Authors notes: Here is chapter four and this one's funny! Hope you enjoy!
Monty Picard and the Holy Dilithium Crystal
Chapter 4
Written By: Q
(Suddenly the sky splits wide open in and a blinding white blue light pulsates out of the strange anomaly. Arthur's knights avert their eyes and falling to the ground overcome by the waves of heat and light. Arthur stands strong against the varying forms of energy emmiting from this spectacular array. He gazes intently into the center of this strange phenomena and strains his eyes. A large face swiveled around to meet his eyes. This weird creatures eyes opened up and revealed small ruby red beads of eyes. Before his eyes this hiddeous array melted into a famiar face.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Q!
Q: Arthur.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Yes.
Q: Arthur, captain of the enterprise.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Wait a minute shouldn't I be calling you Author? After all your the one writing this stuff.
Q: That's Arthur not Author you idiot, its your second hand sub title when taking on the personification of the well known King Arthur who I must say was indeed more much more wonderful company. You have some of his idiocy captured in the well known 74 movie The Holy Grail mingled with Picard's physical appearance and general haughty attitude.
CAPTAIN PICARD: I see...
Q: And won't you tell everyone to stop groveling and cowaring.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh sorry...
Q: And don't apologize.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Yes, yes...
Q: And don't be so agreeable.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh I will.
Q: That's better. Well, are your men going to get up?
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, there's this problem...
Q: Being...
CAPTAIN PICARD: It's that bluish glare around you. Not at all good for the retina.
Q: Oh yeah. Had to make it spectacular you know. Being the author and all. Here I'll dampen the glow.
(Arthur's men slowly stood up and gazed about. They soon saw the familiar face of Q and awaited his impending speech.)
Q: Ah hem. This is where the plot to this story all begins. It's really quite simple. Arthur, your knights have a task to perform to make them an example in these dark times. I hear the enterprise is not exactly in working condition. The problem--missing dilithium crystals as always. Well, there is a rumor of a crystal around these parts that could charge a starship such as yours to travel nonstop for centuries at maximum output! It has been known by some as the 'Holy Dilithium Crystal'. It is your task to find it.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Good idea, Q!
Q: Course its a good idea! Behold arthur, a computer generated holagram of the Holy Dilithium crystal.
_ _ _ _ _ *
_ _ _ _* /\ *
_ _ _ * / _\ *
_ _ _* / _ _\ *
_ _ * / _ _ _\ *
_ _* / _ _ _ _\ *
_ * |_ _ { } _ _| *
_ _* \ _ _ _ _/ *
_ _ * \ _ _ _/ *
_ _ _* \ _ _/ *
_ _ _ * \ _/ *
_ _ _ _* \/ *
_ _ _ _ _ *
Q: Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this crystal. That is your mission, Arthur--The Quest For the Holy Dilithium Crystal.
(The strange anomaly gradually recycled into nothing)
CAPTAIN PICARD: A mission.
SIR RIKER: A mission from the Q Continuum.
KIRK: Take us out.
(They ride forth bent on their mission of finding the sacred dilithium crystal. They soon approach a castle, and gallantly they make their approach. Their quest would
start here.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Halt!
(They all stop and Scotty blows a shrill whistle through an old horn.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Hello! Hello!
CHEKOV: (Pokes his head over a turret of the castle) 'ello. Who is zis? (He has an extremely thick russian accent.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: It is Captain Arthur, and these are my knights of the Enterprise. Whose castle is this?
CHEKOV: Zis is the cistle of my master, Gen Rodinberry.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Q with a sacred mission. If he will give us a script and dressing rooms for the night he can join us in out quest for the Holy Dilithium Crystal.
CHEKOV: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't zink he'll be wery keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?
CAPTAIN PICARD: What?
KIRK: He says they've already got one!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Are you sure he's got one?
CHEKOV: Oh, yes it's wery nice. Pssst (to his friends on the castle Sarek, Wesley, and Odo) I told zem we already got one. (They burst into a fit of silent laughter.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
CHEKOV: Of course not! You're an English type!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, what are you then?
CHEKOV: I'm Russian! Why do zink I have zis outrageous accent, you silly Keptin!
KIRK: What are you doing in Starfleet?
CHEKOV: Mind your own beesiness!
