Title: Backstory, Part 2 of 6
Author: Depudor
Email: depudor@hotmail.com
Category: Finn/Other
Rating: R
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended.
Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will.
Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it.
Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there!
Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you!
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Will dipped one of his fries into the ketchup on Finn's plate and chewed on it as he spoke. "I think it'll be good for me to write something in the third person. Broaden my horizons."
"Isn't that my line? Pretty soon you won't need a teacher anymore."
"That'll never happen."
Finn took a big bite of his hamburger and barely noticed the bell ring over the diner's front door, announcing the arrival of new customers. But he did look up when he heard Will call, "Hey guys!"
Jake and Hamilton jogged up to them at the counter, their faces ripe from the cold outside. They both had hats on and were wearing almost identical navy wool coats. "Hey!" they both said.
"You guys look like twins," Will said, shaking his head to suggest that this was very uncool.
Jake turned and gave Hamilton a backhand punch in the arm, then pleaded her case to Will. "I told him I was wearing the pea coat tonight! But no, he shows up like this anyway."
"I came straight from the gym!" Hamilton defended himself. "I didn't have time to go back and get a different coat."
"You had time. Your stomach just wouldn't wait." She raised her eyebrows and looked down her nose at him.
Hamilton grinned guiltily, put a hand on his stomach, and called to the guy behind the counter, "Hey, could we get an order of onion rings, for starters?"
This made Jake laugh, and then Hamilton burst out laughing as well.
"Can we join you guys?" Jake asked, pulling off her gloves.
Will looked at his watch. "My break's almost over. I gotta get back behind the counter."
"I'm taking off soon, too," Finn said.
"K, we're grabbing a booth then." Jake and Hamilton took off for a quiet corner.
"They just want to be alone anyway," Will said when they were gone. "And I'm getting sick of Hamilton. He's too happy."
"Because of Jake?"
Will looked over at them, a tinge of jealousy in his voice as he undertoned, "They're having sex."
Finn nodded. "That'll do it."
Will slid off his stool and went around behind the counter. Finn stuffed the last bit of his burger into his mouth, and Will picked up their plates. "I still owe you a cup of coffee," Will said.
"OK. Better make it decaf."
While Will went to pour a cup, Finn turned to watch Jake and Hamilton. They were cozied up in the corner booth. Hamilton had taken off his coat and was wearing only a sleeveless Rawley crew shirt, which showed off his powerful arms. He already had one hand inside Jake's coat and seemed to be trying to get it off, but she was resisting. Finally, she turned to face Hamilton, pulled her coat open to flash him, and then quickly closed it again. Ham raised his eyebrows and grinned.
Finn stared at him, as he sometimes found himself doing. He couldn't believe that this Hamilton was the same boy he used to know.
Will set a cup of coffee down in front of Finn, who turned back to him and asked, "So what about you, Will? How's your love life?"
"Still spinning my wheels, going nowhere. Does that count as a love life?"
Finn lifted his cup in a toast. "Works for me."
Will leaned forward, resting his arms on the counter, and stared out the window. He said thoughtfully, "I think maybe I've been looking in the wrong place. Maybe guys like us aren't cut out for rich girls."
"Oh, I don't know, Will. Don't give up on rich girls. Just because a girl's background is different from yours doesn't mean she can't understand you."
But Will seemed to have already made up his mind. "Do you think you can fall in love when you're six years old?"
Finn watched Will watch the gas station across the street but didn't say anything.
"I mean... what happens if your first love turns out to be your best love?" Will continued. "People always say you're too young to really know, that if you jump in too soon you'll regret it later. We're always told that you have to get experience, go out in the world and explore, see if there's something better out there."
"Sometimes what's right here is all you need."
Will nodded and continued to look out the window, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Uh-oh."
"Uh-oh what?" Finn asked. He turned to the window to see Kate coming across the street toward the diner. He turned the other way and saw Kate's son feeding an onion ring to Jake. "Uh-oh."
"I gotta warn them," Will said, heading for the end of the counter.
"No, wait." Finn stood up from his stool. "You're working. I'll do it." He walked quickly across the room to the booth, leaned down with his hands on the table and said, "Ham, your mom's about to walk in here."
They both froze, Jake holding an onion ring halfway into Hamilton's mouth. The bell over the door jingled. Jake pulled away from her boyfriend, taking half the onion ring with her, but Hamilton's reaction was even more extreme. He dove underneath the table and out of sight. She stared down at him, startled.
"Mrs. Fleming!" Will called. Kate stepped up to the counter, and Finn gave a last look at Jake and then walked back to his stool.
