***********
"Do we stay or do we go?"
A simple question. Wufei has a way of doing that-putting the problem in its simplest form. "Well...that depends," I say, staring at the table.
"Depends on what?" Quatre asks.
"Well...." I look up. "You accept me for who I am. I'm happy about that. But...that doesn't automatically mean you believe every aspect of my religion and philosophy. Worshipping some form of Higher Power is one thing. Believing that I can See the future is quite another. Personally...the farther away we are from here the better, if you ask me. But there's also the problem that we've received no orders to leave, and we'd have a hard time justifying it."
"If that's even safe," Wufei speaks up. "I don't know if I believe this vision of Duo's or not, but I *do* think that we should be cautious nonetheless. For that reason, maybe we should treat the net as corrupted...just in case."
"Thanks, Wu," I whisper. He's making an effort...and I appreciate.
"So...we're staying?"
I try and smile. "Looks that way, Q. We...we don't have a real reason to go."
He looks around. "Is this what we all want?" He is answered by three nods. "Duo?"
"Hey-you know what I think...I'll go with the majority on this one." My mind starts racing with ideas to try and change the outcome on this level.
Heero stands, pushing away from the table. "Where are you going?" Trowa asks.
"To try and secure the house...just in case," he replies. Can't fault him for that-I'll be doing my own bit later on, I'm sure....
With Heero's leaving, we all scatter, Wufei to read in his room, and Trowa and Quatre...well, I don't want to think of that. Well, I do, but replacing the participants....
I find myself heading back into my room, where I collapse on the bed. I need to think...about a lot of things.... I just need to break it down.
One-I'm out of my broom closet. As much as they accept me, I know that this will change things in many ways. Who knows-maybe one day they will even come to believe in my abilities-though I think that if the attack happens like I Saw, that they will believe me-if we live to see it out. A mental picture of Wufei asking me for a tarot reading presents itself, and I chuckle. If I ever crack the great rationalist himself, that'll be a major accomplishment.
I sigh. Either way, all I can do is take the few steps I can and put everything else in the hands of the Goddess. If the Lady takes us, then it is our time. I just have to remember that. And accept that-though I'd prefer to live.
Second-Heero. I have this small issue-I like knowing where I stand with people. It's one of the reasons I've been doing all this agonizing about my friends and their reactions.
I love Heero, and I'm not ashamed of that. And I believe that Heero has some sort of feelings for me-otherwise, why would he have kissed me? But was it some temporary loss of control, or does he want me in his life? I'm just not sure, and the only way I can be sure is to go and talk to him.
But...can I? Am I brave enough? I know one thing, though...I have to be. To save my own sanity, if anything else, to have it settled in my own head. But there's another reason as well.
Should it go...bad...for all of us, I refuse to let myself pass the Veil without being honest with myself. That means being honest about my feelings, thus talking to Heero. It's a matter of faith combined with my own personal ethics.
Looking at it that way, my decision is made, it seems.... Now, to find Heero....
Finding Heero is easier than I had anticipated. At some point he must've finished his security check, because he is in the living room on his laptop. I stare at him for a minute, losing myself in his beauty, before I clear my throat, trying to attract his attention. It works-Heero turns to look at me. "Duo?"
I swallow. "Heero...I was wondering...can I talk to you...I can make some tea...." Yes, I do drink things other than coffee...and right now, herbal tea sounds good to me.
"If you want, Duo."
I blink-I hadn't expected him to acquiesce so quickly. "Well then, go in the kitchen. Let me go get some tea and I'll meet you in there." Heero nods and goes about shutting down his laptop as I leave the room.
I really don't pay much attention to what I grab-I want to get this over with. When I enter the kitchen myself, I see that Heero has kindly started water heating. I smile at him, then busy myself finding mugs and the honey, then checking the kettle. I can hear Heero sigh in exasperation-I guess he caught on to my delaying tactics.
"Duo?"
"Yes?"
"Did you ask me in here to talk or to watch you flit about the kitchen?"
I chuckle. "Caught me, Heero. I do want to talk...just let me make the tea. Sit down." He does so, and I grab the packet I had gotten from my room, looking at it to see what I had grabbed. I flush as I look at the packet. My lemongrass-rosehip combination. Hmmm, my subconscious mind must've been hard at work there.... [1] I add the water, steeping, then drain the cups and take them to the table. Heero can add his own honey.
