Disclaimer: We do not own any of the SM or FY characters.
Notes: Any problems found with this chapter is entirely of my doing. Usa-imouto is innocent!
**
Chapter Four:
The taste of forbidden fruit had been beyond blew his very mind, and despite the consequences, he could say he didn't regret one moment of it all. He only wished he could've helped Rei avoid the pain that he had caused her. He knew he had to move quickly before either of the two men told her anything, and he recognized that their reasons wouldn't be entirely for Rei's friendship either. That glint in both their eyes were so similar to the one in his own, and he knew what they were about. They, like he, were in love with Usagi, their enemy. But he didn't feel that way about her at all. She was a creature of pain, and she had been betrayed by her supposed best friend. He remembered the cries of her agony, as she lost her innocence once again to the demons of her mind. Faltering outside the door, he hesitated. Was what he was doing right? He was born to this destiny, and it was his duty to protect Rei just like the rest of the seishi. It wasn't what his heart yearned for.
"Come in."
He froze in surprise. Had Rei somehow been tipped off? He cursed the two seishis under his breath as he pushed open the door. The room was lit only by a few candles, and he felt himself tensing slightly. This is your miko. She wouldn't harm you. Her eyes were dark, glittering ominously in the dark, though he couldn't read her expression.
"I've been waiting for you," she called out, voice sultry, filled with promise.
Too late did he realise it had been a trap as the door slammed shut behind him.
**
Her eyes widened in surprise as he crushed his powerful arms around her the minute they were alone. With one hand, he cupped the back of her head, burying his face in the luxuriant mass of her hair. She could feel the slight shudders in his body, and as he held her tightly. She winced, the pressure on her ribs becoming unbearable. She must've made a noise, or he must've been attuned to her senses because his grip loosened without warning, though he made no move to let her leave.
"When I thought I had lost you…" His voice broke off, and held a strange tone to it. If she didn't know any better, she would've thought that he could not have born the pain of losing her. She scoffed inwardly. She knew how she stood with him. They were friends, pure and simple. He was her security. He had saved her from so much. He wouldn't confuse her, just like the others had. She still wanted her revenge, for that endless pain that existed in her soul. It would never end for her, not till the day she made sure that Rei could never be happy. It explained her recent actions, and why she had responded to his kiss at that time, unwillingly, she reminded herself.
"Daijoubu ka?"
His voice held none of its usual unemotional overtones, startling her out of her thoughts.
"Hmm… huh? Hai, daijoubu."
His hand had begun wandering up her back, trailing across it softly, and there was a look of pain on his face. She stared at him in shock, at the feelings he was currently stirring in her. She shivered slightly, and his eyes widened in response.
"I tried to resist, demo not any more. I can't."
Leaning forward, he captured her lips hungrily, and she could taste the passion. She flinched slightly, and his kiss suddenly changed, as if realising the traumas she had been through. Gentle, butterfly kisses rained across her skin, causing her nerve endings to tingle wondrously. This she had not experienced. There was a tenderness to his touch that caused her to be swept up in the moment. From his lips, she found the hidden part of his soul that he didn't even know existed. She pulled away suddenly, and she saw the hurt in his expressive eyes.
"I can't do this yet. Not yet…" She whispered before turning away.
She felt his arms go around her, and she could feel his broken soul begging at her.
"I'll wait. Forever if needs be."
**
He stopped by her door, hesitant to go in. She had been acting strangely the past little while, since Tamahome's capture, but that was to be expected. He was surprised that she hadn't insisted on running into Kotou to save her beloved. Then again, he hadn't ever believed himself capable of falling in love, but she was so beautiful that she took his breath away. Being around her was like a breath of fresh air, strangely addictive, yet felt so wonderful swimming within his body. She was a fallen angel, one hurting immensely, but as he stared into her eyes, he knew there was more to her grief than what she had let on. It went beyond a simple betrayal. When he looked into her eyes, there was a haunting quality to them that made him want to kill the person who put them there, but then again, he might be forced to confront his own miko in order to do so. He missed her so much. Her laughter was so rare that one precious giggle from her made his world. She alone had that power over him. He never would've believed it possible that there was a woman who was not only physically stunning, there was a depths to her tormented soul that he wanted to heal. He would make her fall in love with him. It was possible. Shaking his head, he fought to clear his mind, and knocked on the door. To his surprise, no answer followed. A sudden panic struck him for some odd reason. Bursting through, a quick glance reassured him that Rei was indeed gone. And that sinking feeling in the bottom of his stomach wouldn't go away. He knew there'd be trouble… for Usagi.
