I wasn't aware that time could pass by so quickly....
We're down to the wire-one more day. I spent yesterday in a haze, reinforcing my protection spells, and engaged in meditation, trying to see if I could See anything else, or at the very least, trying to ground myself.
Well, the future seems to be sealed to me, and as for grounding...well, when Heero forcibly removed my hematite from my hands, he nearly burned himself [1]. I probably should've warned him....
Actually, to be accurate, we have less than a day. It's nine a.m. now, and, assuming I read the sky right, Death will come at around 2 a.m. tomorrow. So, in actuality, we have seventeen hours.
Seventeen hours to either forestall disaster or to give into it gracefully.
Me-I'd rather go out fighting.
I enter the kitchen, still yawning-I've used up a lot of my energy the past couple of days-to find everyone else around the table, staring at me. Is it me, or has the kitchen become the social hotspot over the past couple days? I suppose it's because it's centrally located, and we all have to eat, but still....
I sit down and watch as Quatre puts a bowl of oatmeal in front of me. I smile at him-he was the first to pick up on my sudden vegetarianism-but I ignore it. I just don't have an appetite...definitely been pushing myself too far [2].
I look up to see Trowa looking at me, opening his mouth, then closing it again. After watching this a few times, I finally took pity on him...sort of. "Trowa? Are you going to say something, or would you rather work on your fish out of water impression some more?"
Trowa actually blushes slightly. "Well...I was just wondering.... Can't you do something if your prediction comes true?"
I look at him. " 'Something?' Care to define that?"
He waves a hand uncertainly. "You know, fireballs shooing from your fingers, lightening from the sky, something like that?" Wufei and Quatre nod in agreement. Heero just sits there-at least *he* knows better."
I sigh. "All right-lesson time. Tro-man, you know I love you-not like that, Q-but I think you've been reading a few too many fantasy novels. The Craft doesn't work like that-not in real life. The magick aspect is manipulating the natural energies that occur in both yourself and the natural world around you. The laws of physics still apply here. As a practitioner, I can manipulate those energies, but only to a certain degree. To create those flaming balls you were talking about, it would take more than I as a vessel could handle. Sure-it can be done, but it would kill me. Not even a full coven could handle the energy transfer that would be required for that. We're talking the equivalent of standing in the middle of a nuclear reaction.
"What I *can* do, however, is channel those energies into forms, so to speak, that run with that natural courses. It's kind of like...." I pause, trying to think of a good analogy. "Electric fields, I think, would be the closest comparison. You all know as pilots how to manipulate those fields...like crossing the positive and negative wires on a battery. Well, think of me as a battery. I can *channel* currents, but I can never exceed my own limits. Like I'm a triple-A, and you want something that can only be done by a car battery.
"So, because of all that, and some other things, I can...ummm...*encourage* certain reactions, strengthen certain natural barriers, but anything out of those realms doesn't really work." I sigh. "Look, I know that's a pretty poor explanation, but it's honestly the best I can do without going deep into both philosophy and theology. It's one of those things you have to take on...faith." [3]. I shrug and slam back my orange juice. Yep, no coffee for me this morning-caffeine is a mind-altering drug, and that's the *last* thing I need right now, thanks all the same.
"So...the options are still the same," Quatre comments. "Stay or run."
"Stay," says Wufei. "I am no coward, and I will never run based on hearsay."
Why am I not surprised? "Look...I thought the decision had been made. We're staying. I just want to know what we're going to do?" Four faces turn to lookv at me, and I chuckle. "What-did you think that I'm just going to stand here and let myself be killed? I'm all for self-defense."
"Fine." Quatre props his chin on his hands. "So...you'd suggest...?"
"Being alert and armed," I reply promptly. "In my vision, the element of surprise was firmly on their side. If we have that advantage, it might be enough."
"What about that spell you cast?"
I sigh, resisting the urge to bang my head against the table. "Q, I can't even begin to explain how that works. The best I can tell you is that it calls upon the strengths of the elements to protect us. Not in the literal sense of the earth rising up to smite enemies, but in the sense that those Powers act as kind of a...deflector, so to speak. Sending out vibrations that on a subconscious level discourages those who come with evil intentions. But it's not foolproof, and I've never used this particular spell against an oncoming *army*. Best to throw it in the category of 'home court advantage,' and not 'miracles.'" I chuckle. "I'll leave those to the Lord and Lady."
