Title:
Design
Author:
aegean
E-mail:
aegean11@hotmail.com
Genre:
Story Angst, Romance, Action-- Max/Logan shippery
Rating:
R
Summary:
This chapter takes place sometime after Female Trouble and Cape Haven. Max is at the top of the Space Needle
thinking about the events of the last few days.
Disclaimer: Dark Angel is a Fox /Cameron/Eglee
vehicle. I get no money. I do it for fun/practice Please don't sue me.
Notes: This is my first chaptered fanfic. I have planned for 5 chapters—hopefully
something like one a week but who knows. Chapter 2 took me a while to work through. I hope you guys like it.. Please R&R. Good/Bad
whatever. Advice. Anything works for me.
Chapter 2
Reconciliation
Logan
just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours reliving the events of the
past few days --few hours. He couldn't
figure out how things had gone from near perfection to the scene that had just
occurred. He could only sit, staring at
the door that Max had just closed. Her
parting words at least left him some hope, but they also told him that things
would never be the same.
The
sincerity, passion, and frustration in every word she uttered had overwhelmed
him. She didn't care about his
situation. She only knew that she
needed him. He knew that admission was
particularly difficult for her. She
spoke of the fear that they both shared. She even told him that she knew that she would be with him. And, as he sat there thinking of everything
she had said he became ill. He could
only think of how he had treated her.
"God
Logan, what's wrong with you," he said through a clenched jaw into the
darkness. He remained still for a few
more moments and then willed himself to move. He got as far as the middle of the living room before stopping again,
consumed by thought. /She turned down
every man who asked to dance with her in favor of spending time with me. She didn't do it out of pity, dammit, she
did it out of respect, friendship, and love./ He continued increasingly helpless as his anger mounted. Functioning solely on auto-pilot, he wheeled
himself through his room and into the bathroom, still trying to understand
everything. /She is so strong. She could kill a man if she wanted to, and
yet she has known so many men who have hurt her./ He didn't know why he was in the bathroom, but in a dazed manner,
he reached for a glass on the sink and filled it with water. /Lydecker and Manticore hurt her physically
but others who beat their children and drank themselves into violence, hurt her
hopes for finding anyone decent in the future./ His hand began to grip the glass with more force. /But still, she seeks out a normal future
and finds what she thinks is a normal man, but he turns out to be completely
absorbed in self-pity…I let her down completely and still she cares. She stood in the hallway of my home, a home
which she almost considers her own, and told me that she would take me anyway
she could get me./ And at that final
thought, the pressure that Logan had slowly applied to the glass became too great
and the glass gave way. It broke into
three shards, one of which cut him. He
looked down at his bleeding hand and stared for a moment. He felt nothing. Finally, he reached for the peroxide in the medicine cabinet and
doused his hand with it. He then
grabbed a washcloth and hastily wrapping it around his hand left the
bathroom.
He
thought that he should call her, but he didn't know what he could possibly say
to make things right. Besides, she
expected him to just take some time and think about everything. /God she knows me so well. She probably wouldn't answer a page now
anyway. No phones at the top of the
Space Needle./
In
his bedroom, on his bed, he saw the discarded robe Max had been wearing
earlier. He picked it up and held it
close noticing their mingled scents within the material. He suddenly threw it across the room. "How could I be so wrapped up in
myself? God I'm an idiot," he mumbled
into the darkness. He sat there in
silence for some time before managing to take off his clothes and climb into
bed. He wanted to sit and think about
everything, but he was so angry and so drained, he ended up falling
asleep. His only decision was that he
would deal with it in the morning when he was thinking clearly.
--
Max
sat at the top of the Space Needle and waited for the sun to come up. She knew she would have to deal with Cindy's
questions sooner or later but the new day would make it a little easier to get
it over with. When daybreak came she
left.
She
walked into her apartment and thought she was in the clear. She crept quietly to her bedroom and fell
onto the bed. She hadn't realized how
tired she was. She could actually use
the two hours of sleep she was about to get. Just as she was about to drift off, Cindy came into the room and sat at
the edge of her bed.
"So?"