CAPTAIN PICARD: If you will not show us the Dilithium Crystal we shall take your castle by force!
CHEKOV: You don't frighten us, Starfleet pig-dogs! Go and point a phaser at your kimmunikitors, sons of a silly person. You and all your silly Starfleet Wwwwessels!
KIRK: What a strange person.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Now look here, my good officer!
CHEKOV: I'm not up to talking to you no more, you deft, bald, ferengi ship janitor! I fert in your general direction! You're mother was a Klingon and your father smelt of Ferengi!
KIRK: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
CHEKOV: No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a wery bad a second time!
CAPTAIN ARTHUR: Now this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable...
CHEKOV: Fitch the Girik!
ODO: Huh?
CHEKOV: Fitch the Girik!
CAPTAIN PICARD: If you do not agree to my commands then I shall...
(There is a loud twang as a wriggling Cardassian is flung headlong over the castle walls. He falls on one of Picard's redshirts.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Right! Charge!
ALL: Charge!
(Suddenly the ferocity of the attack increases as ferengis and tribbles are hurled over the castle, followed by an assortment of Klingons, Cardassians, Morn, cats, Ferengis, phasers, communicators, and wigs.)
CHEKOV: And zis one is your mother! (Another twang is heard as Spock's mother flys over the castle turrets.)
ALL: Run away! Run away!
CHEKOV: Thppptptptpt! (He wags his hand at them as they leave.)
RIKER: Fiends, I'll tear them apart!
CAPTAIN PICARD: No, no, no, no!
SPOCK: Sir. I have a plan, sir.
(Hours pass as Chekov listens to strange sounds coming from behind a forest. He hears a creaking noise and some sawing. Then he hears a hammering noise and a Klingon yell in defiance . Soon he hears a jet-like noise. The sound gradually gets closer, when suddenly, to his bewilderment, he sees some a turbolift carrying large wooden tribble headed towards the castle. He discusses this strange happening with his men.)
CHEKOV: It appears to be a wery large tribble.
ODO: Hmmph, of course. What for?
WESLEY: It looks like a gift of some sort.
SAREK: Logically.
CHEKOV: What should we do?
WESLEY: I say we get it as fast as possible.
(Picard and his men watch in hiding as they slowly drag the floating object into their main gate.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: What happens now?
SPOCK: Well, now, Riker, Kirk, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the tribble, taking the Russian by surprise--not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Who leaps out?
SPOCK: Uh, Riker, Kirk, and I...uh...leap out of the tribble, uh and uh...
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh...
SPOCK: Oh...um, I...look, if we built this large wooden Captains chair--
(Picard smacks him and his helmet falls shut. Suddenly they here a 'twang'. They watch as their large wooden tribble is hurled headlong over the castle.)
ALL: Run away! Run away!
(The tribble falls on a wondering redshirt and smashes to pieces. The others from the castle watch and break into a fits of laughter.)
Authors notes: Here is chapter four and this one's funny! Hope you enjoy!
Monty Picard and the Holy Dilithium Crystal
Chapter 4
Written By: Q
(Suddenly the sky splits wide open in and a blinding white blue light pulsates out of the strange anomaly. Arthur's knights avert their eyes and falling to the ground overcome by the waves of heat and light. Arthur stands strong against the varying forms of energy emmiting from this spectacular array. He gazes intently into the center of this strange phenomena and strains his eyes. A large face swiveled around to meet his eyes. This weird creatures eyes opened up and revealed small ruby red beads of eyes. Before his eyes this hiddeous array melted into a famiar face.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Q!
Q: Arthur.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Yes.
Q: Arthur, captain of the enterprise.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Wait a minute shouldn't I be calling you Author? After all your the one writing this stuff.
Q: That's Arthur not Author you idiot, its your second hand sub title when taking on the personification of the well known King Arthur who I must say was indeed more much more wonderful company. You have some of his idiocy captured in the well known 74 movie The Holy Grail mingled with Picard's physical appearance and general haughty attitude.
CAPTAIN PICARD: I see...
Q: And won't you tell everyone to stop groveling and cowaring.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh sorry...
Q: And don't apologize.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Yes, yes...
Q: And don't be so agreeable.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh I will.
Q: That's better. Well, are your men going to get up?
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, there's this problem...
Q: Being...
