Author's Note: Well it looks like I'm continuing the insaness. If I'm going insane how come I'm listening to the final song to The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? I thought this song was supposed to be one of saneness!!
This has nothing to do with the story but I'm gonna talk about Nintendo news! Oh yeah! I'm practically the Nintendo news keeper! Well as most of you know, Nintendo is coming out with their new game system, Nintendo GameCube!!! This game cube has controllers without those annoying connection strings. You would not believe this but the GameCube's height is smaller then a GameBoy Color!!!! The width though is the same as a regular N64. Not to shabby huh? Well any-hoo, Nintendo MIGHT come out with a Zelda game on this new system. But guess what? Ganondorf is back and he's one huge fat bastard!! Link looks like a girl though. Not a very good thing for the Hero of Time. Maybe it's his daughter. It does sound cool though, "The Heroine of Time". I can see that! How many of you (raise your hands) can see that? Ok well moving on with the story!!! Enjoy!!! Oh and Grazie for all the reviews. I'm glad you all like me **sob sob**
The Zelda chars. Enter the horrible world of crappy poetry!!! By: Anime Chick
A weak imitation of Masterpiece theater theme being played on a kazoo is heard in the background. Vid-cam zooms in on a small library-type room and a comfy red easy chair where Zelda is currently sitting, smoking a pipe and reading a book.
Zelda: *looks up. Takes pipe out of her mouth.* Good evening.
Malon: **taps Zelda** uh… Zelda?
Zelda: WHAT?
Malon: uh… were having some troubles with back up.
::The camera flashed to the back of the room were Ruto is chasing Link around with a water gun::
Zelda: God dammit!!! What the hell is she doing with that flotation device?
Malon: What?
Zelda: Look… just tell them to get the hell away from each other, slap Ruto and take away her water gun! That should take care of it!
Malon: Gotcha **runs off set**
Zelda: *sighs* Anyway, welcome to the show. Some of you are probably wondering what the hell is going on….
Ganondorf: What the hell is going on?
Zelda: Shut up. You don't come on until later.
Ganondorf: But-
Zelda: Go away!
Ganondorf: *grumbles*
Zelda: **clears throat** Anyway…the freakin' author got another queer idea, **holds up picture of author with devil's horns and a goatee painted on** and has decided that she must shower us with crappy poetry. Some of you may have already witnessed this in my MSTing of the poem, "Dearest Andrea" by Keith.
Ganondorf: **groans** Don't mention that poem ever again.
Zelda: Didn't I tell you to get lost?
Ganondorf: ……
Zelda: So, since I now must read and critique a collection of truly horrible poetry I have decided to let the Rest of us share in my torture by creating a whole theater devoted to the MSTing of crappy poetry. I call it "Crappy Poetry Theater".
Rauru: **snorts** How original.
Zelda: **reaches over and smacks Rauru in the back of the head**
Rauru: Itai!
Darunia: Zelda, we've got the disclaimer ready.
Zelda: Well put it up!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Skull Kid: WOW! THAT WAS WEAK.
Zelda: Couldn't we jazz it up a little or something?
Darunia: Um…
Disclaimer: I own nothing. So there.
Zelda: *sigh* Never mind. Let's just get on with the show.
::The scene cuts to a large, darkened theater where 10 figures are sitting::
Saria: Did Zelda tell you why we're supposed to be here?
Rauru: Uh….no….
Link: What is that onna up to now? The last time we were in something like this I had to listen to some stupid poem.
Nabooru: I'm sure it won't be anything like that this time.
Rauru: *choking noises*
Impa: Problem?
Rauru: **cough** Nope **cough**
Zelda:**pops in out of thin air** Hiyee guys!
Link: What's this all about, onna?
Zelda: **pouts** What kind of a greeting is that?
Ruto: Why are we here?
Zelda: Because if I have to be tortured, so you do too. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Impa: She's scaring me.
Ganondorf: She's always scaring you!
Impa: SHUT UP!!!
