Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing
_Just so you won't get confused__ _ _ _ _ Means a pass in time and * * * * * is a change in POV
Chapter 5 'End the Pain'
Heero fought to control his emotions as he looked at Duo. He definitely didn't need advice from his big-mouthed friend. He didn't want to appear weak in front of anyone. The man grinning madly and sending off an air of confidence that Heero hadn't sensed in the former Gundam pilot in a long time. "What are you doing here?" Heero asked again regaining his composure and finding something else to focus on.
"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" He asked cheerfully and pushed a lock of his ear length brown hair behind his ear. "I just came to see my good pal." Duo smiled slyly and slipped into a chair to the left of were Heero stood leaning on his desk. "And to bring some good news from L2."
Heero eyed him cautiously for a moment. The man was way too relaxed. He sat with one leg hung over the side of the chair and slouched impossibly low in his seat. 'Relena would never sit like that.' He thought bitterly and scowled deeper when he realized he strayed back to her again. "Just spit it out." Heero told him ignoring the infectious happiness he had brought into the room.
"Geez…" Duo mused and sat up a little straighter. "I thought a few years with Relena would loosen you up. I guess I was wrong."
Duo had no idea how badly those words stung. Stiffing noticeably Heero moved further away from Duo and went to look out the window again. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and tried not to think about her. He hardly noticed Duo had lapsed into complete silence, but after a while he remembered the other presence. "What was it Maxwell?" He asked hoping the news would take his mind away from where it dwelled at the moment.
"It's about Hilde and me."
It was a jab. Maybe he didn't want to here this after all? All ready his mind was wandering dwelling on her on their failed relationship. How everything that involved him fell apart.
"We're getting married!"
Heero slumped forward his hand flying out to catch his balance. As his fingers warmed the glass under his palm he closed his eyes and tried to focus. Was he the only one ever meant to suffer? Would he always be left out? Was this his destiny? His fingernails dug into the sweaty glass panel as he felt his hand making an involuntary fist. Drawing it back he banged it on the window and hoped that something would draw him from the jealousy he felt. Yes, he was jealous. It flared in him like a fire, licking and consuming everything in its path. "Congratulations." He was finally able to squeeze out. "When?" It was the right thing to say the right thing to ask. He was just playing his part.
Duo seemed oblivious to Heero's anguish and answered happily. "Next month on the seventh." Duo paused and smiled wider. "Even though we haven't seen each other for a while I want you to be my best man." Duo blurted. "You and Relena had meet us in L2 on Monday and just stay with us until the wedding." Duo saw Heero start to say something but he waved his hand and cut him off. "Don't even say anything. I know two have to work, but I have an idea. If you…" Duo trailed off for the first time since he'd entered the office he noticed something was wrong.
"You'll have to talk to Relena yourself." Heero managed through clenched teeth. "I don't even know where she lives any more." That last part wasn't entirely true, but she might as well be in another country for all the difference it would make. Either way she was gone.
"Huh?" Duo asked as if trying to make it sink in. Heero and Relena were no longer together and by the look on his friend's face he wasn't taking it to well, and here he'd been ranting about marriage right in front of him. "I'm sorry, Heero do you want to talk about it?" He asked and waited hoping he would say something.
Heero ignored Duo's attempts to get him to open up. He didn't even know why he'd brought it up. It wasn't Duo's business. He wasn't going to say anything when somehow he blurted. "She left." Why had he told? He hadn't even had the urge to say anything to anyone else, but here he was telling Duo of all people what had happened. "She left three days ago." A sharp hiss reached Heero's ears and he winced.
"Geez, I just poured salt in a fresh wound." Duo reached his hand up and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "I didn't know man…If I had…"
"You'd what stop yourself from telling me. Forget it Maxwell. I'm happy for you. I just don't want to talk about this okay. It's over and I don't really care." The words were all lies he knew they were. They twisted in his gut and he turned from the window. His fist was still clenched tightly as he settled his gaze on Duo. "Have you told the other's yet?"
Duo shook his head absently and looked at the floor. He was feeling really awkward at the moment. "No, I wanted to tell you and…Lena first." He shifted the carpet with his foot and didn't look up.
Heero felt guilty he had made Duo feel bad. He didn't know why it mattered so much, but it did. He hadn't wanted to rain on Duo's parade, so to speak, but he supposed he had. "Hey Duo." Heero called and flashed him an uncharacteristic smile. It was forced, but at least it was a smile. "Tell me when you go to celebrate. If I know you I know you're up for a bachelor party, but right now I've got to go." Heero turned and opened his door. He needed to get out before he exploded. There were too many confused emotions running loose in the same room. He felt like he was suffocating. He felt a little better when Duo's enthusiastic voice reached him from down the hall.
"Hell yeah, we're getting drunk this weekend. You hear me Heero. This will be one bitchn' party."
Heero ignored the rest of the yells, which involved some of the things they would be doing and continued to escape the building. He had to do something to get his mind off his pain. He wanted away from it permanently. Instead of heading for the carport he took a sharp left and headed for the stairwell. Sometimes at night he would go up to the roof and think. What better time than to do it now? He needed quiet, he needed peace. Pulling the heavy metal door open he stood motionless until the bang of it shutting echoed through the stairwell. The noise was eerie and somehow comforting.
