I wake up alone.
In a way, I'm reminded of my spell and circle work. No matter how much I relish my work, and how much good it does for me, there's always the moment immediately after the rite where the euphoria is replaced by emptiness. Sort of how I feel right now.
Of course...thinking on what Heero and I had done...I can't stay down for too long. Even if I do die, I'll have at least done this much. I won't die with regrets...well, at least without these particular regrets.
I roll over and look out the window, disdaining the clock in favor of the light outside the window. Hmmm...moon is two fingers above the horizon. Eight-ish? I turn to the clock, and sure enough the answer is there-8:03. No wonder I'm hungry.... I throw on some clothes and my pentacle. Time for food.
Still grinning, I practically float into the kitchen. Once again, I'm the last one there. I swear, one of these days I'll beat at least *one* person here. Until then, I'll just live with my non-punctual reputation. Funny-I can estimate times by the position of the sun, moon, and stars in the sky, but I have a hard time being actually on *time* for anything except missions. I should work on that if I live....
Excuse me. I'll work on that. No 'ifs' about this-have to think positive. After all, Fate isn't written in stone.... Nope, it's more like a road map. Point A and point B are there, but whether you take the scenic or direct route is up to you [1].
I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts...and it's about now that I become aware of everyone staring at me. "Duo?" Quatre asks. "Everything all right?"
"Hmmm?" I look at him, still smiling. "Oh, yeah...everything's perfect. Too bad it's not Beltane [2]." I chuckle, thinking of all the jokes I've ever heard...or told, for that matter.
Quatre looks like he's going to question me, but he appears to toss it aside. "What were you and Heero doing this afternoon, anyway?" he asks instead, picking at his rice. "You both disappeared, and he's not talking."
Big surprise. I look over at Heero, and he meets my eyes, shrugging. I get the message-it's up to me. I think for a second-then decide to have fun with this. I can feel my grin become wider and a touch more evil. "Well, Heero and I were together."
"Oh, really? What were the two of you doing?" Wufei looks up from his plate and at me. "Reconnaissance, something of that sort?"
"Nooo...actually, Heero and I were celebrating the Great Rite [3]." I sit back, and wait for the confusion and questions to start flying.
Trowa's eyes narrow. "You...had Heero do one of those Pagan rituals of yours?" he asks.
"Nope." Have to hold back the laughter, have to....
"So...what's this rite of yours?" Quatre leans forward, wanting the answer.
I lean in and lower my voice as if I'm about to impart a great secret that I really shouldn't be. "You really want to know what the Great Rite is?" Three heads nod, and Heero just sighs. Hell-he was there earlier. If he hadn't been able to put two and two together by now, I'd be worried.... "Sex." I sit back, still grinning.
I'm rewarded by three confused pilots. "Sex?" Wufei asks, almost as if he's afraid of the answer.
"Yup! The Great Rite-another term for sex."
"So...that means...if you and Yuy celebrated the Great Rite, then...." Wufei turns beet red and looks down at his plate.
"Oh," murmurs Trowa, while Quatre starts giggling. Heero looks at me, face slightly pink, but does not comment.
I finish eating my rice, ignoring the chicken stir-fry. I've got plans for the next couple nights, and while I don't need to fast, animal flesh lowers sensitivity, and while sometimes this is a *good* thing, and most times it doesn't matter, I want to be at my height.
Quatre studies me. "Great Rite, hmmm? I'll have to remember that one...." Now it's Trowa's turn to turn red. Good thing we all knew about their relationship, otherwise it'd be known now.
"Hey, at least I didn't say we're handfasted [4]," I say, shrugging and standing. "I'm going to be outside-no one bother me unless it's life or death until I come back in, please." I leave the room before I can be asked any more questions. I just have to hope that they allow my privacy. Gathering my supplies from my room, I head outside.
Sighing, I drop my bag to the ground. Right now, I'm at the point of any little bit helping...and if a protection spell can at all help, I'll try it. First of all, though, I bury an amethyst by the door. Step one in warding off evil....
I dig out my sea salt, sage, and a censor, taking a deep breath as I pour the herb into the censor and light it.
Casting a protection ring is much like casting a circle, only people and objects in general can move in and out of it. They're set up to protect from certain things in particular...in this case, OZ soldiers bent on destruction. Calling on the Goddess and the elements to protect the space and those who inhabit, I walk the circle with the censor three times, and then again with the salt three times. In addition to the stone I had already buried, I also bury a piece of jade, onyx, malachite, and quartz at the directional points. Standing back again with my athame, I raise the powers of the stones into a 'shield' of sorts, surrounding the house.
