For along while after the Shadow Maker incident, Irvine had sunk into a deep depression. He blamed the whole thing on himself, tearing his heart to pieces. The others tried their hardest to explain to him that it wasn't him but, failed.
"Irvy? You want to talk a-"
"No!" Irvine said, quickly cutting off Selphie. He'd grown very tired of her and her whiny, high pitched voice.
"Just get the hell out of my face!" Her eyes welled with tears and she ran off. Irvine could care less, ever since the so-called "accident"; he had given up on people. He didn't remember his old friendships...it didn't matter anymore. It's all my fault. My fault. I shouldn't have shot. I, I...oh Zell. I'm sorry.
He still remembered that feathery kiss that Zell had placed so tenderly on his mouth that day. Irvine unconsciously rubbed his lips, tracing them with a forefinger. I should've talked to him about it, he'd given me signs, but I just sat back and ignored them. I'm so stupid! Zell had always been odd but being gay was a little suprising even to Irvine. He didn't care though; Zell would always be his best friend.
***Flashback***
"Irvy, wait for me! Please." The small blonde boy yelled to the other boy with red-brown hair.
"Hurry up Zellie! Ya gotta come see this!" Zell tried to move as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him up the steep hill, he ignored the scratches he was getting from the brush as he made his way up. Irvine had always been faster then Zell, but today it didn't matter anymore.
As the small one reached the top, Irvine held out a hand that Zell took gratefully, helping him reach the top. Zell smiled, blue eyes shining into blue eyes. "See? Isn't it pretty?" Irvine gestured out. Zell's eyes grew wider; the ocean glimmered against the sun, the crystal water never ending. The orange globe of light rested gently against the water, sending bright ways towards both boys. The flowers that grew on the side of the hill danced with color, dew drops bright with happiness.
Birds flew high above, their great expanse of wings gliding over the breeze, serenity spilled out of the scene, wrapping itself around both of them, comforting them.
"It is Irvy! How'd you find it/" Zell asked, settling himself down on the grass.
Irvine smiled proudly and puffed out his chest, "Esporlation, of course."
Zell giggled a sweet, melodic sound for the seven-year-old. "I thinks its "exploration" Irvy." Irvine frowned, then smiled. 'Oh yeah."
Both boys then sat quietly on that soft, dewy grass. The sun continued to rise, brightening up every corner. Zell yawned, his mouth opening wide and his nose scrunching up. "I'm shleepy, Irvy." Irvine nodded, it was early, six-fifteen to be exact. He grabbed Zell and pulled him into his lap, rocking back and forth, cooing him to sleep. The smaller boy drifted away quickly, the brotherly touches and sounds coming from Irvine's had soothed away the adult stresses from the small boy.
"Best friend forever Irvy." The words came out, muffled a question within a sentence.
"Best friends forever Zellie."
***End Flashback***
Zell had always been like a baby that Irvine had taken into obligation to take care of. Short for his age, Zell had given the impression of being a baby, no matter how hard he tried to be macho, the chubby cheeks and brilliant blue eyes kept up with him forever. And I wanted to always watch out for Zell, but that day. I fucked up.. Oh God...I'm sorry. The scene of Zell's bloody body came back to Irvine, hitting him hard in the heart. He shuddered and drew his knees up to his chest as he sat on the bench outside of the Garden. Tears quickly dripped down his cheeks.
He buried his face deep into his knees, sobbing loudly. He never noticed Quistis walk up and hold him. He only heard the words that came out of her mouth in a whisper. "He wants to see you."