Each step vibrated throughout the whole area and he almost hoped that the walls would come crashing down on top of him. All of this had ruined his life. Relena had made him feel had brought his emotions to the surface and then she was gone. She left him drowning in a sea without a way to get out. She had and always would be his lifeboat. But what was he supposed to do without her? He didn't know what his feelings meant he didn't know how to make the hurt go away.
A warm breeze pulled Heero back into reality and he focused on the outside. The wind was almost violent up this high and it made his balance teeter as it came at him from all sides. Stepping away from the stairwell door he walked to the edge of the building. At night he would come up here and gaze at the cars as they passed below, lighted speaks in a darkened night. Even though the sun was still high in the sky he wanted to look.
The wind blew his hair into his eyes as he made his way toward the ledge. His clothes flew around his body thanks to the merciless wind and his tie wrapped loosely around his neck. Placing both his hands on the rough cement of the six-inch ledge he leaned over and glanced downward. The view was dizzying from the height. Without darkness to obscure the things below it seemed like a much longer fall. With no fear present he hoisted himself up and stood on the ledge. The toes of his shoes hung dangerously off the end of the building but he didn't care. The distant sound of horn blowing and engines roaring reached his ears. Striving to block out the noise he closed his eyes and held his arms out to his sides as if he hoped to fly.
As the wind blew it cut through his uniform like knives. Not opening his eyes he thought of the drop below him. One little step would send him tumbling to his death; one strong wind could make him loose his balance. The wind gave another violent shove from behind and Heero felt his balance shift. The hard heels of his shoes came off his steady stool and he stood only supported by his toes. He was leaning dangerously over the edge the precocious state only maintained by an unbelievable balance. His thoughts began to race at the wind blew at him harder, pushing him foreword. 'If I jumped everything would be over. The pain would leave.' As soon as the thought hit him his eyes flew open.
Scrambling to regain a lost equilibrium he stepped off the ledge and back onto the roof. What had he been thinking? That was crazy. He didn't want to die. Heero shook violently as he thought about it. Was it possible? He remembered trying to kill himself numerous times before. In each incident there had been someone to save him, mostly Relena. Now that she was gone did it mean that he would end it? He didn't want to believe it he was stronger than that.
Before he even noticed it his knees were buckling underneath a weight he could no longer support. He hated being this way. He was confused. He was lost. Letting himself fall onto the hard gravel of the roof he closed his eyes again. Things felt disoriented. The world was spinning, shaking out of control. He could hardly feel the warm sun on his face as he slipped from reality.
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Something hard and sharp was jabbing him in the cheek. Trying to escape the slight pain Heero rolled onto his back, but the felling was still there. He wanted to open his eyes but things seemed a little hazy. Reaching his arm up to his cheek he scraped it with his fingernails. The jabbing piece fell away and he found he was able to open his eyes. It was dark. Heero blinked and tried to sit up. His body was sore and felt just like it should after falling asleep on a pile of gravel.
Groaning Heero pulled himself to his feet and rubbed the back of his head were the beginnings of a headache had started. He was confused. He didn't remember anything about earlier that day. How had he ended up on the roof? Glancing in front of him he noticed a series of footsteps leading the edge of the building. He didn't want to think about that. Heero pulled his head away from the edge of the building and looked at the sky again. The stars were covered by a thick layer of clouds in fact a deep rumbling could be heard in the distance.
He had to get back in before it started to pour. Trying not to dwell on events earlier that day he stepped into the Preventer's building. Just as the door shut behind him he heard the light splatter of rain on the rooftop gravel.
* * * * ** * * ** *
A crash brought Relena awake. Blinking madly she tried to push away the sleepy haze that clouded her mind. She didn't know where she was or what had even jarred her from her sleep. Another crash sounded and Relena jumped as the deep rolling thunder shook the house and vibrated throughout her body. Turning she tried to pick out her surroundings, but it was too dark. As if on queue a bright light filled the room followed by a deep thunder. 'No,' She screamed at herself. She was still there. Still in his house. Relena leaped from the bed as if she'd been shocked. She had to get out, before he came. If he caught her there… Her thoughts trailed off as she tried to clear her head.
She had only wanted to look one last time. She just wanted something to tell her that it was all over. When she'd first entered the house she'd lost her focus had been consumed by the history. Now she was trapped and at any moment he would come. He would find her. Relena turned from the bed a sob building in her throat. She had to get out.
Ignoring the disturbed appearance of the room that he would most definitely notice she turned toward the door. Before she could even move her eyes focused on the brass knob. Was it turning? She focused her eyes and another flash of light confirmed her fears. It was too late. She had to face him. Relena put her hand to her chest and back away.
She watched him step through the door oblivious to her presence. Relena watched his precise movements and felt her heart ache with longing. For a moment she thought he would go into the bathroom and not even see her there but as he lifted his head she saw his eyes widen in shock. A flash of light filled the room and Relena saw him illuminated for a moment until it was darkness again. Her eyes closed and he bid her ears to focus on the rain. So intent on pretending that she wasn't there, the weak whisper of her name barely reached her ears.
"Relena?" Heero choked the words out of his throat in disbelief as a thousands emotions rushed over him at once.
Sorry about that, I kind of left you guys with a cliffhanger. *Smiles guiltily and scratches her head* You know I would never do that to you guys on purpose. Tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!