"So…what,"
Max replied groggily.
"Damn,
you guys find a way to screw things up every time," Cindy said shaking her
head.
"I
really don't want to discuss my night right now," Max said as she turned her
head to face Cindy.
"OK,
but if he hurt you boo, he and I are gonna have words."
"You
know I'd bring on the hurt if he ever touched me," she said flatly as she
rolled onto her back.
"Now
you know that ain't the hurt Original Cindy's talkin' bout." Cindy reached over
and began stroking Max's hair in a comforting way. She remained that way for a few seconds before Max spoke again.
"Really,
I'm fine…I just need some sleep right now. I'll see you in a few." The
withdrawn nature of her words told Cindy that she needed more time.
Max
tried to close her eyes again, but eventually sat up on her bed unable to
sleep. She sensed something was
different. Looking over to the old
bureau against her wall, she saw the dozen white roses sitting there in a high
glass jar. She immediately fell back
against her bed and let out a sigh of exasperation as she remembered when she
received them.
--
Max
woke up three hours later. She climbed
out of bed and decided that she needed another bath. 'Two baths in two days,' she thought. 'Talk about overindulgence.' She went into the kitchen to start the tedious process of boiling water
and found Cindy sitting there eating breakfast. She walked past her and grabbed some bread. She went to turn on the water and remembered
about the busted pipe. She gave up and
they her head into her hands in defeat.
"I
fixed the pipe last night," Cindy said in between bites as she watched the
scene. "You can wash." Max looked up at her and then grabbed the
pot and began to fill it. "So…you ready
to tell Original Cindy about last night."
"No,
but since you probably wont let it rest… We went out and had a good time until the end of the evening. He got depressed and then we got into a
fight."
"About
what?" Max didn't respond quickly enough,
because Cindy began to formulate an answer to her own question. "Wait…let me guess…something about the
chair." Max still didn't look at her. "Uh-huh, Original Cindy doesn't need you to
tell me…he got depressed over the chair, got angry, took it out on you, and now
my boo's depressed."
"Girl,
I am not depressed," Max interjected, finally looking up. "I told him he had to deal with his issues
and then I left." She was finally
getting her spirit back and was ready to talk.
"And
now you're sulking."
"Look,
he needs to deal with his own self-pity. I have enough issues of my own. I just told him that the chair doesn't matter to me. He really thought it did. Now, he needs to think about what that
means. I can't help him with that."
"So
now what?"
"I
don't know," she said as her voice dropped off again. "I told him to call me when he was ready."
"Think
he will. I mean men are like that. All that pride makes them stupid. That's one of the reasons Original Cindy has
nothing to do with them." Max continued
to boil her water while Cindy discussed the finer points of male pride. During this time, Max decided that her best
course of action with Logan was to follow what she said and just wait until he
came around. She couldn't approach him
because he needed to be ready to move forward on his own.
Max
took her bath and then went back into the kitchen. Cindy said a few more things about men and Max finally had to
walk over and say, "well despite all their issues I still kind of like 'em. They can be useful for a few things." She paused for a second, "really only three
things," and then turned and left the kitchen without further explanation.
--
"Logan,"
Bling said loudly as he walked into the apartment. "I'm giving you fair warning just in case you have company and
are still entertaining." Bling figured
that Logan was probably alone, be he knew that Logan and Max had gone out the
evening before and hoped maybe they had come to an understanding. "But that doesn't mean you can get out of
your therapy this morning."
Logan
woke up when he heard Bling's voice. He
had completely forgotten about his session and wanted no part of it. However, before he could respond, Bling was
at his door.
"Ah,
too bad, you're alone. So why aren't
you out of bed. You have no excuse to
be in it."
"Go
away. I don't feel like it today."
"Ah,
apparently the night did not end well." Bling went to Logan's bureau and threw him a shirt. "So…what did you do? Please tell me you didn't ask her to jump
out of her evening gown to go on an Eyes Only mission."
"Why
do you always assume its my fault."
"Well,
wasn't it?"
"Well…yes,
but there were extenuating circumstances."