"Here you, go," I say, adding about four tablespoons to my own mug, then wrapping my hands around the cup, staring into the liquid.
"Duo...."
"What am I to you?" I ask, cutting him off. I'm barely aware of my words-at least not consciously. I'm just going with my instincts. "Am I a friend and you kissed me in the heat of some moment, or do you...feel something for me? Because I love you, and I just want to know where I stand with you, Heero."
"Is that all you have to say?" I nod, feeling my heart sink-Heero wasn't exactly using the most...friendly of tones. I look up in time to see Heero literally slam his tea back. I blink-if I infused this batch right, and if Heero *does* have strong feelings of, well, at least lust for me, then he'll be sorry he did that when he feels the effects later. "Can we take this conversation somewhere more...private?"
I nod and stand, silently leading him to our room. Maybe that' all his problem is, he didn't want to discuss his feelings in the open. Maybe he's not about to break my heart....
Hey, I can hope, can't I?
He shuts the door behind us, then leans against it, watching me as I walk over to my bed to sit. He appears lost in thought for a few minutes, then comes over and joins me on my bed. "Did you mean it?" he asks me.
"That I love you? Yes, yes I do."
"Duo, I...." He sighs. "Duo, I do not know what love is. I have nothing to compare the feeling to, no grounds for reference. But...I do feel something for you. I want to protect you, hold you, make sure you're always happy...make you mine. This is how I feel for you."
"Sounds like love to me," I whisper. I'm trembling. "Because that pretty much describes how I feel for you, feel about you. I want you, I need you, I care for you...I love you, Heero Yuy."
I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen next...but my lips are suddenly covered by Heero's in a long, sweet kiss that leaves me breathless and *very* glad that I'm sitting down since I don't think my knees are capable of supporting me any more. Heero's hands begin to lightly stroke my sides and he leans in towards me. Taking a moment to nibble on my earlobe he whispers, "What do you want, Duo?"
"You," I respond, nuzzling Heero's neck, dropping light kisses on the skin there. "You're all I ever wanted."
He pulls back and looks at me. "All?" he asks. I could almost swear that he's smiling.... His hands wander under my shirt and caress my bare skin, fingers sliding up to tease my nipples.
"Well...maybe not *quite*...all...," I say, gasping for breath. How does Heero do this to me? I begin to return the favor, tugging his tank out of his shorts, only I don't just slide my hands under the shirt-no, I remove it completely. "But I think we're getting closer to what I want," I murmur as my lips begin tracing a path down Heero's collarbone.
It's Heero's turn to gasp as I push him down onto the bed, continuing my oral assault down his chest, lingering at his nipples. "Duo...I...I...."
"Talk to me, Heero," I whisper, moving down his torso, tongue tracing the waistband of his shorts. "Tell me what you want...tell me to stop...but tell me *something*, Heero." My hands wander over the bulge in his shorts, and he arches up into the touch. "Please...stop me before I can't."
I always knew Heero was strong.... In one fluid motion, he lifts me and turns us so I'm under him. Before I can do so much as blink, he's got my shirt off and my parts unfastened, grinding our hips together, turning me into a trembling mass. "Who said I wanted you to stop?" he asks breathlessly. "Maybe I want more...if you do." His hips begin moving in small circles, teasing me even more, driving me nearly out of my mind with want.
"I-Heero...." I can't even get out a coherent sentence-I don't think I've *ever* been this turned on before.... "Please...."
"I want to be inside you, Duo," Heero murmurs throatily. "Can I? Is that what you want, too?" I'm reduced to merely nodding, pulling Heero closer to myself in a pitiful show of how great my need is. Heero drops another savage kiss on my lips...then leaves me.
It takes a minute to register that I'm cold and alone on my bed, but by the time it penetrates the haze surrounding my brain, he's returned...with a tube of those medical lubricants that you find in first aid kits. Oh.... Understanding dawns as Heero removes his own shorts, then makes short work of my pants and boxers. I allow myself the pleasure of just gazing at Heero's naked form.
By the Goddess, he's absolutely beautiful! In my eyes, absolute perfection, one even the Greek sculptors couldn't even rival. My eyes wander down his chest to his arousal, and, that's beautiful, too. Perfect.
It takes me a minute to realize that while I've been staring, Heero's been doing some gazing of his own. He wraps me in his arms. "Duo...I might not believe in God, or your Goddess, but I think you're a divine being...look at what you've done to me.
