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I do not own any Harvest Moon characters. Do not sue me if I hurt any Natsume employees! Please!
After Harvest Moon: Back to Nature, Jack is bored out of his mind. So him and his dog, Koro, are having a long conversation in the early morning of Spring 2nd.
Jack: Pass me the newspaper, Koro.
Koro: Alright. (Hands newspaper)
Jack: Shoot, the Yankees lost again.
Koro: Against who?
Jack: The Daemons.
Koro: There is no such team as the Dae-
Jack: If I say there is such a team, then I say!
Koro: You ain't having a good day.
Jack: Of course I am not having a good day! What do you think! I am bored out of my mind and I bet Natsume is making more dumbass plans of Harvest Moon games!
Koro: They always are. And I wonder.. do you think you'll ever be with Karen again?
Jack: The moron divorced me! She put our baby boy up for adoption! No, I hate Karen! We'll never be together again! I am after Popuri but that lame-o Kai is trying to steal her!
Koro: Let's go take a stroll through the beach.
Jack: If you watch channel 37 you'd know the damn beach burned down.
Koro: I know! Let's act for our new game, Harvest Moon 3: Save the Homeland!
Jack: Uhh, NO. You know what? I look like a fucking retard in that game! My hair is long and I look like a hippie with no clothes on! IT SUCKS, I TELL YOU! NATSUME HAS THE CRAZIEST IDEAS EVER IN GAMING HISTORY! Long hair makes me look like Cliff! Cliff as a hobo! SAVE THE HOMELAND STINKS ON ICE! IT'S REPULSIVE, HORRENDOUS, AND IT REAKS! REAKS MORE THAN KAREN'S STENCH I USED TO SMELL IN THE DAMNED MORNING!
Koro: You are right. Save the Homeland sucks major assholes and asswipes with shit on it.
Jack: What dumbass's idea was it to make that game!
Koro: Natsume.
Jack: Besides them!
Koro: Don't make fun of your mom.
Jack: I think I will team up with Link + Zelda.
Koro: They wouldn't want you.
Jack: But Miyamoto would! I have looks, I am strong, and I bet I could handle a sword more better than Link does.
Koro: Oh brother.
Jack: Shut the hell up and turn on Babe Watch.
Koro: Jack, it is 9 o' clock in the morning.
Jack: Dammit! They need to reschedule it.
Koro: Your day isn't good.
Jack: I know! I should team up with Kirby!
Koro: You think Kirby forgives you?
Jack: About what?
Koro: You kicked his ass good when he invaded your farm.
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Kirby: I will never forget what Jack did to my ass!
Ribbon: Shut up and kiss me.
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Jack: Get me one of those Greasy Cereal Bars!
Koro: No.
Jack: What do you want to wear, your fur or your tongue?
Koro: Natsume said you really should watch your weight.
Jack: So what if I tip the car over a few times?
Koro: Popuri don't like your weight either.
Jack: What does she care? I've always been a fat farmer.
Koro: Jack, your mom sent ten six-packs of Slim Fast in the mail, and you've gained ten pounds in the last week.
Jack: Last year she sent cheesy poofs!
Koro: Last year you were as skinny as Hell.
Jack: Well then, it's time to fatten myself up!
Koro: Jack, you insolent goat!
Jack: Let's go to the Chilis' Restaurant and eat a smokey Mushroom Jack!
Koro: NO! I will not allow any weight for you no more! You look like your pregnant!
Jack: I am, you dimwit.
Koro: (Screams)
Jack: Kidding.
Koro: Where's Sonic the Hedgehog 3 for Sega?
Jack: Don't know, gotta go, going slow, you wanna blow, notta flow.
Koro: Then, let's go on the computer and log into www.HmFarm.com!
Jack: I'd rather go to a porno website.
Koro: Jack! www.HmFarm.com is the best Harvest Moon website out there! They even have rumors about us!
Jack: Nah, rather work on plans for Harvest Moon for Girl.
Koro: Jack, you are not even in that game.
Jack: I know, but I can sneak in the girl's room and look at her change her clothes.
Koro: What a day for you. Dammit!
Jack: Ooh, I am telling, you cussed!
Koro: Shut up you hogwart!
Then suddenly, there is a commercial on TV.
TV: It is official folks! Harvest Moon 3: Save the Homeland is for PS2 and Jack ain't even in it!
Jack: DAMMIT! NATSUME!
Koro: Calm down.
Jack: HOW CAN I CALM DOWN! I AM NOT IN THE HOBO-EST GAME OF ALL TIME!
Koro: Jack, little kids are reading this fanfic!
Jack: I know, but kids can handle bad words, right kids? SAY YES, YOU MORONS!
Koro: (Slaps Jack)
Jack: Ow!
Koro: Jack you reak!
Jack: I took a shower last year. THIS HARVEST MOON: BACK TO NATURE GAME DON'T EVEN GOT BATHROOMS FOR SHOWERS OR TOILETS! I HAVE BEEN HOLDING MY PISS + SHIT FOR TWO YEARS!
Koro: Piss + Shit? That sounds like a cereal.
Jack: Wow, maybe it is.
Then suddenly, Cliff barges in the door.
Jack: Cliff, you mother fuc-
Cliff: Can I stay over? I am a homeless hobo, so let me!
Jack: Whatever.
Cliff: Cool! My goal for this year is to drunken myself and watch Malcolm in the Middle and watch Malcolm get his butt kicked by the carnival from Hell!
Jack: Ow! My head hurts!
Koro: You need a good dose of Tylenol. (Looks in cabinet)
Jack: (Clutching head) Find any?
Koro: (Screams)
Jack: Please don't tell me we don't got any..
Koro: We don't!
So for Jack + Koro, this begins the search for Tylenol.
A/N: How do you like Chapter One? I am sorry if this offends anybody. Chapter Two to come soon! Will Jack ever find Tylenol?