"I wish you to learn the art of the sword, Son."

Genma knew doom as soon as he heard those words. "But, Nodoka-chan," he
desperately interjected, "As a practitioner of the Anything Goes style..."
Nodoka raised an eyebrow.

"Anything Goes is an open style. It incorporates many other forms into its
own, correct?"

"W-well, yes," Genma stammered, "But weapons are notably inferior..." The
appearance of three feet of sharp gleaming steel inches from his face neatly
drew his attention away from... whatever it was he was thinking about.
"A-heh."

"You were saying, Genma-chan?" Nodoka inquired sweetly. "As I was saying
before I was so rudely... oops," she put her hand to her mouth in dismay
as she lost her grip and the sword fell to imbed itself into the floor,
uncomfortably close to the Saotome patriarch's expansive stomach(and family
jewels, but we won't go into that). In the blink of an eye, Genma magically
teleported himself ten feet away and desperately attempted to make himself as
small as possible behind the Tendo patriarch, Tendo Soun. Soun lowered his
newspaper and gave his best(and possibly only) friend a narrow look.

"Saotome, do you not think it unseemly for a man to hide from his wife?"

Most of the occupants of the room performed a collective face-fault at this
statement. Genma's taking his son on a ten-year training trip and leaving his
wife behind was well-known to all involved. That Soun would make such an
oblivious statement was... actually pretty much in character, come to think
of it.

"If you don't mind, Tendo," came the muffled response, "I think I would
rather be unseemly than deceased."

Pulling the Saotome honor blade from the woodwork, Nodoka expertly twirled it
and totally missed the sheath she was aiming for, sending it hurtling through
the air to lodge into a support beam right above Tendo-san's head. Soun's
eyes tracked a couple of long black hairs as they slowly drifted down across
his field of view. He looked up. Without moving an inch, he merely commented.
"I see your point, Saotome."

"Oh dear," Nodoka fretted, "My utmost apologies, Tendo-san! I really must
be more careful next time."

"Indeed," came the dry response. "If you don't mind, however, I do believe I
will 'scoot over' as they say." With that, he performed a close cousin of the
Saotome Ultimate Secret Technique: The Tendo Avoid Sharp Pointy Objects
Maneuver. TASPOM had proved eminently useful in the years he had known Nodoka
before Genma had gone on his trip; it was nice(and relieving!) to know he
still had the touch.

Seconds later, the blade made its inevitable descent.

It is a pity that Genma never learned TASPOM.

Fifteen minutes and one paramedic later, Nodoka returned to her initial
conversation with her so-far silent son. "It would please me greatly if you
would learn the art of the sword, my son," she stated calmly, sword once
again safely sheathed and slung over her back.

Under the circumstances, Ranma was hard put to argue.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Uhh... momma?" Ranma ventured hesitantly.

"Yes, son." Nodoka responded pleasantly as she watched him go through
beginning katas in the Tendo dojo. Concentrating on keeping his focus as
he went through the unfamiliar forms, he took brief moments in the 'calm'
areas of the kata to speak.

"I was wonderin'," he ventured, "why you make Pop think you're such a klutz
with the sword? I mean, he's scared stiff to have you around."

His mother smiled. "Your father needs to be kept in line. I am sure you
recognise how... undependable he can be." She concluded delicately. "When
we first married, he was absolutely impossible to deal with. We had a
neighbor, a sweet old man with no family, who was aware of my predicament.
He could hardly not be." She laughed faintly. "After hearing your father
come home drunk once too many, he offered me a deal: In exchange for classes
with the sword, I was to carry on his school and keep my husband in line.
I have failed the second, you and he would not have left me otherwise, but
I absolutely must fulfill the first or lose much honor. Part of carrying on
the school involves instructing my children in the sword and his particular
school of swordsmanship."

"So you gotta teach me this." Ranma nodded. "Okay, I can see that. I wonder,
though, how Pop would react if he knew you were faking."

