One Song Glory: part six
27 May 2000
Van Donovan
trowa@trowa.com
---------------------
Initially inspired by listening to the song "One Song Glory" by Roger from the musical RENT
this story took a tragic turn when my real life cousin drowned May 24th, '00 while
his mother is/was dying of cancer. I suddenly have so much more for this story. Please,
learn something from it.
--------
Ken collapsed as his knees gave out, falling with Omi in his arms, feeling numb all
over his body. Surely he heard wrong. Surely Omi was mistaken. He held the boy tightly,
probably crushing him, but the blonde didn't protest. "Aya . . .?" Ken breathed, feeling a
lump rise in his throat. He was going to be sick. He couldn't accept the implications that
meant yet. "How?" he asked, stunned. He had no tears yet. He was still in disbelief.
Omi was rocked with sobs as he clung to Ken, trying to compose himself enough to
reply. "He . . .," Omi choked and shuttered. Reflexively, Ken rubbed his back. Omi sniff-
led and took a long shuddering breath. "He was driving back from the hos . . . hospital,"
he cringed and more tears squeezed out as he buried his face in Ken's shirt.
"Another car in the opposite direction . . . luh-lost control and hit . . . his jeep
and . . . and he flipped." He stopped to take another deep breath, sobbing miserably and
raggedly in-between. "They . . . they said he died instantly." He shivered.
Ken took a deep breath and tightly hugged Omi, burying his face into the boys
shoulder as the finality of it hit him. "Oh no." he moaned. "Oh Aya, no. No. No. Not
now. Not now Aya. Oh God," he murmured, rocking with Omi. They were both lost in their
tears and mourning for a long time before Ken breathed, raggedly: "Aa, this will kill
Youji."
Omi nodded against Ken's chest, biting his lip, and then burst into tears again.
"We'll . . . have to tell him in the morning." he whimpered. "I've . . . I've got to,"
he pulled away from Ken hesitantly, getting numbly to his feet, wiping his eyes and taking
a great deep breath. "Ooooo." he moaned and shook his head. "I've got to go down to the
. . . to the police station." Ken got to his feet dazedly and shook his head.
"Let's go together," he said. Omi nodded, too grateful to have a human comfort.
It would have been hard enough to deal with the loss of Youji, but . . . but Aya too?
"This isn't how things are supposed to happen." The youngest miserably wailed. "It
isn't supposed to happen like this. Poor Youji." He choked a sob as he started to turn to
go inside. "Ayakun . . ."
-----
-One Song.-
Youji awoke feeling better than he had in weeks. The new drug regimen his doctor
had prescribed was working quite well, and he was sitting in a chair near the window, just
watching the clouds and the occasional bird, sometimes bending to breath in the rose set
Aya had brought in yesterday. He looked up at the knock on his door, and saw Ken's shape
outside of it. He smiled. It was so nice when they came by, and he was feeling so good
right now, and able to actually go out too. He'd wanted to spend time with Aya today, but
he didn't mind spending the day with all three and then the night with Aya. "Come in!" he
called. The door knob turned slowly, and then swung open.
-Glory.-
Ken entered first, and then Omi. Neither one looked good, although Ken seemed to
have some sort of smile plastered on his face. Youji raised an eyebrow, seeing the pair, but
no Aya. Perhaps he was outside with a surprise?
-One Song.-
"Hey you guys." Youji said, waving a little. "Good to see you.
"Hey Youji," Ken said, keeping his voice in check. He smiled a little, even. "How
are you doing?"
Youji narrowed his eyes a little. Ken sure was being formal.
-Before I go.-
"Aa, I'm pretty good, actually. My doctor put me on a new drug dosage, and it's
helped a lot. I feel really good today." Omi and Ken exchanged glances, the younger seeming
terrified of something. "What about you two? Something wrong?"
-Glory.-
"Aa, that's good. That . . . you're good." Ken said and blinked a few times. He
seemed a little at a loss for words.