Quatre nods, and I can see his mind turning, the things that make him a master strategist at work. "All right, then...you said two, right?" I nod. "Then we should meet back here at eleven tonight." I understand-couple hours leeway-I know my time estimate wasn't the most accurate, but it was the best I could do. He looks at us. "Be armed and ready. And Duo?"
I look up at Quatre. "Hmmm?"
He smiles at me. "Get some rest. I've been watching you run yourself ragged the past couple days. If your battery comparison is accurate, then you're sorely in need of a recharge."
I nod and stand, yawning. "Sounds good to me, Q," I murmur. Funny how I didn't feel tired before Quatre mentioned it.... I blink, grabbing onto the table as the room begins to spin. Heero reaches out and grabs my arm, keeping me steady.
"I'll put the baka to bed," he says, steering me back towards the bedrooms.
"Hey...not a baka...just concerned about your miserable hides...all of you," I whisper, leaning my head on Heero's shoulder.
"And we appreciate it," I hear Wufei say. "But go to sleep."
Heero drops me onto my bed. "Rest now, Duo," he says, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. "It's out of your hands now."
I blink up at him. "Wake me up at dusk?"
Heero looks at me. "Why?"
My eyes slide away from his. "I don't think you want to hear why," I mumble.
"You're not going to exhaust yourself," he admonishes, pulling a blanket over me. "Ill wake you at nine."
My eyes begin to droop closed. "Love you, Heero...don't want anyone to be hurt...."
"No one will be, Duo." I feel a hand pass over my hair, and I could swear that I hear Heero say he loves me too, but it could be part of the dream that pulls me in as soon as my eyes close.
**********
I wake to gentle shaking, and cobalt stars shining above me. "Duo?"
I sit up, instantly awake, allowing both street and battle instincts to lend themselves to this feat. "Heero?"
"It's time."
I nod, glancing at the clock. Nine-fifteen...it is time.
Fight or flight, live or die, fate or fortune....
I'm too young for these deep thoughts, I reflect, as I rise from my bed and follow Heero out of the room. I hear the clinking of flatware in the kitchen and guess that someone's eating, but I bypass that room and instead settle on the sofa in the living room, staring out the window to the night sky. Usually I love the sight of the Moon, but tonight....
Tonight it is mocking me. Reminding me of the one thing I wish I could forget.
I am...not proud, but satisfied with my abilities. With having the Sight. They are a part of me, and they have been a comfort in the most unstable of times, knowing that there were some things that *nobody* could take away. Like my faith. And the Sight.
But...right now...I almost wish I did not have those Gifts. Because then we wouldn't be in this situation right now. I wouldn't have thrown our group into turmoil, we wouldn't be worried at this second about dying-we'd be living our lives....
A voice deep inside me whispers, 'But you would've ended up dying without the chance to fight. At least now you can. You'd still be living in secrecy, almost shame. You wouldn't have Heero....'
Someone sits down next to me, and I jump. "Thinking deep thoughts?" Quatre's voice asks me.
I chuckle ruefully. "You could say that," I sigh, forcing myself to relax again.
"About what, if I may ask?"
"About the things that are, and the things that might have been. About situations that I cannot change...but that I wish I could...or couldn't...." I sigh and rub my eyes. "Lots of things."
"Well...if it's any consolation to you...I wouldn't have a single thing be different."
I look at Quatre. "You're joking. I almost tore us apart...I-"
"You've made us stronger," Quatre interrupts. "You made us face things-and parts of ourselves-that we never had to before. We're stronger as a group. Trowa's and Wufei's eyes have been opened to other possibilities out there, Heero has relaxed some and joined us more, and I...." Quatre giggles. "I've become more introspective. I'm not taking things on face value so much anymore." His eyes bore into mine. "Overall...I don't regret this. Don't regret this, Duo."
"He's right." I jump again at the unexpected intrusion of Trowa's voice. Turning, I see Heero and Wufei behind him. "I can't say that I am happy with what I have discovered about myself, but I am happy that I have discovered it." He drifts over to sit next to Quatre.
