My journey into the world of stupidity began when a letter arrived for me one day. This was no ordinary letter, for it was from the very company that made my favorite beverage, Schwippes. Johnny busted into my room to bring me the news of the delivery.
"Mary! There is a letter for you from that company! Maybe you won their contest!"
"Oh really? Well let's see it!" I responded with joy, thinking I really had won the "Grand Sweepstakes" Schwippes had held a while back.
As I was opening the letter, Johnny looked like he was getting ready to drool, but still retained enough sense to ask me questions that would quench his curiosity.
"I never understand how you get away with this stuff. You know how they are about celebrities entering those contests. How do you do it?"
As I finished opening the very well sealed envelope, and stretched my arm out to my desk, picked up the five-dollar bill I had lying there, and handed it to Johnny for his service of retrieving my mail from my P.O. box, I replied.
"Well, through a clever use of aliases, a computer to type on, and the convenience of having my own personal mailbox down the street at the post office, nobody at Schwippes will ever suspect that it is the one and only Marilyn Angel Richards who is actually entering their contests. But instead, will innocently think it is just another ordinary citizen of the good old U.S. of A."
I took the letter out of the envelope as Johnny piped up.
"You know Mary, you starting to sound more and more like Reed everyday."
In a voice imitating Father's, I said.
"Let's see, I will give this one thousand dollars to charity. Or maybe I should invest it into some new equipment for the biochemistry lab. Tee hee hee hee!"
"How do you do that? Reed's voice has got to be the hardest one in the world to imitate!" Johnny said amazed.
"Oh, it rubs off." I replied subtlety.
I unfolded the letter, and began to read it out loud to Johnny in a voice as full of sarcasm as I could muster.
"Dear Ms. Richards,
We, the people of Schwippes Ginger Ale Corporation are currently looking for a new spokesperson for our product. We happen to know how much you enjoy our product, and are very honored to have it be consumed by someone of your status..."
I paused; this was no announcement of I winning a contest, but instead an invitation to the beginnings of becoming a star of stage and screen.
"Kind-of odd how they knew it was you. Are they saying you are disqualified?" Johnny questioned.
"Nothing like that at all Johnny!" I blurted out as I finished reading the letter.
"...So, because of the elegant image that comes to the population's minds when they think of you and your family. And, the elegant image we feel best represents our product; we want you to be our new spokesperson. If you accept, we want you to respond by next week. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
George H. Harmon
Marketing Division President
Schwippes Ginger Ale Corp.
P.S. We knew the envelope claiming to be from a "Ms. Wigelow" was yours. If you had not used the same style of signing your letters, you could have gotten away with winning the Grand Sweepstakes. Also, we were able to track down your P.O. box number and location. Nice try."
I could not believe it; the very company that made what was to me the most ultimate substance on the planet was asking me to advertise it. This was far better than winning any mere contest. Yet, I was kind-of fed up with them at the moment for recognizing that my contest entry letter was really from me. Johnny was laughing like a fool at this unfortunate, yet fortunate situation. When he stopped laughing, he exclaimed.
"Wow Mary!! Just think of how much moolah you will get out of this!"
"Yeah I know, but you know how Father will make me submit some of my advertising earnings to the team treasury, a.k.a. the Reed Richards Scientific Research Fund." I replied.
"So THAT'S how he is able to buy all that lab equipment! I got a good mind not to put fifty dollars of my hard earned weekly paycheck from the car repair place in the team treasury!"
"Yes Johnny, do what you like to rebel against the Richardsland monetary system. But please keep in mind, what helps you keep your flame in water came out of the team treasury. What helps you keep your flame on longer came from the team treasury. Your way of getting around independently during a mission..."
Johnny interrupted.
"Came from the team treasury. Ok, I see your point Mary. But, I know you are not going want to devote ALL your money to the team treasury."
"I don't intend to at all Johnny. The most I'll put in will be half of my earnings. The rest of it will go to necessities, pleasures, and the occasional generous act for any of the four of you." I responded.
"Now if you do not mind Johnny, I would like some time to myself, I need to plan where I am going to stash my money. I have to plan to ensure that the half of earnings I plan keep for spending thrills' fate is not to end up in the Scientific Research Fund."
"I take it you do not want me to mention the advertising deal." Johnny asked.
"Correct, I will see you at dinner." I responded.