They'd talked to Youji's doctor earlier and the man was outside, waiting for Youji's
reaction. Ken and Omi were worried he'd just die on the spot, but the doctor assured them
he wouldn't. Still, they wanted to be safe, and kept the man waiting outside. Ken so did
not want to be the one to break the news to Youji.
-One song to leave behind.-
"We've . . . got some bad news, Youji," he quietly said, and looked down, unable to
meet that verdant gaze. Youji raised an eyebrow.
-Find one song.-
"Where's Aya?" he inquired. He didn't miss the way Omi visibly flinched.
-One last refrain.-
Softly, Ken said: "He's gone, Youji."
-Glory.-
"Gone -where-?" he demanded, his voice rising. He wouldn't believe this. This
wasn't their bad news. This was some sick prank.
-From the pretty boy front man,-
"He's dead." The words were final. Ken hadn't meant for it to come out like that.
-Who wasted opportunity.-
Youji just stared at the top of Ken's head, unable to keep that ache in his chest
from spreading. He opened his mouth to retort, to deny. "No."
-One song.-
Ken closed his eyes to hold back tears, bowing his head so he didn't have to watch
the horror spread over Youji's features. "Ken. No. You're lying." Youji sharply said.
They had dinner plans tonight. They were going to spend the day together while he was
feeling so good. They were going to make love and fall asleep in one another's arms.
-He had the world at his feet.-
Ken's voice was completely broken when he spoke. "I'm so sorry Youji."
-Glory.-
Youji's eyes darted to Omi. The blue-eyed boy stood behind Ken, his eyes red and
puffy. He'd obviously been crying a lot, recently. Youji felt sick. Sicker than his AIDS,
sicker than his drugs made him, sicker than any feeling he'd ever had.
-In the eyes of a young man.-
"How?" he breathed, his voice catching. Ken shook his head.
"It was a car accident. He got hit, and flipped."
-A young man.-
"No." Youji breathed. Ken winced. "God, Aya . . . no."
-Find glory.-
Youji's hands went to his mouth as he covered it. Ken started towards the fragile
man, willing to hold him and let him cry. His hand touched Youji's, but the other jerked
away from him; he only wanted to hold Aya. He shook his head and closed his eyes tightly.
His back shivered as he let the feelings course through him, and he trembled in silence for
several seconds before the most mournful wail escaped the man's lips.
-Beyond the cheap coloured lights.-
Youji doubled over, shaking his head, sobbing. "This can't be happening!" He
shouted, but his voice lacked conviction.
-One song.-
"Youji." Ken breathed but the man just wailed, and shook his head. Omi came up to
stand beside Ken and rested his small hand on the soccer player's shoulder. They knew Youji
was going to reject them at first, but they also knew they needed to be there for him, when,
or if, he finally decided to accept them.
"He can't be dead. He was just here last night. He was fine. We watched the sun-
set together," he sobbed, shaking.
-Before the sun sets.-
He looked up, suddenly at Ken and Omi. He shook his tear-streaked face and threw
his hand at them in a 'get away' gestured. "Leave! Don't look at me." He miserably begged.
-Glory.-
"Youji." But, they both looked at one another and then backed up and stepped out-
side to let Youji be with himself.
When he heard the door close he reached up and pulled the potted roses Aya had
brought for him yesterday to him. He clutched them to his breast tightly, burying his face
in the petals and their strong scent, so like Aya's. He completely let himself go, sobbing
miserably.
-On another empty life.-
-Times flies. Time dies.-
-Glory.-
Youji fell, after that. No matter the drugs, no matter the dosages, he resisted.
He was beyond depressed. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't eat, and he rarely slept. He was
truly dying, and in the most awful way.
-One blaze of glory.-
Ken and Omi suspended all missions and set about making funeral arrangements and
comforting Youji. The man refused to really respond to them, but he did agree to attend
the funeral in a wheelchair. He became coherent enough to request his best blacks.