"Right. You say that a lot. So what happened?" Bling waited a moment for a response, but, when Logan said
nothing, he turned to leave.
"I...
its just that…well… she's a healthy beautiful woman and I have nothing to give
her."
"I
see and what did she say when you told her this…because I assume you did."
"She
told me that I was basically and idiot and that she needed me and wanted me as
I am." He turned his face toward the
window. "She told me she would take me
any way she could get me." There was a
long pause. "Oh God I was such an idiot
last night."
"Yeah,
sounds like it. And, if you've given me
any indication of how you can get when you're feeling sorry for yourself, then
I would have to agree that you were probably an idiot."
"How
do I fix this," he said as he turned back to look at Bling.
"What
did she say?"
"She
told me that I should call her when I get over my pity."
"Well…sounds
like she still wants to make whatever it is you two have work. My advice,
whatever you do, don't call her now. You clearly haven't dealt with anything yet."
"I
know. But what should I do? I can't lose her."
"For
starters, you can quit being so melodramatic about everything." Bling hadn't meant to be so blunt, but he
just couldn't help it. Sometimes Logan,
if you're thinking that you can get her something or cook her dinner to make it
better…don't. There is no quick
fix. You can only do what she
asks, and that will take time. Find a
way to not pity yourself and realize that you are a very lucky man. Think about the person you are and the
person she is and spend this time learning to trust her feelings about
you. She obviously trusts your feelings
about her or she definitely wouldn't have bothered. The girl doesn't strike me as one who lets her emotions get the
better of her at the drop of a hat. If
she said those things to you, then they're for real." Bling paused to make sure Logan was still with him. Then he
continued, "Ultimately, I think you're
gonna need her help with this, but for now, you both need time."
"Time…right. Look Bling, I really don't want to…"
"You
have to work out," Bling interrupted "Don't pity yourself man. That's
not a step forward." Logan decided that
further protest would be useless so he submitted to an afternoon of physical
therapy. He reasoned that it would take
his mind of Max for a while.
--
The
week was long. Max went to work, went
to Crash, and then went home. She raced
her bike through the streets at night and checked her pager throughout the day. She hadn't seen or heard from Logan. She began to think that she had pushed him
too far. He had never been out of
contact for any great length of time. Even when she brought him the dirt on Valerie, he wasn't distant for
long.
Logan
spent that week researching Seatel and fighting the urge to call Max. He had been thinking a lot about what Bling
had said and spent many hours envisioning his future with Max and the
chair. He slowly began to realize that
a life with Max, even in the chair, was better than a life without her. He discovered that his insecurities were
more of a detriment than the chair ever could be and that he would have to
acknowledge that if he wanted to be with her. It took only three days to get to that point. In fact, the harder part for him was figuring out the right way
to approach her. In the end, he settled
on simple honesty, no dramatic flourishes, no food.
--
"Boo,
I'm goin' out to hang with Lana…whatcha gonna do today."
"Nothing,
I think I'll just hang out here."
"I'm
worried about you boo," Cindy said as she poked her head into Max's room.
"I'm
cool." Max was laying on the bed in
pajama shorts and a t-shirt staring in the general direction of her flowers.
"Aiight." Cindy grabbed her bag and walked over to the
front door. She opened it and turned to
leave almost falling over Logan just as he was about to knock. She shook her head at him and then stepped
in to the hall.
"I
know what went down. I also know I told
you that if you ever hurt her I would kick your ass. So what do you have to say for yourself."
"Well,
as long as you let me put the flowers down before you kick my ass, I'd say that
I deserve everything you dish out."
"You
know that chair wont stop me from doing it."
"I
would hope not," he said with a half smile. "I'm told that it doesn't really matter that I'm in the chair. If you didn't kick my ass, I would consider
it an insult." At that statement, Cindy
for a flicker of a second could see why Max liked him.
"Man,
I knew you were strange, always said that to Max, but now you might be crazy."
"Yeah
well a week without Max can do that to a person."
"Uh-huh,"
she said slowly, "so I guess you want to get inside and give her those
flowers."
"Yeah,"
he replied cheeks blushing a bit. Then, he looked back up at Cindy. "So, how's she been?"
