Finally you're going to see the dream/memory sequence I keep going on about at the beginning of every chapter. =*_*= I had so much fun writing this one, it's almost criminal. Shounen-ai 1x2, angst and suffering ahead. Rated R for language and mild gore.

A.N. All, I repeat, ALL of the text in italics, excepting single words in other people's dialogue, but including the dream/memory sequence, are Heero's thoughts. =^_~= Didja get all that? Good.

Disclaimer #1: I don't own GW...*cries*...but if I DID own it, things would be SO different, but then again if "ifs and buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all weigh 300 pounds, so there. =P

Disclaimer #2: I was an English major, so when I write, I write wordy. You have been warned. =P

~~~~~~~~~~

The odour of blood in the cave was increasing. For whatever reason, the bleeding still hadn't stopped, and Duo had been gone a long time. Still, Heero was determined to be satisfied that he had finally followed orders, if only partially.

He'll probably be back.

It was actually nicer with him being annoying instead of being gone; his mindless babbling filled up a little bit of the space between them that would otherwise have been filled with pain. He was thirsty now. As cold as it was, he had been sweating profusely because of the pain, holding himself back from crying out. It wouldn't do any good to yell. It wouldn't hurt less if he did.

I've been trained to deal with pain.

The stinging, aching, throbbing, tearing pain could be dealt with, but not ignored. It occurred to him that maybe Duo's lifelong policy of 'ignore it and it'll go away' didn't work any better for Duo that it did for himself. All the time he wasted blathering about rock bands and ceiling tiles was how he dealt with his pain, the anguish of watching his friend suffer and not being able to help.

He could give himself his silly psychotherapy while digging out. Why would he insist on staying here with Mr. Hopeless Cause, AND endanger the rest of the team's safety?

After a time that Heero couldn't measure, he felt himself drifting closer to sleep. It could be suicide to do so.

He's not the soldier I thought he was...needs to toughen up...

He fell suddenly, hundreds of miles at a terrifying rate, into a foggy abyss of dreams and memories.

**********

"Hey, you guys! Whatcha lagging back there for? Come on!" Duo ran from the food promenade to the midway in record time. Three hot dogs plus two sodas, and cotton candy on the side resulted in a burst of energy none of the other pilots could match.

It was a red-letter day in Duo's history. As part of a special promotion to benefit some charitable organization, the circus Trowa worked with had teamed up with a huge carnival company to present an outstanding double feature. The specially-discounted tickets for the occasion, combined with having a buddy in the business, meant that coaster-crazy Duo could have his fill of thrill rides at rock-bottom prices. He was in seventh heaven.

As they tried to catch up with him, Trowa and Quatre jogged hand in hand taking in all the wonderful sights, sounds, and smells of the midway. Heero and Wufei walked behind, rolling their eyes at each other and shaking their heads periodically.

Duo stopped in front of the carnival's crown jewel. "Whoa..." he breathed admiringly. His four friends stood behind him, gaping.

"You can't be serious," Wufei said with a start.

"Hell yeah!" Duo shouted.

Quatre put a hand on his elbow. "But you just ate! You can't go on that thing yet!"

"Nooo, of course not," Duo said in mock compliance. "Not by myself, anyway!" He grabbed Quatre's shoulders and steered him toward the line. Panic filled the Arabian's eyes and Trowa pried him free eventually, laughing so hard he nearly knocked them all to the ground.

"Ahhh, don't any of you turn chicken on me NOW," Duo chided, teasingly. Kicking over an orange crate and standing on it, Duo proceeded to deliver a short sermon about the object of his admration. "Gentlemen...what you see behind me is not mere paint, and glitter, and steel, no..." He put one hand on his heart and flung the other to the side, pointing back at the metal beast. "This, my friends, is an institution...a symbol of man's quest to conquer fear...a line drawn in the sand by fate herself, where the masses tremble with anticipation, waiting for this magnificent creation to separate the men from the boys!"