Nabooru: Anime Chick!!!!
Anime Chick: zzzzzzzzz*wakes up* huh what?
Nabooru: Is this for your story?
Anime Chick: What story? What the fuzz are you talkin' about?
Skull Kid: YOU FREAKIN' RETARD!!! THE ONE ABOUT WHAT WE DO TO WASTE OUR IDIOTIC TIME!!!!!!!!
Anime Chick: Oh yeeeeeeeah that one!! Yep!!
Link: I'm out
Darunia: Ditto
Saria: Yo word… I'm out.
Anime Chick: But-but-but-but-but-but-
Ruto: **sprays Anime Chick in the face with water gun**
Anime Chick: **sputters** Grrrrrrrr… I'm going back to sleep **bangs head on the counter and suddenly-** zzzzzzz…zzzzzzz…zzzzzz…zzzzzzz…zzzzzzz
Mido: Like I said, lazy b*tch!
Rauru: MIDO!!! Your not supposed to be in this anymore!!
Mido: Oh yeah, right! **disappears**
Saria: AWWWW darn! I wanted him to stay!!!
::everyone stares at Saria::
Saria: Uhhh…but she caught me in the shower! It wasn't me! Saw me bangin' on the sofa! It wasn't me!-
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!
Saria: **shuts up**
Link: Ok Zelda. Did Anime Chick tell you what were doing?
Ganondorf: Is it homework?
Nabooru: Like math?
Impa: Or maybe Science.
Skull Kid: OH!! I GOT ONE!! I GOT ONE!!! ART HOMEWORK!!
Everyone: SHUT IT!!!
Zelda: Actually it's…..POETRY!
::crash of thunder and lightning::
Zelda: **glares** Who did that?
Malon: **from the sound effects room** Sorry.
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Darunia: INJUSTICE!
Ruto: Omeo o korosu.
Link: **smacks Ruto and Darunia in the back of the heads** You baka's!!!! Have you guys been hanging out with that queer anime show, Gundam Wing?
Darunia: Oh $#^! How'd you know?
Ruto: I thought our secret was safe Darunia! How did you find out?
Link: Well gee, I dunno. When someone says "Omeo o korosu" ya kinda start wondering-
Nabooru: **with no feeling** hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……………..no
Zelda: C'mon guys, it's only a couple of poems. If I have to suffer, you have to suffer.
Skull Kid: WHO MADE UP THAT RULE?!
Malon: Actually it says so in the otaku writer's book of rules and privileges. Page 64 line 7. *shows Skull Kid the book*
Skull Kid: DAMN!!!!
Zelda: See? So let's get started. Today's featured poet is *drum roll* Alfred Austin!
Everyone: Yay.
Zelda: He wrote an epic poem called "The Human Tragedy".
Malon: Which it was.
Zelda: The original is something like 20 pages long-
Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Zelda: But I decided to cut it down to just one page….
Everyone: Phew.
Zelda: 'Cause I only wanted the really crappy parts. Some of the others stuff wasn't half bad.
Everyone: **groan**
Zelda: Link is going to be our reader.
Everyone: **glare at Link**
Link: **takes a nervous step back** Hey, don't shoot the messenger.
Zelda: So without further ado, The Human Tragedy.
Ganondorf: We're gonna get you for this, Anime.
Anime Chick: zzzz… zzz…zzz- **wakes up and slaps Ganondorf**
Ganondorf: SCREW YOU!!!!! **curses at Anime Chick**
Anime Chick: Sorry, I don't do personal favors **goes back to sleep**
Nabooru: hehehehehehehe-
Ganondorf: **with no feeling** oh… chuckle chuckle.
Link: Anyway…. *clears throat*
Saria: We know. Just get it over with already.
Impa: This poem is pitiless.
Darunia: Is fleeter a word.
Nabooru: Guess so.
Ganondorf: How do you warble half-sadly?
Rauru: Like this. *makes a weird moose in heat call*
Zelda: Stop that! I don't want any horny mooses hanging around the theater.