"Well,
I'll show you," she said stepping back into the apartment. "Don't say anything just head to her room."
"OK"
he said half-questioningly and half worried.
"Boo
I'm taking off. Don't spend all day in
bed waiting for roller boy to call."
"I've
never done anything so pathetic." There
was a long pause and Logan who was near Max's door looked back at Cindy who
just shrugged. As she turned to finally
leave, Max yelled, "I just don't understand why he hasn't called."
"Couldn't,
phones don't work." A chill went
through Max's body when she heard his voice. She sat up on her bed and saw him in the doorway. She heard the front door close and realized
she was alone --with Logan.
They
stared at each other for a few seconds. Logan looked at her sitting on the bed and then realized he was
staring. He broke contact and his eyes
darted across her room trying to buy some time before he was forced to speak
again. His eyes stopped on the flowers
in the vase on her bureau. He didn't
really know where to start with her so he began there.
"You
still have the flowers." It was more a
statement of surprise rather than a question.
"Yeah,
I figured if you didn't call before they died then we were going to have
serious problems," she said flatly while staring at the flowers, still
unprepared to look at him.
"Well
then I'm glad I came when I did. I've
brought reinforcements." Logan handed
her a dozen yellow roses. She took them
and laid them on her bed and turned back to really look at him. He hadn't really changed, still sported
stubble and bed-head. /Figures he
wouldn't shave before coming over./ But something was different about him. There seemed to be a little more life in his eyes and it gave her the
urge to let everything go. The desire
to just pull him next to her was overwhelming. I reminded her of how she felt that terrible day that he almost ended it
all. She wanted him near her then
too. But, things hadn't changed then
and this time she knew better. She knew
that in order for things to change--really change, then they had to talk
everything out as Logan and Max, not Eyes Only and the x-5.
"I've
missed you," he began quickly. Max
began to respond but Logan stopped her. "Before you say anything, just let me get this out." Max nodded her head in compliance. "Thanks. Ok… I'm not going to make any excuses for my behavior because I seem to
do that a lot." Max sat listening to
him silently. "You've forced me to come
to terms with more things in the past week than I have in the past several
months. I am in a chair right now and
duration of time in the chair aside, for now, it is a fact that I have to
accept. However, just because I accept
that fact doesn't mean that I have to give up the hope of walking." Logan became increasingly more comfortable
with his own words. "I thought for the
longest time that if I allowed myself to accept the chair, I would have to give
up the hope of walking along with the hope of you. I was like that as a child…all or nothing. I was as wrong then as I am now. I was an idiot the night of the party…I've
been an idiot for months and I know it. You've been by my side proving with every action that you care, and I
still threw my anger and resentment about my situation in your face. I have never been more sorry about anything
in my life." He reached out and touched
her hand. "I will change."
Max
just smiled and placed her free hand above his. It was all she needed to do to let him know that he was
forgiven. In truth, she had forgiven
him days ago, but she knew that he needed some sort of acknowledgement of that
fact. The drama of that night one week
ago had been worth it. She really
hadn't been prepared for the confessional nature of his apology. The part about
his childhood had intrigued her. She
tried to picture Logan as a kid living his life like that. It explained his unwavering sense of right
and wrong. She figured it was what
allowed him to create Eyes Only, but it probably also made him the family
outcast. She realized then that she knew
so little about the man's childhood. She suddenly had an overwhelming desire to understand where he came from
so that she knew why he was the way he was. Maybe his issues weren't just about the chair.
They
started to really talk, and as the verbal intimacy level rose, Max's thoughts
began to plague her. /I want him here
with me, not over there in the chair. Maybe I can just will him to move to the bed. Heh-heh…I should just pull him over…no, he'll probably freak
out and say he has to go or something. Why do I always have to be the one to start things. He'll never ask after just having
apologized. To much pride to ask to be
near me. Oh screw it…I'm gonna make it
hard for him to run this time./ Finally, deciding that she wanted to be closer to him, Max took
action. While Logan was still talking,
she stood up, walked behind the wheelchair, and pushed it closer to the
bed.
