Hiya! How are all you people doin'? Anyway, hope ya all like this, then again, why would you be reading this if you didn't like the first three? Okay, I'm talking for no reason now so I'll shut up. God, my little brother is annoying! Sorry if there's numbers and signs in the middle of a few words, blame him. Important info at bottom, that is if you plan on reading the rest of this saga!
Okay, I'm on the ninth page and just realized something: damn, do I like to foreshadow events! If you remember this when you get to reviewing, see if you can guess some stuff that's gonna end up happening!
Long Ago
Cha. 4 Escaping Destiny
"What is she doing here?" Wufei snarled at the sight of Quatre bringing Zoekurau up beside him.
"She's coming with us to outer space," Quatre answered to Duo's dismay.
"What!? She… she, tried to kill us!" he protested. The group was scurrying down a narrow hall towards the end of the base.
"Yeah, well, you're going the wrong way, and I wasn't trying to kill you, Romefeller was," Zoekurau pointed out.
"What do you mean, wrong way?" Wufei cocked his eyebrows.
"If you're looking for your friend, Heero, he's down two levels and back a ways. See," she pointed to a square, which represented a cell, on the base map in front of her. "The shuttle area is down that way though," she pointed down another corridor to the left.
"Err… fine, we'll go get Heero and you get a way outta here," Wufei sneered in reply. He and Duo went towards Heero's cell as Quatre and Zoekurau half carried, half-led Trowa to the shuttle area.
"Model FJ17 has more speed, but FJ15 is more evasive and has more weaponry," Zoekurau nodded towards the FJ17 to point out which she preferred in this situation.
"Anything with both?" Quatre asked.
"Umm, might try the G6L9, but we'd really be sitting ducks for mobile suits."
"FJ17?"
FJ17," the two made their way to the waiting shuttle. Once onboard, they quickly punched in the course for the closet colony, L2, and prepared to lift off. By this time, soldiers had been alerted to the escape and were beginning to try and stop the craft from taking off. "Those two better get Heero and fast! I think they've got about five minutes before there's no chance of escape."
"Don't worry, they'll make it," Quatre said reassuringly as Zoekurau sighed.
As if on cue, the missing three appeared in a hidden doorway. They silently raced towards the awaiting carrier, as Quatre opened the main door. Jumping in, FJ17 took off for outer space.
"Her?" Heero managed to get out between pants.
"Yes, she's supposedly coming with us to the colonies," Wufei sneered in his usual tone, "the insolent woman."
"Shut up, before I have to kick your ass!" Zoekurau instantly retorted.
"Like a woman could destroy me," Wufei laughed in return.
"Umm… Zoekurau, why don't you come with me," Quatre slowly pulled Zoekurau away from Wufei and towards the cargo area off the carrier.
"What?!" she half whined, half snarled.
"Look, it wasn't my idea, but I think you should stay here with these on," Quatre picked up a pair of metal handcuffs.
"What!?"
"The guys will be more willing to travel if you're restrained," he added, doing his best to persuade her without using force. There's a special room for you and everything," he pointed towards a cell.
"Fine, I don't need any sarcasm," Zoekurau didn't feel like putting up a fight, even though it went directly against her principles. Quatre opened the cell and placed the cuffs on her wrists. "I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered to herself as she walked in.
"I'll have the others take turns bringing your meals to you," he added on a cheerful note.
"Goody," she forced a smile.
"Oh, and could I get those things you got from that cabinet before you left?"
"Here," she pulled out the six objects one at a time, handing them over as if they were her children, "but if there's a scratch on any of 'em when I get them back, you will wish I'd never agreed to come."
"You're the one who wanted to come, remember?"
"Shut up," was all he got in reply as the cell's door closed.
"Aren't we in a good mood," Quatre announced to the door, hearing her reply with another shut up from inside. He returned to the others, who were attending to Trowa, as he pleaded that he didn't need it. Duo somehow got him down and was threatening to take Heavyarms for a spin to Oz's front door if he didn't cooperate; this shut Trowa up rather fast (like he needed to be shut up! He never talks!).
"Umm… guys," Duo realized something for once, "where are our Gundams?"
"Oh shit! They're still at the school," Wufei yelled, mentally kicking himself.
"Don't worry," Heero returned in his usual monotone, "I already reset the course." Everyone present sighed in relief, excluding Heero.
"Where's Zoekurau?" Duo asked, looking at Quatre.
"In a prisoner's cell…" he looked guiltily at his feet, "in handcuffs."
