Authors notes: A reenactment of Monty Python & the Holy Grail with the replacement of Star Trek characters and situations. Time has no meaning for the characters in this story.
Monty Picard & the
Holy Dilithium Crystal
Chapter 1
Written By: Q
(A slight breeze blows, the sound of horse clop-clopping in the distance)
KING ARTHUR: Whoa there!
( A bald man with the stony expression yelled. He was dressed as a knight who was in power with a sword and phaser by his side. Pips of high rank also decorated his armor)
(Final clop-clops end as his Scottish sidekick pulls up beside him)
GUARD GEORDI LAFORGE: Halt! Who goes there?
(A dark skinned guard from thr top of a castle eyes the strange vistors)
KING ARTHUR: It is I, Captain and King Jean-Luc Arthur Picard, from the castle Enterpise.
LAFORGE: Shove this visor up my nose!
CAPTAIN ARTHUR: I am! (With Pride) And this my trusty servant Scotty.
SCOTTY: Aye.
(Arthur's younger sidekick nods with a menacing glare)
KING ARTHUR: We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of officers who will join my at my court in Enterprise.
LAFORGE: What ridden a horse?
KING ARTHUR: Yes! (says slightly annoyed)
LAFORGE: You're using tricorders!
KING ARTHUR: What? (Scotty looks down to see his two tricorders)
LAFORGE: You've got two old Enterprise tricorders and you're banging them together!
(Arthur ignores the irrelevent statement and goes on to tell of their noble journey)
KING ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of Winter covered this land, through the neutral zone, through-
LAFORGE: Where'd you get the tricorders?
KING ARTHUR: We found them. (face still stony and serious)
LAFORGE: Found them? In the 24th century? The tricorder's ancient!
KING ARTHUR: What do you mean?
LAFORGE: This is the 24th century!
KING ARTHUR: The Enterprise may travel around the sun, and the guardian of forever provides entrance to the past, yet these are not strangers to our land.
LAFORGE: Are you suggesting tricorders time-travel?
KING ARTHUR: Not at all. They could have been hurled.
LAFORGE: What, a man hurl a tricorder?
KING ARTHUR: He could grip it by the handle.
LAFORGE: Its not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of strength! A simple human cannot throw a tricorder at warp speed!
KING ARTHUR: Well it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Jean-Luc from the bridge of Enterprise is here.
LAFORGE: Listen, in order to maintain time travel velocity a tricorder has to float beyond warp 9.3, right?
KING ARTHUR: Please! (annoyance now in full)
LAFORGE: Am I right?
KING ARTHUR:(sigh) I'm not interested!
(A new head pops into view and joins the debat)
GUARD DATA: It could be hurled by a mad klingon.
LAFORGE: Oh yeah, a mad klingon maybe, but not a human, that's my point.
DATA: Yes, I agree.
KING ARTHUR: Will you ASK your master if he wants to join me at my bridge at Enterprise!?
LAFORGE: But then again, the average klingon of the past wouldn't carry a federation tricorder. (Ignoring the Captain and Scottsman)
DATA: True
LAFORGE: So he wouldn't have much of a chance at hurling the tricorder anyway.
(Arthur and Scotty trot off annoyed at the guards persistence at a pointless topic)
DATA: Wait a minute, suppose he hurled it out the window of a starship travelling at a high warp.
LAFORGE: No, he'd be sucked out into space.
DATA: Simple! You just use an environmental suit.
LAFORGE: What with magnetic boots?
DATA: Obviously....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the slum sights of sickbay, a klingon casually walks along with a cart.)
WORF: Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead.
ODO: Here's one. Nine bars I'd say. (Walks in carrying a ferengi over his shoulder)
QUARK: I'm not dead!
WORF: What?
QUARK: I'm not dead! (Yells out of desperasion)
WORF: Here -- he says he's not dead.
ODO: Yes he is.
(Ignoring the ferengi's plea's.)
QUARK: I'm not!
WORF: He isn't.
ODO: Well, he will soon be. He's very ill.
QUARK: I'm getting better!
ODO: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
WORF: Well, I can't take him like that; it's against regulations.
QUARK: I don't want to go in the cart!
ODO: Oh, don't be such a baby.
WORF: I can't take him.
QUARK: I feel fine!
ODO: Oh. do us a favor.
WORF: I can't.
ODO: Well, can you hang around a few minutes. He won't be long. (Determined to get rid of the ferengi.)
WORF: Naaaaah. I've got to go to the Crusher's. They've lost nine today.
ODO: Well, when is your next round.
WORF: Thursday.
QUARK: I think I'll go for a walk. Make profit at the bar.
ODO: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look isn't there something you can do?
QUARK: I feel happy...I fell happy.
(Worf takes a quick look around before taking both fists and ramming them into the helpless ferengi's head.)
ODO: (Lumps Quark on the cart) Ah, thanks very much.
WORF: Not at all; see you on Thursday.
ODO: Right
(Arthur and Scotty ride by with their tricorders banging.)
WORF: Who's that then?
ODO: I don't know.
WORF: Must be a Captain.