"What
are you doing" he said as his eyes followed her.
"Making
it easier for you to climb on the bed," she said as she set the breaks on the
chair.
"Now?"
"Relax…I
just decided that I wanted to sit with you that's all."
At
first Logan hesitated at her request. He had spent the last few months wishing for the scene before him, and
now that it was happening, in classic Logan Cale style, he found himself
conflicted. He knew he would never have
been able to ask her to climb onto his bed for a chat. It would have been awkward and he never
wanted it to seem like he was trying to take emotional advantage of her. Max had to be the one to ask for more
intimacy. He knew she eventually
would, and when she did, he would have to be ready to act on it. He just never thought it would be so
soon. But, after a few more seconds of
consideration, he realized that when it came to Max, he was just going to have
to throw himself into most things. It
was part of the promise he had made to himself. So, he accepted her offer and climbed onto the old bed, lied down
next to her, and continued to talk.
For
the most part she listened to him talk about his childhood and the things he
used to do and how he loved his mother. Every once in a while she would ask him questions about things that he
did that she didn't understand. She
had many problems adapting to some of the things normal kids did when she was
confronted with them after the escape. She didn't really understand other children and the joy they felt when
they played games.
Max
on schedule got hungry in the middle of the afternoon and insisted on making a
late lunch. There was only peanut
butter and jelly in the apartment so she made sandwiches. She was a little embarrassed by the lack of
food she had to offer. He didn't
care. He just laughed at told her that
the sandwiches didn't make them even where cooking was concerned.
--
"So,
what does yellow mean?"
"Excuse
me?"
"The
flowers. White was the intimate
secret. So, what's yellow?"
"Oh,
well yellow is…for friendship. I wasn't
sure where we stood so I went with the safe bet." /Good she smiled. She's
not disappointed in their meaning. Wait…is this all she wants now./
"What
about the other colors?"
"Well,
red is for love and respect and pink is for romance."
"Is
that it?"
"Yeah,
white, red, pink, yellow- those are the basics."
Max
stared at the ceiling thinking about the meaning. /He can't really think we're still only at friendship. He reads women so badly!/
--
A
few hours later, Logan looked out of Max's window and realized it was almost
dark. He knew he would have to leave
soon because things had become too comfortable in her room. They were lying next to each other on the
same bed having just made up from a week of fighting. Even though this was Max and they had never done anything
physical, he couldn't help but think of Max as he remembered what happened with
Valerie when they fought hard and then made up. But nothing had been discussed between he and Max, and quite
frankly, he just wasn't mentally or physically ready to be intimate with
her. He needed more time to figure out
what that meant for him so he prepared to leave. "It's late, I should probably go now," he said in a controlled
tone as he lifted his body and moved toward the edge of the bed. She rolled onto her side to face him,
confused by his sudden desire to flee.
"Yeah…you
should probably go," she said reluctantly in a whisper as she gently tapped her
index finger against her lips. She
moved closer to him. She didn't want
him to go but couldn't think of a reason for him to stay.
"I…I
mean, I've been here a while and…well…it looks like rain"
"Yeah…all
afternoon…Seattle and rain- go figure," she said as she rolled slightly to face
him repositioning her hips in his direction. She continued to think of reasons for him to stay. All plausible excuses rushed through her
head, but nothing seemed right. By this
time, Logan was ready for the transfer from the bed to his chair and just as he
was about to move, Max in a last ditch effort grabbed his hand and pulled him
back. That simple act set into motion
something she wasn't sure she could finish but was already too committed to stop
herself. She looked into his eyes and
without breaking contact, pressed his hand firmly against her warm bare
skin. "You can touch me," she
said suddenly giving him permission to do what he had wanted to since she could
remember. She swallowed silently, her
nervousness making her throat dry. She
was trapped in the moment by her actions and the anxiety that she felt caused
her to become dizzy. She had missed
him, and wanted him, but she was afraid. They hadn't discussed any of the potential hazards, so all of her fears
form a week earlier were still firmly engrained. She was running the risk of ruining all the progress they had
made simply because she couldn't just ask him to stay.