Gasping, I drop to the ground. It's been a long time since I've set up a protection spell-I only have to occasionally renew the ones I had put on our Gundams, and that's easier to do than the full working. What, you're surprised that I cast on *all* our Gundams? Yes, I had to do it in secret-and I don't know if I'll ever tell them-but they're my friends and it's worth it. Besides, there's a small part of me that likes to believe that it was the spell I had put on Wing that helped Heero survive when he self-destructed.
I finally manage to gather enough strength to drag myself back into the house, where I find everyone sitting in the living room, staring at me. Heero jumps us and drags me to the couch, forcing me into a seat beside him.
"Baka," he chides, looking at me. I almost think I see worry buried in those eyes, but I'm not positive.... "What were you doing out there? You were out there for three hours."
I blink. "Was it that long? I had no idea...." I fight off a wave of vertigo. "I was...." I cast my eyes to the floor. I'm sure they don't want to hear it.
"You were doing some sort of spell, weren't you?" Quatre asks quietly, aquamarine eyes shining with concern.
I blush. "Well, yeah. Had to try, at the very least. It's not done, though."
Heero's grip tightens on me, as if he thinks I'm going to go right back outside this second and finish what I started. I wince and pull away a little. "Not right now! But I do need to reinforce it a couple times over the next couple days." A glance at the clock confirms my words-two days, all right. Two days before either I'm confirmed, or made to look like a fool.
Although...if it means that Death is totally averted-never even happens-then I think my pride can take the beating.... In fact, I'm sure of it.
I try and smother a yawn, and Heero glares at me. "I'm taking you to bed right now," he says, just daring me to argue.
I might be tired, but I will never pass up the opportunity to make a hentai comment...it's just not me. "But Heero, I don't know if I have the strength to keep up with you in bed right now." I blink my eyes. That's me-all sweetness and innocence.
I don't think I've ever seen a room clear so fast before.... Heero frowns. "That's not what I meant," he says, scooping me up in his arms.
"Oh? And this is supposed to give me a clearer meaning?" He snorts and closes the bedroom door behind him, dropping me onto my bed, then turning to crawl into his. "Heero?" He looks over at me. "Can...can you sleep with me? I mean, just to hold me?"
I need a human presence.
His gaze softens. "I didn't want to be presumptuous...."
I lift the blanket. "Come to bed, Heero." He does, and I snuggle up next to him. This is what I needed...I don't want to feel alone....
Heero's arms wrap around me, holding me close to him. Like that, soothed by his heartbeat, his breathing, I fall asleep, feeling slightly less afraid.
He seems to do that to me....
**********
end part 8
**********
[1] This is only one of the Wiccan views of the Fate vs. free will debate, and the one I personally ascribe to. Yes, there are certain things in life that are predetermined, but it is up to you to shape events as you will based on the information at hand. For those of you who were asking about how Duo's vision could possibly be averted, well, this is an explanation. They simply have more information. Of course, whether it will work or not is anybody's guess :-p The other fairly common Wiccan views are those where everything is totally Fate--*everything* is predetermined, or that everything is up to you and you alone. Of course, there are other positions, too-too many to recount, I'd say. And, I think that's enough of an insight into my personal philosophies for now :-p
[2] Beltane-the most infamous Pagan holiday :-p This holiday-celebrated either April 30th or May 1st, there are debates to which is the actual traditional date-is one of fertility and a blessing on the land and crops for the coming growing season. Couples will jump fires hand-in-hand in order to ensure a birth in the next year. Also, one of the rites is what my friend and I refer to as 'ritual sex.' Yep-sex in the great outdoors with the partner of your choosing...and by this, yes I *am* implying that non-married and homosexual couples are accepted. 'All acts of love and pleasure,' remember? :) Sexual energy is actually considered a very powerful and positive force that is *encouraged* in particular festival as a way of blessing the land. There are other reasons for this act that have deeper meanings in the religion itself and can sometimes be hard to trace.
[3] Gotta love euphemisms.... *Especially* when everyone else in the room is clueless :)
[4] Handfasting is the Wiccan marriage ceremony, but it's not as strict as that. For one, unless it's performed by someone who has the power to marry, it's not a legal binding in this day and age. Also, there are many forms of the ceremony. Like, I could ask my girlfriend to join me in a handfasting ceremony that would be the equivalent of an engagement, a promise for more. Or, it could very well be used as a marriage ceremony. I know a couple Wiccan couples who are either planning this as a second ceremony after the legal one, or planning one of these ceremonies as a renewal of their vows. Either way, it's a way of expressing and formalizing the bond between lovers on many levels-physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychic.
