**********
I must be really out of it-somehow, I managed to go back to the fireplace again. Not a big surprise, since flame has always been a comfort to me before. But, considering what just happened.... I turn away from the flames and instead stare out the window onto the yard. It's a pretty place, an isolated cabin, and the scenes of nature outside is peaceful...yet I can't forget what I saw, how soon the ground will be running with blood and how the building I'm sitting in will be no more than a pile of burnt-out rubble.... If I don't figure out the best way to approach this problem, that is.
You see, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here. On the one hand-and the hand that is currently winning right now, and will more than likely continue to do so-I don't want my friends to die. When it comes down to it, I'd sacrifice my own life before seeing any of them hurt. But....
And therein lies my second dilemma. They have no idea about me. I've been safely tucked away in my broom closet for fear of rejection, hate, and anger. Now, if the circumstances were different, I'm sure that I could 'come out,' so to speak, with slightly less trouble. Sure, it probably wouldn't be pretty, but it'd be safer for me personally if, for example, Quatre walked in on me while I was casting a circle, then if I were to sit all of them down at once and tell them that I just foresaw their deaths. Oh, yeah, *that* would be pleasant.
'Do as ye will, an' ye shall do no harm.' [1] The statement rises up out of my head, followed by the threefold rule [2]. And in that...my choice is made, for what else can I do? I could run, leaving my friends behind to die-never! I could keep my silence, and we can all go down together.... Frankly, I-and I'm sure the rest of them-prefer living. Or...I could sit the guys down and have a calm, rational discussion with them, where I reveal my religious practices, and then tell them about my vision. The most terrifying choice...but, in a sense, the *only* choice-the only one I feel comfortable making, anyway.
Propping my chin on my knees, I ponder the best way and time to approach this. No, scratch that. I only have four days. The telling has to be done *now*, tonight, if we want to live through this. Assuming no one wants to kill me, and everyone excepts this right away as truth-and allowing for a day for any shock to be processed-that will give us enough time to do *something*--plan, escape, whatever. I certainly can't wake everyone up at midnight on the night of the attack, casually tell everyone we're about to die, so just follow me. Nope...wouldn't work. I sigh. I'm terrified...this isn't going to be easy....
I jump when I hear a throat being cleared behind me. I whirl around to face whoever just took five years of my life. "Wufei?"
"Dinner's ready, Maxwell. Are you going to join us?"
I nod, grinning. "Of curse, Wu-man!" He sighs, but for once doesn't protest the nickname...odd. Oh, well. Rising, I follow him into the kitchen, where Quatre, Trowa, and Heero are already seated. Well, I now have my 'when' pinned down. Right after dinner. Feeling a surge of relief at that decision made, I slide into my seat next to Heero, being sure to 'accidentally' brush against him as I sit. I can't help it-I live for those touches. "Hey, everyone!"
Quatre's eyes meet mine. "Are you all right, Duo?" he asks me. I know he's referring to earlier...and I can feel Heero's eyes on me as well.
I sigh. "Not...completely. I need to talk with all of you, after dinner. Can I?"
Glances are exchanged, and everyone nods. I sigh again, in relief this time. "Thanks."
Quatre smiles. "No problem, Duo. We're here for you."
The meal passes in silence. Normally, I'm constantly chattering, but this time, I'm too busy thinking my own thoughts. And all of them are about religion.
My eyes rest on Quatre. Glancing at him surreptitiously, I think about his religious beliefs. I *know* he's a Sunni Muslim...though I've sometimes suspected a Sufi influence as well [3]. He's never bothered to hide his faith. We've discussed similarities in the Bible and Koran before, he practices the five pillars-even the prayer five times a day and abstention from alcohol, and during Ramadan, I know he kept the month of fasting. Quatre's generally an accepting guy...but I have to wonder, now. Even though his branch of Muslim is more open...it usually applies to Christianity and even Judaism, since they are all in the same religious 'family.' When it comes to this...I'm not so sure.
Wufei. When it comes to him, I'm not sure of his religion, or even what it would be, though I'd lean towards Confucianism or Taoism. One of those logical religions that are more philosophies than religions...but they both have a strong emphasis on justice and the proper way of things, so they'd actually make sense for him [4]. Knowing that, though, I can't imagine him taking my little disclosure well.
Trowa, though, and Heero...these two are the major wild cards. With what I now about their pasts, I sincerely doubt that either them ever had time or inclination for religion of any sort. Heero especially. I mean, the guy was trained to be practical to a fault-religion very often does not fit that category. For someone whose life rests on facts and proof, blind faith probably isn't something he relies on too often.