**
"I know Usagi-sama wants you alive, demo you better watch your mouth. There are things I could do to you far worse than death."
A smirk crossed his lips as he faced the general. Something had gone terribly wrong. He had no recollection of the events of the past few days, and he had only regained his awareness when Nakago had tried to put him under a spell. He bowed slightly, arrogance coming through, making the shogun seethe. He knew that upon provocation, Nakago could easily kill him, but he had the Seiryuu no miko protecting him. He was safe for now. As he left the room, he felt like a rat that had somehow escaped the clutches of a snake, and he wasn't sure he meant Nakago either.
Pacing along the hallways, he knew he was on borrowed time. It wouldn't be long till one of the seishi or the devil herself would come after him. What had she done to him in that room? He remembered entering it, and the smoke that had overwhelmed his senses. He had a vague recollection of strange-sounding incantations before he lost consciousness. That was all he remembered. But while he was in Kotou, he had to take care of something, or someone rather. Walking with determination, he knew the purpose in his heart. He had to let her know, no matter what, despite the consequences. He'd led his life too many times, bowing to the whims of destiny. Not this time. Flinging the doors to her room open, she jumped up, wide-eyed, staring at him as if he were going insane, which he supposed he could be. He'd never felt this out of control before. Closing the door behind him, he stared at her intently, willing all the emotions that were in his heart to show through.
"We need to talk, Usagi-chan."
**
"Gomen nasai, I should not have done that."
She flushed, and pulled away, feeling chilled from the loss of his arms around her. Rubbing her arms, she faced the beautiful scenery that stood in front of her, a sight she would never see in Juuban, or Tokyo for that matter. The lush forestry, the beautiful blues of the skies… were those ideal conditions only found in a perfect world? One found in a story book?
"I'm… I'm not sure how I feel about anything at the moment. It changes from time to time. Sometimes, I think I'm okay. Other times, I feel as if the betrayal will consume me, and I just want to end it all. I just want it to stop."
A sound of sympathy came from behind her, though she somehow knew it went beyond that. He truly understood. He knew what it was like to be in her shoes, to live with being stabbed in the back like that. Somebody had hurt him too she realised suddenly.
"It takes time to forget. At other times, you spend your life hiding behind a mask." He said slowly.
"It hurts. It hurts so much. I can never get away from the nightmares. I live with them each waking moment I have and even in sleep, they're still there. I can still see their faces, and remember their smells. I wanted to die. I really did. And all I wanted was for her to save me. And even when we met up afterwards, I was willing to forget everything, forget the pain I suffered, forget the loss of my innocence. But then…" Her voice broke off, and she clenched her fists in memory. "She lied to me. She told me she came back just for me me, but it was Tamahome she wanted. That was all she ever wanted. She didn't care about me. She had all those men at her beck and call. Like she would even care if I had died. Nakago saved me that day, though a part of me did die that day. He was my lifeline, the one who made sure I had a reason to go on living again. My loyalties lie with him. Don't think for a second that this talk we had would change my mind."
"I wouldn't think of it," he responded, a strange glint in his eyes at her defiant look.
She couldn't deal. She didn't want to deal with it. Sometimes, it was far easier to bury the pain and surround yourself with revenge than to confront it.
**
From the clashing of swords, they fought in battle, and the other seishi stood by, watching with something akin to horror. He was no longer the same man he once was, and neither was the man he fought. He knew that his heart had changed along the way, as did his opponent. Should the seishi choose to believe they were fighting over Rei, so be it. Some things were better left unsaid and unsettled. He was strangely honourable that one, and as they battled, he found himself distracted by thoughts of her. Each precious moment that he had managed to steal with her. Like he had anticipated, he hadn't had long before the other had come calling. And it would be only a matter of time before he fell back under her spell once again. He wondered if the others knew of her treachery, and her selfishness. She had harmed the only person he had ever loved, and caused her heartache beyond imaginable. He remembered touching that scar on her wrist, and taking her in his arms. Stolen moments. Fragments of time that he would carry deep in his soul, even as they would be eventually erased. For her, he would fight. For her, he wouldn't give up. It was within that moment that the other man was able to wound him. He froze. Kuso. It could not end this way. Baka. Why did you have to think of her in a moment like this? He stared at the sword that lay embedded within his chest, and felt something within him give. The gasps that sounded from the seishi around him didn't even register. He fell, landing on his back, watching the look of disbelief on his opponent's face. He felt himself getting colder, his life's blood leaving him. His only thoughts were with his love though HER face appeared in his line of vision. Too late. It was too late. She stared at him with HER hypnotizing eyes, and he knew he had lost this round. Aishiteru… Usagi-chan.