CAPTAIN PICARD: It's that bluish glare around you. Not at all good for the retina.
Q: Oh yeah. Had to make it spectacular you know. Being the author and all. Here I'll dampen the glow.
(Arthur's men slowly stood up and gazed about. They soon saw the familiar face of Q and awaited his impending speech.)
Q: Ah hem. This is where the plot to this story all begins. It's really quite simple. Arthur, your knights have a task to perform to make them an example in these dark times. I hear the enterprise is not exactly in working condition. The problem--missing dilithium crystals as always. Well, there is a rumor of a crystal around these parts that could charge a starship such as yours to travel nonstop for centuries at maximum output! It has been known by some as the 'Holy Dilithium Crystal'. It is your task to find it.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Good idea, Q!
Q: Course its a good idea! Behold arthur, a computer generated holagram of the Holy Dilithium crystal.
_ _ _ _ _ *
_ _ _ _* /\ *
_ _ _ * / _\ *
_ _ _* / _ _\ *
_ _ * / _ _ _\ *
_ _* / _ _ _ _\ *
_ * |_ _ { } _ _| *
_ _* \ _ _ _ _/ *
_ _ * \ _ _ _/ *
_ _ _* \ _ _/ *
_ _ _ * \ _/ *
_ _ _ _* \/ *
_ _ _ _ _ *
Q: Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this crystal. That is your mission, Arthur--The Quest For the Holy Dilithium Crystal.
(The strange anomaly gradually recycled into nothing)
CAPTAIN PICARD: A mission.
SIR RIKER: A mission from the Q Continuum.
KIRK: Take us out.
(They ride forth bent on their mission of finding the sacred dilithium crystal. They soon approach a castle, and gallantly they make their approach. Their quest would
start here.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Halt!
(They all stop and Scotty blows a shrill whistle through an old horn.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Hello! Hello!
CHEKOV: (Pokes his head over a turret of the castle) 'ello. Who is zis? (He has an extremely thick russian accent.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: It is Captain Arthur, and these are my knights of the Enterprise. Whose castle is this?
CHEKOV: Zis is the cistle of my master, Gen Rodinberry.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Q with a sacred mission. If he will give us a script and dressing rooms for the night he can join us in out quest for the Holy Dilithium Crystal.
CHEKOV: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't zink he'll be wery keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?
CAPTAIN PICARD: What?
KIRK: He says they've already got one!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Are you sure he's got one?
CHEKOV: Oh, yes it's wery nice. Pssst (to his friends on the castle Sarek, Wesley, and Odo) I told zem we already got one. (They burst into a fit of silent laughter.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
CHEKOV: Of course not! You're an English type!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, what are you then?
CHEKOV: I'm Russian! Why do zink I have zis outrageous accent, you silly Keptin!
KIRK: What are you doing in Starfleet?
CHEKOV: Mind your own beesiness!
CAPTAIN PICARD: If you will not show us the Dilithium Crystal we shall take your castle by force!
CHEKOV: You don't frighten us, Starfleet pig-dogs! Go and point a phaser at your kimmunikitors, sons of a silly person. You and all your silly Starfleet Wwwwessels!
KIRK: What a strange person.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Now look here, my good officer!
CHEKOV: I'm not up to talking to you no more, you deft, bald, ferengi ship janitor! I fert in your general direction! You're mother was a Klingon and your father smelt of Ferengi!
KIRK: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
CHEKOV: No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a wery bad a second time!
CAPTAIN ARTHUR: Now this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable...
CHEKOV: Fitch the Girik!
ODO: Huh?
CHEKOV: Fitch the Girik!
CAPTAIN PICARD: If you do not agree to my commands then I shall...
(There is a loud twang as a wriggling Cardassian is flung headlong over the castle walls. He falls on one of Picard's redshirts.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Right! Charge!
ALL: Charge!
(Suddenly the ferocity of the attack increases as ferengis and tribbles are hurled over the castle, followed by an assortment of Klingons, Cardassians, Morn, cats, Ferengis, phasers, communicators, and wigs.)
CHEKOV: And zis one is your mother! (Another twang is heard as Spock's mother flys over the castle turrets.)
ALL: Run away! Run away!
CHEKOV: Thppptptptpt! (He wags his hand at them as they leave.)
