DisClaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of the people in it. Please
don't sue:0)
My first fan fic:0) Please be gentle.
-------------------
Chapter 8: Chains of Saddness
-------------------
-I want to be free.... Free of the chains that bind me to my life-
-Mikaila Allen - Falling Dreams -
-------------------
On Earth
-------------------
I have been busy since that day. I can't hardly breathe. Everything
leads back to Him. My mistakes, my choices, and my destiny. I have
thrown myself into anything that requires effort. My fighting skills
have improved greatly, i can paint sad portraits of another life, and
i can stare at my engagement ring for hours on end. I am lost. If it
were not for the baby, i would have faded away.
God ignores my wishes. I pray everynight and cry myself to sleep.
This world holds no joy for me i say outload into the darkness. I can't
understand why one minute i have everything the next i have none. I
suppose it is real irony through and through.
I have gotton myself a house on a beachside cliff. It is very
remote and isolated. I have sold off my business. Cut all my ties to
what little friends, if you can call them that, i had. I realize that
i am depressed. What am i supposed to do? Go see a doctor? A shrink?
Would that really change anything? No, i think not. I know that i will
never get over him, who cares that i am young. Does that make a
difference in ones capacity to love? Everyday i feel thousands of
sharp tiny needles in my skin. I have a void in my heart and i can't
ever be able to fill it.
Later that night Atrea dreaming No.No.No. i don't want to go
back. Dilandau help me. Don't take me BBBAAACCCKKKKKKKK.
Oh God Sobbing This dream again. I can't go on like this
reliving the same moment night after night after night. THIS IS
TORTURE. Yells at the ceiling Why don't you just kill me? HMMMM
do you like to make me suffer? Do you enjoy watching my pain? What
have i ever done to you to deserve this? You take my life, you take my
will, you ignore my wishes. DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------
4 and a half weeks later
-------------------
Painting a picture of saddess Will i ever see you again my
love? Will i ever hear your voice? owwwww, oh god whats happening owww
my stomach it burns. oh no the baby. NO. NO. No. Gotta get to the
hospital. Gotta call 911. OWWWWWWWWWWWW. Screaming from the pain
Where. Where am i? " How are you feeling "? A woman asks. " It
hurts ". I reply groaning. " Well, your going to be just fine "? the
woman says softly. " Where am i "? I ask again. " Don't you remember "?
the woman's voice says. " No i don't ". I said a little groggy. " Your
in the hosipital " The woman said trying to sound comforting while
doing something to the I.V. ". " I am Nurse Holly, you should start to
feel less groggy in a few minutes ". " What happened " I asked. " I
will let the doctor tell you ". The nurse said full of sympathy. " Why
don't you just tell me now ". I said. " I'll let the doctor tell you "
She said sadly." Oh god i lost the baby didn't i "? I said on the brink
of tears. " Yes ". Is all she could reply, then she left me alone to
dwell on my thoughts. My thoughts... I was empty... I was now truly
alone... I had nothing left... But this ring that came from his heart.
-------------------
- Beneath foreign sod and seasons past.
There rots an army robed in grass.
Where before they marched to war,
The flowers bloomed by a hundred score.
A flowered shore; A tide of men.
A common fate they shared there when.
Where swept away by bomb and shell.
It was there they met the hounds of hell.
'Tis sad, 'Tis sad, wept flower's songs.
The time is lost the men are gone.
While far away said those who knew.
That loved' ones deaths could not be true.
Yet death is there where flowers grow.
Now as they did so long ago.
For flowers die to bloom again.
But not the flesh and bones of men.-
-Anonomous-
-------------------
Atrea's house
-------------------
I feel so numb, I have nothing. hahahahahahahaha. She laughs
hollowly. Are you happy now GOD ? Was i a good test subject? Want to
beat on me so more? Oh please, you can do better than this? Can't you?
For years they take and take and take. And now you!!!! hahahahahahaha
I must be the biggest joke up there huh? What did i get for all my
trouble? ANSWER ME? WHAT DID I GET FOR ALL MY TROUBLE? I will tell you
what i got, Absolutly nothing, You hear me Abso fucking lutly nothing.
hahahahahahaha. You want to see my strengh of will, want to see how
much i care about living now? Pounding the ground with fists
Crys herself to sleep outside 40 meters from the cliff.