"Good evening, Will," Kate greeted him. She looked up as Finn appeared next to her. "Oh, good, you're still here."
"I'm still here," Finn said. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, Steven's out of town, and Hamilton said he's having supper at the dining hall with the guys, so I thought I'd meet you here and get a bite to eat."
"Actually, I was just leaving. Will needs to get back to work. But we could go for a walk, maybe swing by the Red Dragon and get some take-out."
"OK, sounds good. I'd like us to talk some more." She looked sideways at Will, who was eyeing her suspiciously. "About poetry class."
"OK." Finn pulled out his wallet and dropped several bills down on the counter.
Will picked one up and handed it back to him. "The coffee's on me, remember?"
Finn smiled, taking the dollar back. "Yeah, that townie pride. See ya later, Will."
"Thanks, Finn. Bye, Mrs. Fleming."
Finn slipped his coat back on and opened the door for Kate. He followed her back out into the cold night.
"How was dinner with Will?" she asked.
"Good. We hadn't caught up for a while."
"You're so lucky. You don't have students, you have disciples. I wish my students cared that much. I can't remember the last time I had dinner with one of them."
"You have dinner with a student every night, Kate. Doesn't that make you the lucky one?"
"But we don't talk about art, not like we used to. And he won't even let me talk about photography anymore, because he's convinced he knows more about it than I do."
"Well, teenagers..."
"And I don't have dinner with Hamilton that often anymore. I knew things would be different once he enrolled, but... It's more different than I was prepared for."
"But he's happy. That's what matters, right?"
"Yes. That's what matters."
Of course, Finn knew better than Kate just why her son was happier now. She didn't know Finn's exact role in Hamilton's newfound happiness, but she did know that he had helped, and it had strengthened the bond between them. It was part of a pact they'd made early that past spring...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It was an unusually warm day in early March as Finn and Kate walked down the hill toward the lake.
"So, which of the Bard's masterpieces are you doing this week?" she asked him.
"Alas, there comes that painful moment each semester when we must begrudgingly move on past Shakespeare. Right now we're doing Mort d'Arthur."
"Malory or Tennyson?"
Finn looked sideways at her. "Are you trying to turn me on?"
"Oh, shut up. You think I don't know my Arthurian legend?"
"That's right, I forgot that poetry was your specialty. You know, we should teach a class together."
"Really? You think I could teach poetry?"
"I think you can do anything you want." He smiled slyly. "But first you have to learn that Tennyson's work on Arthur is called Idylls of the King."
Kate looked daggers at him. "I only asked because Malory is 15th century, so you should've finished that before starting Shakespeare."
"Chronological order is such a limited view of the world."
Kate opened her mouth to respond, but she stopped as a faraway voice called, "Hey, Fleming!"
They looked around and spotted a couple of boys heading toward the edge of the woods, where Hamilton stood with his camera, taking pictures of the nascent buds on the trees. Finn recognized the boys as two obnoxious freshmen, Alex and Jeremy. They approached Hamilton, and the three exchanged words that Finn couldn't hear. Then Alex grabbed Hamilton's camera away. Ham tried to grab it back, but Alex was taller than he was and held it up over his head.
Kate immediately started off down the hill toward them.
"Kate, don't!" Finn yelled, running after her and laying his hand on her shoulder.
She stopped and stared at him in disbelief. "What, I'm supposed to let them steal his camera?"
"They're not stealing it. They know how much trouble they'd get into for that."
Alex and Jeremy started tossing the camera back and forth over Hamilton's head. He tried several times to grab it, yelling, "Stop! You're going to break it!"
Kate started down the hill again, and again Finn stopped her. "Kate, don't get involved. You'll just make it worse. He has to fight his own battles."
"Why do they always pick on him?"
"Because they're cowards, and he's smaller than they are. Plus, it's their way of thumbing their noses at the Dean. They think it's cool."
Kate shook her head in disbelief. They watched as Hamilton got tired of jumping up in the air and instead lunged at Jeremy as he caught the camera. Jeremy deftly moved aside, and Hamilton tripped forward and hit the ground. The boys doubled over laughing, and several other kids looked over and saw Hamilton picking himself up off the ground.
That was the last straw. Kate took off running before Finn could stop her.
"What are you doing with that camera?!" she yelled at Jeremy as she ran up to them.
Jeremy looked over at her and stopped laughing. He looked down at the camera he was holding, shrugged, and explained innocently, "We were just looking at it."
"Is that so?" she asked, turning her glare to Alex.
