Disclaimer: I'm STILL
not making any money, and I still don't own anyone but Susana and her
couch. I claim no ownership of any of
the artists in Susana's CD collection (aside from owning a copy of all the CD's
mentioned-she and I share the collection.) Chris Cornell owns the CD Euphoria
Morning and the songs on it, including "Can't Change Me". Please don't sue me, as I have no money and
no appreciable assets. Come on, I'm a college
student. 10-cents-per-package Ramen is
gourmet cuisine to me.
Notes:
sound
*thought*
} telepathic conversation {
Setting: Susana's
room. About 4:30 PM
As soon as she
parked the car, Susana grabbed her stuff from the back and headed for the
stairs to her room. *I can't believe
I did that! How can I be so dumb! God, Bliss…you've been here how long
and you still can't chill? What the
hell is that? You know
Jubilee…and besides, you're a damn telepath. Obviously not much of one or you might have caught that
she wasn't someone tryin' to hurt you.
Oh, God…am I ever going to get over this? I need to meditate, I need to meditate, I
need to meditate. And then,
I need to work out. I've gotten soft
here, everyone's so nice and they all worry about each other. I'm amazed this is the first time I've
slipped. Must have something to do with
just being in a city again.*
She went over to
the CD player and considered her options, musing over each aloud as she
shuffled through the case "The Cure… DMB… Everclear… Third Eye Blind… Garbage…
Pitchshifter… Kenny Wayne Shepherd… Chris Cornell… Yeah, I think Chris Cornell
sounds just about right."
She pulled the CD
from its slot in the book and popped it in, and in moments the distinctive
intro to "Can't Change Me" came on, and Chris' voice joined the guitar.
She can do anything at all,
Have anything she pleases
The power to change what she
thinks is wrong,
But what could she want with
me?
Wait just one minute here,
I can see that she's trying
to read me
And suddenly I know
She's going to change the
world,
She's going to change the
world,
She's going to change the
world,
But she can't change me.
With a bitter
mental laugh, she remembered how one of her early boyfriends in college -her
first college guy, in fact- had told her that the song seemed to have been
written with her in mind. It suddenly
seemed very funny that she hadn't realized at the time that his comment was
supposed to be a hint to her. *Yep,
Bliss…you're a wonderful damn telepath.
Your boyfriend as good as tells ya he's gonna dump you if
you don't lay off of him about his bad habits, and you just go right on with
your commentary. Real
smooth.*
Shaking herself
out of the reverie, she pulled out the leggings she'd bought. *Well, at least one good thing came of this
trip. I was getting tired of havin' to
find something to put on whenever anyone knocked while I was meditating.*
Crossing the room
to stand between the couch back and her vanity mirror, she leaned against the
couch to unzip and remove her boots and jeans, and then to pull on the
leggings. She considered the
turtleneck, then waved a hand dismissively at the mirror. *It's soft, and the neck isn't tight. It'll be fine.*
She sank
gratefully onto the floor behind the couch, nudging an errant sock out of the
way with her toes before crossing her legs and beginning her visualization
exercises. *There's a string down my
backbone and someone is pulling it up, so my spine goes straight right along
with it. Now someone is pushing my
shoulders back and my chin up. In
through the nose, out through the mouth.
Calm down, Susana. Now let's
think. What caused that outburst? It would've been appropriate to be a bit
shocked. Pulling a gun on your best
friend does not fit into the category of appropriate.*
She sighed,
finally admitting to herself what she'd been trying to deny since she left
Austin- she was still not over the incident in the club that night. She was about to return to her meditation
when she sensed Jubilee lurking outside of the door.
"You can come in,
Jubes. It's ok, the gun's in my
purse-all the way across the room."
Jubilee pushed the
door slightly ajar and slipped into the room.
In her characteristic manner, she jumped straight on the topic she was
curious about. "What the hell happened
back there? I mean, I understand it was
surprising, having me jump out like that.
But your reaction was sooo out of proportion…and where the hell- why
the hell- did you learn how to draw that fast?
I mean, you were faster than some of the X-men!"
"OK, I'm gonna try
to explain…promise you'll let me get what I have to say out before you start
askin' me questions… What happened is that I thought I had gotten over an
unpleasant incident, but I obviously haven't since, like you said, my reaction
was completely excessive. Where I
learned is at the gun ranges in Louisiana, and then more intensively at the
range in Austin. Why…well, that one
takes a bit longer than the other two."
