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If I had ever been into the whole drug thing, I'd swear that this is what it's like to be high.

I *am* high-high on a rush of emotions that I never thought would ever be returned...but they are. Heero...is kissing me. Kissing *me*--I never thought I'd be in this position. I must remember to give thanks to the goddess later....

Gasping for breath, I pull away from Heero's mouth, allowing myself to stare into his beautiful cobalt eyes. They're so...soft, touched with emotions I never knew were lurking there before. "This isn't some dream, is it?" I whisper, afraid to dispel the moment.

"Not a dream," he responds, pulling me closer to him.

"It's just...just too good. Too much like my dreams." I don't know why I'm having such trouble accepting this...maybe because I had convinced myself that Heero could never feel this way for me.

"If it is a dream...then I never want to wake up."

I sigh, snuggling against Heero's side. "Me too." I turn my eyes up to the sky and amuse myself by watching the clouds for a few minutes. Then my eyes turn to Heero. He's laying by my side, eyes closed, and he looks so content...so peaceful. I want this peace to last forever.

With that thought, I suddenly remember what is waiting for me back at the house. Two indifferent fellow pilots and a mess of tension. And a looming deadline.

Suddenly, I'm not so content.

Heero seems to sense my growing unease, and he turns to look me in the eyes. "Duo? What's bothering you?"

"I'm going to have to go back. And-I'm not ashamed to admit this-I'm afraid. Everything's going to change, and while I don't mind change for the common good, this just seems to me as something that can only tear us all apart."

"Only if we let it. Do you think that will happen?"

I think about it. In all honesty...Quarter's too persuasive, I'm too stubborn, and Trowa and Wufei will eventually see to the good of the mission, if nothing else. But those same qualities can sometimes make seeing eye-to-eye difficult.... "No...we'll still keep fighting." I don't specify what I mean though, and Heero wisely doesn't ask for clarifications.

Rising, I brush grass off my black pants. Heero watches me. "Duo?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you always wear black? Isn't that a negative color?"

I smile. "Nope. It's actually a protective color, a symbol of the universe and our connection with it. Negative is relative [1]."

"Oh. What meaning does green have?" I laugh.

"It means suicidal Gundam pilots," I say with a teasing grin. At his glare, I give the real answer. "Seriously, it's an indication of someone who has an affinity for plants and the element of Earth." He makes a face and I burst out laughing again. "Well I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone's come up with the official color for computer hacking yet."

"Hn." We begin walking back to the house in silence. I want to hold Heero's hand-I'm so afraid that whatever happened between us was just a fluke of that grove and that it will disappear once we go indoors. Maybe he is a mind reader, though...because as soon as I think that, Heero reaches between us and grabs my hand.

I have a feeling I've got the silliest grin on my face right now.... If Heero can be affectionate like this, then it can't be as bad as I'd thought...can it?

He lets go of my hand before we can enter the house, and I'm not surprised or hurt by this. In all honesty, I don't *want* to advertise-I think I've given the poor people enough of a shock for this week. Maybe next week...presuming we all survive, that is.

I make a beeline for the kitchen, my stomach reminding me that I never got the chance to eat breakfast so I head for the kitchen, Heero trailing behind me.

When I enter the room, I find myself facing a flashback from this morning, nearly driving my appetite back into retreat. However, I'm not planning on any spells or rituals that require fasting, and it's just better all around for me if I get some nutrition. So, ignoring the scrutiny, I go about making a sandwich.

Food in hand, I sit down and take a bite. Once I'm assured of at least that much sustenance, I decide to break the silence of the pilots, of which Heero has joined. "So...what's it to be? Am I going to be burned at the stake or hanged?" Nothing like a little humor to break tension. Though, judging from the shocked looks, and the anguished one from Heero, I might have to rethink that theory....

Apparently Wufei is the spokesman for today. "Maxwell. I discussed this with Trowa, and we-and I'm sure Quatre and Heero feel the same-just want to know one thing. Why?"

"Why what?" I ask. "I mean, that covers so much ground...."

"Why do you believe in Wicca?" Trowa asks me, emerald eyes meeting my own. "I know you spent some time in a church, so...how did you go from Christian to Pagan?"

I sigh and settle back in my chair. "A reasonable question. Why am I Pagan? Why do I follow the Wiccan path? It...feels right to me."

I turn my eyes to the table as I consider my next words. "Look, almost all religions are the same at the core. So many of the basic beliefs, truths, and values are similar. It is only the labels that differentiate in that respect-the labels, and some of the specifics.

