Act Ten

Act Ten

(In Ingo's tent)

Ingo:
You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Gerudo!

Link:
They completed their training.

Ingo:
Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain.
Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Tatl:
Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get
Malon into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!

Link:
We're not finished!

Ingo:
Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father-

Link:

He's NOT my REAL father!

Ingo:

(Ignoring that)

-but I am the King's Council.
And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own... You're dismissed.

Malon:
(To Link)
Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch!
(She sees he's sad)
...Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Tatl:
I saw that.

Malon:
What?

Tatl:
You like him, don't you

Malon:
No! I...

Tatl:
Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT!

[Smiling, Malon walks away.]

Tatl:
(To Yoshi)
I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

(They rush into the tent as Ingo strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers. Yoshi types out a letter, like a typewriter.)

Tatl:
Okay, lemme see what you've got.
(Reads)
From General Rauru: 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Gerudo at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

[Yoshi hops around typing out another letter.]

Tatl:
That's better, much better! Let's go!

Tatl:
Epona, baby. We need a ride.
(Epona squirts her off, and Yoshi slowly backs off.)

***

[At the lake. Laughter]

Ingo:
Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers!
(More laughter)
And I do not squeal like a girl!
(He turns to see a straw soldier (Tatl and Yoshi) riding a Tektite.)
Eeeeeeek!!!

Tatl:
(In a deep voice)
Urgent news from the general!
(She holds out a scroll)
What's the matter, you've never seen a scaled before?

Ingo:
Who are you?

Tatl:
Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no
time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on.

[Ingo turns, and the Tektite jumps up a nearby tree.]

***

(In the captain's tent)

Ingo:
Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Tatl:
Pack your bags, Yoshi, we're moving out!

**Begin Song: "A Girl Worth Fighting For."**

All:

For a long time we've been marching off to battle.

Wario:

In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle.

All:

Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.

Luigi:

Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!

Malon:

Huh?

Luigi:

That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!

I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.

Wario:

My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!

Darunia:

I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like!
It all depends on what she cooks like!
Limestone, sandstone, quartz, mmm ...

Wario:

(To Malon)

Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!

Luigi:

And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!

All:

You can guess what we have missed the most
Since we went off to war!
What do we want?
A girl worth fighting for!

Luigi:

My girl will think I have no flaws

Darunia:

That I'm a major find

Malon:

How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?

All:

Nah!

Luigi:

My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!

Wario:

He thinks he's such a lady-killer!

Ingo:

I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!

Wario:

Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!

All:

But when we come home, in victory
They'll line up at the door!

What do we want?
A girl worth fighting for!
Wish that I had
A girl worth fighting for!
A girl worth fighting--


**END SONG**

[The Hyrule army stares in horror at the charred and
burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.]

Link:
Search for survivors!

[Malon picks up a small doll - the same one that the Gerudo found.]

Link:
I don't understand. General Rauru should've been here.

Ingo:
Captain!
[They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead soldiers. Darunia hands a stuffed teddy bear to Link.]

Darunia:
The... general.

[Link takes a sword and sticks it in the snow,
then places the teddy bear on the hilt.]

Malon:
I'm sorry.

Link:

That...was...my father's....favorite....teddy BEAR!!! He shall be avendged!

Malon:

I thought you said he wasn't your real father.

Link:

Ohhh...yeah!
(Mounts his horse and regains his composure)
The Gerudo are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Castle through Death Mountain pass. We're the only hope for the King now. Move out!

***