I blush. "I'm only mortal, Heero," I mumble, looking away from those eyes pinning me. "A mortal who loves you so much."
Heero is silent for a second, then kisses me, tenderly and lingering, fully exploring and tasting, not leaving my lips until I'm breathless and trembling, not with embarrassment, but with want. "Let me take you, my Duo," he finally whispers, lips still brushing my own.
I lie back, spreading my legs. "I'm yours."
Heero is amazingly gentle as he prepares me, but so passionate.... I cry out as he finally enters me, managing to hit that place deep within me with every thrust. Just as I think I'm about to fly apart from all the sensations, he reaches down to take my arousal in his hand, and that's it, I'm lost, falling into a whirlpool of emotion and sensation as I come. Over my own cries, I can dimly hear Heero shouting as he reaches his own peak, and I can feel him, deep within me...it feels so *right*.
Breathlessly, he withdraws, collapsing beside me and wrapping me in his arms. "Are you all right, Duo," he asks, brushing back a strand of hair that had worked loose from the braid.
"Just perfect," I reply, snuggling up against him. I don't want to ever lose this feeling.... "I love you, Heero."
He doesn't reply, but I don't mind too much. Gently, I stroke his back, soothing him into sleep.
The words are not there, but I could *feel* it in his touch, his actions....
And I can wait for the words. They are not as important as one would make out. He knows and I know. That's good enough for now.
I feel myself falling into slumber, and, just as I'm on the edge I realize-this is the first time I had been able to completely drown out that little countdown in the back of my mind....
**********
[1] *blushes* This...is one of my personal aphrodisiac formulas. Both lemongrass and rosehips have wonderful soothing qualities, and they help in inducing psychic dreams, but both have an aphrodisiac quality, and when combined and enhanced with the right feelings-because even aphrodisiacs won't work if there isn't some underlying lust there...well, we'll just say it's effective *blushes more* Time for my 'don't try this at home' warning-if you've never worked with herbs, I'd advise against trying to make things like your own teas-you might accidentally end up using something poisonous or creating a poisonous combination. If you know of an herb shop or apothecary near you, then go to one of those for help, and sometimes they sell things pre-packaged.
"Do we stay or do we go?"
A simple question. Wufei has a way of doing that-putting the problem in its simplest form. "Well...that depends," I say, staring at the table.
"Depends on what?" Quatre asks.
"Well...." I look up. "You accept me for who I am. I'm happy about that. But...that doesn't automatically mean you believe every aspect of my religion and philosophy. Worshipping some form of Higher Power is one thing. Believing that I can See the future is quite another. Personally...the farther away we are from here the better, if you ask me. But there's also the problem that we've received no orders to leave, and we'd have a hard time justifying it."
"If that's even safe," Wufei speaks up. "I don't know if I believe this vision of Duo's or not, but I *do* think that we should be cautious nonetheless. For that reason, maybe we should treat the net as corrupted...just in case."
"Thanks, Wu," I whisper. He's making an effort...and I appreciate.
"So...we're staying?"
I try and smile. "Looks that way, Q. We...we don't have a real reason to go."
He looks around. "Is this what we all want?" He is answered by three nods. "Duo?"
"Hey-you know what I think...I'll go with the majority on this one." My mind starts racing with ideas to try and change the outcome on this level.
Heero stands, pushing away from the table. "Where are you going?" Trowa asks.
"To try and secure the house...just in case," he replies. Can't fault him for that-I'll be doing my own bit later on, I'm sure....
With Heero's leaving, we all scatter, Wufei to read in his room, and Trowa and Quatre...well, I don't want to think of that. Well, I do, but replacing the participants....
I find myself heading back into my room, where I collapse on the bed. I need to think...about a lot of things.... I just need to break it down.
One-I'm out of my broom closet. As much as they accept me, I know that this will change things in many ways. Who knows-maybe one day they will even come to believe in my abilities-though I think that if the attack happens like I Saw, that they will believe me-if we live to see it out. A mental picture of Wufei asking me for a tarot reading presents itself, and I chuckle. If I ever crack the great rationalist himself, that'll be a major accomplishment.
I sigh. Either way, all I can do is take the few steps I can and put everything else in the hands of the Goddess. If the Lady takes us, then it is our time. I just have to remember that. And accept that-though I'd prefer to live.