My fork hits my empty plate, and I blink, realizing that I had managed to actually *eat* while lost in thought. I lift my eyes from the table, and see four pilots boring holes into me with their eyes, various degrees of expectancy on their faces. I smile, though even I know it's shaky.
"Shall we take this into the other room?" I ask quietly, rising and moving into the living room. I hear a shuffle, and I know I'm being followed.
Ignoring the furniture, I sit on the floor, back to the fire. I can't risk the possibility of distraction. Heero raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't say anything, instead taking a seat on the couch. Trowa and Quatre join him, while Wufei chooses to sit on a chair. All eyes are on me. Swallowing, I look down, afraid.
I can hear Wufei sigh. "Maxwell...I'm assuming that you have something important to say. Please get on with it."
I raise my eyes, regarding them all. "Only if you promise to hear me out completely before any of you say anything." I'm given silent nods of assent. "Fine, then."
I take a deep breath. "I've got a few things to say, actually. Some of this is...personal, but it's necessary." I slip my hand into my pocket and grasp my hematite, knowing that I'll need all the help I can get [5].
I look down, then back up again. "I'm no Catholic, like you all believe I am. Actually, I'm Pagan, a Wiccan." Eyes widen and eyebrows rise. Goddess grant me strength.... "Normally, I wouldn't bother telling all of you something like this, but I have to-the situation demands it."
I stand, feeling the need to pace. "The God and Goddess, in all their infinite wisdom, and probably a perverse sense of humor, decided to gift me with the Sight, or, in layman's terms, the ability to see the future. Earlier today when I was watching the fire, I was overcome by a vision. When I went back to my room to meditate, the vision became painfully clear."
I stop pacing and face them, my eyes meeting theirs. "Guys...in four days it will be the full moon. In four days, we will be overrun in the middle of the night by OZ forces, and we will be slaughtered." They are still silent, but I can sense the disbelief. My tone becomes more serious, more urgent. "This is the only reason I'm even telling you about my religious beliefs. The only reason I'm opening myself up to shame and ridicule. We will *die* in four days' time if we don't do something!" I sink back to the ground again.
"Is...is that all?" Quatre asks. His voice sounds painfully neutral.
"Yes, yes it is," I whisper. I have a distinct feeling that, somewhere out there, Loki [6] is enjoying this cosmic joke at my expense.
The silence drags on. Finally, I have to look up. "Guys, please...say something. *Anything*."
Just from the looks on certain faces, I have a feeling that I'm going to regret that request.
**********
end part 2
[1] One of the basic tenants of Wicca. Basically, it means that you should live your life in a way that makes you happy, as long as your thoughts and actions cause no harm to yourself, others, and the world around you. This is why, to me anyway, it's always so laughable to hear someone say that Wiccans practice black magic, because, under this principle, which basically is the foundation for *everything* in Wicca, a true Wiccan just simply wouldn't be capable of black magic :)
[2] The threefold rule, also called the karmic law, if you've ever heard of that, basically says that whatever you do comes back to you threefold. Good deeds come back to you amplified, but just as equally, evil deeds, thoughts, and actions *also* come back to you threefold. You can see where this, combined with the 'no harm' principle, kind of disarms every Wicca=Satanist argument out there. Well, at least *I* can see it :)
[3] *sighs* blame required religion classes for the precision here. Just for quick reference, Sunni is the branch of Islam that is practiced by 85% of the Muslim populace. It actually embraces diversity, and believes in a separation of church and state. All the fanatics that are associated with Islam come from the Shi'ite branch, which has much more religions fanaticism and believes in a theocracy. Sufi is the mystical branch of Islam, that believes in things like magic and miracles and such. It's practiced by around 3-5% of the Muslim populace, and it's actually pretty cool. And thank you Sister Francis Regis Carlton and her Comparative Religion class :)
[4] Again, straight from Comparative Religion. I'm sorry if I'm boring or insulting you with these explanations-I'm not trying to talk down to anyone, believe me-but for what Duo's going through, his analysis of these things make sense...at least, to me. I just don't want to leave anyone in the dark. I may be Wiccan, but I study other religions as well, just because there are so many things that cross beliefs.
[5] I'm really getting some divers end notes here :-p Okay, back into Wiccan mode. Hematite is a mineral that has strong Earth influences. It's good for balance and grounding during meditation. It's also calming and supposed to relieve stress-and I think it does, or at least my pieces do that :) I think it's a good choice for Duo here-he kinda needs all of these things right now :)
[6] Loki: The Norse trickster god. He enjoys doing this kind of thing to mortals-putting them in situations that, when looked at in a certain way, have a perverse sense of humor. My friend Deb and I swear that he has a large hand in our lives right now :-p
I must be really out of it-somehow, I managed to go back to the fireplace again. Not a big surprise, since flame has always been a comfort to me before. But, considering what just happened.... I turn away from the flames and instead stare out the window onto the yard. It's a pretty place, an isolated cabin, and the scenes of nature outside is peaceful...yet I can't forget what I saw, how soon the ground will be running with blood and how the building I'm sitting in will be no more than a pile of burnt-out rubble.... If I don't figure out the best way to approach this problem, that is.