"Good, that's where she belongs," Wufei commented dryly as Quatre glared at him. Heero was, as usual, typing away at the main computer.
"How long 'til we reach colony L3," Trowa sat up from where he had been laying. Quatre turned to him and began to help him reach a comfortable position.
"Heero continued to stare into the blinking light of the computer as he answered," 2- 3 days, depending on how fast we go. About a day to get the Gundams, another to get to L2, and a third for L4. Might as well take it slow since there isn't really anything to worry about slowing us down since White Fang disbanded."
"Yeah, and isn't the circus staying at L2 this week?" Duo put in, Trowa nodded and smiled. He missed Catherine and was hoping to see her when they reached the colony.
"What about Zoekurau," Wufei sneered, "won't she want to say something about all of this?"
"No, and why do you care," for once Quatre sounded as though he was becoming very pissed off. The others turned to look at their companion with slightly shocked expressions.
"Umm…okay…anyway, back to the trip," Duo turned to Heero. "What are we going to do about Zoekurau?"
"I say we keep her under a strict watch. Don't let her be alone at any time. You never know what she might try to do," Heero calmly answered. He had been thinking about how she had acted in certain situations and thought that she might try suicide if she felt like she had been backed into a corner.
"Sounds good to me," Duo smiled.
"Good, then you can take first watch!" Wufei sneered, half-laughing to himself.
"What! She'll…she'll try to kill me!" Duo's eyes widened, frightened.
"Lay off, Wufei!" Quatre snapped back at Wufei, slightly frightening the others. Duo pouted as he left to start guard-duty while Wufei continued to smile to himself.
-----------------------------------------Zoekurau's cell block, 5 minutes later-------------------------------------------
Duo entered as Zoekurau began her eighteenth lap around the block's perimeter, gaining speed each time. Her breath had quickened, now a fast sort of wheezing; along with her eye moment, which seemed to be going faster than reasonable. All of this, frankly, scared the hell out of Duo, along with his fear of her killing him.
She seemed to have the same thoughts of a newly captured wild cat running through her mind. The hand-cuffs were a stiff tracking collar, the cell a cage, and Duo… Duo was the bastard who had done this to her.
As her reason left her, the cuffs were rammed into the closest corner, breaking from the amount of pressure used. Blood began to cover her hands as the metal cut into the soft, war-hardened skin as she gave a slight moan of frustration, then looked at Duo with blood lust in her eyes. Duo screamed "bloody murder" as he ran like a jackrabbit through the halls to the others.
"What the hell happened to you?" was the first thing anyone could say at the look on Duo's face, it was purely indescribable.
"She…she…Zoekurau…cuffs…wall…bang…blood…me!" an extremely frightened Duo stuttered, nearly fainting with the last word.
"Oh God," both Quatre and Heero raced to the cell, thinking she had tried to break free of the cell, or worse.
They entered finding a confused Zoekurau huddled in the farest corner, holding her wrists, trying to somehow heal them with her tears. Quatre sat down, putting his arms around her gently. Heero just looked at the sobbing mass, feeling pity swell in his throat.
"Shh, don't worry. Everything will be fine now, shh. It's okay," Quatre calmly whispered this into Zoekurau's ears, hoping it would help to calm her.
"The blood," she stammered, holding out her hands, "the blood, everyone I've killed. It won't go away, Quatre, it won't go away! Make it go away, Quatre! Make the blood go away! I don't want to hurt anyone, I never did! I just…I just lost control. It was like a high I kept trying to get off of, but couldn't. The blood won't go away, Quatre, it won't go away!"
"There's too much blood on my hands! I can't see the skin anymore; I haven't for a long time. I don't deserve to live with this much blood. I don't deserve to live," her body shook heavily from the on-going sobs, still she cried more heavily.
"Shh, it's okay. We'll get the blood off. Don't worry, we'll do it together," Quatre rocked her back and forth, gently gaining control of her movement. He brushed the hair from her eyes as he repeated the last part, "We'll do it together."
"Aww, Kodak moment, " Wufei murmured as he stepped into the room, receiving a blow from Heero soon after.
"You really need some manners," Heero warned Wufei as they both left the room, "want me to teach you?"
-------------------------------------------------Cockpit-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"What happened in there?" Trowa asked from his place on the floor. Duo was huddled into the co-pilot's seat, holding his knees to his chest and still babbling about what he had seen.