Right after I said those words, Johnny silently closed the door, and I sat there pondering where the heck I would put the thousands, quiet possibly millions of dollars I was getting ready to make.
"Mary! There is a letter for you from that company! Maybe you won their contest!"
"Oh really? Well let's see it!" I responded with joy, thinking I really had won the "Grand Sweepstakes" Schwippes had held a while back.
As I was opening the letter, Johnny looked like he was getting ready to drool, but still retained enough sense to ask me questions that would quench his curiosity.
"I never understand how you get away with this stuff. You know how they are about celebrities entering those contests. How do you do it?"
As I finished opening the very well sealed envelope, and stretched my arm out to my desk, picked up the five-dollar bill I had lying there, and handed it to Johnny for his service of retrieving my mail from my P.O. box, I replied.
"Well, through a clever use of aliases, a computer to type on, and the convenience of having my own personal mailbox down the street at the post office, nobody at Schwippes will ever suspect that it is the one and only Marilyn Angel Richards who is actually entering their contests. But instead, will innocently think it is just another ordinary citizen of the good old U.S. of A."
I took the letter out of the envelope as Johnny piped up.
"You know Mary, you starting to sound more and more like Reed everyday."
In a voice imitating Father's, I said.
"Let's see, I will give this one thousand dollars to charity. Or maybe I should invest it into some new equipment for the biochemistry lab. Tee hee hee hee!"
"How do you do that? Reed's voice has got to be the hardest one in the world to imitate!" Johnny said amazed.
"Oh, it rubs off." I replied subtlety.
I unfolded the letter, and began to read it out loud to Johnny in a voice as full of sarcasm as I could muster.
"Dear Ms. Richards,
We, the people of Schwippes Ginger Ale Corporation are currently looking for a new spokesperson for our product. We happen to know how much you enjoy our product, and are very honored to have it be consumed by someone of your status..."
I paused; this was no announcement of I winning a contest, but instead an invitation to the beginnings of becoming a star of stage and screen.
"Kind-of odd how they knew it was you. Are they saying you are disqualified?" Johnny questioned.
"Nothing like that at all Johnny!" I blurted out as I finished reading the letter.
"...So, because of the elegant image that comes to the population's minds when they think of you and your family. And, the elegant image we feel best represents our product; we want you to be our new spokesperson. If you accept, we want you to respond by next week. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
George H. Harmon
Marketing Division President
Schwippes Ginger Ale Corp.
P.S. We knew the envelope claiming to be from a "Ms. Wigelow" was yours. If you had not used the same style of signing your letters, you could have gotten away with winning the Grand Sweepstakes. Also, we were able to track down your P.O. box number and location. Nice try."
I could not believe it; the very company that made what was to me the most ultimate substance on the planet was asking me to advertise it. This was far better than winning any mere contest. Yet, I was kind-of fed up with them at the moment for recognizing that my contest entry letter was really from me. Johnny was laughing like a fool at this unfortunate, yet fortunate situation. When he stopped laughing, he exclaimed.
"Wow Mary!! Just think of how much moolah you will get out of this!"
"Yeah I know, but you know how Father will make me submit some of my advertising earnings to the team treasury, a.k.a. the Reed Richards Scientific Research Fund." I replied.
"So THAT'S how he is able to buy all that lab equipment! I got a good mind not to put fifty dollars of my hard earned weekly paycheck from the car repair place in the team treasury!"
"Yes Johnny, do what you like to rebel against the Richardsland monetary system. But please keep in mind, what helps you keep your flame in water came out of the team treasury. What helps you keep your flame on longer came from the team treasury. Your way of getting around independently during a mission..."
Johnny interrupted.
"Came from the team treasury. Ok, I see your point Mary. But, I know you are not going want to devote ALL your money to the team treasury."
"I don't intend to at all Johnny. The most I'll put in will be half of my earnings. The rest of it will go to necessities, pleasures, and the occasional generous act for any of the four of you." I responded.
"Now if you do not mind Johnny, I would like some time to myself, I need to plan where I am going to stash my money. I have to plan to ensure that the half of earnings I plan keep for spending thrills' fate is not to end up in the Scientific Research Fund."
"I take it you do not want me to mention the advertising deal." Johnny asked.
"Correct, I will see you at dinner." I responded.
Right after I said those words, Johnny silently closed the door, and I sat there pondering where the heck I would put the thousands, quiet possibly millions of dollars I was getting ready to make.