You Hope She Knows
lone astronomer
Disclaimer: Everything is either unclaimed, or is J. K. Rowling's.
Clarification: Is 'And Then There Were None' really a book already? Darn, I knew it sounded too familiar. Oh well.
Archive: Everywhere and anywhere as long as I hear about it and it maintains its original form, my name, and the standard disclaimers.
Summary: Two predictions by Dumbledore's personal Divinations advisor, a great shouting match, and… Can you say 'unforgivable sinner'? Do you know the song? Do you know what Remus' werewolf form did? Well, do you?! That's what I thought. So… read on, wayward reader.
Author's Note: Finally got around to changing my name. Enjoy. - the artist formerly known as *R*e*d*W*o*o*d*
* * *
Kinda lose your sense of time
Cause the days don't matter no more
All the feelings that you hide
Gonna tear you up inside
You hope she knows you tried
Follows you around all day
And you wake up soaking wet
Cause between this world and eternity
There is a face you hope to see
You know where you've sent her
You sure know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there sings like an angel
Unforgivable sinner
You've been walking around in tears
No answers are there to get
You won't ever be the same
Someone cries and you're to blame
Struggling with a fight inside
Sorrow you'll defeat
The picture you can see it won't disappear
Not unpleasant dreams or her voice you hear
You know where you've sent her
You sure you know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there sings like an angel
Unforgivable sinner
Maybe one time lost
But now you're found
Stand right up before you hit the ground
Maybe one time lost
But now you're found
Stand right up before you hit the ground
Hit the ground
You know where you've sent her
You sure you know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there sings like an angel
Unforgivable sinner
- Lene Marlin, Unforgivable Sinner
* * *
A thick haze clouded Allya's mind- vaguely she remembered something of a traumatic evening spent partially in the Shrieking Shack, partially in the Gryffindor common room. She opened one eye and stared out of it, trying to blink away the fog that threatened to let her fall back asleep again. Thank the Greek gods it's Sunday morning. When she was awake enough to actually see, she realized that she was still in the common room, and that something was on her leg.
"Gerroff, Sirius," she groaned, slapping him with a pillow.
Sirius grumbled, but made no move to comply.
Allya hit him again. "Get off," she shouted.
Sirius mumbled something about demanding werewolves, then rolled off her feet. "Good morning to you, too, Sunshine."
"Shaddup." Allya stretched and moved off of the couch. "Well. That was different." I can't feel my toes, she thought desperately. Sirius must be heavier than he looks.
Sirius suppressed a smile. "You mean that it's not a Monday, or that it's not Remus?"
Allya leveled her best glare at him. Sirius cringed. "Both." She extended an arm and pulled him to his feet. "It's only ten after six… sadly, too late to go back to sleep and too early to go to breakfast. So what do we do?"
Sirius grinned and produced a pack of cards from a pocket. "Up for a game of Exploding Snape?" (A/n: yeah, it's supposed to say 'Snape'.)
When Remus awoke there was a pounding in his brain like there had never been before. It felt as if a herd of very fat, angry elephants had trampled over his skull and flattened it like a pancake. Guilt washed over him- a low ache cut deep into his heart- at the horrors his wolven form had committed. Fresh guilt sprouted, too- how had Allya felt when she found out? Maybe he shouldn't have told her…
At least the bizarre half-life of legend wasn't affecting him… unless one called life without Allya a half-life (which Remus was inclined to do). The wolf, too, was unaffected. Perhaps such a completely evil and insane creature that couldn't control itself… But a werewolf only lost control around humans… didn't he?
With sudden clarity, he remembered- there had been a human there that night… the unicorn had sacrificed itself to save her.
More guilt.
He washed it away with an inward sigh, picked up his robes and headed for the showers. It would be a long Sunday… he could feel it.
Longer than Remus knew. When he made it down to the common room, Sirius and Allya were in their pajamas, chasing each other around the room with their wand-tips sparking. Or, more accurately, Sirius was chasing Allya around with the tip of his wand sparking, Ally was running and laughing, jumping over furniture, and waving a love-letter from one of Sirius' old girlfriends. No- Remus looked again, analyzing the handwriting from a distance, it was definitely to one of Sirius' old girlfriends…
" 'Oh how my heart longs for you'?" (A/n: that's too many Kali Ma fics talking, sorry…) Ally recited, cackling, as she jumped behind a chair, running from Sirius' wand. "Really, Padfoot, you need eloquence lessons…" She peeked out from behind a corner, but at that moment, Sirius attacked- he sneaked up and knocked them both onto the couch, tickling her sides mercilessly.