"Broke the cuffs, got some bad bleeding. Quatre's in there helping her," Heero sat down in the pilot's seat and began the flight to the old school, he was going to transfer onto the colonies with Zoekurau at L4.
"She gonna be alright?" Trowa looked at Heero hopefully, using a hand to prop himself up.
"Yeah, just her hands and wrists, nothing to serious, missed valuable arteries, couple days rest," Heero's skin changed in the light of the computer as he began transfer procedures.
"Good, how about me?"
Heero glanced at the wound, "Give it a week before you try to pilot or anything too serious."
"Sounds good, will I be doing guard-duty during that time?"
"Why? You want to?" Trowa received a strange look with the question.
"Yeah. I might just."
"Whatever you want."
"Even after that weakling injured you?" Wufei now gave the strange look.
"I don't think she really meant it," a small smile went unnoticed.
---------------------------------------------Next day, Trowa's watch------------------------------------------------------
"What was with the insane thing yesterday?" Trowa asked the lump on the bed. He had just begun his first shift, which started at 5 am and went until noon.
"I don't know," the mass, Zoekurau, turned over. She hadn't changed out of the satin dress she had been wearing, nor had she even bothered running anything through her hair. Her eyes wandered, adjusting to the harsh light of the cell, until they landed on Trowa.
"Don't know much at all, do you?" another smile went unnoticed.
"Not anymore. Do you have any thing I could borrow?" Zoekurau realized what she had been wearing, and suddenly felt very bare. God, I hope he can't see anything!
"When the ship lands I will. We're headed for the Quitayen Academy, nearly everything I own is there."
"Hasn't that stopped bleeding yet?" she pointed to the bandage, which was old and blood soaked.
"Almost." Does she care? Is it possible that she could?
"Hmm," Zoekurau looked down at herself then at Trowa. Why is it he can have such a calm composure?
"What happened?" the question had just sort of popped out, Trowa hadn't meant to ask it, but it had somehow escaped.
"What are you talking about? This," she lifted up her bandaged hands. Quatre had taken up Duo's shift after he had managed to bring her back into sanity, they had worked out the problem with the blood by covering it in heavy bandages, but she could still see it soaking through.
"No," he stumbled on the words. Suddenly he felt very tense, like the air had thickened and become hard to swallow. Every word was a struggle to bring out, "I… I meant the whole running away thing and becoming so… so..."
"Harsh?" Zoekurau thought for a moment, Why did I do all of those things? I didn't have to leave that day. "I just never really felt I had belonged where I was on L4, except maybe with Quatre. I was always comfortable and happy around him, but lately…" she shook her head in thought, shifting her eyes toward a corner, " I just haven't felt the same around him."
"I thought you didn't think he was who he said he was?"
"After he told me about the ring, I believed him."
"Oh. So, you don't think you love him anymore?"
She jerked her head up suspiciously, "Who told you I loved him!"
Trowa blushed profusely, "Well…I…I… just thought if you had felt so strongly about him…"
"That I loved him? I thought so too, but lately… someone else has caught my attention," Zoekurau turned away to hide her blushing cheeks.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" he felt that she might have been leading him towards another deception.
"Honestly? I don't know, I just have this feeling that I can trust you, and I do need someone to trust right now. Which is interesting in itself really…" again, she drifted of in thought. Why do I feel this way about him? A few days ago, he was nothing but a stranger, an enemy to me. Or was he ever my enemy?
"So… who has caught your eye so suddenly," the last subject made him uncomfortable for some unknown reason.
"Oh… no one you would know," Zoekurau answered more quickly than she had meant to, which only made Trowa even more interested.
"Someone on board?"
"I…I can't say," she nodded her head in an I'm- not- going- to- tell- you- anything look.
"Oh, I see, it is someone on board!" Trowa received an I- hate you- but- not- really- look.
"I didn't say that!"
"Yes, maybe, but you did defend yourself a little to quick. It is someone on board and you don't want them to know about it because you think they don't like you," he gave her an all- knowing look just to gloat, even if it was uncharacteristic of him. He felt he could really relax and have fun around her, and not worry about missions or the others or anything really, just having fun now and enjoying it.
Zoekurau glared in return. "So, Mister Psychic Man, " Trowa gave a small chuckle to the term and received a smile from Zoekurau before she continued, " if you know so much who is it then?"
"Duo?"
"After last night? I don't think so."
Well, I know it isn't Quatre, doubt it, but- Wufei?"
"That arrogant pig! I should hope not!"
"Heero?"
"Nope!"
"Nothing mean to say about him, huh?"