"He does know, dear." Nodoka patted her son on the shoulder affectionately
as he finished the kata and straightened into a more relaxed stance.
"However, there's little he can do. I am a certified master of Drunken Style
Kenjutsu. Your father-" she hesitated. "I dislike saying this, but your
father isn't... that good." She concluded sadly. "Certainly, he's very
accomplished, but he is no master."

"Huh," Ranma grunted. "Figures. I always thought the old geezer was holding
back on me, but he really isn't, is he?"

"You will address your father with respect, son." Nodoka chided him.
"Despite his failings he is your father. Still," she sighed, "One does
wish that Genma could have turned out to be more than... marginally
worthwhile as a human being."

"Yes, Momma."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the fiancee's(minus one who vehemently resisted any efforts by the
combined patriarchs of the two families to get her to join the posse) learned
about Ranma's new training, each one showed up to train with him only to be
coldy rebuffed by Nodoka. "My son trains in our family's style. Only those of
our blood may witness these training techniques." Undaunted, they each argued
that since 'she', of course, would be marrying Ranma, it was only right for
'her' to join her "Ran-chan," "Airen," "Ranma-sama," and aid him in any way.
All this accomplished was for each of them to get tossed out on their ears.
Shampoo attempted to give Nodoka the Kiss of Death for her defeat, and
succeeded in getting tossed out again, this time into the pond.

Ryouga had wandered in from parts unknown, looking dusty and porcine, as
usual. After bathing and recovering his clothes, he prepared for his
traditional battle with his nemesis. He looked around. Where was Ranma?
"Ranma!" He roared, "Come out and fight!"

"Oh dear," came the melodic reply. "Are you a friend of my son?" Ryouga's
face bunched up into an expression of pure rage.

"Friend?! Me, friends with that... eh?" Ryouga spun around to face his
greeter. "You... Ranma... mother?" he stuttered.

"Yes, I am Ranma's mother." Nodoka bowed. "Pleased to meet you. My son is
currently in training right now, but if you would care to wait, I am sure he
can come out to play soon."

"Ranma is training. I must - I must train also! Tell Ranma I will be back
in a week to challenge him for Akane's hand!" So saying, Ryouga dashed
off in a random direction. In the far distance faint explosions and loud
complaints could be heard. Nodoka placed a hand to her cheek.

"Oh, my."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Kuno learned of his arch-rival's interest in swordsmanship, he was
incensed. "What? How dare that foul sorceror sully the fine art of Kendo with
his dark touch? I will not tolerate it!"

"Actually, Kuno-chan," Nabiki corrected, licking an ice-cream cone as she
reclined under a tree, "I believe the style is a form of Kenjutsu, not
Kendo."

"It matters not! The idea that that... barbarian would sully a blade with
his vile touch fills me with nothing less than purest revulsion! The very
heavens cry out against this affront to nature!"

Nabiki made a show of listening carefully for such a nonexistant cry before
giving up. Subtlety and wit were beyond Kuno. She didn't even know why she
wasted her breath - he had been growing more and more incoherent as time went
by. Still, she admitted, the cash was good. Speaking of which - "What would
you say..." Nabiki inquired, drawing out the sentence seductively, "to
these?" With a flash of her wrist, she displayed a cluster of photos of
Ranma-chan, sweaty after a hard workout, and holding a bokuto in a guard
position. Perhaps it was the training sword, of which Kuno was particularly
obsessed. Perhaps it was the sheen of sweat covering Ranma-chan's brow.
Perhaps it was the too-big muscle-tee that barely covered the most
interesting bits and could not help but fail to conceal a total lack of
upper body support for her...

"Gazongas," Kuno whispered reverantly. A brief flicker of revulsion flickered
across Nabiki's face before it disappeared behind the Ice Queen's frigid
mask.

"Fifty thousand yen for the set," was all she said. The money was in her hand
almost before she had finished talking. "Nice doing business with you, Kuno-
chan," *gag*. The last thing she heard as she walked away were the whispers
of the rich lunatic: "I shall free you, my Pig-tailed Goddess, from that
dark sorceror's clutches, and then you and I we shall..."

Shuddering, she counted the bills. "The things I do..." she muttered. "Maybe
it's time to get into a new line, or something."