-One blaze of glory.-
It was only three days until the funeral was held, but neither Ken or Omi expected
Youji to hold out for then. Neither planned a double funeral, but they felt it would have
been appropriate. Youji held out, but he attended in a state of soft vagueness. He kept
asking where Aya was, unsettling those gathered.
-Find.-
If Aya's sister hadn't also been present, dressed in all black with a dark veil,
they wouldn't have been able to silence Youji. As it was, the girl put her hand on Youji's
shoulder, and when he'd next asked: "Where's Aya?"
She'd softly said: "I'm right here."
Youji's face had relaxed.
-Glory.-
He was subdued for the rest of his time. Aya, the real Aya and sister to Ran, made
it her duty to stay by the dying man's side. She'd been informed of Youji and Aya's prior
relationship and felt obligated to help Youji in his time of need, as Youji'd helped her
brother. She did anything Youji asked.
-In a song that rings true.-
Youji faded fast, even with the help of Aya. He managed to tell them that Aya had
had HIV too, shocking them all, but also making everyone see the logistics of their rela-
tionship. Youji cried himself to sleep every night, begging Aya, his Aya, to hold him.
-Truth like a blazing fire.-
But no one ever came.
-An eternal flame.-
-Find.-
Youji took to writing. He could barely hold a pencil, and his only parchment was
his napkins and what paper Ken could get him, but he wrote anyway. He'd fold the letters up
without letting anyone read them, and made Aya mail them for him. She complied, and refused
to let Ken and Omi open them and read what they said. It wasn't their business.
-The one song.-
Youji wrote at all hours, and he never spoke. He went two weeks without eating,
sustained only by the constant IV that pricked into his hand. He was completely bed-ridden
and by all standards he should have been dead, but every night, after he cried himself to
sleep, he would awake and begin scrawling letters again.
-Before the virus takes hold.-
Omi and Ken had to leave him for times, to lead their own lives, trying to cope with
the loss of Aya, and more or less the loss of Youji. The man -was- dead. He was completely
unresponsive to anything. It was like his mind was dead, but his body was still operating.
-Glory.-
Aya still sent out his letters, sealing the envelopes for him when he couldn't, and
buying stamps and mailing them for him. She never asked him questions. He sent out
hundreds. Some he just scrawled a few words on a napkin and sent it, and sometimes, he
would spend hours just writing to one person(?) -- was he mailing people?
-Like a sunset.-
They didn't find the black book he was copying addresses out of until he died three
weeks after Aya. It was tucked securely under his blankets, in the fold of his pelvis bones
where the skin was so sunken-in the book could fit like a notch, undetected beneath the
blankets. Each name had a check mark by it, right up to Sana Riko; the rest went unmarked.
-One song.-
Letters began coming back.
Some were short and sweet, some were long rants, some were formal. They all
thanked him, one way or another, for telling them he had AIDS. Some wished him well. Some
cursed him for being a carrier and infecting them. Some sent flowers. Some, sent money.
Some didn't reply at all.
Youji'd written to every woman he'd ever been with, having taken his black book of
phone numbers and gotten addresses, and informed them that he was HIV positive and dying of
AIDS and that they'd best get some tests done to check themselves. He apologized for not
writing sooner. He never asked for compassion, or money, or anything. He just had the
obligation to tell all of those women what he'd done to them before he died.
-To redeem this empty life.-
Omi, Ken and Aya wrote to the rest of the women in the book, and collected all the
letters. They took the flowers to Youji and Aya's plots, and donated all the money to
charity. When word got out about Youji's plight to send warnings to every woman in his
address book before he died -- which numbered over five-hundred -- people began sending more
mail to them. Donations sky rocketed and every penny was dedicated to the organizations
in progress to cure AIDS.
-Time flies.-
Youji and Aya were both long dead, but what the blonde had started snowballed until
a charity named for Youji himself was created, and it expanded into a deep research organi-
zation, headed and fueled by Omi himself.
It would be the same organization that, in seven years, would discover the cure.