You see, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here. On the one hand-and the hand that is currently winning right now, and will more than likely continue to do so-I don't want my friends to die. When it comes down to it, I'd sacrifice my own life before seeing any of them hurt. But....
And therein lies my second dilemma. They have no idea about me. I've been safely tucked away in my broom closet for fear of rejection, hate, and anger. Now, if the circumstances were different, I'm sure that I could 'come out,' so to speak, with slightly less trouble. Sure, it probably wouldn't be pretty, but it'd be safer for me personally if, for example, Quatre walked in on me while I was casting a circle, then if I were to sit all of them down at once and tell them that I just foresaw their deaths. Oh, yeah, *that* would be pleasant.
'Do as ye will, an' ye shall do no harm.' [1] The statement rises up out of my head, followed by the threefold rule [2]. And in that...my choice is made, for what else can I do? I could run, leaving my friends behind to die-never! I could keep my silence, and we can all go down together.... Frankly, I-and I'm sure the rest of them-prefer living. Or...I could sit the guys down and have a calm, rational discussion with them, where I reveal my religious practices, and then tell them about my vision. The most terrifying choice...but, in a sense, the *only* choice-the only one I feel comfortable making, anyway.
Propping my chin on my knees, I ponder the best way and time to approach this. No, scratch that. I only have four days. The telling has to be done *now*, tonight, if we want to live through this. Assuming no one wants to kill me, and everyone excepts this right away as truth-and allowing for a day for any shock to be processed-that will give us enough time to do *something*--plan, escape, whatever. I certainly can't wake everyone up at midnight on the night of the attack, casually tell everyone we're about to die, so just follow me. Nope...wouldn't work. I sigh. I'm terrified...this isn't going to be easy....
I jump when I hear a throat being cleared behind me. I whirl around to face whoever just took five years of my life. "Wufei?"
"Dinner's ready, Maxwell. Are you going to join us?"
I nod, grinning. "Of curse, Wu-man!" He sighs, but for once doesn't protest the nickname...odd. Oh, well. Rising, I follow him into the kitchen, where Quatre, Trowa, and Heero are already seated. Well, I now have my 'when' pinned down. Right after dinner. Feeling a surge of relief at that decision made, I slide into my seat next to Heero, being sure to 'accidentally' brush against him as I sit. I can't help it-I live for those touches. "Hey, everyone!"
Quatre's eyes meet mine. "Are you all right, Duo?" he asks me. I know he's referring to earlier...and I can feel Heero's eyes on me as well.
I sigh. "Not...completely. I need to talk with all of you, after dinner. Can I?"
Glances are exchanged, and everyone nods. I sigh again, in relief this time. "Thanks."
Quatre smiles. "No problem, Duo. We're here for you."
The meal passes in silence. Normally, I'm constantly chattering, but this time, I'm too busy thinking my own thoughts. And all of them are about religion.
My eyes rest on Quatre. Glancing at him surreptitiously, I think about his religious beliefs. I *know* he's a Sunni Muslim...though I've sometimes suspected a Sufi influence as well [3]. He's never bothered to hide his faith. We've discussed similarities in the Bible and Koran before, he practices the five pillars-even the prayer five times a day and abstention from alcohol, and during Ramadan, I know he kept the month of fasting. Quatre's generally an accepting guy...but I have to wonder, now. Even though his branch of Muslim is more open...it usually applies to Christianity and even Judaism, since they are all in the same religious 'family.' When it comes to this...I'm not so sure.
Wufei. When it comes to him, I'm not sure of his religion, or even what it would be, though I'd lean towards Confucianism or Taoism. One of those logical religions that are more philosophies than religions...but they both have a strong emphasis on justice and the proper way of things, so they'd actually make sense for him [4]. Knowing that, though, I can't imagine him taking my little disclosure well.
Trowa, though, and Heero...these two are the major wild cards. With what I now about their pasts, I sincerely doubt that either them ever had time or inclination for religion of any sort. Heero especially. I mean, the guy was trained to be practical to a fault-religion very often does not fit that category. For someone whose life rests on facts and proof, blind faith probably isn't something he relies on too often.