She took a deep
breath, concentrating on the flow of the air and the imaginary string
supporting her spine. "I learned to
shoot in Louisiana just because it seemed like all of my friends knew how, and
I didn't want to be the conspicuous outsider.
My dad and I would go to the range, review safety procedures and
regulations, and then we'd do a bit of target practice. I was good then. Now I'm better. I got
better after my first semester at UT.
There was this guy, Sean, in one of my classes. He was the classic cowboy-gorgeously built,
with dark curly hair and puppy dog eyes, and polite as anything. He was also, as I found out, a very involved
member of the local chapter of Friends of Humanity. Sean and I dated for quite a while… slept together, which was
important to me cause he was only my second lover.
"Then one night I
stayed over at his house and I slipped up and accidentally read his thoughts-
he was thinking of a question, I can't remember what the question was. I didn't even think about it, just answered
him out loud. The look he gave me…damn,
Jubes, if looks could kill. He called
me a dirty goddamn mutant bitch and told me to get the hell out of his place
before he killed me. I threw my jeans
and a coat on and walked back to my apartment, crying every damn step of the
way.
"I knew that
people didn't like mutants, but I'd gotten so used to my family and my
roommates Natalie and Claudia being ok with it that when this guy who
supposedly loved me said he hated me for being a mutant… I just couldn't
deal. I went home and I stayed in bed
all week. Natalie brought me food and
tissues and water, and she brought her laptop into my room so I wouldn't be
alone. I think she's the only thing
that kept me from killing myself that week.
So eventually I got back up and I went back to my classes.
"I threw myself
into my work so I could just be done and not have to see Sean ever again. About 2 months after it happened, Claud and
Nat and I went out to an 18 and over cowboy bar…Sean was there with two of his
buddies, and he was really drunk. He
started mumbling shit at me, and when I didn't do anything, he started saying
stuff about me being a mutant…his friends heard him, and they started yelling
stuff at me…I just wanted to get out of there, but people were crowding around
waiting for someone to do something.
"I guess if I'd
thought about it, I coulda used my powers to make them move, but I was pretty
sure using my powers was not the best thing to do in the situation. Anyway, just as things were about to get
really scary, the bouncers shoved through and took Claud, Nat and I out to a
cab behind the bar. Apparently he was a
mutant too, and he told me that if I wanted to be really safe, I'd get a gun
and a concealed carry permit, and never leave the apartment without both. Then he put us in the cab and sent us on our
way.
"The very next day,
I went out and bought a guide to guns so I could decide what would work best
for me. I chose the Firestar cause it
was small and sounded like it'd work well for me. I dropped about $450, and as far as I'm concerned, it's been
worth every penny just knowing I have it.
I've never had to use it, and I hope I never do…but being
prepared just makes me feel better, you know?
So I'm sorry I drew on you…I was surprised, but that's no excuse…please
say you aren't really mad at me…." She said the last with a plea in her eyes.
"You dumbass…of
course I'm not mad at you. It was a
stupid thing for me to do. How about
you? You mad at me?"
"No, God no…I'm so
sorry, Jubes… So are we ok now? Cause
all this soul-baring has given me a hell of an appetite, and I do believe I
remember buying stuff to make Mama's legendary marinated veggie burritos…and
out in the freezer, there's even a package of round steak for the carnivores."
"Alright-
authentic Mexican food! Let's go, chiquita!"
"Your Spanish, poquita, leaves much to be desired. I am definitively not a banana. Race you down there…as soon as I get
suitable clothes on. I refuse to get
veggie juice all over these leggings if I just got them. How about if you go get all the stuff set up
and I'll change and recruit a helper for us."
"Sounds great,"
said Jubilee "regroup in the kitchen in 10 minutes. Don't be late, soldier!"
With a mock salute, she jumped up from the floor and headed to the
kitchen the students were allowed to use.
Susana remained
where she was for a minute, shaking her head at how accepting Jubilee was. When they first met, she would never have
guessed that Jubilee could be such a good listener, or that she wouldn't assume
Susana was a complete moron for dating someone like Sean. She shuddered delicately at the bad memories
she'd been forced to recall, then jumped up and pulled a pair of boxer shorts
and a tank top out of the top drawer of the dresser beside her vanity. Pulling off her leggings and sweater, she
threw on the top and shorts and rifled through the recipe book her mother had
sent her until she found the recipe she wanted. Nearly drooling in anticipation of marinated peppers and onions,
she headed downstairs to capture an assistant from the gameroom.