-And then: no need to endure any more.-
-Time dies.-
--the end--
27 May 2000
Van Donovan
trowa@trowa.com
---------------------
Initially inspired by listening to the song "One Song Glory" by Roger from the musical RENT
this story took a tragic turn when my real life cousin drowned May 24th, '00 while
his mother is/was dying of cancer. I suddenly have so much more for this story. Please,
learn something from it.
--------
Ken collapsed as his knees gave out, falling with Omi in his arms, feeling numb all
over his body. Surely he heard wrong. Surely Omi was mistaken. He held the boy tightly,
probably crushing him, but the blonde didn't protest. "Aya . . .?" Ken breathed, feeling a
lump rise in his throat. He was going to be sick. He couldn't accept the implications that
meant yet. "How?" he asked, stunned. He had no tears yet. He was still in disbelief.
Omi was rocked with sobs as he clung to Ken, trying to compose himself enough to
reply. "He . . .," Omi choked and shuttered. Reflexively, Ken rubbed his back. Omi sniff-
led and took a long shuddering breath. "He was driving back from the hos . . . hospital,"
he cringed and more tears squeezed out as he buried his face in Ken's shirt.
"Another car in the opposite direction . . . luh-lost control and hit . . . his jeep
and . . . and he flipped." He stopped to take another deep breath, sobbing miserably and
raggedly in-between. "They . . . they said he died instantly." He shivered.
Ken took a deep breath and tightly hugged Omi, burying his face into the boys
shoulder as the finality of it hit him. "Oh no." he moaned. "Oh Aya, no. No. No. Not
now. Not now Aya. Oh God," he murmured, rocking with Omi. They were both lost in their
tears and mourning for a long time before Ken breathed, raggedly: "Aa, this will kill
Youji."
Omi nodded against Ken's chest, biting his lip, and then burst into tears again.
"We'll . . . have to tell him in the morning." he whimpered. "I've . . . I've got to,"
he pulled away from Ken hesitantly, getting numbly to his feet, wiping his eyes and taking
a great deep breath. "Ooooo." he moaned and shook his head. "I've got to go down to the
. . . to the police station." Ken got to his feet dazedly and shook his head.
"Let's go together," he said. Omi nodded, too grateful to have a human comfort.
It would have been hard enough to deal with the loss of Youji, but . . . but Aya too?
"This isn't how things are supposed to happen." The youngest miserably wailed. "It
isn't supposed to happen like this. Poor Youji." He choked a sob as he started to turn to
go inside. "Ayakun . . ."
-----
-One Song.-
Youji awoke feeling better than he had in weeks. The new drug regimen his doctor
had prescribed was working quite well, and he was sitting in a chair near the window, just
watching the clouds and the occasional bird, sometimes bending to breath in the rose set
Aya had brought in yesterday. He looked up at the knock on his door, and saw Ken's shape
outside of it. He smiled. It was so nice when they came by, and he was feeling so good
right now, and able to actually go out too. He'd wanted to spend time with Aya today, but
he didn't mind spending the day with all three and then the night with Aya. "Come in!" he
called. The door knob turned slowly, and then swung open.
-Glory.-
Ken entered first, and then Omi. Neither one looked good, although Ken seemed to
have some sort of smile plastered on his face. Youji raised an eyebrow, seeing the pair, but
no Aya. Perhaps he was outside with a surprise?
-One Song.-
"Hey you guys." Youji said, waving a little. "Good to see you.
"Hey Youji," Ken said, keeping his voice in check. He smiled a little, even. "How
are you doing?"
Youji narrowed his eyes a little. Ken sure was being formal.
-Before I go.-
"Aa, I'm pretty good, actually. My doctor put me on a new drug dosage, and it's
helped a lot. I feel really good today." Omi and Ken exchanged glances, the younger seeming
terrified of something. "What about you two? Something wrong?"
-Glory.-
"Aa, that's good. That . . . you're good." Ken said and blinked a few times. He
seemed a little at a loss for words.
