Act Fourteen

Act Fourteen

[Outside, Malon and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.]

Malon:
Okay. Any questions?

Wario:
Does this dress make me look fat?
(He is slapped)
Ow!

[The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.]

Guard:
Who's there?

Guard #2:
Concubines.

Guard:
Ugly concubines.

[An apple rolls out of Luigi's dress. One of the guards picks it up. The hawk
notices Link hiding, and tries to call out, but Tatl lights fire and torches him.]

Tatl:
Now that's what I call Hyrulian barbeque.

[The guard hands the apple to Luigi, but the Gang of Three
all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards.]

Malon:
Link! Go!

[Link runs up the stairs and into the room where Ganondorf and the King are.]

Ganondorf:
I tire of your arrogance, old toad. Bow to me!

King Toad:
No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Ganondorf:
(Raising his sword)
Then you will kneel ... in pieces!

(He swings the sword; Link rushes in and blocks it. He is
swung around a pillar, and then kicks Ganondorf in the face.)

Malon:
Darunia, get the King!

Darunia:
Sorry, your Majesty.
(He picks up the King, and, using his silk belt,
slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.)

Ganondorf:
No!
(He picks up Link and smashes his head against Link's. Malon
winces, then looks down at the ground, where Wario and Luigi are waiting.)

Wario:
Come on!

[Malon looks back at the unconscious Link, and at Ganondorf who is approaching
him. She pulls Ganondorf's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.]

Ganondorf:
No!
(He turns to Link, who is now conscious.)
You! You took away my victory!
(He is hit by a shoe.)

Malon:
No! I did.
(She pulls back her hair.)

Ganondorf:
The soldier from the mountain!

(Abandoning Link, he chases after Malon, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Malon is joined by Tatl and Yoshi, riding the feather-less hawk.)

Tatl:
So what's the plan?

Malon:
Ummmmm ...

Tatl:
YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN?

Malon:
Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ...
(As they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.)
Tatl--

Tatl:
Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Yoshi!

[They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Ganondorf attacks Malon, and she shinnies up a pole. Ganondorf cuts down the pole, and Malon and the pole go through the wall. Malon jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Tatl and Yoshi are gathering ammunition.]

Tatl:
Citizens. I need firepower!

Citizen:
Who are you?

Tatl:
(Looking fierce)
Your worst nightmare.
(The two men jump off the tower.)

Mario:
Look! On the roof!

[Malon backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Ganondorf
crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Malon pulls out a paper fan.]

Ganondorf:
Looks like you're out of ideas.
(He stabs the sword through the fan; Malon turns it around and readies the sword.)

Malon:
Not quite. Ready, Tatl?

Tatl:
(With a rocket strapped to her back)
I am ready, baby!
(She lights fire on a stick and hands it to Yoshi.)
Light me!

[Malon kicks Ganondorf in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the sword. Yoshi lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Ganondorf straight into the firework tower.]

Malon:
(Picking up Tatl)
Get off the roof, get off the roof!

[As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Link, who is running down the stairs. Ganondorf's sword and Tatl land nearby.]

Tatl:
Ahahahahahaha!
(She catches Yoshi)
You are a lucky yoshi!

Ingo:
That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess!
Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.

Link:
She's a hero!

Ingo:
She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything!

Link:
Listen, you pompous ...

King Toad:
That is enough!

Link:
Your Majesty, I can explain!

[The King raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Malon.]

King Toad:
I've heard a great deal about you, Malon. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the army, destroyed my castle! And you have saved us all.

[He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Castle Town bows to her.]

Tatl:
Our little baby is all grown up and saving Hyrule!
(To Yoshi)

Do you have a tissue?

King Toad:
Ingo!

Ingo:
Your Excellency?

King Toad:
See that this woman is made a member of my council.

Ingo:
What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!

King Toad:
Very well.

(To Malon)

You can have his job.

Ingo:
Wha? ... My? ...
(He faints.)

Malon:
With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.

King Toad:
Then take this,
(He hands her a pendant)
so your family will know what you have done for me. And this,
(He hands her the sword of Ganondorf)
so the world will know what you have done for Hyrule.

[Malon takes the gifts, then hugs King Toad]

Wario:
Is she allowed to do that?

[Luigi, Darunia and Link shrug. Malon steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Link.]

Link:
Um ... you ... You fight good.

Malon:
(Disappointed)
Oh. Thank you.
(She mounts Epona.)
Epona, let's go home.

[As she rides away, everyone cheers.]

King Toad:
(To Link)
The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Link:
... Sir? ...

King Toad:
You don't meet a girl like that every day!
(He puts on his crown and walks away.)

***