Disclaimer: Well, it's the same old song and dance, isn't it? Paramount owns Voyager...
Disclaimer 2: The song lyrics and title "By Starlight", belong to The Smashing Pumpkins...I just love it.
By Manda
By starlight, I'll kiss you
and promise to be your one and only.
I'll make you feel happy and leave you to be lost in mine
And where will we go
What will we do?
We stood in the starlight you and I, both watching the fading of the warp trail as Voyager began to slow in her movements. It was, as B'Elanna had convinced you, time to set down and begin maintenance...and I could see the raw unease, the fear at your ship having to be left open and unprotected. It wasn't something you're accustomed to, Kathryn, I knew that. The feeling of insecurity a Captain feels every time their ship needs to be repaired, needs to be overhauled, refitted. We don't have that luxury, here, and you find yourself caught unawares every single time it happens. Every single time, Kathryn, and I know what you're thinking.
"Do you?" You turn to me, drawing your eyes away from the broad viewport. Vacant, although the swirling blue within reminded me, momentarily, of a river, tumbling over the rough boulders before it crashes over an arching waterfall. That's you, unpredictable as the river flowing. "Do you understand how I feel, Chakotay."
I nodded. "I think I do. You feel vulnerable."
"That's right. B'Elanna promises me that this won't take much more than a week, possibly a day or two past that...I hope her estimate reigns true." Your body tenses, head turning back to the starlight. The still, solemn starlight. "We'll have plenty of time for evaluation reports..."
"I know." I smiled. "And dinner."
"Dinner." Absently, you shook your head, and a whisp of cinnamon-apple, caught in the air currents through the vents, met my sense of smell. You always remind me of an apple, crimson shoulders and crisp demeanor, personality sweeter than the outward appearance. I know your personality, perhaps deeper than anyone aboard. Tuvok can never capture the essence of who you are, what you are...but I can, and I do, and I will. Every day I understand more of Kathryn Janeway, and I'll keep learning, to further understand each moment. "Dinner can wait, Commander. This overhaul...can't. Not any longer."
The cabin stilled, and we watched a moment longer before you pivoted and left, my sillouette alone in the cast-off light from outside. The cold of space...only mirroring the chill you left in your wake.
"1900 hours, refit the warp nacells...2100 hours, replace neural gelpacks throughout decks five to fifteen-"
"We'll need to assign additional repair teams to the gel-pack replacements...that should get us up to speed and ready for lift-off in two days."
I shook my head, unconvinced. "No, Kathryn...B'Elanna's most recent update reports micro-fractures in the starboard hull. We're not going anywhere."
"Dammit!" On your feet, you moved toward the viewport, and I caught sight of the agonized glow in your eyes, the tortured lines creasing your forehead. I'd seen lines of concentration marr your face before, but these--deepened with each second, and your skin pulled taught around the jaw. It wasn't a look I enjoyed seeing on you--not when you deserved better. "I'm not pleased with this, Chakotay."
"I understand."
"No, you don't. We need to be up there---we're behind schedule enough as it is, and I don't enjoy being kept grounded while my ship undergoes something that could easily have waited another few light years--perhaps another month?"
I couldn't help but smile. You're always like this, and I needed to let you know.
"Kathryn, it's only been a week. We can stay like this for a while, safely...there hasn't been any sign of hostile ships in the area. I know how much you'd like to get out into space again."
"You're right." You sighed. "I'm my father's Goldenbird...he always knew I loved the stars. And I feel so...restless...incomplete when I'm not able to reach up and touch them."
I would have given you the stars so long ago, and I still would, if you'd let me, Kathryn. But I stood up and offered you my hand, instead.
"How about a shuttle? We'll set a low orbit, follow the moon. Whatever your spacefaring heart desires, Kathryn Janeway."
You smiled. It had been a long time since I had seen you smile.
"I'd enjoy that."
The shuttle drifted to the slow melodies of Chopin, as you reclined in the rear compartment of the Delta Flyer, all worries smoothing away as you poured over Dante. Dante that, as you had told me in the past and the present, and the future...was an anchor for you to your former love, Mark.
"Kathryn."
"I'm here." You sounded forlorn over the commlink, and I wondered at that. How long had you been sitting there, staring into space and drifting. Daydreaming. The Dante had to have left your thoughts long ago for you to sound so lost and alone. "Can I do something for you, Commander?"
"I just thought you might want to see this." I turned to the viewport, the blues, greens and golds of a nearby nebula reflecting off the curving axis of the glass. "We're approaching it now..."
"Approaching what? I thought you told me- We were going to stay in a low orbit." Your voice came from behind, and I swerved back to face it. "Chakotay, where are we?"
"I broke orbit half an hour ago--didn't you hear me call?"
"Obviously not." You stared, mezmerized. "Although I have to admit...this is breathtaking. Are sensors getting all of it?"
"Aye, Captain." We stood together in the front 'cockpit', close enough for my shoulders to brush yours. But you did not move away.
"The stars are beautiful."
"Beautiful, yes...but the nebula contrasts with your eyes." I didn't know where that came from, in fact it sounded not at all like my own words. "Kathryn, I-"
"Don't spoil the moment." The starlight winked, and I was seized within it for a moment before your arms touched mine. All disappated, and it was only you.
I've always wondered how it would be... to kiss you by starlight.
~Fin