They'd talked to Youji's doctor earlier and the man was outside, waiting for Youji's
reaction. Ken and Omi were worried he'd just die on the spot, but the doctor assured them
he wouldn't. Still, they wanted to be safe, and kept the man waiting outside. Ken so did
not want to be the one to break the news to Youji.
-One song to leave behind.-
"We've . . . got some bad news, Youji," he quietly said, and looked down, unable to
meet that verdant gaze. Youji raised an eyebrow.
-Find one song.-
"Where's Aya?" he inquired. He didn't miss the way Omi visibly flinched.
-One last refrain.-
Softly, Ken said: "He's gone, Youji."
-Glory.-
"Gone -where-?" he demanded, his voice rising. He wouldn't believe this. This
wasn't their bad news. This was some sick prank.
-From the pretty boy front man,-
"He's dead." The words were final. Ken hadn't meant for it to come out like that.
-Who wasted opportunity.-
Youji just stared at the top of Ken's head, unable to keep that ache in his chest
from spreading. He opened his mouth to retort, to deny. "No."
-One song.-
Ken closed his eyes to hold back tears, bowing his head so he didn't have to watch
the horror spread over Youji's features. "Ken. No. You're lying." Youji sharply said.
They had dinner plans tonight. They were going to spend the day together while he was
feeling so good. They were going to make love and fall asleep in one another's arms.
-He had the world at his feet.-
Ken's voice was completely broken when he spoke. "I'm so sorry Youji."
-Glory.-
Youji's eyes darted to Omi. The blue-eyed boy stood behind Ken, his eyes red and
puffy. He'd obviously been crying a lot, recently. Youji felt sick. Sicker than his AIDS,
sicker than his drugs made him, sicker than any feeling he'd ever had.
-In the eyes of a young man.-
"How?" he breathed, his voice catching. Ken shook his head.
"It was a car accident. He got hit, and flipped."
-A young man.-
"No." Youji breathed. Ken winced. "God, Aya . . . no."
-Find glory.-
Youji's hands went to his mouth as he covered it. Ken started towards the fragile
man, willing to hold him and let him cry. His hand touched Youji's, but the other jerked
away from him; he only wanted to hold Aya. He shook his head and closed his eyes tightly.
His back shivered as he let the feelings course through him, and he trembled in silence for
several seconds before the most mournful wail escaped the man's lips.
-Beyond the cheap coloured lights.-
Youji doubled over, shaking his head, sobbing. "This can't be happening!" He
shouted, but his voice lacked conviction.
-One song.-
"Youji." Ken breathed but the man just wailed, and shook his head. Omi came up to
stand beside Ken and rested his small hand on the soccer player's shoulder. They knew Youji
was going to reject them at first, but they also knew they needed to be there for him, when,
or if, he finally decided to accept them.
"He can't be dead. He was just here last night. He was fine. We watched the sun-
set together," he sobbed, shaking.
-Before the sun sets.-
He looked up, suddenly at Ken and Omi. He shook his tear-streaked face and threw
his hand at them in a 'get away' gestured. "Leave! Don't look at me." He miserably begged.
-Glory.-
"Youji." But, they both looked at one another and then backed up and stepped out-
side to let Youji be with himself.
When he heard the door close he reached up and pulled the potted roses Aya had
brought for him yesterday to him. He clutched them to his breast tightly, burying his face
in the petals and their strong scent, so like Aya's. He completely let himself go, sobbing
miserably.
-On another empty life.-
-Times flies. Time dies.-
-Glory.-
Youji fell, after that. No matter the drugs, no matter the dosages, he resisted.
He was beyond depressed. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't eat, and he rarely slept. He was
truly dying, and in the most awful way.
-One blaze of glory.-
Ken and Omi suspended all missions and set about making funeral arrangements and
comforting Youji. The man refused to really respond to them, but he did agree to attend
the funeral in a wheelchair. He became coherent enough to request his best blacks.