"Sirius… stop… can't… breathe…" When she finally stopped gasping, she became increasingly aware of something- "Um… Sirius? Are you going to get off of me? Or were you planning on skipping breakfast?"
"Me!?" Sirius yelped. "Skip breakfast! I don't think so!"
"Leave it to Sirius," Remus muttered, head down as he left the Gryffindor Tower. "Skipping Potions is okay, but heaven forbid one should skip a meal…"
"I'm bored," Allya announced about five minutes after they'd left the table. "I'm bored, bored, bored, I'm so bored I'm making this into a song… let's go to Hogsmeade," she said.
Sirius clapped a hand over her mouth when some passing Hufflepuffs gave her an inquisitive look. "You've forgotten, Ally," he said forcefully. "It isn't a Hogsmeade weekend." When they were gone, he removed his hand from her mouth.
"Oops."
"C'mon," Sirius said, "Let's go get the cloak…"
Fifteen minutes later, and they were in Hogsmeade. "To Zonko's, then?" Sirius asked, pulling off the cloak and grinning.
"Sirius, I'm fully stocked!"
"Oh. Right. Um… Butterbeer, or back to the castle?"
"Bored. Bored, bored, bored. Back to the castle."
Fifteen minutes later… Allya was still bored. "I'm still bored."
Sirius shook his head, marveling at the strange creature that was his friend Ally. "And the reason for this would be… you are simply insane. A lunatic. Nutters."
"Speak for yourself," Ally muttered, seating herself upside-down in one of the overstuffed chairs. "I'm perfectly sane… just a tad on the crazy side."
Sirius peered at her as if he had never seen her before… for the first time he noticed the bags under her eyes and wondered if they were always there, or just a result of too little sleep the past night.
"So what do you want to do?" James, Lily, Remus, and the rest of the Gryffindor crew were nowhere to be found, and it was beginning to get to her.
"Wanna shag?" Sirius asked, grinning.
Allya's eyebrows collided violently above her nose. "Sirius, you prat, get your mind out of the gutter." She sent all of the pillows in reach flying at him, too, just for good measure.
"I'll take that as a no," Sirius said, pretending to be miffed while unburying himself from the mountain of fluff.
"You do that."
"I plan to." There was a long, very uncomfortable silence.
Finally, Allya spoke. "This is really hard, you know."
Knowing, by her tone, that something was up, Sirius raised his head to meet her eyes- she was sitting the right way in the chair, finally. "What is?"
"This," she answered, making a sweeping gesture with one delicate hand. "All of it. Being with you, not Remus. Hurting him that way… I don't think I can do it, Sirius." She looked utterly hopeless.
Sirius sighed dramatically. "I know… but Remus doesn't have to know. Can we try?"
Ally smiled weakly. "There is no try, Sirius."
He stared out the window- it was raining heavily, with lightning and thunder to boot. Somehow it reflected his inner emotions… Remus shivered. I must be the eye of the storm, he thought darkly. All this shit I can't deal with… He sighed.
Allya and Sirius were visible through the window- running around in their Animagi forms splashing through the puddles. The dark ache resurfaced. She was my way out.
No other escape for Remus, though. Nothing could set him free- nothing could heal his wounds… or almost nothing. Allya had always been the perfect cure.
Swallowing, he looked up out the window once again- they were gone. A fleeting thought ran through his mind before he lay down to sleep. I hope she knows…
November flew by quickly enough… before anyone knew it, the next full moon was upon them. Ally met Remus in the common room around two, wearing her light-blue-and-dark-red chili pepper pajamas underneath her heaviest cloak.
"'Morning," Allya grumbled, not quite awake.
"It can't possibly be," Remus answered without emotion. "It's far too earl-" Madam Pomfrey opened the door to the tower. "Damn."
Following the light of a single candle down the dark hallways of Hogwarts, Remus and Allya remained in strained silence. When Poppy Pomfrey opened the door to the cold outdoors, a chill crept up Ally's spine, and she froze, stock-still. "They will be blessed with a child," she muttered in a low voice. "A child with his mother's eyes and his father's hair. The child will save us all."