"Don't really know that much about him."
"True. Well, that only leaves…me! Well…"
She turned her eyes to the ceiling before answering, " Nooooo! Hahaha! Couldn't guess, couldn't guess! I told you it wasn't anyone here!" She pointed her index fingers at him just to annoy him a little more and waved them if front of herself.
"Uh huh, well, are you ever going to tell this guy you like him?" Trowa had a sly look in his eyes, still wanting to know who this guy was…. and how to beat him for her affections.
"Hmmm…. I guess I will if he's with me when I finally go home, that is, if it's still standing. For all I know, Quatre is the only survivor," her eyes teared at the thought of all of the pain she had experienced because of the lie.
"You okay?" Trowa moved to the cot, and sitting down, placed his arm around her.
"I don't think I'll ever be perfectly "okay", " she replied leaning in to the warmth of his body.
"Don't worry, everything'll be fine," he brushed here hair out of her face so he could look down into her eyes.
"No, it won't," Zoekurau shook her head in defeat for the first time in six years. "I've always taught my students to never face something that they couldn't defeat, and I can't defeat my past."
"What do you mean?" his eyes filled with curiosity.
"I don't think I can face going home, I don't want to face the pain of it being gone if it is." She kept thinking of her parents and brother, Teine, all mixed in with memories of her friends and how they could all be buried in a demolished childhood home waiting to torment her.
"But it's still there, nothing happened, you heard what Quatre said," he truly pitied her at this moment, she seemed so weak and defenseless, even if she was known as one the most cold- blooded murders of their time next to OZ and other military organizations.
"I know what he said, I just… I've thought it was gone for so long, it's just a habit now," a tear crawled down her face, Trowa wiped it away.
"I sort of know what you mean, I've never really known who I was or where I came from," he laughed quietly for a moment.
"Then how do you know what you're name is? And why are you laughing?" she looked at him as though for that moment the world evolved around him.
"I was laughing at the fact that Trowa Barton isn't even my real name, I guess you could say I stole it from the original pilot of the Heavyarms. I never even knew who my parents were or how and where I was born. My earliest memories are of the orphanage I grew up in," now it was Trowa's turn to turn away in embarrassment.
"My life sounds like I grew up royally compared to you," her eyes had dried and a small laugh escaped from inside of her. "So, if Trowa Barton isn't your name, what is it?"
"Don't know, probably never will."
"Do you want a family?"
"What do you mean? Finding my family, or creating one?" his left eyebrow raised in suspicion.
"Both," she answered slyly; her characteristic mischievous look entered her eyes.
"Hmmm… I don't know, maybe someday. I would like one, but I don't think now would be a very good time. You know, with all the war and missions and things, wouldn't have much time."
"I know what you mean, I'd like to have a family someday too, even if my original family is still alive," Zoekurau looked at her feet as though it was a bad thing to relate this to Trowa.
"Hungry for breakfast yet?" he had a crooked smile on his face.
"Sure, what's today's gourmet meal?"
"Umm…. You'll have to ask the Cordon Blue chef."
"Just as long as his name isn't Wufei or Duo," she couldn't imagine Duo cooking and thought Wufei might try and poison it.
"No way we'd ever let Duo near a stove, he'd burn water before he'd be able to boil it," they laughed at Trowa's comment. "Alright, you fix yourself up or whatever it is that you girls do in the morning, and I'll send in Heero to … keep you company while I fix breakfast."
He stood hearing Zoekurau mutter something under her breath. "What was that?"
"Oh, nothing! Just saying what am I supposed to do about brushing my hair without a brush," she laughed a nervous laugh thinking he had heard her real comment- What, afraid I'll try and kill myself if you don't baby-sit me?
"Oh, umm, I'm sure we can scrounge one up somewhere. Heero's probably right outside the door."
And he was, as soon as Trowa had asked his "favor" of him, he sauntered in to the cell. He had been waiting for something like this, figuring they'd have to leave her for her meals. He glanced at Zoekurau before sitting himself down by the door, which was at the opposite side of her bed.
She seemed to be singing something to herself, a song from years ago, most likely from the twenty-first century. He edged a little closer and was able to hear the whispered lyrics:
What makes you touch
What makes you feel
What makes you stop and smell the roses in an open field
What makes you unclean
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
What makes you live
What makes you cry
What makes our youth run from the thought that we might die
What makes you bleed
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Somebody told me the wrong way
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Somebody told me the wrong way
Blah
Yeah, yeah
What if I died
What did I give
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
I hope it wasn't answered:
So you might live
I hope I helped you live
I hope I helped you live
I hope I helped you live
I hope I helped you live
Live
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Somebody told me the wrong way
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Somebody told me the wrong way
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(~ Creed: Wrong Way~)
She sang this a total of three times before he interrupted her, saying, "What is that?"