Impa: Mooses?
Zelda: Okay, moose.
Darunia: Happy discontent?
Saria: It's called an oxymoron.
Skull Kid: THIS POET'S AN OXY-MORON.
Everyone: **stare**
Nabooru: What the hell was that?
Zelda: Oh, that just means I left a part out.
Skull Kid: WHEAT NODS?
Saria: In this poet's insane mind, it does!
Ruto: What's a wain?
English Teacher: **appears out of thin air** Look that up in your f*ckin' Wagnall.
Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
English teacher: **disappears**
Malon: Sorry. He was in the last fic (not really but-). I forgot that he was in here.
Saria: That was scary.
Zelda: Let's just get back to the poem.
Skull Kid: I LOOKED UP WHAT 'WAIN' MEANS.
Impa: Well, what is it?
Skull Kid: IT'S A CART OR WHELL-BARROW.
Ruto: Then why couldn't he just say that?
Zelda: You're asking me?
Everybody: o.O
Impa: The author has gone insane.
Darunia: I want out of here now!
Zelda: Maybe it's only a temporary thing.
Nabooru: Wouldn't count on it.
Rauru: Do feet dream?
Saria: Actually I think there was a study being done on that at-
Ganondorf: Saria?
Saria: Yes?
Ganondorf: Shut it.
Saria: **shuts up**
Zelda: Ohmigod, it's back!
Impa: Save us!
Darunia: **eyes get that zero look** Must…stop….torture….
Ruto: Uh…Darunia?
Nabooru: And this is relevant to the poem, how?
Ganondorf: Nabooru, nothing in this poem is relevant.
Darunia: Must…stop…it….
Skull Kid: HOLD IT TOGETHER DARUNIA! IT'S ALMOST OVER!!!
Darunia: $#^! **does Goron slam, slams toward Link**
Link: **shrieks like a girl and runs off stage**
Rauru: *grabs Darunia's arm* No, wait! It's over, it's done now. No more poem. See?
Darunia: It's….over?
Ruto: Yeah. It's all over now.
Darunia: **sigh** Guess i kinda overdid it huh?
Saria: Ya think?
Impa: That was terrible.
Skull Kid: NO SHIT SHERLOCK.
Zelda: And there's more poems next week, too (Not really either but-). Worse ones.
Darunia: INJUSTICE!
Nabooru: Yo… would you stop with the Gundam Wing thing? It's quite annoying!
Rauru: I think I'm going to be ill.
Link:Your so dead. **sheaths out sword**
Zelda: Uh…Malon? A little help here?
Everyone: *advance on Zelda*
Zelda: Roll the credits Malon! Roll the credits!
Zelda: Thank you for watching Crappy Poetry Theater. Please leave a review if you would like the show to continue.
Link: Don't leave a review. We want the show to be canceled.
Zelda: Shut up! Pay no attention to that psycho in the dress.
Link: HOW MANY TIMES MUST IT BE SAID!!! IT IS NOT A DRESS!!! It's a tunic!
Zelda: Ok… yeah… well anyway… if you'd like- Hey wait! Anime Chick!!!!!
Anime Chick: zzz….zzzz….zzzz **wakes up** what the- $#^! Where does a girl go to get some piece of mind!
Link: You can't get a piece of-
Anime Chick: SLEEP!!! SLEEP!!!!
Link: Oh…..
Anime Chick: Anyway…. Remember ideas are helpful… and please r/r
Darunia: If you r/r I will kill you.
Anime Chick: No he won't.
Darunia: Yes I will.
Anime Chick: Won't.
Darunia: Will.
Anime Chick: WON'T.
Darunia: WILL.
Anime Chick: Okay, he will….
Darunia: **walks away**
Anime Chick: Not.
Darunia: I heard that.
Author's Note: This story was MSTed by me. I have no idea who the author was though… so no flamers please (even though i'm not getting any... yet. Grazie!!) !!! They are not appreciated!!!