Logan
slowly began to move his hand against the flesh of her perfect belly. After a few minutes of exploration, she took
his hand and brought it up to her lips letting his fingertips run over
them. She then guided his hand back
down to her stomach making certain they lightly brushed her breast through her
shirt. She was on a path that there
seemed to be no escape from. Each point
of contact her body had with Logan became aroused, especially when he returned
to her belly lightly brushing his fingertips around her navel. A battle raged in her head between the part
of her that wanted to abandon all restraint and part that was desperate to keep
control. She feared the former would
prevail, much to Logan's physical detriment.
A
shudder ran through his body as she moved his hand higher beneath her
shirt. He had almost convinced himself
that he could feel it in his toes. He
continued to move higher until he could feel the curve of her breasts.
She
knew it was unfair the way she ambushed him and she wanted to stop, but she
felt he might see it as a rejection. In her eyes, everything about him was still fragile—his body, his
ego. It wasn't that she didn't want
him, it was simply that her mind was not ready to control or handle what her
body was about to do. In the end, her
heart was pounding so hard she shivered with a mixture of anticipation and
unbridled fear.
Had
Logan not stopped, a mistake would have been made. Neither was ready. Getting over his pity was one thing, but being ready and capable, of
being with her, was something he hadn't tackled. Not to mention the fact that he was touching the woman he loved,
and her body was shivering, but it wasn't a shiver of excitement---it was
fear. The entire situation was
obviously wrong so he pulled his hand away and pulled his body closer to her. He gently pushed her onto her side and held
her tight. And there, with her body
flush against his, he whispered to into her ear, "I need more time to figure this
out." Her heart was still racing. He buried his head in her hair and took a
deep breath. "And Max…you never need to
do this…you never need a reason to ask me to stay." Her heartbeat slowed.
Max
let out a deep sigh of relief. She
could still feel his heart pounding even as he spoke. "I do want you," she said slightly embarrassed by her pathetic
and scared attempt at seduction. She
was conflicted. Her body wanted to
force the issue but her mind wanted to stop. She finally decided to quiet her body's desire. /Control! Get yourself under control!/ "…but I shouldn't have done that," she
continued as her body slowly gave in to the defeat. She remained quiet but still ached for him so she pulled closer
and wrapped her legs around his. There,
with every curve of her body resting against him, they fell asleep.
--
Max
woke to Logan staring at her. Their
bodies had shifted and she was now facing him. She looked into his eyes. /My God…this man made me lose complete
control of myself. I'm not even in
heat. All this because I wanted him to
stay with me. I do want him…I just
don't want to hurt him in any way. I
mean what if I really got carried away and hurt him. Made the damage permanent. I don't want to…/
"Max…"
he began softly, but hesitated as though he didn't seem to know what words
would come next. At that moment, the
lights in the apartment and all over the city went out and they were in another
blackout. Max was relieved by the
sudden change. The faltering in his
voice had worried her, and so to avoid the uncomfortable situation, she jumped
out of bed.
"I'm
gonna go grab some candles," she began before he could say anything else. "I'll be right back." She left the room and returned a minute
later carrying a few candles. She
arranged them around the room and began to light them. /Is he freaked out by the way I acted. It was too much for him to take in
stride. No he understood me…he
understood it all. He's just like
me. He can't ask me to just stay either
that's why he gets it./ She finally got
to the candles on her bureau and lit them. She stood in front of the tiny flames and without turning back to face
Logan said, "you know, the same goes for you too."
"What,"
he asked confused by the randomness of her statement.
"You don't always need to cook dinner or have
some Eyes Only mission to get me to come over." She finally turned back to him waiting for some sort of response.
"Come
here," he said as he moved to let her lay where his body had kept the bed
warm. She smiled feeling more reassured
and climbed back in. When she was
settled, she began to brush her hand against his cheek.
"Thank
You."
"For
what," he asked as he placed his hand over hers.