In a way, I'm reminded of my spell and circle work. No matter how much I relish my work, and how much good it does for me, there's always the moment immediately after the rite where the euphoria is replaced by emptiness. Sort of how I feel right now.
Of course...thinking on what Heero and I had done...I can't stay down for too long. Even if I do die, I'll have at least done this much. I won't die with regrets...well, at least without these particular regrets.
I roll over and look out the window, disdaining the clock in favor of the light outside the window. Hmmm...moon is two fingers above the horizon. Eight-ish? I turn to the clock, and sure enough the answer is there-8:03. No wonder I'm hungry.... I throw on some clothes and my pentacle. Time for food.
Still grinning, I practically float into the kitchen. Once again, I'm the last one there. I swear, one of these days I'll beat at least *one* person here. Until then, I'll just live with my non-punctual reputation. Funny-I can estimate times by the position of the sun, moon, and stars in the sky, but I have a hard time being actually on *time* for anything except missions. I should work on that if I live....
Excuse me. I'll work on that. No 'ifs' about this-have to think positive. After all, Fate isn't written in stone.... Nope, it's more like a road map. Point A and point B are there, but whether you take the scenic or direct route is up to you [1].
I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts...and it's about now that I become aware of everyone staring at me. "Duo?" Quatre asks. "Everything all right?"
"Hmmm?" I look at him, still smiling. "Oh, yeah...everything's perfect. Too bad it's not Beltane [2]." I chuckle, thinking of all the jokes I've ever heard...or told, for that matter.
Quatre looks like he's going to question me, but he appears to toss it aside. "What were you and Heero doing this afternoon, anyway?" he asks instead, picking at his rice. "You both disappeared, and he's not talking."
Big surprise. I look over at Heero, and he meets my eyes, shrugging. I get the message-it's up to me. I think for a second-then decide to have fun with this. I can feel my grin become wider and a touch more evil. "Well, Heero and I were together."
"Oh, really? What were the two of you doing?" Wufei looks up from his plate and at me. "Reconnaissance, something of that sort?"
"Nooo...actually, Heero and I were celebrating the Great Rite [3]." I sit back, and wait for the confusion and questions to start flying.
Trowa's eyes narrow. "You...had Heero do one of those Pagan rituals of yours?" he asks.
"Nope." Have to hold back the laughter, have to....
"So...what's this rite of yours?" Quatre leans forward, wanting the answer.
I lean in and lower my voice as if I'm about to impart a great secret that I really shouldn't be. "You really want to know what the Great Rite is?" Three heads nod, and Heero just sighs. Hell-he was there earlier. If he hadn't been able to put two and two together by now, I'd be worried.... "Sex." I sit back, still grinning.
I'm rewarded by three confused pilots. "Sex?" Wufei asks, almost as if he's afraid of the answer.
"Yup! The Great Rite-another term for sex."
"So...that means...if you and Yuy celebrated the Great Rite, then...." Wufei turns beet red and looks down at his plate.
"Oh," murmurs Trowa, while Quatre starts giggling. Heero looks at me, face slightly pink, but does not comment.
I finish eating my rice, ignoring the chicken stir-fry. I've got plans for the next couple nights, and while I don't need to fast, animal flesh lowers sensitivity, and while sometimes this is a *good* thing, and most times it doesn't matter, I want to be at my height.
Quatre studies me. "Great Rite, hmmm? I'll have to remember that one...." Now it's Trowa's turn to turn red. Good thing we all knew about their relationship, otherwise it'd be known now.
"Hey, at least I didn't say we're handfasted [4]," I say, shrugging and standing. "I'm going to be outside-no one bother me unless it's life or death until I come back in, please." I leave the room before I can be asked any more questions. I just have to hope that they allow my privacy. Gathering my supplies from my room, I head outside.
Sighing, I drop my bag to the ground. Right now, I'm at the point of any little bit helping...and if a protection spell can at all help, I'll try it. First of all, though, I bury an amethyst by the door. Step one in warding off evil....
I dig out my sea salt, sage, and a censor, taking a deep breath as I pour the herb into the censor and light it.
Casting a protection ring is much like casting a circle, only people and objects in general can move in and out of it. They're set up to protect from certain things in particular...in this case, OZ soldiers bent on destruction. Calling on the Goddess and the elements to protect the space and those who inhabit, I walk the circle with the censor three times, and then again with the salt three times. In addition to the stone I had already buried, I also bury a piece of jade, onyx, malachite, and quartz at the directional points. Standing back again with my athame, I raise the powers of the stones into a 'shield' of sorts, surrounding the house.