"What? Oh, it's you. The band is called Creed, the song's "Wrong Way". I figured it was appropriate with the circumstances," she stared up at the tiled gray ceiling and sighed. Propping herself on an elbow, she stared inquisitively at his blank expression, "Do you like the way your life is headed?"
"What do you mean?" the question had caught him of guard. What did she want to know?
"Your life, do you like how it's going. You know, being a Gundam pilot and all."
"Oh, why would you care?" He wasn't about to let her penetrate his defenses, even if Quatre trusted his life with her, he definitely didn't.
"I don't know, just curious, I guess. Mine isn't exactly springing up roses, never has. I guess I just want to know if all pilots, assassins, and all the other people in the same positions I've found myself in have felt relatively the same as me."
"So what is your question?"
"Are you happy with your life right now, exactly the way it is?"
Heero had never thought of this before. It caused him to stop to think before answering as he usually did. Before, answers had just come involuntarily, but this time… nothing. "I…I don't know."
"Hmm…neither do I." That questioning look returned to her eyes.
"What now?" his eyes filled with skepticism.
"Do you have anyone?"
"What?!"
"Do you have anyone? To fight for, to go home to, anyone like that?"
"Why would I? They'd only get in the way," he turned his head away indifferently.
"Hmmm… I thought every good solider needed someone to fight for…"
"I fight for the colonies."
"I guess that works. I wonder if that's what happened to me, I lost what I was fighting for," her head tilted in thought. "Then again, who was I fighting for in the first place? No one cared about my life or me once I left, so what was my purpose?"
"You were just a tool of destruction, not needed, and discarded once used," Heero pointed out.
"Yes, yes, you're right, of course you're right," but she didn't agree, "how could the perfect solider be wrong?"
"I'm not the perfect solider; far from it," he retorted, "I might as well be a tool, to be forgotten after having served its purpose."
"No, you're wrong. You won't be forgotten, you couldn't be; you've done far too much for this world to ever be forgotten. I, on the other hand, will easily fade into text books."
At that moment, Trowa entered the room with Zoekurau's breakfast, ending any chance of Heero's inquiring to what she meant. "Thanks, Heero, I appreciate you doing this for me."
"Sure, whatever," he stood with a half- thoughtful look upon his features.
After Heero had left, Trowa turned to Zoekurau with the tray and asked sarcastically, "Alright, what have you done now?"
"Hmm?" her eyebrow raised.
"To Heero, what did you do to him?" his face turned to disapproving granite.
"N.n..nothing! Honest! I..I.."
"I'm just kidding. Jeez! You're worse than Catherine," he laughed slightly and placed the tray in front of her. "So, where were we?"
"Ah, something about families," she answered, licking her lips at the tray. Even plain old raisin-bran looks good if you haven't eaten in thirteen hours. "Hand over the food now!"
Trowa placed the tray in her lap with a laugh. "Bon appetite, madam." With that he sat and watched her inhale the soggy flakes and wrinkled grapes (blah!!!)
He smiled, remembering his first meeting with her and how different she seemed, which was not nessecarily all for the worse. He couldn't help looking her over once or twice and comparing her to other girls he knew, of course, he immediatily slapped himself mentally for this. Something about her kept commanding his attention, and it was driving him crazy. The hole in his stomach reminded him of her treachery but there was still a bigger yearning to get to know more about her, even if it killed him.
I must remember my duty as a Gundam pilot above all. I have missions to complete and other such tasks that she or any other girl would get in the way of. Why can't I stop thinking about her? Good God, Trowa, snap out of it! As soon as we get to L2 you'll be leaving anyway, so hurry up and get control of this! He repeated over and over again.
"You have any cards with you?" Zoekurau suddenly broke his thoughts.
"Huh?" he looked up.
"Cards? Do you have any?" she replied, clearly peeved.
"Not on me. Is there a problem?"
"No, just the fact that I've asked you that at least fifty times now."
"Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention," he looked down to return to his thoughts.
"Uh…hello! Earth to Trowa! I'm done." She waved her arms in the air.
"Oh, ah…I'll get that later." He waved her off.