"Even among those who fight for justice and peace, there is still prejudice," Wufei comments, sitting in his customary chair. "We needed to know and try to eliminate that."
Heero says nothing-he doesn't have to. I see it in his eyes. His feelings for me...and his relief that they are known. Instead of taking a seat, he comes behind me, leaning against the back of the couch, a hand casually draped across my shoulder. "We're all here," he says evenly. "We might as well get started."
I send a quick prayer to the Lord and Lady as we begin to plan for our futures...our lives.
**********
end part 9
**********
[1] Hematite-at least in my experience-has this wonderful (yes, this is sarcasm) quality of heating up when used for grounding purposes in meditation. The amount of heat the stones absorb is directly proportional to the amount of stress--both physical and emotional-a person is under. And yes, it is possible to burn. The person doing the grounding doesn't feel the heat, but let me tell you, my friend and I have both burned ourselves handling each others' stones after we've been grounding. That's what college will do to you :-p
[2] I can't speak for any other Wiccans, but this happens to me all the time. If I use my reserves in spell-casting moderately, I usually get hungrier than normal, but if I push myself past those limits, I lose my appetite for the next few days. Just so you know, this is *not* a smart thing to do. Another 'do not try this at home' warning, if you will. *Always know your limits!*
[3] *sighs* That is *worse* than a poor explanation, but sadly, it's the best I can do. I've been studying the Craft for almost seven years now, learning as much as I can, but this is one of the realms where magick crosses into the sciences and mathematics-and yes, this does make sense, because there is a theory that magick is just science that hasn't been formally 'discovered' yet. I happen to believe this myself-so much of our technology today would be considered magick by those who lived in the distant-and even not so distant-past, especially in terms of medical breakthroughs. But, I'm wandering off topic :) The *reason* this is the best explanation I can give is because, well, I am a history major, and I've never had much of a head for the hard sciences. My good friend here, who also follows the Craft, is a physics major, and it is she who can make coherent sense in the point I was trying to make *sighs again* I asked her for help with this, so she tried to explain it to me-this is what I absorbed, and that's just the simplest of concepts. *contemplates taking a physics course next semester*
We're down to the wire-one more day. I spent yesterday in a haze, reinforcing my protection spells, and engaged in meditation, trying to see if I could See anything else, or at the very least, trying to ground myself.
Well, the future seems to be sealed to me, and as for grounding...well, when Heero forcibly removed my hematite from my hands, he nearly burned himself [1]. I probably should've warned him....
Actually, to be accurate, we have less than a day. It's nine a.m. now, and, assuming I read the sky right, Death will come at around 2 a.m. tomorrow. So, in actuality, we have seventeen hours.
Seventeen hours to either forestall disaster or to give into it gracefully.
Me-I'd rather go out fighting.
I enter the kitchen, still yawning-I've used up a lot of my energy the past couple of days-to find everyone else around the table, staring at me. Is it me, or has the kitchen become the social hotspot over the past couple days? I suppose it's because it's centrally located, and we all have to eat, but still....
I sit down and watch as Quatre puts a bowl of oatmeal in front of me. I smile at him-he was the first to pick up on my sudden vegetarianism-but I ignore it. I just don't have an appetite...definitely been pushing myself too far [2].
I look up to see Trowa looking at me, opening his mouth, then closing it again. After watching this a few times, I finally took pity on him...sort of. "Trowa? Are you going to say something, or would you rather work on your fish out of water impression some more?"
Trowa actually blushes slightly. "Well...I was just wondering.... Can't you do something if your prediction comes true?"
I look at him. " 'Something?' Care to define that?"
He waves a hand uncertainly. "You know, fireballs shooing from your fingers, lightening from the sky, something like that?" Wufei and Quatre nod in agreement. Heero just sits there-at least *he* knows better."
I sigh. "All right-lesson time. Tro-man, you know I love you-not like that, Q-but I think you've been reading a few too many fantasy novels. The Craft doesn't work like that-not in real life. The magick aspect is manipulating the natural energies that occur in both yourself and the natural world around you. The laws of physics still apply here. As a practitioner, I can manipulate those energies, but only to a certain degree. To create those flaming balls you were talking about, it would take more than I as a vessel could handle. Sure-it can be done, but it would kill me. Not even a full coven could handle the energy transfer that would be required for that. We're talking the equivalent of standing in the middle of a nuclear reaction.