"The Church has always had a history of corruption, and that is still, by and large mostly true. The majority of Catholic officials care little about anything about politics and their own advancement within the Church and it's own structure. Certainly not about the poor, or homeless, or the desperation in the world [2]. After...what happened...." I swallow. I still don't like talking about it. "I found myself back on the streets, where I saw how badly the colony was being abused. It was once a pretty place, with wonderful gardens and parks and such...but people stopped caring, so everything fell apart and into disarray.

"I was introduced to Wicca on those streets when I saw a woman trying to heal a plant. I had no idea what she was doing, and when she stood, I bombarded her with what must've been a thousand questions. And she actually gave me answers, and the answers seemed to agree with a lot of what I believed in."

I smile-this is one of the few fond memories I have. "When I asked, she began to train me in the beginnings of the Craft, and I...took to it. It filled something in me that I never thought could be filled. Finally, I had faith in something. I began to amass a collection of books-though they were mostly stolen, and I read and absorbed everything she taught me. If I had spare money, I bought my own stones and supplies-I never stole those. It didn't seem...right to me.

"When I left L2, all I took with me was the cross I had gotten from...the church...and my supplies and stones. As time went on and I had the means, I amassed more...and I've never stopped learning."

I sigh again and stare out the window. "I suppose the real reason that I practice the Craft is because it allows a person to be whoever they *really* are. You don't have to feel compelled to try and be something you aren't. And you don't have to feel bad about any of your emotions, as long as they harm no one. And, besides, any religion that can turn something as simple yet joyous as laughter into something sacred and holy [3] has my vote." I smile.

Quatre looks at me. "Duo...I've never heard you speak with such passion...such conviction...." He sounds awed. "Who was that woman?"

I shrug. "I never knew her real name. It never seemed important to me, compared with what she was teaching me out of the goodness of her heart. I mean, she didn't *have* to train a street rat." I chuckle. "You know, sometimes I wonder if she was just a manifestation of the Goddess, trying to give me hope from hopelessness and something to believe in...."

I pull my mind from the past and back into the present, daring to look at Trowa and Wufei for the first time since I started talking. I catch my breath at what I see there.

Acceptance. They might not *understand* my beliefs, and they might not believe in the Sight or magick or anything like that themselves, but...they can understand and accept that I hold my own beliefs, and accept me fully for who I am.

So...this is what relaxation feels like...I've been tense for so long that I think I'd forgotten. I smile tentatively at the two, and I am greeted with two small smiles from them. Quatre notices and starts beaming, and even Heero...well, he doesn't *smile*, but his face relaxes. That is happy for him.

It's nice...we feel like *friends* again, not just a random team of pilots. I think I'd just be content to bask in this silence and this feeling forever. I'm welcome in the fold again....

However, Quatre breaks the silence. "Well, now that that's settled," he says, eyes becoming serious again, "what do we do about Duo's vision?" Just like that, the mood sobers, and I'm reminded of something that I had-finally-managed to put out of my mind for awhile.

Three days. I can almost *hear* some cosmic clock ticking off the minutes in the back of my mind.

Good question, Quatre. What *do* we do now?

Because I'll be damned if I have the answers to this one....

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end part 6

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[1] No symbol, color, whatever, starts out negative-it only becomes that through association with the black arts and evils. Interesting bit of trivia-the swastika is a prime example of this. What it is a reversal for an ancient symbol meaning 'life.' It was only the use of it by the Nazis that turned it into something associated with evil and death. I am, by the way, in *no* means condoning what the Nazis did-I am merely explaining some of the history behind the swastika. I am deeply sorry if this offended anyone-that was not my intent, and I meant no harm. The pentacle often suffers this fate as well, as it has been associated in high profile with satanic cults.

[2] I am in no way trying to bash Catholicism here. I attend a Catholic college, and I know what good things the Church does do. And I respect them and the organization for that, even if some of my beliefs and politics differ from those of the Church. However, corruption definitely does exist, and remember, this is Duo talking-he's not exactly the most innocent person out there. Rather, he's rather cynical and jaded due to his past, so this is, I think, a reasonable way for him to see the Church. Once again, I mean no one any personal offense by this.

[3] 'All acts of love and pleasure are sacred to the Goddess.' Which, yes, includes laughter too. All emotional states are sacred, but these especially so, since they create such powerful effects on the mind...and besides, it's great being in a religion where you can laugh at some things that are part of it and you don't have to feel guilty for it-because if you can't see the flaws in your own beliefs, then you have no right to be trashing someone else's :) Just my humble opinion.

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