book. Giles said,
"You all can leave now." That's the last you'll see of him, because I
can't write British very well.
Willow and Oz left the library, holding hands.
They decided to walk to her house, because they really don't care about all the
vampires and other monsters that could kill them. They walked past Angel's
mansion, and heard Buffy yelling in tears that she cared about him, and he
saying they can't be together, blah blah blah.
********
Willow and Oz. Oz and Willow. They sat on her
bed, kissing and talking. Talking and kissing. There was music playing, and a
small picnic snack nearby. Music and snack. Snack and music. Ok, I'm stopping
that now.
Suddenly, Xander crashed into the room! Not
through the door. He appeared from midair! Gah! Scary. He was carrying a
feather boa and wearing the dreaded ballet shoes.
"Xander?! What are you DOING here? With
those shoes?"
Oz stood and grabbed the boa from him, and put
it gently around Willow's neck. He didn't seem to care that Xander was there.
Or notice. Oz snapped his fingers and "A Theme From Summer Place"
started playing. Whoa, now *that's* a cool trick.
As Willow and Oz started slow dancing, Xander
sat on the floor and tried to pull the shoes off. They seemed to be glued on.
"ARRRGH!! What the hell is going on?!"
he screamed as the bottom of a shoe ripped off, and an iZone sticky film
picture was stuck on his sock covered foot. He pulled that off, and stared at
the picture in horror. A tall blonde girl was smiling back at him, waving. Her
name was Dana. How did he know her name? He didn't know how, he just knew. And
it annoyed him. And he also knew that this Dana chick was somehow responsible
for all the crap that was going on today.
Xander jumped up to warn Willow and Oz, who were
being all cute and snugly, when he saw a poster on the wall.
"Willow? Since when do you like
Hanson?" Right on cue, the music changed, and MMMBop began playing.
Willow jumped up and down; squealing and said
"I've ALWAYS liked them, Xander! What kind of friend are YOU not to know
that?" She sang along. "So hold on the ones who really care, in the
end they'll be the only ones there. When you get old and start losing your
hair.. Can you tell me who will still care? Can you tell me who will still care?"
Oz stared at her with a mixture of concern and amusement.
"Okay.. NO. No, you haven't! That poster
was not there like, five seconds ago! You know that, don't you, Oz?"
"Hmm. Could be true. Don't remember her
acting this way before."
Xander almost kissed Oz, he was so happy. And
immediately, he was disturbed at the thought.
Willow finally stopped singing, and ran into her
bathroom, claiming she needed deodorant. The two guys talked in hushed tones
about the strangeness that was this day. Well, Xander talked. Oz nodded.
BOOM! There was a big puff of smoke, and when
the room cleared, it was empty. Willow came out, and was confused, as anyone
would be in this situation.
**********
"What the hell?!"
"Huh."
"Oh dear lord."
"NOW what?!"
"Uh.. what's going on?"
Xander, Oz, Angel, Giles (so I lied about not
seeing him again), and--Spike?! Ok, Spike too--stared at each other in
confusion and anger. They were in a darkened room, and they could hear
screaming from outside.
To add to the confusion on being transported
from one place to another without warning, they were all dressed as fruit.
FRUIT. Angel was an apple, Oz was a pineapple. Giles was in a banana suit, Spike
in a watermelon, and Xander was a big bunch of grapes. The Ricky Martin of
fruits, some might say.
Four of the five finally decided they should go
see what the screaming was about; some one could be getting attacked! Spike
walked along with them, for some reason. He's not even supposed to be here!
He's not 3rd season cast.
They walked out into blinding lights. The
screamers were all there, jumping around and watching them. They only got
louder when the guys came out onstage. Yes, onstage.
"Oh god.. I've got to get out of
here.." "Um.. where are we?" "This is not happening."
"DAMN DANA!!" "Dana? Whose Dana?" "Xander's lost
it." "I think we've all lost it." "That's it. I'm leavin',
and the first wanker who tries to stop me is my next dinner." The voices
all mingled together, and they were about to make their hasty retreat offstage,
when music started. And suddenly, they all knew what to do.
"I'm losing my hair, and my vision is
shady.. Last night I dreamt of an overweight lady.." Angel began to sing.
Horribly. And yet, the girls still screamed.
The music picked up, and they all danced in
unison, singing.
"You plus sign me equal sign us." They
did the hand motions for each word, getting more screams of approval from the
audience.
Then, the song was over. And they fell out of
their possession-like state, and recalled just what the hell had just happened.
Willow, Buffy, and Cordelia were in the front
row, staring at the 5 fruit in open-mouthed shock.
"I-I-I can explain!"
"You.. YOU guys are 2Ge+her?! Why didn't
you TELL us??" Buffy screeched.
The five men started at each other. What? They
were suddenly tackled by the three girls, who seemed to think that their
friends were a real boyband.
Xander shook his fist angrily in the air and
yelled at what looked like nothing.
"Damn you, Dana!!!"
Jaime laughed.
End.