By now a small crowd had gathered behind the pilots, pulled in by Duo's emphatic and passionate speech. The strange mix of priest's clothes and sweeping gestures worthy of the pulpit at St. Peter's drew their enraptured attention. Heero looked around, slapped a hand over his eyes, and groaned.

"What THIS is," Duo hollered, ready to drive his point home, "is the biggest, the baddest, the meanest mother of a roller coaster in all the Earth, and the colonies! And we're not gonna let it scare us away, are we!?"

"NO!" the crowd shouted. Trowa and Quatre snickered. Even Wufei showed traces of an amused smile. Heero raised an eyebrow.

"And we're the only ones in this whole sorry, timid, chickenshit universe with the guts it takes to battle this beast, aren't we!?"

"YEAH!" the crowd answered.

"None of us is leaving until we show it we're not afraid! Get in those seats and vanquish it! The killer! The ultimate! The Quantum Death 3000! NOW WHO'S WITH ME!!?"

The crowd exploded with cheers and rioted all the way to the gate chanting 'Quantum Death! Quantum Death!' A terrifying thought struck Heero that if Duo cleaned up his language a little, he might have a bright future in politics. Duo hopped off the orange crate, pumped full of adrenaline, and grinned at his fellow daredevils. "Ready?"

"You're not going on that thing," Heero said.

"What? Why!?"

"Quatre's right. You just ate, and if you ride that coaster right now, we're ALL going to regret it in about ten minutes." Heero folded his arms and fixed his face into a glare. He wasn't backing down on this one. "The tickets may be cheap, but the food isn't, and since you're always broke, I'll have to feed you twice."

Duo stood toe-to-toe with Heero, hands on hips. "Lemmie get this straight...I've pulled G-forces sitting in Deathscythe that would make most guys quit breathing, and you think I'm gonna step off this thing and toss my cookies?"

"Yes."

"I won't!"

"You will."

They stared each other down until Trowa cleared his throat. "Guys, they're only open for another nine hours," he quipped. Duo looked at the roller coaster and then gave Heero his best puppy dog eyes.

Heero shook his head. "Those don't work on me." Duo's face fell. "It's only 12:30. We'll walk around for awhile, and then come back, okay?"

Duo looked forlornly at his loyal followers, who were already strapped into the ride, still chanting. He sighed, and decided it was the best offer he was going to get. He didn't want to be angry at Heero, since he was only looking out for his friend, after all.

"Okay," he sighed.

And so they continued on their way, leaving the coaster full of cheering thrill ride fanatics behind.

Wufei nodded approvingly at Duo. "Good speech. I enjoyed it."

"Hey, thanks, Wu-Man!"

They wandered for a good hour or so, playing the carnival games, watching the street performers, all the while listening to Duo chatter about how much he was looking forward to the Quantum Death 3000. Eventually, he was tugging on Heero's arm every five minutes asking if it was time to go back yet. His enthusiasm proved infectious enough to make the others agree to ride the coaster too, even Quatre; they truly liked doing things as a team. While they prepared themselves for the ultimate blow to their senses, fate prepared a surprise for Heero.

Situated a few meters away from the boys, as they compared the times on their watches, was a batting cage. Little kids, dreaming of the big leagues, paid to have baseballs thrown at them at 90 miles an hour, just for kicks. In the middle of a batting session, an eight-year-old boy suddenly decided he had to go to the bathroom. As he left the cage, no one noticed he left the gate wide open, just like no one noticed the pitching machine was still on. No one noticed anything strange.

The next ball came screaming out of the pitching machine, over the plate, through the gate, ricocheted off a 'you-must-be-this-tall' sign, and beaned Heero in the back of the head. He noticed.

The ball struck his skull with a sickening crack, and for a moment he just stood there, not even blinking. Dazed, the Wing pilot lurched forward, clutching the back of his head and letting out an involuntary groan. All four gasped and held him upright. They shook him gently and shouted his name, trying to drag him back from the brink of unconsciousness. The batting cage operator was over in an instant.

