AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Xander and Willow reflect on her wedding day
SPOILER: Homecoming, Graduation Day
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Slayerettes and Sunnydale = Joss. Depressed, bitter, angry, depressed, bitter and angry = me 'I Love You Came Too Late' = Joey McIntyre I had to change just ONE little line lol
//Baby, listen to me
If I had the chance
I'd say the words.\\
Sometimes, we find ourselves in a place that confuses us. A place that doesn't tell us yes or no but gives you a question mark as your answer.
I'm in that place.
The wedding is being held right this minute, just a block from where I'm standing. I can't make myself walk the short distance to Willow's house. I can't make myself watch her say 'I do' to a man that isn't me. I can't do it.
And yet, I have to.
//The greenest of green
That's what her eyes are\\
Willow looks beautiful. Her hair is swept up in one of those loose buns that she's taken to wearing over the past few years. Tiny strands have loosened around her face from dancing and as she twirls around the dance floor with her flower girl, Buffy's daughter Angelica, the smile on her face is one of absolute bliss.
//I can't live without you
Don't want nobody else
Baby, listen very closely
I love you....\\
She doesn't know I'm here. I told her the paper was sending me to New York to cover Scott Wolf's newest Broadway smash and that I was sorry I'd miss the wedding. I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand there as Oz's best man and watch Willow, my love, my heart and soul, marry someone else. Someone that isn't me.
Oz is my best friend, as far as guys go. I like him, but today, I want to kill the guy. I know in my heart that he and Willow will be very happy, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I know they're going to have kids and be the typical family with a white picket fence out front and chains for Oz's nights as a werewolf in the basement. There will be kids everywhere and on some given summer afternoon, they'll be running around the backyard playing tag and Willow will tag Oz. He'll grab her and kiss her while the kids squeal at it.
I hate Oz.
I wanna be Oz.
//I couldn't lie
She couldn't wait
I love you came too late
I'd give my life
For yesterday
I love you came too late.\\
I blew it too, I could've been Oz. I had years and years to be Oz, and I threw it all away. First over Buffy, then Cordelia, even Anya for a bit when Oz had gone to Seattle to try and make the band thing work. I would never let myself be with her the way I truly wanted to be.
I'm an asshole.
//I should've seen the signs
And paid her more attention
But I pushed her love away
So she found someone to give her what she needed
Somebody else not afraid to say\\
I'm sure they're almost through with the wedding now. I left because I can't bear to watch her any longer without kissing her or killing Oz, I'm not sure which I'd want to do first.
//I can't live without you
Don't want nobody else
Baby, listen very closely
I love you...\\
*****
The wedding is almost over now. Oz and I are on our final dance. Buffy picked the song out, something by Heather Nova, I think. It's about loving the look in his eyes. I do love the look in his eyes. They haven't left my face since we said 'I do'. We're joined together forever now, and I'm looking forward to every minute of it. Our honeymoon will be so amazing. I've never been to Paris before. Oz picked it because he thinks it'll be romantic. I think him thinking that is romantic.
*****
I had to go back. I had to see her one last time, see her with Oz, to be sure she's really happy.
They're dancing to a slow song, their faces only centimeters away. They look so happy, so in love.
This is killing me.
//I can't live without you
I don't want nobody else
My heart is in my hands
I took a good look at myself
If I had another chance
I'd shout it down to you
I LOVE YOU!\\
*****
Xander isn't here. The song is almost over and as people get up, I notice that my backyard is filled with people that I love. Buffy, Angel, Giles, Amy. There's only one person missing.
Xander.
I miss having him here, because he is my friend and I love him, but I also understand why he didn't come. If he had married Cordelia, I couldn't have watched it.
"Will?" Oz asked. "You look a million miles away. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. This is the happiest day of my life. I'm better than okay, I'm wonderful."
I smiled at him and we kissed as I told him what he wanted to hear, that I was fine.
Even though I really wasn't.