My fork hits my empty plate, and I blink, realizing that I had managed to actually *eat* while lost in thought. I lift my eyes from the table, and see four pilots boring holes into me with their eyes, various degrees of expectancy on their faces. I smile, though even I know it's shaky.
"Shall we take this into the other room?" I ask quietly, rising and moving into the living room. I hear a shuffle, and I know I'm being followed.
Ignoring the furniture, I sit on the floor, back to the fire. I can't risk the possibility of distraction. Heero raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't say anything, instead taking a seat on the couch. Trowa and Quatre join him, while Wufei chooses to sit on a chair. All eyes are on me. Swallowing, I look down, afraid.
I can hear Wufei sigh. "Maxwell...I'm assuming that you have something important to say. Please get on with it."
I raise my eyes, regarding them all. "Only if you promise to hear me out completely before any of you say anything." I'm given silent nods of assent. "Fine, then."
I take a deep breath. "I've got a few things to say, actually. Some of this is...personal, but it's necessary." I slip my hand into my pocket and grasp my hematite, knowing that I'll need all the help I can get [5].
I look down, then back up again. "I'm no Catholic, like you all believe I am. Actually, I'm Pagan, a Wiccan." Eyes widen and eyebrows rise. Goddess grant me strength.... "Normally, I wouldn't bother telling all of you something like this, but I have to-the situation demands it."
I stand, feeling the need to pace. "The God and Goddess, in all their infinite wisdom, and probably a perverse sense of humor, decided to gift me with the Sight, or, in layman's terms, the ability to see the future. Earlier today when I was watching the fire, I was overcome by a vision. When I went back to my room to meditate, the vision became painfully clear."
I stop pacing and face them, my eyes meeting theirs. "Guys...in four days it will be the full moon. In four days, we will be overrun in the middle of the night by OZ forces, and we will be slaughtered." They are still silent, but I can sense the disbelief. My tone becomes more serious, more urgent. "This is the only reason I'm even telling you about my religious beliefs. The only reason I'm opening myself up to shame and ridicule. We will *die* in four days' time if we don't do something!" I sink back to the ground again.
"Is...is that all?" Quatre asks. His voice sounds painfully neutral.
"Yes, yes it is," I whisper. I have a distinct feeling that, somewhere out there, Loki [6] is enjoying this cosmic joke at my expense.
The silence drags on. Finally, I have to look up. "Guys, please...say something. *Anything*."
Just from the looks on certain faces, I have a feeling that I'm going to regret that request.
**********
end part 2
[1] One of the basic tenants of Wicca. Basically, it means that you should live your life in a way that makes you happy, as long as your thoughts and actions cause no harm to yourself, others, and the world around you. This is why, to me anyway, it's always so laughable to hear someone say that Wiccans practice black magic, because, under this principle, which basically is the foundation for *everything* in Wicca, a true Wiccan just simply wouldn't be capable of black magic :)
[2] The threefold rule, also called the karmic law, if you've ever heard of that, basically says that whatever you do comes back to you threefold. Good deeds come back to you amplified, but just as equally, evil deeds, thoughts, and actions *also* come back to you threefold. You can see where this, combined with the 'no harm' principle, kind of disarms every Wicca=Satanist argument out there. Well, at least *I* can see it :)
[3] *sighs* blame required religion classes for the precision here. Just for quick reference, Sunni is the branch of Islam that is practiced by 85% of the Muslim populace. It actually embraces diversity, and believes in a separation of church and state. All the fanatics that are associated with Islam come from the Shi'ite branch, which has much more religions fanaticism and believes in a theocracy. Sufi is the mystical branch of Islam, that believes in things like magic and miracles and such. It's practiced by around 3-5% of the Muslim populace, and it's actually pretty cool. And thank you Sister Francis Regis Carlton and her Comparative Religion class :)
[4] Again, straight from Comparative Religion. I'm sorry if I'm boring or insulting you with these explanations-I'm not trying to talk down to anyone, believe me-but for what Duo's going through, his analysis of these things make sense...at least, to me. I just don't want to leave anyone in the dark. I may be Wiccan, but I study other religions as well, just because there are so many things that cross beliefs.
[5] I'm really getting some divers end notes here :-p Okay, back into Wiccan mode. Hematite is a mineral that has strong Earth influences. It's good for balance and grounding during meditation. It's also calming and supposed to relieve stress-and I think it does, or at least my pieces do that :) I think it's a good choice for Duo here-he kinda needs all of these things right now :)
[6] Loki: The Norse trickster god. He enjoys doing this kind of thing to mortals-putting them in situations that, when looked at in a certain way, have a perverse sense of humor. My friend Deb and I swear that he has a large hand in our lives right now :-p