"Hey, kid, are you alright?" asked the bearded man, genuinely more worried about Heero's condition than his liability insurance. He picked up the errant baseball and looked straight into Heero's eyes. "Kid? Can you hear me?"

"Heero, come on, wake up!" Duo was snapping his fingers in his dizzy friend's face. At least he was still standing; that in itself was quite remarkable. "Look at me...I'm right over here...can you see me?"

Heero blinked in the direction of the voice, struggling to bring his vision back into focus. He saw approximately four Duos...not an entirely unpleasant sight, to be sure, but not exactly normal either. Within seconds, the Perfect Soldier appeared to be back, and he politely brushed off the concerned hands holding him up.

"I'm fine," he said plainly.

"You don't look fine," Quatre said.

The cage operator wasn't buying his story. "Listen, kid, you oughta lie down and lemmie have a look at ya. You just took a fast ball to the head! That'd knock me out cold!"

Heero shot a mild Deathglare at the bearded man, although he had trouble locating him at first. "I said I'm fine."

Trowa put a hand on the operator's arm. "It's alright, sir, really. I'm with the circus troupe, I can get him backstage to see the duty physician if he needs to."

The man thought for a moment, then seemed satisfied with this. "Yeah, well...alright, just keep an eye on him," he said, walking away. "And don't let him operate any heavy machinery," he deadpanned.

Four out of five pilots couldn't help but laugh at the innocent remark. They quickly shuffled Heero over to a bench in front of the Quantum Death 3000 and sat him down. Wufei immediately knelt in front of him and starting asking questions; the date, the time, the place, the capital of Venezuela, the names of their Gundams in alphabetical order, and finally how many fingers he was holding up. "Pay attention, Yuy."

Heero slapped his hand away. "I said I was fine! Are you all deaf!?"

Trowa winked at the others. He'd dealt with concussion patients before, mostly after a mishap on the highwire. They stubbornly refused to believe there was anything wrong with them unless they were utterly humbled. "Heero, if you were to take Wing from the moon to L3, while the moon was in perigee, with a full tank of fuel but only 75% of your life support, what's the minimum speed you'd have to maintain to get there before you run out of oxygen?"

Heero blinked stupidly. "Uh...L3?" He nodded. "L3 is...um..." Damn. He knew the colony was out there somewhere, but it's exact compass bearing kept eluding him. "From where, again?"

The others sighed. Trowa nodded. "Concussion."

Duo looked sympathetically at Heero and put an arm around him. It was truly sad and at the same time hilarious to see him so lost and confused, and he felt a strong sense of protectiveness towards him. Heero stared straight ahead and slightly downward, blushing.

Crisis number two came soon after, in the form of an announcement over the loudspeaker. The Quantum Death 3000 would operate for one more trip, and then be closed for maintenance the rest of the day. It was last call.

Duo jumped up, ecstatic. "Oh man...you're all coming, right?"

"Heero can't ride that thing with a concussion," Quatre pointed out sadly. "Well, I don't know that he can't, but it seems risky..."

Trowa shook his head in agreement. "Wouldn't be a good idea."

"Oh no! Can we come back tomorrow?" Duo pleaded.

"Not likely," Wufei answered. "We're moving to a new safe house tomorrow."

Duo fell back onto the bench, defeated. "I can't believe this." Out of the depths of his despair, Duo felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You guys go ahead. I'll wait here."

They all looked at Heero and then at each other, then Duo broke the silence. "Aw, Hee-chan, I can't let you sit out here by yourself and miss all the fun...tell you what, I'll stay with Heero, and you three can go nuts," he said, waving the others in the direction of the coaster. "We'll be fine out here," he said with a grin.

Quatre looked pleased and disappointed at once. "Duo, are you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead...and I want a detailed blow-by-blow when you get back, okay?" He stretched out lazily on the bench, draped an arm across Heero's chest, and gave the blond boy a sly smile. "No rush..."