"For
a lot…for stopping. I probably
wouldn't have for a lot of reasons…but it wasn't right. I was out of control and when I get like
that I'm afraid I could hurt you. I
don't wanna hurt you. I hate being
scared, I'm completely useless." She
couldn't read his face. "But, I now
know exactly how much I missed you." He
smiled.
"Max…its
just for now. I don't want you to
always need to control yourself. I hate
that you think you can't really be free because of my situation. I promise that will change. I want you to feel things without worrying
about me…and without feeling guilty about putting yourself first."
"You
really don't understand."
"Yeah…
I do. Max, you won't hurt me." He kissed the palm of her hand and then
brought it down to her hip and pinned it firmly against her body. "Do you think that I haven't had to deal
with sexually charged women before," he said mischievously. "I'm still in one piece." The comment forced Max to roll her eyes and
shake her head. "Genetically revved up
or not, I could've stopped you from attacking me. Now heat could be interesting with you. But Max…"
"Yes,"
she replied through her amusement at his comments.
"No
means no." They both laughed
light-heartedly.
"So,"
he said a few minutes later after the laughter had died down and they were once
again lying in silence, "before, when we were talking about when I was younger,
you told me you hadn't done a lot of things. I was just wondering, what was the one thing you wanted to do as a child
that you never had the chance to do."
"I
don't know- what a strange question."
"Think
about it. When the Pulse hit, you're
life changed again and a lot of children lost their childhoods. You never had one in the first place so you
lost the chance twice. So what was the
most frivolous thing that you had heard that kids did, but that you never had
the chance to.
"I
really don't know. I only spent a few
months in a foster home. I guess
coloring may be something. I never
really saw a point to it. Same with
water colors and drawing and all those things. They always seemed like a waste of time." Max turned her head in Logan's direction and found him somberly
staring at her. "What?"
"Nothing…just
thinking about the things I've taken for granted. I never really thought about the fact that you've never done the
simple things like used crayons, or painted," he paused a moment, "and I'll bet you've never licked raw cookie
dough from the bowl."
"No?!…why
would I eat uncooked food?"
"Believe
me, its one of the greatest things in the world. I'm convinced it should have been its own food group." He laughed when he saw her disgusted
expression, "I'm really sorry that you haven't had some of those
experiences. It was fun to just get
lost in a different world as a child. You didn't have to worry about losing control because you didn't know
you were supposed to have it. In fact,
the kid who had the craziest ideas and got you into the most trouble and who
was completely out of control, was usually the most revered…at least in
the male world. Like I said, I'm just
sorry you never felt that. I mean maybe
if you had had the chance to lose control as a child, you wouldn't fear it so
much now."
"Its
not a problem Logan." His musings on
her past, had made her uncomfortable. He could feel her emotional walls rise and her body tense slightly. "It is the way it is but I'm working on
it. I'm still reasonably well adjusted
--for a killing machine. I have friends
and I have people who really care about me. I think I've managed quite well."
"Yes
you have," he said and dropped the subject she obviously did not want to dwell
upon. Logan looked out of her window
and realized that it had begun to rain. He turned back and looked at her laying next to him. "God I'm sick of this weather aren't you."
"Logan,
this is Seattle. I knew what I was
getting into…well at least I thought I did," she said as she smiled at him.
"True
but I can't wait until this rainy season ends."
"Yeah,
I have to admit, it's been pretty bad."
"Max…"
he began hesitantly, "what do you say about going up to my cabin the first
sunny weekend we have?"
"Sounds
nice. What will that be- a few months."
"Probably,"
he replied. A few moments later, his
face dropped. "So…I have to ask…are we
OK?"
"Yeah,
were OK."
"Good. Can you tell Cindy because she threatened to
kick my ass, and I'm a little worried."
"I'll
take care of her. She may get an ass
kicking from me for setting me up when you walked in."
"She
was only looking out for her girl. Go
easy on her 'boo'."
"Logan"
"Yes"
"Never
again"
"OK,"
he said as they laughed. "I'll come up
with my own nickname."
Logan stayed in her bed all night. Cindy came in at around two and looked into
the room. Max opened her eyes to a smiling
Cindy. She smiled and waved her
away.
Please
R&R. Let me know what you think.
