I, Beverly Crusher, invite you to share in my joy when my son
Wesley Jesus Crusher
Is called to the artificially synthesized cowskin torah as a bar mitzvah.
"When did the Crushers become Jewish?" asked Picard rhetorically.
"Stardate 8472.928." replied Data.
The bridge crew of the NCC-1701-USS Enterprise was sitting in the ten-forward lounge, enjoying a round of synthetic maneshevitz wine.
"Well I don't care when they became Jews," added Troi, "I just think it would be a very supportive gesture for the crew to attend."
"Untrue…" responded Data. "The Jews have survived the past 4000 years without your 'support' and I'm pretty darn tootin' sure they'd make it through a Bar Mitzvah without your help. Goy."
"True," interrupted Worf. "However, their funny looking curved noses make them quite comical in combat. And what's up with those sideburns?"
"I would like to point out", remarked Sally, one of the one-episode disposable ensigns. "That you did not find Dax comical when she severely beat you as a Jew in episode #6969420."
"Point well taken," returned Picard "but the same trill later had an Arab host. I would be interested to hear her perspective on the matter."
"I would be happy to ask her on my next return to deep space nine." Solved Worf.
"Excellent." Concluded Picard.
The day arrived on which the Enterprise traveled to the Bar Mitzvah. As the shuttlecraft touched down, Picard noticed a TV camera being wheeled into the synagogue/temple/shrine/mosque/part-time monastery/ Starbucks©
Geordi, with his astute knowledge of Judaic traditions and customs, absently remarked, "I thought there was that whole thing against using electric things on
that Sabbath thingy"
"In the year 2485", responded Data "Due to the relativity of days on earth differing from those elsewhere in the galaxy the entire 'Sabbath thingy' was revoked."
As they approached the door an automated vending machine approached them "Yarmulki, Kippoth, skullcaps, They're the latest in interplanetary fashion! Pronounce your religious orientation loud and proud! Orthodox, Reform, and Moses' witnesses styles available! Only two strips of gold pressed latinum!"
Troi and Picard stared at the machine skeptically.
"What did you expect?" asked Worf, "this place is run by Jews."
"Now Worf" replied Troi. "Jews aren't just Ferengi with curvy noses. They have really cool black hats too!"
Picard paid the latinum, to be rewarded a ragged piece of cloth along with a delighted cackle from the vending machine.
They walked to the door of the "place of worship/business". The man standing by the door apprehended them.
"Mr. Klingon," said the apparent "guard" "you are not wearing the appropriate headgear."
"Klingons do not wear kippot!" responded Worf
"Come on Worf," urged Troi "it'll be a very supportive gesture. Plus it'll cover up that bald spot."
"That was told in strict confidence!" protested Worf.
"You really believed that?" laughed Troi. "Look, just put it on. What harm can it do?"
"It reminds me of a tribble!" mumbled Worf, putting on the head covering, and entering the shul.
Wesley was just beginning his designated torah portion.
"And the starship shall be fifty trillion cubits long and…"
The friends sat down.
Wesley Jesus Crusher
Is called to the artificially synthesized cowskin torah as a bar mitzvah.
"When did the Crushers become Jewish?" asked Picard rhetorically.
"Stardate 8472.928." replied Data.
The bridge crew of the NCC-1701-USS Enterprise was sitting in the ten-forward lounge, enjoying a round of synthetic maneshevitz wine.
"Well I don't care when they became Jews," added Troi, "I just think it would be a very supportive gesture for the crew to attend."
"Untrue…" responded Data. "The Jews have survived the past 4000 years without your 'support' and I'm pretty darn tootin' sure they'd make it through a Bar Mitzvah without your help. Goy."
"True," interrupted Worf. "However, their funny looking curved noses make them quite comical in combat. And what's up with those sideburns?"
"I would like to point out", remarked Sally, one of the one-episode disposable ensigns. "That you did not find Dax comical when she severely beat you as a Jew in episode #6969420."
"Point well taken," returned Picard "but the same trill later had an Arab host. I would be interested to hear her perspective on the matter."
"I would be happy to ask her on my next return to deep space nine." Solved Worf.
"Excellent." Concluded Picard.
The day arrived on which the Enterprise traveled to the Bar Mitzvah. As the shuttlecraft touched down, Picard noticed a TV camera being wheeled into the synagogue/temple/shrine/mosque/part-time monastery/ Starbucks©
Geordi, with his astute knowledge of Judaic traditions and customs, absently remarked, "I thought there was that whole thing against using electric things on
that Sabbath thingy"
"In the year 2485", responded Data "Due to the relativity of days on earth differing from those elsewhere in the galaxy the entire 'Sabbath thingy' was revoked."
As they approached the door an automated vending machine approached them "Yarmulki, Kippoth, skullcaps, They're the latest in interplanetary fashion! Pronounce your religious orientation loud and proud! Orthodox, Reform, and Moses' witnesses styles available! Only two strips of gold pressed latinum!"
Troi and Picard stared at the machine skeptically.
"What did you expect?" asked Worf, "this place is run by Jews."
"Now Worf" replied Troi. "Jews aren't just Ferengi with curvy noses. They have really cool black hats too!"
Picard paid the latinum, to be rewarded a ragged piece of cloth along with a delighted cackle from the vending machine.
They walked to the door of the "place of worship/business". The man standing by the door apprehended them.
"Mr. Klingon," said the apparent "guard" "you are not wearing the appropriate headgear."
"Klingons do not wear kippot!" responded Worf
"Come on Worf," urged Troi "it'll be a very supportive gesture. Plus it'll cover up that bald spot."
"That was told in strict confidence!" protested Worf.
"You really believed that?" laughed Troi. "Look, just put it on. What harm can it do?"
"It reminds me of a tribble!" mumbled Worf, putting on the head covering, and entering the shul.
Wesley was just beginning his designated torah portion.
"And the starship shall be fifty trillion cubits long and…"
The friends sat down.