Trowa and Quatre smiled back with instant understanding. With very little discussion, they turned around, took one of Wufei's arms apiece, and the trio marched off to battle the coaster of doom. Heero was still staring at Duo in disbelief.

"You didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to. It wouldn't have been any fun without you anyway."

"...hn." There was little point in arguing.

The three adventurers returned later with nothing but the highest praise for the roller coaster. It had been a sensational ride. Heero felt a pang of what he guessed was guilt that Duo had missed it to babysit him, but the braided boy kept insisting that it was alright. Night approached the carnival, and three of the boys had enjoyed a full afternoon, trying out all the other rides while Duo and Heero kept various benches from flying up in the air. While they busied themselves on an antique Polar Express, Duo weaved around the game stalls and food stands, looking for the perfect spot.

He finally settled on a bench facing west, just in front of the lake, with a squarish-shaped boulder in front of it, at the perfect distance for one to put one's feet up casually. They both sat down, and Duo immediately flung his feet up on the rock. After being sharply nudged in the ribs with an elbow, Heero did the same. The sun was setting into the horizon of the lake, painting the water and sky with glorious shades of blue, purple, red and gold.

The hurly-burly of the carnival seemed to fade away after awhile, encouraging forth the quiet conversation waiting in the wings. "How's your head?"

"Better, but I still feel a bit strange."

Duo folded his arms behind his head. "Probably should take a couple days off before you get back in Wing. You gotta admit, you took a hard lick back there."

Heero nodded, taking in the sunset. Thankfully, his blurred vision only lasted about an hour, although some disorientation and a slight ringing in his ears remained. "Duo?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you go find the others and have some fun while the park's still open?"

Duo pulled his braid out from behind him and fiddled with the elastic. "Because..."

"You don't have to sit with me all night, I don't plan on passing out or having a seizure," Heero said with a touch of sarcasm.

"I know, I know," Duo declared. "That's not why I'm here anyway. Takes more than a fastball to the noggin to stop Heero Knievel, I know that!"

"So why are you here? All you could talk about after lunch was going on that roller coaster. Why didn't you go?"

Duo shrugged with a smile. "This is nice, too..." A lack of any intelligible response from Heero made Duo blush faintly, and he started babbling. "We don't get that much time together, especially not with that damn third wheel of a laptop around. Don't try to deny it, that thing always gets the lion's share of your attention. Not that I'm one to complain, but today's been...well, nice. It's a shame you almost got knocked out and all, but I'm really enjoying getting to hang out with you for a few hours and not get yelled at for talking overtop of your almighty clicking keyboard.

"And besides, just look at that!" he exclaimed, pointing to the sunset with upturned palms. "That's worth ten Quantum Deaths any day of the week...especially since I got to share it with you." Ordinarily, Duo would have thrown himself under a bus before saying anything so sappy, but hell with it, he was in a sappy mood.

Heero didn't know how to respond. No part of his training ever prepared him for his battle partner rambling about the sunset, or for what happened next. As he stared at the horizon, Heero felt something warm wrapping around his hand; looking down, he saw Duo had inched closer to him and slipped his own hand around Heero's thin fingers. He had quite logically assumed that Duo wouldn't be happy unless he was racing around the carnival like a cheetah on acid...so why did he seem so content sitting still?

Duo seemed to read his mind. "Suppose, hypothetically...and I don't mean anyone in particular...that you've got a choice between being together or being happy...I'd always pick together, 'cause y'see, being happy won't necessarily bring you together, but being together is what makes you happy..." He trailed off, embarassed. "Yeah, sounds stupid, I know." He shrugged and looked over at Heero to gauge his reaction.

When Heero turned to meet Duo's gaze, he nearly caught his breath. The sunset was reflected in his violet eyes and tinted them with a multitude of sparkling hues. His eyes were suddenly two dazzling, rainbow-coloured jewels, dancing and shimmering only for him. Pleased with the way his friend stared at him, speechless, Duo smiled--not his trademark smirk laced with bitterness and superiority, but a pure, gentle smile. Heero was shocked to feel his mouth involuntarily offer him a tiny smile in return.