RIKER: Fiends, I'll tear them apart!
CAPTAIN PICARD: No, no, no, no!
SPOCK: Sir. I have a plan, sir.
(Hours pass as Chekov listens to strange sounds coming from behind a forest. He hears a creaking noise and some sawing. Then he hears a hammering noise and a Klingon yell in defiance . Soon he hears a jet-like noise. The sound gradually gets closer, when suddenly, to his bewilderment, he sees some a turbolift carrying large wooden tribble headed towards the castle. He discusses this strange happening with his men.)
CHEKOV: It appears to be a wery large tribble.
ODO: Hmmph, of course. What for?
WESLEY: It looks like a gift of some sort.
SAREK: Logically.
CHEKOV: What should we do?
WESLEY: I say we get it as fast as possible.
(Picard and his men watch in hiding as they slowly drag the floating object into their main gate.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: What happens now?
SPOCK: Well, now, Riker, Kirk, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the tribble, taking the Russian by surprise--not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Who leaps out?
SPOCK: Uh, Riker, Kirk, and I...uh...leap out of the tribble, uh and uh...
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh...
SPOCK: Oh...um, I...look, if we built this large wooden Captains chair--
(Picard smacks him and his helmet falls shut. Suddenly they here a 'twang'. They watch as their large wooden tribble is hurled headlong over the castle.)
ALL: Run away! Run away!
(The tribble falls on a wondering redshirt and smashes to pieces. The others from the castle watch and break into a fits of laughter.)
(Suddenly the sky splits wide open in and a blinding white blue light pulsates out of the strange anomaly. Arthur's knights avert their eyes and falling to the ground overcome by the waves of heat and light. Arthur stands strong against the varying forms of energy emmiting from this spectacular array. He gazes intently into the center of this strange phenomena and strains his eyes. A large face swiveled around to meet his eyes. This weird creatures eyes opened up and revealed small ruby red beads of eyes. Before his eyes this hiddeous array melted into a famiar face.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Q!
Q: Arthur.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Yes.
Q: Arthur, captain of the enterprise.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Wait a minute shouldn't I be calling you Author? After all your the one writing this stuff.
Q: That's Arthur not Author you idiot, its your second hand sub title when taking on the personification of the well known King Arthur who I must say was indeed more much more wonderful company. You have some of his idiocy captured in the well known 74 movie The Holy Grail mingled with Picard's physical appearance and general haughty attitude.
CAPTAIN PICARD: I see...
Q: And won't you tell everyone to stop groveling and cowaring.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh sorry...
Q: And don't apologize.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Yes, yes...
Q: And don't be so agreeable.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh I will.
Q: That's better. Well, are your men going to get up?
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, there's this problem...
Q: Being...
CAPTAIN PICARD: It's that bluish glare around you. Not at all good for the retina.
Q: Oh yeah. Had to make it spectacular you know. Being the author and all. Here I'll dampen the glow.
(Arthur's men slowly stood up and gazed about. They soon saw the familiar face of Q and awaited his impending speech.)
Q: Ah hem. This is where the plot to this story all begins. It's really quite simple. Arthur, your knights have a task to perform to make them an example in these dark times. I hear the enterprise is not exactly in working condition. The problem--missing dilithium crystals as always. Well, there is a rumor of a crystal around these parts that could charge a starship such as yours to travel nonstop for centuries at maximum output! It has been known by some as the 'Holy Dilithium Crystal'. It is your task to find it.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Good idea, Q!
Q: Course its a good idea! Behold arthur, a computer generated holagram of the Holy Dilithium crystal.
_ _ _ _ _ *
_ _ _ _* /\ *
_ _ _ * / _\ *
_ _ _* / _ _\ *
_ _ * / _ _ _\ *
_ _* / _ _ _ _\ *
_ * |_ _ { } _ _| *
_ _* \ _ _ _ _/ *
_ _ * \ _ _ _/ *
_ _ _* \ _ _/ *
_ _ _ * \ _/ *
_ _ _ _* \/ *
_ _ _ _ _ *
Q: Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this crystal. That is your mission, Arthur--The Quest For the Holy Dilithium Crystal.
(The strange anomaly gradually recycled into nothing)
CAPTAIN PICARD: A mission.
SIR RIKER: A mission from the Q Continuum.