-------------------
Dream sequence
-------------------
Many voices soft and pleasant What are you doing? Where are you
Atrea? Can you hear us? AAAATTTRRREEEAAAAA...... Are you listening?
" Why should i listen "? Because this is your destiny. " Whatever,
leave me be" Where are you going? Where are you Atrea? Can you hear
us? AAAATTTRRREEEAAAA......... Are you listening? " If i listen will
you go away?" Come follow your destiny. " No " You have no choice.
" No " You will come...... " Make me " Where are you.......? You will
come....... " no i won't " you will come....... " Go away " See you
soon...... " No you won't ". voices fade
Atrea wakes up What time is it? looks at watch 2am. I
know what i have to do. Then the voices will stop. The memories will
be gone. The torture a distant speck. My life will disappear. Atrea
walks over to the cliff overlooking the rocks below I wonder if it
will hurt, the fall i mean. Will he ever know how much i love him?
Am i a memory for him too. Will i fade into the darkness? Is there a
hell? A heaven ? MMMMMM look at the water below. Dancing with the rocks
and sand. So peaceful. I feel so numb. I can't move. So peaceful....
Music in my ears, i hear it calling me. My mind is flying... Give me
peace. With that she jumps....and a bright white light engulfs her.
-------------------
Gaea
-------------------
" Is she ok "? says Gaddes. " I don't know sir " said Meraton.
" We better get her back the castle " says Gaddes. " Ya, maybe princess
Millerna can do something for her " said Meraton." you say she has
been like this since you found her "? Millerna said impatiently. " yes
princess, she just lays there catatonic ". said Gaddes. " We didn't
know what to do " Meraton said saddly. " Well i am glad you brought
her here, you both did the right thing. Unfortunatly there is nothing
i can do either. There is nothing wrong with her physically. She needs
to go to Fanelia, they have a mind healer there that may be able to
help her. Or the very least tell me how to help her. Gaddes go tell
Allen to meet me at the Crusade 2." She said urgently. " Yes princess "
They spoke in unison.
I have seen her before. I wish i could remember where. What is that
strange looking ring on her finger? I have seen that before too. I
hope we can help her. Millerna thought.
-------------------
Aboard the Crusade 2
-------------------
" Allen you know her "? Millerna asked him. " Yes princess, her
name is Atrea ". Allen replied confused. " Where " Millerna asked
jealously. " I met her about a year ago, she said she was traveling
from Merrosa. I believe that to be a lie though. I knew her for a day,
then Dilandau came looking for her. She ran, and that's the last i
saw of her " He said. "oh " she said not trying to sound happy. " What
gets me is, why now? I mean there she was a year ago, then disappeared,
and now she is found in Austuria catatonic? It does not make sense.
What happened in that time "? Allen said very perplexed. " I wonder
too Allen, I know i have seen her before, but i can't place where.
Do you see that strange ring on her finger"? Millerna asks. " I hope
we can find out, the poor girl". Allen said sadly.
" So Allen how is your sister adjusting to Fanelia "? Millerna
inquires. " She is doing ok, she says she can't remember anything
though, that worries me a little " Allen states looking out the window.
" Oh? why should that worry you? It is best she can't remember, that
would be too much for her". " I am worried because she said she can't
remember, yet everynight she has nightmares. It is almost like HE is
buried in her mind". Allen said and turned around. " Do you think it
is possible Dilandau will come back"? Millerna asks looking into his
eyes. " No, that is not what worries me. Celena says things in her
sleep. Things that don't make sense ". Allen said returning her gaze.
" Like what ". Millerna asks and stands up. " Things like -I miss you
my love- , -You have the most amazing smile- , don't you like your
drink?- " Allen said half laughing. " your right those things are way
out there " Millerna said. " They must be Dilandau's memories because
Celena only came back 2 months ago, that is what worries me. Dilandau's
past". Allen said trying to sound calm. " I am sure it's nothing
Allen ". Millerna says while smiling sweetly.