"What I *can* do, however, is channel those energies into forms, so to speak, that run with that natural courses. It's kind of like...." I pause, trying to think of a good analogy. "Electric fields, I think, would be the closest comparison. You all know as pilots how to manipulate those fields...like crossing the positive and negative wires on a battery. Well, think of me as a battery. I can *channel* currents, but I can never exceed my own limits. Like I'm a triple-A, and you want something that can only be done by a car battery.
"So, because of all that, and some other things, I can...ummm...*encourage* certain reactions, strengthen certain natural barriers, but anything out of those realms doesn't really work." I sigh. "Look, I know that's a pretty poor explanation, but it's honestly the best I can do without going deep into both philosophy and theology. It's one of those things you have to take on...faith." [3]. I shrug and slam back my orange juice. Yep, no coffee for me this morning-caffeine is a mind-altering drug, and that's the *last* thing I need right now, thanks all the same.
"So...the options are still the same," Quatre comments. "Stay or run."
"Stay," says Wufei. "I am no coward, and I will never run based on hearsay."
Why am I not surprised? "Look...I thought the decision had been made. We're staying. I just want to know what we're going to do?" Four faces turn to lookv at me, and I chuckle. "What-did you think that I'm just going to stand here and let myself be killed? I'm all for self-defense."
"Fine." Quatre props his chin on his hands. "So...you'd suggest...?"
"Being alert and armed," I reply promptly. "In my vision, the element of surprise was firmly on their side. If we have that advantage, it might be enough."
"What about that spell you cast?"
I sigh, resisting the urge to bang my head against the table. "Q, I can't even begin to explain how that works. The best I can tell you is that it calls upon the strengths of the elements to protect us. Not in the literal sense of the earth rising up to smite enemies, but in the sense that those Powers act as kind of a...deflector, so to speak. Sending out vibrations that on a subconscious level discourages those who come with evil intentions. But it's not foolproof, and I've never used this particular spell against an oncoming *army*. Best to throw it in the category of 'home court advantage,' and not 'miracles.'" I chuckle. "I'll leave those to the Lord and Lady."
Quatre nods, and I can see his mind turning, the things that make him a master strategist at work. "All right, then...you said two, right?" I nod. "Then we should meet back here at eleven tonight." I understand-couple hours leeway-I know my time estimate wasn't the most accurate, but it was the best I could do. He looks at us. "Be armed and ready. And Duo?"
I look up at Quatre. "Hmmm?"
He smiles at me. "Get some rest. I've been watching you run yourself ragged the past couple days. If your battery comparison is accurate, then you're sorely in need of a recharge."
I nod and stand, yawning. "Sounds good to me, Q," I murmur. Funny how I didn't feel tired before Quatre mentioned it.... I blink, grabbing onto the table as the room begins to spin. Heero reaches out and grabs my arm, keeping me steady.
"I'll put the baka to bed," he says, steering me back towards the bedrooms.
"Hey...not a baka...just concerned about your miserable hides...all of you," I whisper, leaning my head on Heero's shoulder.
"And we appreciate it," I hear Wufei say. "But go to sleep."
Heero drops me onto my bed. "Rest now, Duo," he says, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. "It's out of your hands now."
I blink up at him. "Wake me up at dusk?"
Heero looks at me. "Why?"
My eyes slide away from his. "I don't think you want to hear why," I mumble.
"You're not going to exhaust yourself," he admonishes, pulling a blanket over me. "Ill wake you at nine."
My eyes begin to droop closed. "Love you, Heero...don't want anyone to be hurt...."
"No one will be, Duo." I feel a hand pass over my hair, and I could swear that I hear Heero say he loves me too, but it could be part of the dream that pulls me in as soon as my eyes close.
**********
I wake to gentle shaking, and cobalt stars shining above me. "Duo?"
I sit up, instantly awake, allowing both street and battle instincts to lend themselves to this feat. "Heero?"
"It's time."
I nod, glancing at the clock. Nine-fifteen...it is time.
Fight or flight, live or die, fate or fortune....
