Forgiven, but not Forgotten by Edenadvance
DISCLAIMER: Farscape is owned by various people, who I worship daily. Not, I'm not crazy.
SPOILERS: AHR/CDM.
NOTES: Tag to CDM, Aeryn's POV
ARCHIVING: Nat's site, my site, Sabine's site, anyone else who has my stuff.
FEETBACK: Yup, I would love to have feedback. Everything can be sent to Edenadvance@yahoo.com. Comments, idea's, Larraq, Velorek, the guy who took the stone (forgot his name, but he was cute), DRD's, chocolate, it's welcome there.
I can feel him coming to stand next to me, I don't even have to look to know it. Still, I glance sideways at him, and he follows my movements, looking to the other side.
"Listen... anything I said..."
I want to get away from him as soon as possible. I don't know why, but I'm still hurting inside. As soon as T'raltixx was dead, the anger, the paranoia, it all disappeared, leaving the insults and the memories behind.
"I know... me too."
We both know that we didn't mean a thing we said to eachother, but it doesn't make it less painful or easier. I quickly walk back to my quarters, thinking about the things that were said today, the things that happened. I apologized to everyone, except Crichton. I could easily apologize to D'Argo, Zhaan, Chiana, Pilot and even Rygel. But not Crichton.
I know he has it difficult too, but somehow it seems easier for him. We insulted him on a daily base, back when we first came to Moya. He tried to apologize to me, in the center chamber, but I just couldn't. Not after the things he said to me, after the things I said to him. The insults are still fresh in my mind and it hurts whenever I think of Crichton. I wonder when it became Crichton again, instead of John. I wonder when it'll be John again, instead of Crichton.
I've reached my quarters, sooner than I would've thought. I enter the room and fall down on my bed, falling into a deep sleep, filled with dreams about Crichton and me, almost instantly. In the dreams, we continue to fight eachother. The others are acting perfectly normal, except for Crichton and me. There's no sign of T'raltixx or the light. Suddenly I'm thrown back into reality, waking up, shaking, after having seen the hurt in John's eyes after I told him that he was deficient and a worthless Human.
Before I know it, I'm up on my feet again, walking aimlessly through Moya. I don't like the quiet hum of Moya very much. I used to find it soothing, but now it's too quiet. I catch myself wishing for the sounds common on a command carrier, a distraction. Without it, I'm left with my thoughts, and I don't want them now. I simply want to forget.
I walk back to the center chamber, and thankfully, it's abandoned. I look in the refrigeration unit, and finding what I'm looking for, I grab three bottles of some sort of liquid, exactly what I need now. The last three bottles of fellip nectar. Just when I'm about to turn around, I feel his presence behind me. Crichton. John.
"Couldn't sleep?" he asks, coming closer.
I give a small nod, not turning around.
"Listen, Aeryn..." he starts, but I interrupt him.
"We need to talk." It surprises me that I'm the one saying this. Normally, I hate talking, but I feel that we need it now. T'raltixx destroyed the relationship we had and now our last remaining bit of friendship is being destroyed as well, unless we talk to eachother.
I look at him, the surprise evident on his face.
"I was going to say the same. I... uhm... let's sit down, okay?" he says and I smile. I hand him one of the bottles, keeping the other two for myself and sit down, facing John.
"I know we sort of apologized, but I can't get you out of my mind. I want you to know that I didn't mean the things I said to you." He started, playing with the bottle in his hands.
For the first time, since T'raltixx' death, I really look into his eyes. I see different emotions in them, and I know that he sees the same thing in my eyes. Hurt, loneliness, sadness.
"I know. I didn't meant what I said either. You didn't screw up your experiment, and although your eyes aren't the best in the universe, you're certainly not deficient. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have found out about T'raltixx." I tell him, rushing the words a bit.
A smile is tugging at his lips, and I know that he understands what I was trying to say.
He's the least deficient being aboard Moya.
"So, are we forgiven now?" he asks, unscrewing the cap of the bottle and lifting the bottle.
"Remember when we were on the fake 'Earth'? Down the hatch..." he says, drinking the nectar.
I smile, following John's movements.
"Down the hatch."
I know that I'm staring at him, and I'm sure that he knows too. After we drank the fellip nectar, leaving one bottle unopened, John suggested that we should take a walk. So now, we're on the Terrace, watching the stars. Well, John is, while I'm watching him.
"You know..." he says suddenly. "Fellip nectar tastes like beer. Where did you find it, Aeryn?" He turns his head, looking straight into my eyes.
"Somewhere in a cargo bay. The Peacekeepers must've left them behind." I answer, setting the last bottle between us. He looks at the bottle for a few microts and then he moves closer to it. To me.
"Are you going to share it?" He asks, looking at me again, grabbing for the bottle. I nod, watching as he unscrews the cap. He moves closer again, now sitting next to me, and I lean against his shoulder. Together, we drink the last of the fellip nectar, watching the stars and eachother. I know that we're going to be okay. It may not be like the way we were before T'raltixx came, but we'll be okay.
The End.