Overhead com system- 2 minutes until we reach Fanelia sir
---------------------
don't sue:0)
My first fan fic:0) Please be gentle.
-------------------
Chapter 8: Chains of Saddness
-------------------
-I want to be free.... Free of the chains that bind me to my life-
-Mikaila Allen - Falling Dreams -
-------------------
On Earth
-------------------
I have been busy since that day. I can't hardly breathe. Everything
leads back to Him. My mistakes, my choices, and my destiny. I have
thrown myself into anything that requires effort. My fighting skills
have improved greatly, i can paint sad portraits of another life, and
i can stare at my engagement ring for hours on end. I am lost. If it
were not for the baby, i would have faded away.
God ignores my wishes. I pray everynight and cry myself to sleep.
This world holds no joy for me i say outload into the darkness. I can't
understand why one minute i have everything the next i have none. I
suppose it is real irony through and through.
I have gotton myself a house on a beachside cliff. It is very
remote and isolated. I have sold off my business. Cut all my ties to
what little friends, if you can call them that, i had. I realize that
i am depressed. What am i supposed to do? Go see a doctor? A shrink?
Would that really change anything? No, i think not. I know that i will
never get over him, who cares that i am young. Does that make a
difference in ones capacity to love? Everyday i feel thousands of
sharp tiny needles in my skin. I have a void in my heart and i can't
ever be able to fill it.
Later that night Atrea dreaming No.No.No. i don't want to go
back. Dilandau help me. Don't take me BBBAAACCCKKKKKKKK.
Oh God Sobbing This dream again. I can't go on like this
reliving the same moment night after night after night. THIS IS
TORTURE. Yells at the ceiling Why don't you just kill me? HMMMM
do you like to make me suffer? Do you enjoy watching my pain? What
have i ever done to you to deserve this? You take my life, you take my
will, you ignore my wishes. DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------
4 and a half weeks later
-------------------
Painting a picture of saddess Will i ever see you again my
love? Will i ever hear your voice? owwwww, oh god whats happening owww
my stomach it burns. oh no the baby. NO. NO. No. Gotta get to the
hospital. Gotta call 911. OWWWWWWWWWWWW. Screaming from the pain
Where. Where am i? " How are you feeling "? A woman asks. " It
hurts ". I reply groaning. " Well, your going to be just fine "? the
woman says softly. " Where am i "? I ask again. " Don't you remember "?
the woman's voice says. " No i don't ". I said a little groggy. " Your
in the hosipital " The woman said trying to sound comforting while
doing something to the I.V. ". " I am Nurse Holly, you should start to
feel less groggy in a few minutes ". " What happened " I asked. " I
will let the doctor tell you ". The nurse said full of sympathy. " Why
don't you just tell me now ". I said. " I'll let the doctor tell you "
She said sadly." Oh god i lost the baby didn't i "? I said on the brink
of tears. " Yes ". Is all she could reply, then she left me alone to
dwell on my thoughts. My thoughts... I was empty... I was now truly
alone... I had nothing left... But this ring that came from his heart.
-------------------
- Beneath foreign sod and seasons past.
There rots an army robed in grass.
Where before they marched to war,
The flowers bloomed by a hundred score.
A flowered shore; A tide of men.
A common fate they shared there when.
Where swept away by bomb and shell.
It was there they met the hounds of hell.
'Tis sad, 'Tis sad, wept flower's songs.
The time is lost the men are gone.
While far away said those who knew.
That loved' ones deaths could not be true.
Yet death is there where flowers grow.
Now as they did so long ago.
For flowers die to bloom again.
But not the flesh and bones of men.-
-Anonomous-
-------------------
Atrea's house
-------------------
I feel so numb, I have nothing. hahahahahahahaha. She laughs
hollowly. Are you happy now GOD ? Was i a good test subject? Want to
beat on me so more? Oh please, you can do better than this? Can't you?
For years they take and take and take. And now you!!!! hahahahahahaha
I must be the biggest joke up there huh? What did i get for all my
trouble? ANSWER ME? WHAT DID I GET FOR ALL MY TROUBLE? I will tell you
what i got, Absolutly nothing, You hear me Abso fucking lutly nothing.
hahahahahahaha. You want to see my strengh of will, want to see how
much i care about living now? Pounding the ground with fists
Crys herself to sleep outside 40 meters from the cliff.