**
She seethed in jealousy, observing the young happy couple together. Their mingled laughter rang throughout the street as he wrapped his arms around the other woman. She couldn't take it. She couldn't watch it anymore, yet she continued to do so, with perverse self-torment. Why? Why was it always about her? What was so special about her that she had to have everything handed to her on a silver platter?
"I love being with you. It's so good for my soul."
She wanted to barf at his words. At one point, he swore his allegiance to her, but now, he was being swayed by big eyes, and a curvy figure.
"You make me so happy," the other girl called out, and she longed to go over there and rip both their hearts out.
She had loved them; she had loved them both. And it was like betrayal of the worst kind to see them both together like this. But when he had asked, she had shrugged off nonchalantly, like it didn't matter, like it wasn't killing her inside to see them together. She struggled with her conflicting emotions, hopelessly torn. She wanted to be happy for them, she truly did. But there was a side to her, a darker side that called its siren song loud and clear. They showed no mercy to you. They hurt you. They deserve it. Make them feel what you feel.
"I love you," he said seriously.
She felt her world come to an abrupt halt, thrown off kilter, and sent into the depths of hell. He had finally said it. He had finally destroyed every single girlish hope she'd had about him, and how they could somehow be together despite it all. Smoothing out the envelope she had crushed in her hand, she re-read the front cover. Ojiisan, take care of it all. Make sure he goes away, and abandons her. Mr. Ben Hino, Dean of Admissions. Yale.
**
He felt the confusion all the way to the depths of his soul. This one was trouble indeed. She had managed to somehow destroy the orderliness of his world. All he had ever known was the need for revenge and power, and now, she had changed it all. Each time he saw her, he wanted more. He couldn't explain how things were, but he had to know now. That damned seishi had known about what had happened to her. Why on earth had she told him anything? He frowned, and began pacing in the main hall. His normally icy countenance was filled with agitation now, throwing his men off with the strange sight. He needed to find out. NOW. He wasn't a patient man, and he certainly wasn't used to being kept waiting. She appeared without warning, a golden vision that captured his attention.
"You wanted to see me?" She uttered softly.
What had those moronic seishi done to her while she had been gone from him? He cursed himself for not being able to protect her, like he was supposed to.
"Hai. I just found out something."
An odd flicker appeared in her eyes, and she stared towards the ground for some reason. Common sense told him that she was keeping secrets from him, as he observed her furtive glances.
"What is it?"
He wasn't a man of tact, and he wasn't about to start now, beguiled by a pair of blue eyes, and tormented soul that rivaled his own.
"I had an interesting talk with one of the seishi earlier. Why did you tell him?" He asked flatly.
He heard her gasp in shock, her eyes flying towards his face. Twin pools of astonishment stared back at him, and his gaze was unwavering. He wanted to know why she had trusted the seishi enough to tell him the truth.
"Tell me, Usagi. Tell me."
He had let it slip unwittingly, cursing his loose tongue. For the first time, he had called her Usagi, with no reference to the difference in their stations. He wanted it to be normal, like he had the freedom to pursue what his heart desired.
"I don't know. I honestly don't. I just felt the need to unburden myself to someone. I was waiting for you to come find me, demo…" Her eyes took on a faraway look.
"But what?" He demanded, grasping her hand, causing her to look at him in surprise. He struggled against the feelings that ran rampant in his heart, and he knew that what he felt went beyond why she had told the seishi what had happened.
"What's it to you anyway?" She whispered, trying to get her hand loose. He couldn't get over how the feel of her skin beneath his fingers made him feel. He cursed under his breath at the soldiers that were gawking at him. With a snarl, he ordered them to leave coldly. This was just between him and Usagi. As they made their way out, he gazed at her loveliness and he knew he could no longer hide how he felt. She was too important to let slip past his hands due to the demons of his past. She was all that mattered now. And she had to know.