Zoekurau sighed, blowing air out of her mouth toward her bangs. "Bored, bored, bored. How much longer until we get to that academy place?"
"What? Oh, about an hour or two." His eyes narrowed into slits, "Why?"
"I wanna change out of this monstrosity," she answered pointing at the satin dress. "I hate wearing dresses."
"Then why did you put it on?"
"Stephen likes his women feminine," Zoekurau answered with a harsh note.
"I'm still not seeing why you put it on. You don't seem like the kind of person who would necessarily do something to please someone."
"How else can I find out what he's planning. Stephen one of those people who will give out anything in the heat of the moment, easy pickings," she sneered.
Trowa looked up, shocked, "You've slept with him?!"
"What! No! Jeez, what gave you that idea?"
"The heat of the moment?"
"Yeah, battle."
He released his breath. "Oh, you scared me for a moment there. It's rare to find someone so young no longer a virgin in this day and age, even if it hasn't been before."
"Hmm, I wouldn't imagine something like that bothering you."
"You don't know me too well then." he looked down and muttered, "No one does."
Zoekurau moved off of the cot and across to Trowa. She kneeled in front of him and placed a hand on his cheek. "I'd like to," she smiled.
Smiling also, he replied, "As long as I get to know you too."
"Of course."
They moved closer, their lips nearly touching. Neither had ever felt this sort of intensity. Emerald green met emerald green in silence as they were both wrapped in a comforting air. Zoekurau couldn't help but wish he would someday feel for her what she felt for him. She had only known him for a few weeks and yet… she had known him for an eternity. He seemed to know how to react to everything she did and said. When she pushed away, he came closer; if she cried, he smiled and made the world shine. She was in love. But how can that be? How is it possible for me to care about him? I tried to kill him! Even if I died for him he would hate me anyway. Probably doesn't even like me, he's only acting this way because I'm sitting in here caged. She looked away.
He sighed and turned her face back toward his and smiled, "Do I have to spell everything out for you?" He leaned in and gently kissed her lips. I can't believe this. A day ago, she held my life in her beautiful hands and held it quite loosely in fact, but now… she doesn't even seem like the same person. How is it possible for me to care about her? She tried to kill me! And yet… I can't help loving her. Did I just say love? Is it possible for me to love someone?
A tear escaped her eyes as she leaned back. Trowa quickly brushed it away. "No more tears," he whispered.
Zoekurau smiled and stole a quick kiss. "I can't help it. Just knowing that…" she couldn't continue for fear of spilling out the fact that it was for him that she had feelings. Dr. J had taught her too well that emotions such as these useless for those in their position.
"What? That you kissed me when there's Quatre?" he chuckled, thinking about his own thoughts. "Hmm?"
"No," she shook her head, "no. Just that I'll never be able to be truly happy in this life. I'll never be able to love freely. If I did, those who I love would perish. My love kills."
"Stop that!" he replied forcefully, shocking her. "You were lied to, got it! Your family isn't dead, nor are your childhood friends. And besides, who's going to kill a Gundam pilot?"
She continued staring at him, wide eyed. "What do you mean? "Who's going to kill a Gundam pilot"? Quatre…" she struggled with the words, "or you?"
He looked away for a moment pondering. Zoekurau, how would you handle the fact that I love you? I don't even know if you care for me, especially after that night. And I may never know. Is this all because we're both so love-starved? Am I just imagining she needs me too, or does she really? I've never felt this strongly for someone, even after knowing them for years. Could I really love her?
"I guess I mean…" he stopped for a second, having trouble believing that he was actually going to answer. "Me."
She couldn't believe it. He actually cares for me! Even after I tried to … He actually cares! Thank you! Thank you! "You mean you can actually stand me? I thought you would never even like me after what I tried to do to you."
"I don't understand it myself," he answered.
"Then how do you know that you do care?" she wilted. Why can't I ever find someone to love? Why can't I be happy for once?
"I don't. But neither do you. And, in truth, I have never felt this way about anyone before," he was hoping she felt the same.
She smiled, "Of course you don't, or me. How can we at this point in time?"
"Hmm…" he leaned in to kiss her once more.
Just before they met, Duo opened the door to take over the watch. His eyes went wide in astonishment at the fact that Trowa was setting himself that close to Zoekurau. "Ahhhhhhh! What are you doing!" he yelled, alerting the two to his presence and dropping the tray he had brought her lunch in on.
Both fell backwards, stuttering and surprised. "Wha? Duo? What are you doing here?" Trowa exclaimed.