ODO: Why?
WORF: He's got pips all over him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: I don't own it..
Authors notes: A reenactment of Monty Python & the Holy Grail with the replacement of Star Trek characters and situations. Time has no meaning for the characters in this story.
Monty Picard & the
Holy Dilithium Crystal
Chapter 1
Written By: Q
(A slight breeze blows, the sound of horse clop-clopping in the distance)
KING ARTHUR: Whoa there!
( A bald man with the stony expression yelled. He was dressed as a knight who was in power with a sword and phaser by his side. Pips of high rank also decorated his armor)
(Final clop-clops end as his Scottish sidekick pulls up beside him)
GUARD GEORDI LAFORGE: Halt! Who goes there?
(A dark skinned guard from thr top of a castle eyes the strange vistors)
KING ARTHUR: It is I, Captain and King Jean-Luc Arthur Picard, from the castle Enterpise.
LAFORGE: Shove this visor up my nose!
CAPTAIN ARTHUR: I am! (With Pride) And this my trusty servant Scotty.
SCOTTY: Aye.
(Arthur's younger sidekick nods with a menacing glare)
KING ARTHUR: We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of officers who will join my at my court in Enterprise.
LAFORGE: What ridden a horse?
KING ARTHUR: Yes! (says slightly annoyed)
LAFORGE: You're using tricorders!
KING ARTHUR: What? (Scotty looks down to see his two tricorders)
LAFORGE: You've got two old Enterprise tricorders and you're banging them together!
(Arthur ignores the irrelevent statement and goes on to tell of their noble journey)
KING ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of Winter covered this land, through the neutral zone, through-
LAFORGE: Where'd you get the tricorders?
KING ARTHUR: We found them. (face still stony and serious)
LAFORGE: Found them? In the 24th century? The tricorder's ancient!
KING ARTHUR: What do you mean?
LAFORGE: This is the 24th century!
KING ARTHUR: The Enterprise may travel around the sun, and the guardian of forever provides entrance to the past, yet these are not strangers to our land.
LAFORGE: Are you suggesting tricorders time-travel?
KING ARTHUR: Not at all. They could have been hurled.
LAFORGE: What, a man hurl a tricorder?
KING ARTHUR: He could grip it by the handle.
LAFORGE: Its not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of strength! A simple human cannot throw a tricorder at warp speed!
KING ARTHUR: Well it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Jean-Luc from the bridge of Enterprise is here.
LAFORGE: Listen, in order to maintain time travel velocity a tricorder has to float beyond warp 9.3, right?
KING ARTHUR: Please! (annoyance now in full)
LAFORGE: Am I right?
KING ARTHUR:(sigh) I'm not interested!
(A new head pops into view and joins the debat)
GUARD DATA: It could be hurled by a mad klingon.
LAFORGE: Oh yeah, a mad klingon maybe, but not a human, that's my point.
DATA: Yes, I agree.
KING ARTHUR: Will you ASK your master if he wants to join me at my bridge at Enterprise!?
LAFORGE: But then again, the average klingon of the past wouldn't carry a federation tricorder. (Ignoring the Captain and Scottsman)
DATA: True
LAFORGE: So he wouldn't have much of a chance at hurling the tricorder anyway.
(Arthur and Scotty trot off annoyed at the guards persistence at a pointless topic)
DATA: Wait a minute, suppose he hurled it out the window of a starship travelling at a high warp.
LAFORGE: No, he'd be sucked out into space.
DATA: Simple! You just use an environmental suit.
LAFORGE: What with magnetic boots?
DATA: Obviously....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the slum sights of sickbay, a klingon casually walks along with a cart.)
WORF: Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead.
ODO: Here's one. Nine bars I'd say. (Walks in carrying a ferengi over his shoulder)
QUARK: I'm not dead!
WORF: What?
QUARK: I'm not dead! (Yells out of desperasion)
WORF: Here -- he says he's not dead.
ODO: Yes he is.
(Ignoring the ferengi's plea's.)
QUARK: I'm not!
WORF: He isn't.
ODO: Well, he will soon be. He's very ill.
QUARK: I'm getting better!
ODO: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
WORF: Well, I can't take him like that; it's against regulations.
QUARK: I don't want to go in the cart!
ODO: Oh, don't be such a baby.
WORF: I can't take him.
QUARK: I feel fine!
ODO: Oh. do us a favor.
WORF: I can't.
ODO: Well, can you hang around a few minutes. He won't be long. (Determined to get rid of the ferengi.)
WORF: Naaaaah. I've got to go to the Crusher's. They've lost nine today.
ODO: Well, when is your next round.
WORF: Thursday.
QUARK: I think I'll go for a walk. Make profit at the bar.
ODO: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look isn't there something you can do?
QUARK: I feel happy...I fell happy.
(Worf takes a quick look around before taking both fists and ramming them into the helpless ferengi's head.)
ODO: (Lumps Quark on the cart) Ah, thanks very much.
WORF: Not at all; see you on Thursday.
ODO: Right
(Arthur and Scotty ride by with their tricorders banging.)
WORF: Who's that then?
