*Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I actually hadn't planned on writing anymore, but I got such a big response that I've decided to add some more. :)
*Disclaimer: You know the drill.
~
The clinic looms over us like a consuming shadow. My heart's pounding. I can't believe what I'm about to do.
I squeezed Carter's hand a little harder than I had been holding it before.
"Are you ready to go in?" he asks. I hesitate for a moment. How can anybody ever be ready for this?
But I press my lips together and nod my head instead. I put my head down as I walk through the door he has held open for me. This is so humiliating.
"Come on Abby," he says. "I'll sign you in and you can go sit down." This is the most comforting man I've ever known.
I sit down, and the plastic chair is so cold against my back. I quickly glance around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone else. It seems as though none of the other women want to make eye contact either. I'm so embarassed to be here. An OB nurse doesn't belong here.
"It shouldn't be much longer now," Carter tells me as he sits down next to me and puts his arm around me. He rubs my arm in the same comforting fashion that he did the day he found out I was pregnant.
And now we're waiting, and to me it seems like an eternity.
"So what was your excuse?" he asks.
"Excuse for what?" I question in return.
"For getting the time off work?"
"I just said I had a doctor's appointment. What about you?"
"I told Kerry it was a family matter. That was enough for her I guess."
Someone's name is called, and I watch as a woman walks past those swinging doors with her head down. I'm the only one left in the waiting room now. I'm going to be next. I think my heart's going to jump out of my chest. Maybe somehow Carter knew how I felt, because he pulled me closer. I can't get over how supportive this guy is.
"You okay?" he whispers.
"Yeah," I say with a smile and looking straight into his eyes. "I just want this to be over with."
More silent time passes.
"Abby Lockheart?" a woman in blue scrubs calls.
Jesus, that's me. I'm actually here about to do this to a baby inside of me.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Carter asks me.
"I can't do this John," I say as I start to panic. "No, I can't do this."
"Are you sure?" he asks, looking me dead in the eyes. He doesn't want me to regret it later.
"I'm sure. Please get me out of here."
He nods his acknowledgement before addressing the nurse.
"We need to cancel," he tells her. She gives him a look full of attitude.
"Not today alright?" he snaps back.
He helps me up and we make our way out of there quickly. By the time we're inside his car I've started to cry, which makes me even more mad at myself. I've never cried in front of anyone before, ever.
"I'm so sorry John," I whimper. "I just couldn't do it. I can't do it."
"Shhh," he says, pulling my head to his shoulder. "I understand. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for Abby. It's alright."
I cry on his shoulder for a few minutes more before I realize that I'm starting to get hysterical, you know, the kind of crying where you can't even breathe anymore. He whispers to me to calm down, continually telling me that "it's alright."
I manage to take a few deep breahtes to make myself calm down. I pull away from his shoulder and wipe my eyes on my shirt sleeve.
"What am I going to do?" I ask, that damn lump still in my throat.
"I can't tell you that," he replies. "But whatever you do decide, I'll be there for you, okay?"
I nod as I wipe my nose. Tears had rolled down on it.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asks.
"No. People will think somethings wrong if I don't go back to work."
"I really think you need some rest, Abby." I always feel better when people say my name. It reminds me that I'm actually alive.
"Thanks John," I reply, "but I'll be fine. I've gone to work when I've felt worse than this."
"So are you going to tell Luka now?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do."
He just smiles at me. That's all I needed to feel better.
*Disclaimer: You know the drill.
~
The clinic looms over us like a consuming shadow. My heart's pounding. I can't believe what I'm about to do.
I squeezed Carter's hand a little harder than I had been holding it before.
"Are you ready to go in?" he asks. I hesitate for a moment. How can anybody ever be ready for this?
But I press my lips together and nod my head instead. I put my head down as I walk through the door he has held open for me. This is so humiliating.
"Come on Abby," he says. "I'll sign you in and you can go sit down." This is the most comforting man I've ever known.
I sit down, and the plastic chair is so cold against my back. I quickly glance around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone else. It seems as though none of the other women want to make eye contact either. I'm so embarassed to be here. An OB nurse doesn't belong here.
"It shouldn't be much longer now," Carter tells me as he sits down next to me and puts his arm around me. He rubs my arm in the same comforting fashion that he did the day he found out I was pregnant.
And now we're waiting, and to me it seems like an eternity.
"So what was your excuse?" he asks.
"Excuse for what?" I question in return.
"For getting the time off work?"
"I just said I had a doctor's appointment. What about you?"
"I told Kerry it was a family matter. That was enough for her I guess."
Someone's name is called, and I watch as a woman walks past those swinging doors with her head down. I'm the only one left in the waiting room now. I'm going to be next. I think my heart's going to jump out of my chest. Maybe somehow Carter knew how I felt, because he pulled me closer. I can't get over how supportive this guy is.
"You okay?" he whispers.
"Yeah," I say with a smile and looking straight into his eyes. "I just want this to be over with."
More silent time passes.
"Abby Lockheart?" a woman in blue scrubs calls.
Jesus, that's me. I'm actually here about to do this to a baby inside of me.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Carter asks me.
"I can't do this John," I say as I start to panic. "No, I can't do this."
"Are you sure?" he asks, looking me dead in the eyes. He doesn't want me to regret it later.
"I'm sure. Please get me out of here."
He nods his acknowledgement before addressing the nurse.
"We need to cancel," he tells her. She gives him a look full of attitude.
"Not today alright?" he snaps back.
He helps me up and we make our way out of there quickly. By the time we're inside his car I've started to cry, which makes me even more mad at myself. I've never cried in front of anyone before, ever.
"I'm so sorry John," I whimper. "I just couldn't do it. I can't do it."
"Shhh," he says, pulling my head to his shoulder. "I understand. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for Abby. It's alright."
I cry on his shoulder for a few minutes more before I realize that I'm starting to get hysterical, you know, the kind of crying where you can't even breathe anymore. He whispers to me to calm down, continually telling me that "it's alright."
I manage to take a few deep breahtes to make myself calm down. I pull away from his shoulder and wipe my eyes on my shirt sleeve.
"What am I going to do?" I ask, that damn lump still in my throat.
"I can't tell you that," he replies. "But whatever you do decide, I'll be there for you, okay?"
I nod as I wipe my nose. Tears had rolled down on it.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asks.
"No. People will think somethings wrong if I don't go back to work."
"I really think you need some rest, Abby." I always feel better when people say my name. It reminds me that I'm actually alive.
"Thanks John," I reply, "but I'll be fine. I've gone to work when I've felt worse than this."
"So are you going to tell Luka now?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do."
He just smiles at me. That's all I needed to feel better.