Looking at the sunset once again, they sat in silence. Duo's stomach rumbled angrily, demanding it's dinner, but Duo ignored it completely. Instead, he yawned and leaned his tousled, chestnut head on Heero's shoulder.

Alien sensations flooded Heero's muddled brain...tingling, swirling, aching sensations he couldn't interpret, and a tugging feeling in the center of his chest, just below his ribcage. He tried desperately to link these new symptoms to his concussion, as if afraid of what else they could mean. Unable to make a correlation, he analyzed it methodically.

Could he still see and hear clearly? Yes. Were any of the new sensations painful? No. Did his concussion seem worse since Duo had come closer? Not at all--in fact, he felt better. Puzzling.

He looked down at his friend; maybe it wasn't supposed to mean anything. Maybe it was just supposed to feel good.

After awhile, Heero got a crick in his neck from sitting up straight, and without thinking, he leaned his head against Duo's. The other boy's grip on his hand tightened ever so slightly, and they relaxed together, watching the stars come out and drinking the summer air laced with the aromas of soft pretzels and caramel corn.

Heero didn't know why, but he liked this.

He wanted more of this.

**********

As the heavenly remembrances faded and reality came crashing in, Heero awoke to the smell of blood, stone, and stale water. He regretted not having died in his sleep, with such beautiful thoughts to see him into the next world.

Blinking away a fresh layer of wet dust, he saw light in the cave; someone had returned, at least long enough to re-light the candle. He also felt a faint pressure on his chest, up near his right shoulder, far from the damp puddle in the middle of his camoflage shirt caused by the dripping water.

He turned his head weakly and saw Duo, sitting with his eyes closed and his legs tucked underneath him. His left hand was resting lightly near Heero's shoulder; his right hand was suspended in front of him, clutching an object. In the low light, Heero caught the glint of a golden chain running from Duo's hand, around his neck, and back again. He's holding his cross.

Duo hadn't yet noticed that Heero was awake; his eyes were still gently closed, and his lips were moving mutely, as if in a trance. He was silently reciting something, but the low light combined with grogginess and fatigue made it too difficult for Heero to lip-read.

He looked Duo over thoughtfully. He'd seen the boy in this posture before. It was many battles ago, at a time when they had all relied on hand-to-hand combat to accomplish their mission; Duo had also been forced to mortally wound a guard. The uniformed brute wasn't a vile or wicked man, he was merely following orders and he got in the way. Duo secretly pitied him.

When the fighting had calmed down, Duo, Heero and Wufei waited for their signal to proceed. Heero remembered discussing something with Wufei, and Duo had disappeared around the corner. When the signal was given, he went to fetch his teammate and found him crouched over the guard's body. He laid a hand upon the man and clutched his cross in the same way; he was muttering something quietly.

Heero had watched for a moment and ducked back around the corner before Duo could realize he was being observed. When Duo returned, he nonchalantly announced that the guard was dead.

And now he seemed to be huddled over Heero in the same way.

Has he finally accepted that I'm going to die?

He was probably the only living soul that knew about Duo's secret little death ritual. And soon, no one will know. Heero didn't realize that Duo had opened his eyes and was staring back at him until he spoke.

"Sleep well, Heero?"

The final countdown had begun.


~~~~~~~~~~

Nyah, I made Duo a little bit religious, hope nobody minds. =*_*= Nobody can disprove it anyway, I'll bet... *bweeheeheehee* But I hope after all that, Heero understands sacrifice a little better...probably not, because I've got more chapters to fill and more torture to dole out. *is an evil authoress* Let's see...it's gonna take some work to sort this mess out. Wouldn't you just love to read my other stories while I prepare the next chapter? Oh sure you would. =^-^=