"Yes, Mrs. Fleming," he replied. "We're thinking of taking up photography... because it's so cool." Jeremy snickered at this, and Alex struggled to keep a straight face.
Kate turned to Hamilton, who was staring at the ground as if hoping to find the spot that would open up and swallow him. She reached out to touch his arm and asked, "Munchie, are you OK?"
Hamilton flinched, and Alex and Jeremy burst out laughing, as did a few of the onlookers who had gathered around to see if anyone was getting in trouble. Finn looked at Kate, but she didn't seem to understand what was so funny.
A girl in the crowd cooed, "Yeah, Munchie, did you get an owie?"
"You kids stay out of this," Kate snapped, motioning for the onlookers to get lost. The crowd dispersed.
Finn tried to diffuse the situation by quietly taking the camera away from Jeremy, but Kate stopped him.
"Give that back to Hamilton," she barked at the boy.
"Yes, ma'am." Jeremy handed the camera to its owner, who looked like he was receiving the plague. Hamilton continued to stare at the ground, his face red with anger and embarrassment.
Kate glared at the two boys as if deciding whether to give them a piece of her mind, but she refrained. "Now get out of here before I decide to tell the Dean about this."
The boys looked at Hamilton and raised their eyebrows in mock fear, then walked away.
"Grow up, guys," Finn called after them.
Kate turned back to Hamilton. "Munchie, those boys are just immature. I'm sorry they --"
"Don't... talk... to me," Hamilton sputtered. He was seething. The red in his face had spread to his ears.
"Sweetie, don't be upset at me. I just wanted to help."
"Help?!" he yelled, finally looking up at her. "You think I want my mommy coming to defend me against these guys? God!! You are so... clueless!!" He backed away as he spoke, then turned and ran off.
"Hamilton!" Kate started after him, but Finn grabbed her arm.
"Let him go," Finn insisted.
"But --"
"Come on. Let's continue our walk." Finn cocked his head toward the woods, and she followed him reluctantly, silent as she tried to sort out her thoughts.
"Don't worry, Kate. He'll calm down."
"I know, but... I worry about him starting school. He's going to have to be in classes with these guys. I don't know if he's ready. And he's so much smaller than the other boys..."
"He's just scrawny. He needs to work out."
"He's 15. Isn't he a little young to be pumping iron?"
"You know, I'm coaching junior varsity crew this summer. He could join. Rowing really helps build your upper body."
"You think he could do that? Those boys are huge."
"We've got four months to get him in shape. I can talk to one of the phys ed teachers about putting him on a training program. He should run every day, hit the gym -- rowing machines, weights -- and I can start taking him out in a scull."
"You'd do that for me? I mean, for him?"
"Of course I would. I don't like seeing either of you unhappy. But this might require some sacrifice on your part."
"What?"
"You need protein to build muscle. He should have a chicken breast every day in addition to his regular meals. And I don't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken. So..." Finn squinted at her and furrowed his brow. "This might require you to cook."
The seriousness melted off his face, and he gave her a crooked smile.
She laughed and gave him a little shove. "I'll give him chicken if that will help, but do you think he can really get bigger?"
"Your Munchie will be a muscle man in no time."
She laughed, her anxiety easing. She looked sideways at Finn, her eyes meeting his broad shoulders. "So is that how you got so big? Chicken breasts?"
"What, you like my physique?" He stopped walking and bulged a bicep for her. She playfully squeezed it.
"My my," she laughed. "Well, you certainly got tall. You weren't this tall in college, were you?"
"Yeah, I was. But I didn't look as tall, because I wasn't surrounded by 15-year-old boys."
"But you weren't this built."
"You think?"
"If you'd been this built in college, I wouldn't have..."
"Wouldn't have what?"
"Nevermind. I was just kidding."
"Well, now that you've given me body insecurities..."
"Oh, come on, you know you've got a nice bod."
"But you like me for my mind, right?"
"Yeah, sure," she said teasingly, "I like you for your-- I mean, I liked you for your..." Her voice trailed off. Finn saw how uncomfortable she was suddenly, so he gave her an out by lightening the mood.
"Muscles. You can say it, Kate. You just liked me for my muscles. That was the one thing I had that the puny Harvard guys didn't have."
"You had a lot of things the other Harvard guys didn't have, although the muscles didn't hurt." She laid a hand on his chest, tracing a pectoral that was outlined by his shirt. She didn't seem to want an out.
Finn looked around, making sure that they were surrounded by enough trees to obscure them from view. "Yeah," he said, not sure what she was doing, "I had that whole wrong-side-of-the-tracks thing. Great for pissing off a rich girl's parents."