Second-Heero. I have this small issue-I like knowing where I stand with people. It's one of the reasons I've been doing all this agonizing about my friends and their reactions.
I love Heero, and I'm not ashamed of that. And I believe that Heero has some sort of feelings for me-otherwise, why would he have kissed me? But was it some temporary loss of control, or does he want me in his life? I'm just not sure, and the only way I can be sure is to go and talk to him.
But...can I? Am I brave enough? I know one thing, though...I have to be. To save my own sanity, if anything else, to have it settled in my own head. But there's another reason as well.
Should it go...bad...for all of us, I refuse to let myself pass the Veil without being honest with myself. That means being honest about my feelings, thus talking to Heero. It's a matter of faith combined with my own personal ethics.
Looking at it that way, my decision is made, it seems.... Now, to find Heero....
Finding Heero is easier than I had anticipated. At some point he must've finished his security check, because he is in the living room on his laptop. I stare at him for a minute, losing myself in his beauty, before I clear my throat, trying to attract his attention. It works-Heero turns to look at me. "Duo?"
I swallow. "Heero...I was wondering...can I talk to you...I can make some tea...." Yes, I do drink things other than coffee...and right now, herbal tea sounds good to me.
"If you want, Duo."
I blink-I hadn't expected him to acquiesce so quickly. "Well then, go in the kitchen. Let me go get some tea and I'll meet you in there." Heero nods and goes about shutting down his laptop as I leave the room.
I really don't pay much attention to what I grab-I want to get this over with. When I enter the kitchen myself, I see that Heero has kindly started water heating. I smile at him, then busy myself finding mugs and the honey, then checking the kettle. I can hear Heero sigh in exasperation-I guess he caught on to my delaying tactics.
"Duo?"
"Yes?"
"Did you ask me in here to talk or to watch you flit about the kitchen?"
I chuckle. "Caught me, Heero. I do want to talk...just let me make the tea. Sit down." He does so, and I grab the packet I had gotten from my room, looking at it to see what I had grabbed. I flush as I look at the packet. My lemongrass-rosehip combination. Hmmm, my subconscious mind must've been hard at work there.... [1] I add the water, steeping, then drain the cups and take them to the table. Heero can add his own honey.
"Here you, go," I say, adding about four tablespoons to my own mug, then wrapping my hands around the cup, staring into the liquid.
"Duo...."
"What am I to you?" I ask, cutting him off. I'm barely aware of my words-at least not consciously. I'm just going with my instincts. "Am I a friend and you kissed me in the heat of some moment, or do you...feel something for me? Because I love you, and I just want to know where I stand with you, Heero."
"Is that all you have to say?" I nod, feeling my heart sink-Heero wasn't exactly using the most...friendly of tones. I look up in time to see Heero literally slam his tea back. I blink-if I infused this batch right, and if Heero *does* have strong feelings of, well, at least lust for me, then he'll be sorry he did that when he feels the effects later. "Can we take this conversation somewhere more...private?"
I nod and stand, silently leading him to our room. Maybe that' all his problem is, he didn't want to discuss his feelings in the open. Maybe he's not about to break my heart....
Hey, I can hope, can't I?
He shuts the door behind us, then leans against it, watching me as I walk over to my bed to sit. He appears lost in thought for a few minutes, then comes over and joins me on my bed. "Did you mean it?" he asks me.
"That I love you? Yes, yes I do."
"Duo, I...." He sighs. "Duo, I do not know what love is. I have nothing to compare the feeling to, no grounds for reference. But...I do feel something for you. I want to protect you, hold you, make sure you're always happy...make you mine. This is how I feel for you."
"Sounds like love to me," I whisper. I'm trembling. "Because that pretty much describes how I feel for you, feel about you. I want you, I need you, I care for you...I love you, Heero Yuy."
I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen next...but my lips are suddenly covered by Heero's in a long, sweet kiss that leaves me breathless and *very* glad that I'm sitting down since I don't think my knees are capable of supporting me any more. Heero's hands begin to lightly stroke my sides and he leans in towards me. Taking a moment to nibble on my earlobe he whispers, "What do you want, Duo?"
"You," I respond, nuzzling Heero's neck, dropping light kisses on the skin there. "You're all I ever wanted."
He pulls back and looks at me. "All?" he asks. I could almost swear that he's smiling.... His hands wander under my shirt and caress my bare skin, fingers sliding up to tease my nipples.
"Well...maybe not *quite*...all...," I say, gasping for breath. How does Heero do this to me? I begin to return the favor, tugging his tank out of his shorts, only I don't just slide my hands under the shirt-no, I remove it completely. "But I think we're getting closer to what I want," I murmur as my lips begin tracing a path down Heero's collarbone.
It's Heero's turn to gasp as I push him down onto the bed, continuing my oral assault down his chest, lingering at his nipples. "Duo...I...I...."
"Talk to me, Heero," I whisper, moving down his torso, tongue tracing the waistband of his shorts. "Tell me what you want...tell me to stop...but tell me *something*, Heero." My hands wander over the bulge in his shorts, and he arches up into the touch. "Please...stop me before I can't."
I always knew Heero was strong.... In one fluid motion, he lifts me and turns us so I'm under him. Before I can do so much as blink, he's got my shirt off and my parts unfastened, grinding our hips together, turning me into a trembling mass. "Who said I wanted you to stop?" he asks breathlessly. "Maybe I want more...if you do." His hips begin moving in small circles, teasing me even more, driving me nearly out of my mind with want.
"I-Heero...." I can't even get out a coherent sentence-I don't think I've *ever* been this turned on before.... "Please...."
"I want to be inside you, Duo," Heero murmurs throatily. "Can I? Is that what you want, too?" I'm reduced to merely nodding, pulling Heero closer to myself in a pitiful show of how great my need is. Heero drops another savage kiss on my lips...then leaves me.
It takes a minute to register that I'm cold and alone on my bed, but by the time it penetrates the haze surrounding my brain, he's returned...with a tube of those medical lubricants that you find in first aid kits. Oh.... Understanding dawns as Heero removes his own shorts, then makes short work of my pants and boxers. I allow myself the pleasure of just gazing at Heero's naked form.
By the Goddess, he's absolutely beautiful! In my eyes, absolute perfection, one even the Greek sculptors couldn't even rival. My eyes wander down his chest to his arousal, and, that's beautiful, too. Perfect.
It takes me a minute to realize that while I've been staring, Heero's been doing some gazing of his own. He wraps me in his arms. "Duo...I might not believe in God, or your Goddess, but I think you're a divine being...look at what you've done to me.
I blush. "I'm only mortal, Heero," I mumble, looking away from those eyes pinning me. "A mortal who loves you so much."
Heero is silent for a second, then kisses me, tenderly and lingering, fully exploring and tasting, not leaving my lips until I'm breathless and trembling, not with embarrassment, but with want. "Let me take you, my Duo," he finally whispers, lips still brushing my own.
I lie back, spreading my legs. "I'm yours."
Heero is amazingly gentle as he prepares me, but so passionate.... I cry out as he finally enters me, managing to hit that place deep within me with every thrust. Just as I think I'm about to fly apart from all the sensations, he reaches down to take my arousal in his hand, and that's it, I'm lost, falling into a whirlpool of emotion and sensation as I come. Over my own cries, I can dimly hear Heero shouting as he reaches his own peak, and I can feel him, deep within me...it feels so *right*.
Breathlessly, he withdraws, collapsing beside me and wrapping me in his arms. "Are you all right, Duo," he asks, brushing back a strand of hair that had worked loose from the braid.
"Just perfect," I reply, snuggling up against him. I don't want to ever lose this feeling.... "I love you, Heero."
He doesn't reply, but I don't mind too much. Gently, I stroke his back, soothing him into sleep.
The words are not there, but I could *feel* it in his touch, his actions....
And I can wait for the words. They are not as important as one would make out. He knows and I know. That's good enough for now.
I feel myself falling into slumber, and, just as I'm on the edge I realize-this is the first time I had been able to completely drown out that little countdown in the back of my mind....
**********
[1] *blushes* This...is one of my personal aphrodisiac formulas. Both lemongrass and rosehips have wonderful soothing qualities, and they help in inducing psychic dreams, but both have an aphrodisiac quality, and when combined and enhanced with the right feelings-because even aphrodisiacs won't work if there isn't some underlying lust there...well, we'll just say it's effective *blushes more* Time for my 'don't try this at home' warning-if you've never worked with herbs, I'd advise against trying to make things like your own teas-you might accidentally end up using something poisonous or creating a poisonous combination. If you know of an herb shop or apothecary near you, then go to one of those for help, and sometimes they sell things pre-packaged.