Imprisoned

Imprisoned

By Moony

Part one: entrapment

What is a prison when one is willing to be there? Free will? If it is then, is this what love is? A prison you choose to be in on free will or is it merely a prison with pleasure so wonderful you're willing to bare the pain? I debated over this many times coming up with no answers other than I was trapped in one of those prisons.

I looked into his eyes just once and I was trapped. The mystery entranced me. His silence, his uninterested in me. Maybe that was what did it. Then his confusion with me. One could almost say it was his love for me, but no, it was his ability to see my importance.

He was right of course; I became the sovereign of peace for the colonies and the world. Then after my confrontation with my brother he risked everything he had to rescue me, knowing I would be the one to keep the peace after he achieved it.

We were a team whether or not we liked it. He would achieve something and I would strive to maintain it. Though the world thought I did it because of my name, Peacecraft, I did it for something, in my mind, much deeper. It was my love and concern for him that caused me to strive to keep peace. So he would never have to shed blood again. Hurt when he saw the families his enemies had and the pain he had caused in taking that soldier's life. Although I never found his love to be returned I never stopped loving him or exerting myself to keep peace for him. I wondered if I should marry someone I felt no love for just so I wasn't so lonely, but I could stand no man or respect him as I did my Perfect Soldier

That is no one else but Quatre Rababba Winner. He fought on both sides. A soldier as Heero and a sovereign of Peace as I was. He worked so hard. I saw him often and we normally would try to seclude ourselves with little luck. Men always circling me, women circling him. The thing I believe he and I had most in common though was those two people we were in love with. Quatre was deeply in love with my friend who I now spent little time with, Dorothy Catalonia while I pined endlessly over Heero Yuy. Each one we could not seem to reach, though we tried. Quatre tried to be with Dorothy as much as possible, asking her to accompany him anywhere he was going, always being turned down (which after words he would call me and I would accept the offer). While I just tried to find Heero, never with too much luck. If I did he was gone before I could make a move to get to him.

Quatre and I spoke of this many times one particular time I remember well,

"Relena it feels almost hopeless even trying with Dorothy anymore," Quatre sighed as we sat together alone (something very rare indeed). "She is always throwing me aside and saying no to every offer I make."

"Keep trying Quatre. Don't give up on Dorothy so easily. She may just not be used to someone going after her as you do," I replied calmly. Quatre stood up, very agitated. I could see he was hurting badly. He ran his fingers though his beautiful blond hair.

"Sometimes I wonder why I try at all!" he said, his voice rising with every syllable. "I would be better off without her! I wouldn't have to suffer with this damn pain she causes in me!" I had never heard Quatre so angry in my life. I stood and headed over to him. I placed my hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked at me.

"Now you don't mean that," I coaxed gently. His eyes softened and his head fell.

"Of course I don't," he sighed. "But sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be better off marrying someone just so I don't have to go through another one of those lonely nights." That hit me very hard. I gasped and took a step back from him. He looked at me slightly confused.

"I, I," I muttered, my confusion and fear not allowing the words I wanted to say pass the lump forming in my throat.

"What is it Relena? Are you alright?" Quatre said, very concerned. He touched my shoulder. I swallowed the lump.

"It's nothing Quatre," I muttered weakly. "It's just… It's just I have been feeling the exact same about, about Heero." I hadn't spoke his name out loud in so long…

"You have?" Quatre whispered. "I didn't think anyone could feel like I am," He sighed.

"I suppose it is nice to have someone who understands, but what can we do about it. We rarely are able to speak to each other and when we do other people, namely our admirers, interrupt us," I cried.

"We will make ways to see each other. I will visit you through your window at night if need be! We need to speak to each other about this," Quatre pleaded.

Well, I don't think you will have to go so far, Quatre," I joked lightly. "But I agree with you. I think we should meet and speak about this. I will arrange a time once a…" I started.

"A day," Quatre finished. I looked at him rather shocked. I had not realized Quatre was this bad.

"A day," I confirmed. He smiled at me gratefully.

"Thank you, Relena. You are an angel," He said gently.

"We'll start tomorrow okay?" I said and turned to the window. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Quatre. He smiled at me, then turned to the window. I returned my gaze there as well.

Our meetings went well. Everyday I felt I was over coming my love for Heero but strangely it was becoming focused somewhere else, to the man who I was now telling my every feelings and secrets to, Quatre, though the real thought of it frightened me and Heero would return to my mind quickly.

Our meetings always took place in my bedroom and always late. I never read the newspaper so I never saw the roomers that were being spread by our meetings. Then to my wonderful surprise I found out the circus had come in town…