KIRK: Take us out.
(They ride forth bent on their mission of finding the sacred dilithium crystal. They soon approach a castle, and gallantly they make their approach. Their quest would start here.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Halt!
(They all stop and Scotty blows a shrill whistle through an old horn.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Hello! Hello!
CHEKOV: (Pokes his head over a turret of the castle) 'ello. Who is zis? (He has an extremely thick russian accent.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: It is Captain Arthur, and these are my knights of the Enterprise. Whose castle is this?
CHEKOV: Zis is the cistle of my master, Gen Rodinberry.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Q with a sacred mission. If he will give us a script and dressing rooms for the night he can join us in out quest for the Holy Dilithium Crystal.
CHEKOV: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't zink he'll be wery keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?
CAPTAIN PICARD: What?
KIRK: He says they've already got one!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Are you sure he's got one?
CHEKOV: Oh, yes it's wery nice. Pssst (to his friends on the castle Sarek, Wesley, and Odo) I told zem we already got one. (They burst into a fit of silent laughter.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
CHEKOV: Of course not! You're an English type!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Well, what are you then?
CHEKOV: I'm Russian! Why do zink I have zis outrageous accent, you silly Keptin!
KIRK: What are you doing in Starfleet?
CHEKOV: Mind your own beesiness!
CAPTAIN PICARD: If you will not show us the Dilithium Crystal we shall take your castle by force!
CHEKOV: You don't frighten us, Starfleet pig-dogs! Go and point a phaser at your kimmunikitors, sons of a silly person. You and all your silly Starfleet Wwwwessels!
KIRK: What a strange person.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Now look here, my good officer!
CHEKOV: I'm not up to talking to you no more, you deft, bald, ferengi ship janitor! I fert in your general direction! You're mother was a Klingon and your father smelt of Ferengi!
KIRK: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
CHEKOV: No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a wery bad a second time!
CAPTAIN ARTHUR: Now this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable...
CHEKOV: Fitch the Girik!
ODO: Huh?
CHEKOV: Fitch the Girik!
CAPTAIN PICARD: If you do not agree to my commands then I shall...
(There is a loud twang as a wriggling Cardassian is flung headlong over the castle walls. He falls on one of Picard's redshirts.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: Right! Charge!
ALL: Charge!
(Suddenly the ferocity of the attack increases as ferengis and tribbles are hurled over the castle, followed by an assortment of Klingons, Cardassians, Morn, cats, Ferengis, phasers, communicators, and wigs.)
CHEKOV: And zis one is your mother! (Another twang is heard as Spock's mother flys over the castle turrets.)
ALL: Run away! Run away!
CHEKOV: Thppptptptpt! (He wags his hand at them as they leave.)
RIKER: Fiends, I'll tear them apart!
CAPTAIN PICARD: No, no, no, no!
SPOCK: Sir. I have a plan, sir.
(Hours pass as Chekov listens to strange sounds coming from behind a forest. He hears a creaking noise and some sawing. Then he hears a hammering noise and a Klingon yell in defiance . Soon he hears a jet-like noise. The sound gradually gets closer, when suddenly, to his bewilderment, he sees some a turbolift carrying large wooden tribble headed towards the castle. He discusses this strange happening with his men.)
CHEKOV: It appears to be a wery large tribble.
ODO: Hmmph, of course. What for?
WESLEY: It looks like a gift of some sort.
SAREK: Logically.
CHEKOV: What should we do?
WESLEY: I say we get it as fast as possible.
(Picard and his men watch in hiding as they slowly drag the floating object into their main gate.)
CAPTAIN PICARD: What happens now?
SPOCK: Well, now, Riker, Kirk, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the tribble, taking the Russian by surprise--not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
CAPTAIN PICARD: Who leaps out?
SPOCK: Uh, Riker, Kirk, and I...uh...leap out of the tribble, uh and uh...
CAPTAIN PICARD: Oh...
SPOCK: Oh...um, I...look, if we built this large wooden Captains chair--
(Picard smacks him and his helmet falls shut. Suddenly they here a 'twang'. They watch as their large wooden tribble is hurled headlong over the castle.)
ALL: Run away! Run away!
(The tribble falls on a wondering redshirt and smashes to pieces. The others from the castle watch and break into a fits of laughter.)
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