kt Tears
by Reka Do you hear me? Or am
I screaming voicelessly into a dark void? Do you hear me? I can't take
this anymore. I feel trapped, can't get out... It all feels dull, like
the world has lost its light, its meaning... But where can I go? No one
understands. The friends I have are fake ones, they know only my outside.
The face I project is not my own, the real me only comes out at night,
under my covers, when I can sob silently into my bed. They don't understand,
I'm lost, lost, lost, lost....
I grinned. Laughed.
It wasn't what I felt, but the fake feeling made her relax visibly.
"My joke is...
funny?" I nodded. "Thanks, Ky! You're great!" She gave me a pat on the
back. "See ya!" Likia said, walking off into the hall. I continued walking
at my own pace, head down, thoughts on something else. Somewhere else, in particular.
"All I know is
that we're together, like we're meant to be!" A small light pink ball said,
hopping.
"Meant... to
be?" A six-year old version of myself asked. "Fate?"
"I guess. For
now, let's have fun. We may not have fun in the future." So we did. We
had fun. I smiled, I laughed, and they were all real emotions, not the
work of my mask, but me. That is only what keeps me alive. Memories of
life at six.
"KY!!!" I was
stopped by Raen. He lives a block away from me, and is termed "hyperactive."
I've known him ever since... I don't know. I think I've always known him.
He jumped up. "GUESS WHAT???!!!!" I started to reply, but he continued.
"I GOT A DOG!!!!!" I cupped my ears.
"What? I think you
made me momentairily deaf, Raen." I grinned with my mask.
"Oh, Kyu... But
I'm REAAAALY EXCITED!!!!"
"Name? Of the
dog."
"Lirai. Like
it?"
I nodded. "Good
name. May I see this dog?" His face noticibly blanched. "See? Lirai?
Now?"
"Yes. Can I?"
"Oh, okay. Only
because I trust you. But don't tell anyone... About my dog."
"Fine." I'm used
to keeping secrets. I've kept one most of my life. This shouldn't be bad.
I followed Raen
to his house. He unlocked the door, and went straight to his room. We went
in, and he locked the door. Okay, so he really wanted to keep it a secret.
"Well, Ky, I
thought... Well, I was pretty sure... You were the only one I could trust
on this..."
"Does that mean
I can talk now?" said a voice from under Raen's bed. A voice...?
Raen blinked.
"I
guess... Don't scare her, okay?"
"I won't." A
head bounced out. A small... pink... Oh my... I think I gasped. Raen was
suddenly there.
"Don't be afraid...
That's just.. um... Tiirmon. He's... uh... A friend of mine." I stared
at him. Pushed him away.
"I'm not scared.
Just... startled."
Tiirmon peered
up at me. "Are you Kyuuki? Iyaromon was looking for you! Wait 'till I tell
her I found you here!" Raen picked Tiirmon up.
"Don't mind him.
He's only..." I stared at Raen.
"Iyaromon? Where
is she?"
He gulped. Tiirmon
grinned. "I knew it! You're Kyuuki!" Tiirmon jumped out of Raen's arms
and began bouncing in circles.
Raen made the
first move. He picked up Tiirmon. "Can't you ever give this Iyaromon thing
a rest?" He held out his hand to me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt
you..."
I pushed his
hand away. "I'm okay. You didn't..." I grinned, a fake grin. "...You didn't
hurt me."
Raen looked at
me, really worried now. "Are you sure, Ky? When last did you see Iyaromon?"
I avoided his
gaze. "Six." I said, not really sure if I meant six years or six years
ago.
Tiirmon was happy.
"So let's go see Iyaromon!"
Raen looked at
me. "Ky?"
I looked at him.
"I'm ready."