I'm too young for these deep thoughts, I reflect, as I rise from my bed and follow Heero out of the room. I hear the clinking of flatware in the kitchen and guess that someone's eating, but I bypass that room and instead settle on the sofa in the living room, staring out the window to the night sky. Usually I love the sight of the Moon, but tonight....
Tonight it is mocking me. Reminding me of the one thing I wish I could forget.
I am...not proud, but satisfied with my abilities. With having the Sight. They are a part of me, and they have been a comfort in the most unstable of times, knowing that there were some things that *nobody* could take away. Like my faith. And the Sight.
But...right now...I almost wish I did not have those Gifts. Because then we wouldn't be in this situation right now. I wouldn't have thrown our group into turmoil, we wouldn't be worried at this second about dying-we'd be living our lives....
A voice deep inside me whispers, 'But you would've ended up dying without the chance to fight. At least now you can. You'd still be living in secrecy, almost shame. You wouldn't have Heero....'
Someone sits down next to me, and I jump. "Thinking deep thoughts?" Quatre's voice asks me.
I chuckle ruefully. "You could say that," I sigh, forcing myself to relax again.
"About what, if I may ask?"
"About the things that are, and the things that might have been. About situations that I cannot change...but that I wish I could...or couldn't...." I sigh and rub my eyes. "Lots of things."
"Well...if it's any consolation to you...I wouldn't have a single thing be different."
I look at Quatre. "You're joking. I almost tore us apart...I-"
"You've made us stronger," Quatre interrupts. "You made us face things-and parts of ourselves-that we never had to before. We're stronger as a group. Trowa's and Wufei's eyes have been opened to other possibilities out there, Heero has relaxed some and joined us more, and I...." Quatre giggles. "I've become more introspective. I'm not taking things on face value so much anymore." His eyes bore into mine. "Overall...I don't regret this. Don't regret this, Duo."
"He's right." I jump again at the unexpected intrusion of Trowa's voice. Turning, I see Heero and Wufei behind him. "I can't say that I am happy with what I have discovered about myself, but I am happy that I have discovered it." He drifts over to sit next to Quatre.
"Even among those who fight for justice and peace, there is still prejudice," Wufei comments, sitting in his customary chair. "We needed to know and try to eliminate that."
Heero says nothing-he doesn't have to. I see it in his eyes. His feelings for me...and his relief that they are known. Instead of taking a seat, he comes behind me, leaning against the back of the couch, a hand casually draped across my shoulder. "We're all here," he says evenly. "We might as well get started."
I send a quick prayer to the Lord and Lady as we begin to plan for our futures...our lives.
**********
end part 9
**********
[1] Hematite-at least in my experience-has this wonderful (yes, this is sarcasm) quality of heating up when used for grounding purposes in meditation. The amount of heat the stones absorb is directly proportional to the amount of stress--both physical and emotional-a person is under. And yes, it is possible to burn. The person doing the grounding doesn't feel the heat, but let me tell you, my friend and I have both burned ourselves handling each others' stones after we've been grounding. That's what college will do to you :-p
[2] I can't speak for any other Wiccans, but this happens to me all the time. If I use my reserves in spell-casting moderately, I usually get hungrier than normal, but if I push myself past those limits, I lose my appetite for the next few days. Just so you know, this is *not* a smart thing to do. Another 'do not try this at home' warning, if you will. *Always know your limits!*
[3] *sighs* That is *worse* than a poor explanation, but sadly, it's the best I can do. I've been studying the Craft for almost seven years now, learning as much as I can, but this is one of the realms where magick crosses into the sciences and mathematics-and yes, this does make sense, because there is a theory that magick is just science that hasn't been formally 'discovered' yet. I happen to believe this myself-so much of our technology today would be considered magick by those who lived in the distant-and even not so distant-past, especially in terms of medical breakthroughs. But, I'm wandering off topic :) The *reason* this is the best explanation I can give is because, well, I am a history major, and I've never had much of a head for the hard sciences. My good friend here, who also follows the Craft, is a physics major, and it is she who can make coherent sense in the point I was trying to make *sighs again* I asked her for help with this, so she tried to explain it to me-this is what I absorbed, and that's just the simplest of concepts. *contemplates taking a physics course next semester*