Gasping, I drop to the ground. It's been a long time since I've set up a protection spell-I only have to occasionally renew the ones I had put on our Gundams, and that's easier to do than the full working. What, you're surprised that I cast on *all* our Gundams? Yes, I had to do it in secret-and I don't know if I'll ever tell them-but they're my friends and it's worth it. Besides, there's a small part of me that likes to believe that it was the spell I had put on Wing that helped Heero survive when he self-destructed.
I finally manage to gather enough strength to drag myself back into the house, where I find everyone sitting in the living room, staring at me. Heero jumps us and drags me to the couch, forcing me into a seat beside him.
"Baka," he chides, looking at me. I almost think I see worry buried in those eyes, but I'm not positive.... "What were you doing out there? You were out there for three hours."
I blink. "Was it that long? I had no idea...." I fight off a wave of vertigo. "I was...." I cast my eyes to the floor. I'm sure they don't want to hear it.
"You were doing some sort of spell, weren't you?" Quatre asks quietly, aquamarine eyes shining with concern.
I blush. "Well, yeah. Had to try, at the very least. It's not done, though."
Heero's grip tightens on me, as if he thinks I'm going to go right back outside this second and finish what I started. I wince and pull away a little. "Not right now! But I do need to reinforce it a couple times over the next couple days." A glance at the clock confirms my words-two days, all right. Two days before either I'm confirmed, or made to look like a fool.
Although...if it means that Death is totally averted-never even happens-then I think my pride can take the beating.... In fact, I'm sure of it.
I try and smother a yawn, and Heero glares at me. "I'm taking you to bed right now," he says, just daring me to argue.
I might be tired, but I will never pass up the opportunity to make a hentai comment...it's just not me. "But Heero, I don't know if I have the strength to keep up with you in bed right now." I blink my eyes. That's me-all sweetness and innocence.
I don't think I've ever seen a room clear so fast before.... Heero frowns. "That's not what I meant," he says, scooping me up in his arms.
"Oh? And this is supposed to give me a clearer meaning?" He snorts and closes the bedroom door behind him, dropping me onto my bed, then turning to crawl into his. "Heero?" He looks over at me. "Can...can you sleep with me? I mean, just to hold me?"
I need a human presence.
His gaze softens. "I didn't want to be presumptuous...."
I lift the blanket. "Come to bed, Heero." He does, and I snuggle up next to him. This is what I needed...I don't want to feel alone....
Heero's arms wrap around me, holding me close to him. Like that, soothed by his heartbeat, his breathing, I fall asleep, feeling slightly less afraid.
He seems to do that to me....
**********
end part 8
**********
[1] This is only one of the Wiccan views of the Fate vs. free will debate, and the one I personally ascribe to. Yes, there are certain things in life that are predetermined, but it is up to you to shape events as you will based on the information at hand. For those of you who were asking about how Duo's vision could possibly be averted, well, this is an explanation. They simply have more information. Of course, whether it will work or not is anybody's guess :-p The other fairly common Wiccan views are those where everything is totally Fate--*everything* is predetermined, or that everything is up to you and you alone. Of course, there are other positions, too-too many to recount, I'd say. And, I think that's enough of an insight into my personal philosophies for now :-p
[2] Beltane-the most infamous Pagan holiday :-p This holiday-celebrated either April 30th or May 1st, there are debates to which is the actual traditional date-is one of fertility and a blessing on the land and crops for the coming growing season. Couples will jump fires hand-in-hand in order to ensure a birth in the next year. Also, one of the rites is what my friend and I refer to as 'ritual sex.' Yep-sex in the great outdoors with the partner of your choosing...and by this, yes I *am* implying that non-married and homosexual couples are accepted. 'All acts of love and pleasure,' remember? :) Sexual energy is actually considered a very powerful and positive force that is *encouraged* in particular festival as a way of blessing the land. There are other reasons for this act that have deeper meanings in the religion itself and can sometimes be hard to trace.
[3] Gotta love euphemisms.... *Especially* when everyone else in the room is clueless :)
[4] Handfasting is the Wiccan marriage ceremony, but it's not as strict as that. For one, unless it's performed by someone who has the power to marry, it's not a legal binding in this day and age. Also, there are many forms of the ceremony. Like, I could ask my girlfriend to join me in a handfasting ceremony that would be the equivalent of an engagement, a promise for more. Or, it could very well be used as a marriage ceremony. I know a couple Wiccan couples who are either planning this as a second ceremony after the legal one, or planning one of these ceremonies as a renewal of their vows. Either way, it's a way of expressing and formalizing the bond between lovers on many levels-physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychic.