I just do not get it. Everyone, especially my dear stepfather knows my favorite holiday is April Fool's Day. I did my usual annual repetition of playing humiliating, yet harmless pranks on my best friends. Sue, Johnny, nor Ben did not seem to mind. No, I take that back, they did mind. Sue really did not appreciate the whipped cream I put in place of that godawful smelling hair mousse (Made from all natural ingredients from Nepal! It was made with something else that was natural, but not from Nepal.). Ben was not thrilled with how I influenced his dreams that morning about Father doing an evil experiment on him. How was I able to do that? I simply took my Talkboy, said a few choice phrases into it (Now Ben, this will not hurt! Step into this machine here. We are going to test your ability to handle extreme heat. I look forward to dinner tonight Father! So do I Mary! And trust me, it will be DIFFERENT!!), and created an evil version of not just my voice, but Father's voice too. And, at the stroke of midnight, I played the Talkboy at the door to Ben's room in a loud enough volume for Ben to hear in his sleep, but soft enough; it would not waken him. The results of this joke were VERY amusing! Ben was mumbling the following in a voice full of fear when I checked on him at three in the morning.
"I'm human again! This is so wonderful! I... Wait, why is the machine burning me up? And why are you guys lookin' at me like that? What's with tha silvawear in ya mitts? Ahhhhh!!!! I can't believe you guys would try ta eat ya blue eyed Benji!"
I had to quickly hustle to my room to get out my huge peals of laughter. My experimental prank had worked beautifully. There was no way Ben could have found out. Yeah right. It ended up the silver heart locket I always wear that Father gave to me on my thirteenth birthday before the rocket flight had fallen off, and was lying near the entrance to Ben's room. The trick I did on Ben was far more impressive by my standards than what I did to Johnny. I gave Johnny what I like to call the Tiny Tim method of torture. I brought into Johnny's room while he was sleeping this giant poster of Tiny Tim playing the ukulele, and placed it on the shelf over his bed. I positioned the poster in such a way; it would be the first thing Johnny would lay his eyes on when he woke up. Then, I brought in a little boombox that had a cassette tape of the loudest, not to mention most ear wracking version of "Tiptoe Through the Tulips", and put it facing Johnny's ear on his nightstand. Next, I slithered up into a vent near Johnny's room, and crawled until I was over a vent closest to Johnny's bed. Stretching my arm out, I turned the volume on the boombox to two-thirds maximum, and pressed play. Not only did I wake Johnny (Who about had a heart attack when he woke up to Tiny Tim being very near his face.), but the rest of my friends too. These pranks did not set too well with Father, whom after lunch that day, took me into one of his labs to give a lecture on how unrefined pranks are.
"Marilyn my child, I know it is April Fool's Day, and how much you really enjoy celebrating this event. But, your tricks are not only unnecessary, but also just overall not good conduct. Now, I expect you to act more mature than this."
"Father, let me ask you one question. Haven't you ever had the urge to just get a laugh or two from a harmless prank?" I asked.
He responded.
"My child, there are better ways of obtaining humor. Besides, if I ever attempted to execute a prank, my father would have whipped me on my hindquarters with a belt."
"Geez. You're not going to do that to me Father, are you?" I replied somewhat flinchingly.
"No, I do not believe in that kind of punishment Marilyn. But, none-the-less, you are going to be punished. And I happen to know where your punishment will begin."
He said as he got up, and headed to one of the numerous storage rooms in the lab. A minute later, Father came out with a crate full of dirty test tubes, and a test tube cleaning brush. He placed the crate on the counter closest to me, and said authoritatively.
"Get to work on cleaning these test tubes. If I think up of anything else to add to your punishment, I shall alert you."
Then, he walked over to a corner of the lab where a massive computer stood, and began to type a few things on it. That day, I not only cleaned over two hundred test tubes, I mopped up the floors of five labs, cleaned and dusted most of the equipment in those rooms; and wiped down the windows in the labs that had them. Father even said he had more work for me that very next day.
"What kind of nerve did I hit in him anyway?!"
was my exact thought when I was finally able to depart from the labs that night.
"I'm human again! This is so wonderful! I... Wait, why is the machine burning me up? And why are you guys lookin' at me like that? What's with tha silvawear in ya mitts? Ahhhhh!!!! I can't believe you guys would try ta eat ya blue eyed Benji!"
I had to quickly hustle to my room to get out my huge peals of laughter. My experimental prank had worked beautifully. There was no way Ben could have found out. Yeah right. It ended up the silver heart locket I always wear that Father gave to me on my thirteenth birthday before the rocket flight had fallen off, and was lying near the entrance to Ben's room. The trick I did on Ben was far more impressive by my standards than what I did to Johnny. I gave Johnny what I like to call the Tiny Tim method of torture. I brought into Johnny's room while he was sleeping this giant poster of Tiny Tim playing the ukulele, and placed it on the shelf over his bed. I positioned the poster in such a way; it would be the first thing Johnny would lay his eyes on when he woke up. Then, I brought in a little boombox that had a cassette tape of the loudest, not to mention most ear wracking version of "Tiptoe Through the Tulips", and put it facing Johnny's ear on his nightstand. Next, I slithered up into a vent near Johnny's room, and crawled until I was over a vent closest to Johnny's bed. Stretching my arm out, I turned the volume on the boombox to two-thirds maximum, and pressed play. Not only did I wake Johnny (Who about had a heart attack when he woke up to Tiny Tim being very near his face.), but the rest of my friends too. These pranks did not set too well with Father, whom after lunch that day, took me into one of his labs to give a lecture on how unrefined pranks are.
"Marilyn my child, I know it is April Fool's Day, and how much you really enjoy celebrating this event. But, your tricks are not only unnecessary, but also just overall not good conduct. Now, I expect you to act more mature than this."
"Father, let me ask you one question. Haven't you ever had the urge to just get a laugh or two from a harmless prank?" I asked.
He responded.
"My child, there are better ways of obtaining humor. Besides, if I ever attempted to execute a prank, my father would have whipped me on my hindquarters with a belt."
"Geez. You're not going to do that to me Father, are you?" I replied somewhat flinchingly.
"No, I do not believe in that kind of punishment Marilyn. But, none-the-less, you are going to be punished. And I happen to know where your punishment will begin."
He said as he got up, and headed to one of the numerous storage rooms in the lab. A minute later, Father came out with a crate full of dirty test tubes, and a test tube cleaning brush. He placed the crate on the counter closest to me, and said authoritatively.
"Get to work on cleaning these test tubes. If I think up of anything else to add to your punishment, I shall alert you."
Then, he walked over to a corner of the lab where a massive computer stood, and began to type a few things on it. That day, I not only cleaned over two hundred test tubes, I mopped up the floors of five labs, cleaned and dusted most of the equipment in those rooms; and wiped down the windows in the labs that had them. Father even said he had more work for me that very next day.
"What kind of nerve did I hit in him anyway?!"
was my exact thought when I was finally able to depart from the labs that night.