A/N: Spring Break is here! (does happy dance) Anyway, I'm going to my parents house, and hopefully if ff.net doesn't break down again, I'll try to post this before I leave.
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Remus stared fixedly on the antique cherry bookcase in his chamber, silently pondering if he should use it. This house of his was very old, passed down to him from his Muggle ancestors. They were quite an odd lot from what Remus had read of his family history and the house was full of secret passageways and corridors that lead to other parts of the house. The tall 18th century bookcase was the door to one such passageway….it lead straight into Belle's room. A hundred times last night, he'd caught himself wandering too close to bookcase, telling himself that he was just going to check on her, make sure she was warm enough, if she had enough pillows and blankets, see if the fire was properly lit. And each time he stopped himself from making that fatal mistake, recognizing the lie for what it was, an excuse to go to her. He fought the same battle tonight, just to see her once. He imagined how she would look, sleeping in the warm bed, snuggled under the covers, her hair spread out over the pillow, moonlight reflecting against her pale skin, making it appear a liquid gold. Her lips would be slightly parted as her chest slowly rose and fell with each soft breath of sleep. Long eyelashes would make crescents over each cheek, fluttering gently as she slept.
Closing his eyes in anguish, Remus sighed and leaned back further into the soft sheets. Probably the only advantage to being a lethal beast once a month was that the highly perceptive senses remained with him throughout the entire time, and not just when the moon was full. He was able to avoid her all day, wouldn't face her after what occurred in the kitchen yesterday evening. Like a wolf sensing its mate, he was constantly aware of her location in the house and on the grounds. He could now hear her in her room through the thick oak paneled walls, tossing and turning amongst the covers, mumbling to herself. Two days left until the full moon would work its evil magic…two more days he had to find a way to exist with her in the house. Remus didn't know if he could do it.
He heard her rise from the bed, pad barefoot over the carpet, her nightdress rustling with the movement as she opened the door. She descended the stairs, now she was headed towards the kitchen. Remus' fists clenched the sheets as the image of her, her long silver hair hanging down her back, white nightdress hugging her slim body, moist pink lips slightly parted as she waited for his kiss….stop it Remus! He jumped from the bed, quickly moving over to the open balcony to let the chilly night air cool his mind and body from his heated thoughts.
She was pouring something in the kitchen, probably making a nice cup of tea. She was now coming up the stairs, the scent of the hot drink drifting ahead of her. She was going to her room now, she'd be safely inside in a few moments…no wait…she was passing her room, walking instead to..
Knock. Knock.
Shocked, Remus whirled around at the loud noise. Please let it be Sirius, let it be Fletcher, Dumbledore, even Voldemort himself. Oh God, let it be anyone but Belle, he prayed. Almost hesitantly, he opened the door. She was just as he pictured in his mind, her sliver hair tangled about her shoulders, white nightdress concealing the lush curves of her body, the bare feet. She gazed up at him and Remus felt his face flush as her eyes roamed over him. He wore a pair of ruby silk pyjama bottoms over an open night robe, exposing a large expanse of his chest, including the bite of the werewolf. Self-consciously, he pulled the robe together, securing it with the belt.
"Belle." He couldn't help how his voice sounded slightly breathless. She stood there in his doorway, an angel sent to torment him for his sins.
"Remus, I hope I didn't wake you." She was holding a steaming goblet.
"No, I was just outside on the balcony." His fists balled at his sides as he tried to keep his hands from knocking the goblet from her and dragging her inside and throwing her on the bed. "Did you need something?" He tried to sound casual, hoping she didn't notice how his breath had quickened.
"Actually, I made this for you." She held the goblet for him to take. "You need to drink all of it." He took the goblet, trying not to touch her fingers in the process. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to drink. Not caring what it was, hoping it was some sort of sleeping draught to take his mind off her, he sipped.
"Mmm. Not bad. What is it?" He took another long sip.
She waited until the goblet was nearly empty before answering, "Wolfsbane Potion."
The vessel slipped from Remus' fingers and bounced, the potion seeping into the thick blue carpet. Blood thundered in his head, his mind swam as he tried to keep from falling to his knees. His body felt dense, heavy, and the air in his lungs froze. He stepped back, nearly tripping over the fear that had burrowed into his dark heart. She knows…she knows…she knows…oh God!
"Remus! What's wrong?" Belle entered the room, tentatively touching his shoulder, trying to get him to look at her. He shrugged her away, burying his face into his hands. A barrage of emotions hit Remus all at once; he couldn't sort any of them out. He didn't know whether to feel joy that she finally knew him for what he was or pain that she finally knew him for what he was: a killer.
"Remus, please," she begged, coming to stand beside him, wrapping her arms around him. "Tell me what's wrong. What did I do to upset you so?" Remus' throat tightened, he couldn't find the words to tell her. Shaking, he turned in her embrace, meeting her tear filled gaze.
"Belle….oh Belle, you weren't supposed to know. I tried to hard to protect you," he gasped into her hair, burying his face into the soft liquid waves of silver, not wanting to see the revulsion in her expression that he knew would be there.
"Remus. What are you talking about?" Belle grasped his face in her small hands as she looked deeply into his eyes.
Remus swallowed. "How long have you known?"
"Is that what this is about? I knew ages ago. I figured it out in my sixth year."
Waves of nausea washed over Remus. "Why did you never say something?"
Remus watched her eyes grow steely. "I could ask you the same thing," she replied coolly.
"Damn it, Belle! Don't you understand? I was trying to protect you!" he cried, wrenching away from her to go outside on the balcony. His knuckles gripped the railings, turning white, feeling the wood splinters bite into his palms.
"How?" she asked, stubbornly following him. "How were you going to protect me? By breaking my heart and yours? If you even have one at all," she added cruelly, her words cutting into him like a dagger, straight into his heart.
Remus closed his eyes in pain, shaking his head. "I just wanted you to be happy. You needed someone who could love you, cherish you, give you a life with children. I couldn't give you that. I wasn't what you wanted."
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANTED!" she shouted into the night. He couldn't look at her, stood facing the darkness. "You never have," she whispered to his back. "It's two more days until the full moon. You'll need to drink the rest of the potion once per day until then."
"It won't help. Severus said I need to drink it the week before."
"Fat lot he knows. I've spent a lot of time working on the Wolfsbane Potion. It'll work just fine."
Remus could still taste the potion on his tongue. "It tasted differently than what Severus made. Sweeter."
She came to stand beside him, looking out over the garden. He could feel her warmth in his bones, smell her scent in his nostrils. "Yeah, well. I improved it some," she said wearily. "Dumbledore's assignment left me with a lot of extra time on my hands."
"I never meant to hurt you, Belle," he said softly. "I'm sorry."
He felt her shudder next to him. "I'm sorry too, Remus. Goodnight." He let her go, he had no choice. It was better this way.