"I' supposed to watch her now," he then decided to torment them a little, pay back for last night, "unless you would like to continue?"
"No. That's fine. I should change this dressing anyway," Trowa stood and headed for the door. He left without a word.
Duo and Zoekurau watched in silence as the door closed. Duo gulped, he was now alone with someone whom he thought would at any moment spring up and try to murder him. "So…" Zoekurau started. Duo jumped.
"What?" he said suddenly, finally taking a chance to look at her. True, she still had all the power and strength that she had had the night before, but now…. there was no way to tell. Her hair had become limp from lack of care and her eyes had dark circles beneath them from a fretful sleep. She sat huddled on the floor before him, shaking. Not from cold, but from fear; thoughts of her family haunted her almost constantly.
"Is that lunch on the floor?" she answered timidly.
"Oh, yeah, sorry," he stooped to see what was still salvageable, not much was. "I guess I'll have to go get some more. Umm… be right back."
He opened the door and slipped out as she lifted herself up and headed back to the cot. After closing the door, he turned to see Heero looking at him questioningly. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Ah! Heero! I'm just going to get Zoekurau some lunch!" Duo replied, laughing to cover his nervousness.
"Hmm… fine. I'll stay with her."
Heero entered the cell. Zoekurau was sitting on the cot again, although she wasn't singing this time. "I've been thinking about what you said to me earlier," he began, surprising her.
"Huh? Oh, that…" she looked down.
"Hmm…" he answered, seeing that she didn't want to talk.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before she looked up again. "Thought of any answers?"
"No. I can't make any sense of anything."
"At least I know someone knows how I feel," she smiled faintly.
"Maybe. What did you mean by saying that I would never fade into the textbooks?"
"You've done to much to just be seen as another to help end this. You're a Gundam pilot. How could anyone forget you? Or Duo, or Quatre, or Trowa, or Wufei? Oz's soldier's will be remembered by loved ones, of course, but they're only men and women in the casualty lists. Same with the Alliance and White Fang, no one will really remember them. But you, the Gundam pilots, how can you be forgotten?"
"What of you? You're a Gundam, in a way."
"How? By the fact that I fight for the colonies? No. I won't be remembered. I'm the same as with the large military powers, a casualty, when I die that is. You, yourself, didn't even know of me, did you?"
"No, I didn't. None of us did."
"Of course. And if no one knows I exist, how can I be known by all?"
Once again, someone came and interrupted their conversation at a point where Heero needed clarification. Duo walked, or at least he was trying to, in with a broom and dustpan, along with Zoekurau's lunch. "We'll finish this later," Heero said before stepping out of the door.
Duo cocked his head, "What was that about?" He placed the try on the cot next to her and moved to the other side of the room.
"Nothing, just a friendly conversation," she answered dryly. She turned and began to ingest the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"OoooooKay," he answered.
"What are you scared of?" she asked, amused.
"Just the fact that you're going to try and kill me."
"How would I do that? You've made sure not to give me any silverware I see."
"Well, you can still strangle me, or beat me to death."
Zoekurau raised an eyebrow, "Why would I even want to kill you?"
"I don't know, I'm so loveable! (Hey Aaron, does that sound familiar?)" Duo answered.
"Yeah, you think that…"she nodded with one of hose sure- whatever- you- say looks.
"I am!" he continued, "how can anyone not like me (that's what I'd like to know!)?"
She just raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I am," he stuck his tongue out to give her a raspberry.
"Humph, if only we all could afford to behave so childish," she murmured, lost in her own little world.
"Hey! I resent that!" he stood.
"Really? Why?"
"Just because I try to ignore all of the bad things in life doesn't mean I'm being childish! Until recently, all I've done is experience bad things, and I decided a long time ago that I would always have a cheery disposition!"
"What could you have possibly gone through in order to even begin to relate to me?"
"My parents were killed in the war. I lived on the streets, were my only friend, Solo, died from a disease that was raging through the colonies and few could afford the vaccine. His last words were, "I'll always be with you." That's how I got my name, Duo.
"Then, I was taken in by a church, the Maxwell Church, which explains my garb. The priest and nun there took me in as their own. She was who first braided my hair. Later, Alliance soldiers came and raided the church, threatening to kill everyone. I wanted to save my foster family and went to steal a mobile suit since they said that if I got one they would let them live. When I returned to the church, it was in ruins, Father was dead, and Sister Helen died in my arms.