-One blaze of glory.-
It was only three days until the funeral was held, but neither Ken or Omi expected
Youji to hold out for then. Neither planned a double funeral, but they felt it would have
been appropriate. Youji held out, but he attended in a state of soft vagueness. He kept
asking where Aya was, unsettling those gathered.
-Find.-
If Aya's sister hadn't also been present, dressed in all black with a dark veil,
they wouldn't have been able to silence Youji. As it was, the girl put her hand on Youji's
shoulder, and when he'd next asked: "Where's Aya?"
She'd softly said: "I'm right here."
Youji's face had relaxed.
-Glory.-
He was subdued for the rest of his time. Aya, the real Aya and sister to Ran, made
it her duty to stay by the dying man's side. She'd been informed of Youji and Aya's prior
relationship and felt obligated to help Youji in his time of need, as Youji'd helped her
brother. She did anything Youji asked.
-In a song that rings true.-
Youji faded fast, even with the help of Aya. He managed to tell them that Aya had
had HIV too, shocking them all, but also making everyone see the logistics of their rela-
tionship. Youji cried himself to sleep every night, begging Aya, his Aya, to hold him.
-Truth like a blazing fire.-
But no one ever came.
-An eternal flame.-
-Find.-
Youji took to writing. He could barely hold a pencil, and his only parchment was
his napkins and what paper Ken could get him, but he wrote anyway. He'd fold the letters up
without letting anyone read them, and made Aya mail them for him. She complied, and refused
to let Ken and Omi open them and read what they said. It wasn't their business.
-The one song.-
Youji wrote at all hours, and he never spoke. He went two weeks without eating,
sustained only by the constant IV that pricked into his hand. He was completely bed-ridden
and by all standards he should have been dead, but every night, after he cried himself to
sleep, he would awake and begin scrawling letters again.
-Before the virus takes hold.-
Omi and Ken had to leave him for times, to lead their own lives, trying to cope with
the loss of Aya, and more or less the loss of Youji. The man -was- dead. He was completely
unresponsive to anything. It was like his mind was dead, but his body was still operating.
-Glory.-
Aya still sent out his letters, sealing the envelopes for him when he couldn't, and
buying stamps and mailing them for him. She never asked him questions. He sent out
hundreds. Some he just scrawled a few words on a napkin and sent it, and sometimes, he
would spend hours just writing to one person(?) -- was he mailing people?
-Like a sunset.-
They didn't find the black book he was copying addresses out of until he died three
weeks after Aya. It was tucked securely under his blankets, in the fold of his pelvis bones
where the skin was so sunken-in the book could fit like a notch, undetected beneath the
blankets. Each name had a check mark by it, right up to Sana Riko; the rest went unmarked.
-One song.-
Letters began coming back.
Some were short and sweet, some were long rants, some were formal. They all
thanked him, one way or another, for telling them he had AIDS. Some wished him well. Some
cursed him for being a carrier and infecting them. Some sent flowers. Some, sent money.
Some didn't reply at all.
Youji'd written to every woman he'd ever been with, having taken his black book of
phone numbers and gotten addresses, and informed them that he was HIV positive and dying of
AIDS and that they'd best get some tests done to check themselves. He apologized for not
writing sooner. He never asked for compassion, or money, or anything. He just had the
obligation to tell all of those women what he'd done to them before he died.
-To redeem this empty life.-
Omi, Ken and Aya wrote to the rest of the women in the book, and collected all the
letters. They took the flowers to Youji and Aya's plots, and donated all the money to
charity. When word got out about Youji's plight to send warnings to every woman in his
address book before he died -- which numbered over five-hundred -- people began sending more
mail to them. Donations sky rocketed and every penny was dedicated to the organizations
in progress to cure AIDS.
-Time flies.-
Youji and Aya were both long dead, but what the blonde had started snowballed until
a charity named for Youji himself was created, and it expanded into a deep research organi-
zation, headed and fueled by Omi himself.
It would be the same organization that, in seven years, would discover the cure.
-And then: no need to endure any more.-
-Time dies.-
--the end--