-------------------
Dream sequence
-------------------
Many voices soft and pleasant What are you doing? Where are you
Atrea? Can you hear us? AAAATTTRRREEEAAAAA...... Are you listening?
" Why should i listen "? Because this is your destiny. " Whatever,
leave me be" Where are you going? Where are you Atrea? Can you hear
us? AAAATTTRRREEEAAAA......... Are you listening? " If i listen will
you go away?" Come follow your destiny. " No " You have no choice.
" No " You will come...... " Make me " Where are you.......? You will
come....... " no i won't " you will come....... " Go away " See you
soon...... " No you won't ". voices fade
Atrea wakes up What time is it? looks at watch 2am. I
know what i have to do. Then the voices will stop. The memories will
be gone. The torture a distant speck. My life will disappear. Atrea
walks over to the cliff overlooking the rocks below I wonder if it
will hurt, the fall i mean. Will he ever know how much i love him?
Am i a memory for him too. Will i fade into the darkness? Is there a
hell? A heaven ? MMMMMM look at the water below. Dancing with the rocks
and sand. So peaceful. I feel so numb. I can't move. So peaceful....
Music in my ears, i hear it calling me. My mind is flying... Give me
peace. With that she jumps....and a bright white light engulfs her.
-------------------
Gaea
-------------------
" Is she ok "? says Gaddes. " I don't know sir " said Meraton.
" We better get her back the castle " says Gaddes. " Ya, maybe princess
Millerna can do something for her " said Meraton." you say she has
been like this since you found her "? Millerna said impatiently. " yes
princess, she just lays there catatonic ". said Gaddes. " We didn't
know what to do " Meraton said saddly. " Well i am glad you brought
her here, you both did the right thing. Unfortunatly there is nothing
i can do either. There is nothing wrong with her physically. She needs
to go to Fanelia, they have a mind healer there that may be able to
help her. Or the very least tell me how to help her. Gaddes go tell
Allen to meet me at the Crusade 2." She said urgently. " Yes princess "
They spoke in unison.
I have seen her before. I wish i could remember where. What is that
strange looking ring on her finger? I have seen that before too. I
hope we can help her. Millerna thought.
-------------------
Aboard the Crusade 2
-------------------
" Allen you know her "? Millerna asked him. " Yes princess, her
name is Atrea ". Allen replied confused. " Where " Millerna asked
jealously. " I met her about a year ago, she said she was traveling
from Merrosa. I believe that to be a lie though. I knew her for a day,
then Dilandau came looking for her. She ran, and that's the last i
saw of her " He said. "oh " she said not trying to sound happy. " What
gets me is, why now? I mean there she was a year ago, then disappeared,
and now she is found in Austuria catatonic? It does not make sense.
What happened in that time "? Allen said very perplexed. " I wonder
too Allen, I know i have seen her before, but i can't place where.
Do you see that strange ring on her finger"? Millerna asks. " I hope
we can find out, the poor girl". Allen said sadly.
" So Allen how is your sister adjusting to Fanelia "? Millerna
inquires. " She is doing ok, she says she can't remember anything
though, that worries me a little " Allen states looking out the window.
" Oh? why should that worry you? It is best she can't remember, that
would be too much for her". " I am worried because she said she can't
remember, yet everynight she has nightmares. It is almost like HE is
buried in her mind". Allen said and turned around. " Do you think it
is possible Dilandau will come back"? Millerna asks looking into his
eyes. " No, that is not what worries me. Celena says things in her
sleep. Things that don't make sense ". Allen said returning her gaze.
" Like what ". Millerna asks and stands up. " Things like -I miss you
my love- , -You have the most amazing smile- , don't you like your
drink?- " Allen said half laughing. " your right those things are way
out there " Millerna said. " They must be Dilandau's memories because
Celena only came back 2 months ago, that is what worries me. Dilandau's
past". Allen said trying to sound calm. " I am sure it's nothing
Allen ". Millerna says while smiling sweetly.
Overhead com system- 2 minutes until we reach Fanelia sir
---------------------