"Soon after, I was found by the creator of the Gundam Deathscythe and Deathscythe Hell. Then I came to Earth and met up with these four. I'm hoping to finally be through with it all soon."
He had spoken about the past through gritted teeth, anger coursing through his veins. His sadness mixed in and had taken control by the end. Tears welled in his eyes.
Zoekurau looked on in sympathy, thinking of her own past and how insignificant it seemed to the pain he had been submitted to. "Too much death, too early," she answered to his form. She rose and walked over to his hunched form.
He shuddered under her touch, but was grateful for the warmth of another human being. He leaned toward her, Even if she is a killer; she's human to, and all humans need love. Zoekurau just hasn't been able to experience true love yet, even from her parents; otherwise, she wouldn't have left home.
They embraced, and Duo couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He buried his face in her chest as she stoked his chestnut tresses in a hope of calming him. "Shh… shh…" she whispered.
They stayed in that position for some time as Duo continued to weep and even after he had finished. Duo needed something to cling to; Zoekurau just needed to feel the warmth of another human being. And at some point, they both realized they had found in each other a best friend.
Zoekurau was the first to break free. Pulling back, she announced, "I guess you win. You have been through much more than I have."
"No, I'd say we're even," Duo's voice was lower and didn't include his happy- go- lucky tone. It sounded more like Heero's voice.
"But you haven't anyone."
"I have the other guys, even if it doesn't seem like it. And there's you, hopefully; if you don't kill me," he chuckled, but his heart wasn't in it as usual. "Besides, to have been told your family's dead and then to have to go to Earth to live out your days in solitude isn't exactly what I'd call paradise."
"Neither is having to see your loved ones die and then go to Earth."
"Yeah, well," he stuck his arm behind his head in his characteristic way," this could've been worse. I could be dead, and from what I hear, it hurts like hell." (Heero said, "Yeah, well, let me tell you something, death hurts like hell," in the manga after self- detonating, Trowa laughed)
"Hmm…" Zoekurau looked down. "I guess we would know."
He squinted at her. "What'cha mean "I guess we would know"?"
"What? Oh, nothing."
"No, no, you… you've nearly died before haven't you?"
"Maybe," she flashed her left wrist at him. Across it could be seen a deep scar, one that had been self- inflicted.
Duo sat in stunned silence. A knock was heard on the door and Quatre's voice filled the room, "We're arriving at the Quitayen Academy. You want to bring her out to stretch her legs, Duo?"
"Ah… ah…yeah, sure," he managed.
Zoekurau stood and walked to the door. Duo remained as he was, still trying to get things to compute. He finally shook his head, clearing it and rose like an android to open the door. They left silently.
------------------------------------- Quitayen Academy, i2mir, Turkey----------------------------------------------------------------
"So…. What should we do first?" Quatre asked from behind of Trowa, Heero, and Wufei. Behind all of them trailed Duo and Zoekurau. They had entered the academy and were en route to the dormitories.
"Get our things and then to leave a note of absence at the front office."
"But, Heero, aren't you leaving this academy?" he continued.
"Yes, they already have my transfer papers."
"Oh."
Silence reigned as they continued on for the next few minutes. The dormitories loomed ahead, the brick having partially crumbled from age. No one could be seen as they advanced, and a few leaves tumbled across the walk.
Duo still walked in a trance, unbelieving of what he had just learned. Quatre seemed uneasy at the Academy, the cause of no one knew. Trowa's impressions were, as usual, unintelligible. Heero had concern and concentration etched into his grave features as he stalked purposely toward the building. Wufei could have cared less as he sauntered along beside the group. Zoekurau followed slightly behind the rest. She clutched herself in the chilly breeze and plodded hopelessly, a plan forming in her mind.
/:/ End chapter four. I was going to end it in this chapter, but I figured it was long enough already so… umm… yeah. Remember to "be a responsible reader" and review this. The last chapter hasn't completely formed itself in yet, so if you have any ideas, I'm still willing to use them as long as they don't interfere with mine. Even if you don't have any ideas, try and guess what's going to happen. Remember all the foreshadowing I was talking about near the beginning, I think I might have give it all away actually, but oh well.
Also: After I finish the Long Ago series, I'm going to continue it with another author, Lady Jo, by joining it with one of hers. I don't exactly remember what she was planning on calling it though, so just search her and see. I f she doesn't have it up yet (I don't know why she wouldn't, she's been writing it for longer than I have this series), just review something of hers and tell her to get a move on.
Thanks. Talk to you next time. Lady Kiara.