"Erm- Allya?" Remus was bending over to look into her eyes. It seemed as if she was… gone. Not there- as in, somewhere else.
"She's spouting that nonsense again, is she?" Pomfrey asked at Remus' bewildered look. "Well, never mind… she's given Dumbledore hope, which we're all grateful for, I'm sure." Poppy sighed. "But it's a good wait we're in for, you know, Remus- last time it was about next year's Head Students… come on, then." Her Irish accent seemed all the softer in the soft light of the candle. She snapped her fingers, and Allya awoke from her trance-like state. "Into the willow, both of you…"
"What was that all about?" Remus asked once they'd been locked in the shack.
"What?" Allya asked, honestly not knowing.
"That!" Remus exploded, ignoring the spiral of pain shooting up his spinal column. "This! Everything lately!" He stopped for breath, his eyes searching hers for an absolute truth he didn't know existed. "You," Remus said quietly. "You and Sirius. Thinking you could hide it! Thinking- I don't know what!"
"Well," she responded coolly, "it's your own fault- if you'll recall, you broke up with me, Moony dear. If I'm not mistaken, that leaves me free to see other people."
"Sirius was my best friend!" Remus shouted, this time dropping to one of the couches from the pain in his left leg. "You have no idea how it hurts to see you with him! How I want to be with you again! How I refuse to even go there because you're too good for me. You don't understand how hard this is for me!"
No… And we were so careful, Ally thought to herself. We were too sure… no one would know… and now… The chill came again- this time she couldn't move, and it wasn't due to the pain of the werewolf transformation. All she saw was Moony, laying in front of her in a pool of blood, a knife gripped in one hand. No. No, no, no… "No, no, no, no, no, no…" It started at a whisper, but was soon very, very loud.
"Allya! Ally, get a grip!" Remus started shaking her shoulders. "Come on, snap out of it… Allya, this isn't funny… Allya…"
Finally, she stopped forming words and just screamed- the agony had started wreaking havoc on her spine- a single, long note, and then silence.
"No," she said again. "No. Tell me you won't do it, Remus," Ally said, her voice deadly and low. "Tell me you won't do it!"
"Do what?" Remus asked sulkily, refusing to meet her eyes.
"Promise me!" she demanded. The tears- the silver tears that were invisible to so many- were falling freely from her eyes now. "Promise me," she said softly. "Promise me you won't do it…"
Remus was still avoiding her gaze… he turned his face away from her. "I don't deserve you," he said hoarsely, drawing something from his robes.
No, damn it, no! "Bullshit!" Allya yelled, louder than she'd intended. "Expelliarmus!" she cried, not knowing how her wand had found its way into her hand. "No, no…" The pain was reaching a climax, emotionally and physically. How can he do this? It suddenly struck her that this was how she had made him feel… so long ago. Greek gods… I never knew I could feel like that…
Remus was trembling on the floor, the pain overwhelming him, as well. As the canine thoughts overran his mind, he thought he heard something from her he'd never heard before… three little words she had never said… and, although he could have been imagining them, he heard her repeat them over and over in his mind until his mind was no longer his own.
*END*
lone astronomer: Sorry to end it there… but you know how it is. The next one will be up pretty soon… I'm pretty sure it will take place somewhere after 'I Don't Know You Anymore', in other words in the far future from this fic…
REMUS: I'm suicidal? I'm in pretty deep, then, aren't I?
ALLYA: Deeper than even you know.
SIRIUS: Diviner's professional opinion?
ALLYA: Nope, I'm in with the lonely one.
SIRIUS: Hey, do we break up after this then?
ALLYA: I'm not at liberty to say…
SIRIUS: C'mon, I get to know, right?
lone astronomer: Er… I'll let ya know real soon. Promise.
MIORÉ: Why did I have to go to the Halloween ball with Amos Diggory? I hate Amos Diggory…
lone astronomer: Sorry. I'll do some rearranging in the next one… promise.
SIRIUS: Good enough for me… Ally's too much trouble for a prankster to handle…
REMUS: Correction: she's too much for you to handle. Which isn't saying a lot…
lone astronomer: I think we all know where this is going. Tell ya what- I'm going to bed now. 'Night, all.