ODO: I don't know.
WORF: Must be a Captain.
ODO: Why?
WORF: He's got pips all over him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: I don't own it..
(A slight breeze blows, the sound of horse clop-clopping in the distance)
KING ARTHUR: Whoa there!
( A bald man with the stony expression yelled. He was dressed as a knight who was in power with a sword and phaser by his side. Pips of high rank also decorated his armor)
(Final clop-clops end as his Scottish sidekick pulls up beside him)
GUARD GEORDI LAFORGE: Halt! Who goes there?
(A dark skinned guard from thr top of a castle eyes the strange vistors)
KING ARTHUR: It is I, Captain and King Jean-Luc Arthur Picard, from the castle Enterpise.
LAFORGE: Shove this visor up my nose!
CAPTAIN ARTHUR: I am! (With Pride) And this my trusty servant Scotty.
SCOTTY: Aye.
(Arthur's younger sidekick nods with a menacing glare)
KING ARTHUR: We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of officers who will join my at my court in Enterprise.
LAFORGE: What ridden a horse?
KING ARTHUR: Yes! (says slightly annoyed)
LAFORGE: You're using tricorders!
KING ARTHUR: What? (Scotty looks down to see his two tricorders)
LAFORGE: You've got two old Enterprise tricorders and you're banging them together!
(Arthur ignores the irrelevent statement and goes on to tell of their noble journey)
KING ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of Winter covered this land, through the neutral zone, through-
LAFORGE: Where'd you get the tricorders?
KING ARTHUR: We found them. (face still stony and serious)
LAFORGE: Found them? In the 24th century? The tricorder's ancient!
KING ARTHUR: What do you mean?
LAFORGE: This is the 24th century!
KING ARTHUR: The Enterprise may travel around the sun, and the guardian of forever provides entrance to the past, yet these are not strangers to our land.
LAFORGE: Are you suggesting tricorders time-travel?
KING ARTHUR: Not at all. They could have been hurled.
LAFORGE: What, a man hurl a tricorder?
KING ARTHUR: He could grip it by the handle.
LAFORGE: Its not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of strength! A simple human cannot throw a tricorder at warp speed!
KING ARTHUR: Well it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Jean-Luc from the bridge of Enterprise is here.
LAFORGE: Listen, in order to maintain time travel velocity a tricorder has to float beyond warp 9.3, right?
KING ARTHUR: Please! (annoyance now in full)
LAFORGE: Am I right?
KING ARTHUR:(sigh) I'm not interested!
(A new head pops into view and joins the debat)
GUARD DATA: It could be hurled by a mad klingon.
LAFORGE: Oh yeah, a mad klingon maybe, but not a human, that's my point.
DATA: Yes, I agree.
KING ARTHUR: Will you ASK your master if he wants to join me at my bridge at Enterprise!?
LAFORGE: But then again, the average klingon of the past wouldn't carry a federation tricorder. (Ignoring the Captain and Scottsman)
DATA: True
LAFORGE: So he wouldn't have much of a chance at hurling the tricorder anyway.
(Arthur and Scotty trot off annoyed at the guards persistence at a pointless topic)
DATA: Wait a minute, suppose he hurled it out the window of a starship travelling at a high warp.
LAFORGE: No, he'd be sucked out into space.
DATA: Simple! You just use an environmental suit.
LAFORGE: What with magnetic boots?
DATA: Obviously....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(In the slum sights of sickbay, a klingon casually walks along with a cart.)
WORF: Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead. (Clang) Bring out your dead.
ODO: Here's one. Nine bars I'd say. (Walks in carrying a ferengi over his shoulder)
QUARK: I'm not dead!
WORF: What?
QUARK: I'm not dead! (Yells out of desperasion)
WORF: Here -- he says he's not dead.
ODO: Yes he is.
(Ignoring the ferengi's plea's.)
QUARK: I'm not!
WORF: He isn't.
ODO: Well, he will soon be. He's very ill.
QUARK: I'm getting better!
ODO: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
WORF: Well, I can't take him like that; it's against regulations.
QUARK: I don't want to go in the cart!
ODO: Oh, don't be such a baby.
WORF: I can't take him.
QUARK: I feel fine!
ODO: Oh. do us a favor.
WORF: I can't.
ODO: Well, can you hang around a few minutes. He won't be long. (Determined to get rid of the ferengi.)
WORF: Naaaaah. I've got to go to the Crusher's. They've lost nine today.
ODO: Well, when is your next round.
WORF: Thursday.
QUARK: I think I'll go for a walk. Make profit at the bar.
ODO: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look isn't there something you can do?
QUARK: I feel happy...I fell happy.
(Worf takes a quick look around before taking both fists and ramming them into the helpless ferengi's head.)
ODO: (Lumps Quark on the cart) Ah, thanks very much.
WORF: Not at all; see you on Thursday.
ODO: Right
(Arthur and Scotty ride by with their tricorders banging.)
WORF: Who's that then?
ODO: I don't know.
WORF: Must be a Captain.
ODO: Why?
WORF: He's got pips all over him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: I don't own it..
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