"You think that's why I went out with you? To upset my parents? Would've been a stupid plan on my part, since my parents never noticed whom I was dating until the day I called and told them I was married."
At the word 'married' she flinched slightly, and she took her hand off of Finn's chest. A shadow passed over her eyes as she turned inward, pensive. He wondered, as he always wondered, if she regretted her sudden elopement.
"It's funny that we never talk about it," Finn said.
"Talk about what?"
"Us."
There was a short pause. "Oh, of course."
"I've been here for three years, and we've never talked about it."
Kate sighed. "Well, it was a long time ago."
Finn squinted up at the sunlight drizzling through the canopy of trees. "Funny, it doesn't seem so long ago to me."
"I guess there's not much to talk about."
Finn nodded, but he was thinking about so many things he wanted to talk to her about. He knew they were things that he shouldn't bring up, since she was married now. He'd had over 15 years to accept that fact.
And he did accept it. And he accepted that they didn't talk about it.
That's why he was so surprised when she reached up and took his chin in her hand, looked at him searchingly, deeply, and said, "I'm sorry if I hurt you. But you hurt me, too."
He was startled for a moment and said nothing, then so much emotion boiled up within him he thought he would choke. "I'm sorry, too," he said finally. "I'd give anything not to have been such an idiot."
"Really? You wish things were different?"
He hesitated, but as he looked in her eyes, the honesty was too much for him to hold inside. "Yes, sometimes I do. The question is... do you?"
She answered him with a kiss, and 15 years of suppressed desire came pouring out as he returned it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"It's frustrating," Kate said quietly as they stood at the small counter of the Chinese restaurant, waiting for her dinner. "I never thought of myself as the homophobic sort. But it's different when it's your own child."
"You don't know that he's gay," Finn said.
Kate shot him a look, as did the young Chinese woman behind the counter. "I'm not blind, Finn. I know something's going on. And maybe Hamilton doesn't really know himself. He's too young to be making these kinds of decisions."
"If he's old enough to fall in love..."
Kate looked up at him, startled. "Is he in love?"
Finn realized he'd said too much. "I don't know. But for whatever reason, he's obviously willing to let people believe that he's gay, and that says something, doesn't it? You know how much he wanted to be accepted by the other guys."
Kate shook her head. "I wish he could talk to me about it. I don't like being shut out."
"I know. I saw how you reacted on Christmas Eve."
Kate looked down. "I'm sorry that I was so horrible to you that night. I wasn't exactly in the Christmas spirit, was I?"
"No, but I just figured you woke up the next morning and bought Bob Cratchit a turkey."
She smiled up at him. The girl behind the counter handed her a bag.
Even though Finn had just eaten a hamburger, the smell of egg rolls fresh from the deep fryer made his mouth water. "Maybe we should stay here," he said. "I could help you eat that."
"I don't think so. You were the one who suggested take-out. Come on, I'll give you a ride home."
They stepped back out into the night air that had grown even colder in the twenty minutes they'd been inside. They walked two blocks back to Kate's car, Finn making sure they stayed on the opposite side of the street from Friendly's.
Kate handed the food to Finn and started the car. The New Rawley streets were clear and dry, but as they neared the campus, snow covered the ground.
"Do you know why I was so upset at Christmas?" Kate asked, staring straight ahead at the road.
"Something else about Hamilton?"
"I mean, besides Hamilton. Upset at you."
"You said I shouldn't be there, that it was a sacred time."
"It was guilt, Finn. I realized that I was the one who violated the sanctity of my home. I was the one who broke my wedding vows. I had no right to blame that on you."
"It was as much my fault as yours."
"But I was angry at myself, more so than at you."
"Could've fooled me."
"I wanted to fool you, because I wanted you to get angry. I wanted to push you away."
"Why?"
"Why do you think?" She took her eyes off the road and looked at him, as if he should know.
"Because you're afraid of getting too close?"
"Yes."
"Because deep down, you want to get too close?"
Kate threw her foot on the brake, throwing them both forward in their seats. She pulled the car over to the curb and stopped.
"You know," Finn said, rubbing his neck, "you really should signal when you do that." He tried to act casual, but he realized that he had probably crossed the line. Holding his breath, he waited for the force of her wrath to hit. Her silence frightened him more than anything she could have said.
"Kate, I'm sorry if I --"
"I didn't want to tell you this, Finn," she cut him off, staring down at the steering wheel. "But I realized it last summer, and it won't go away, no matter what I do."
"What?"
Kate paused, took a deep breath, and exhaled. She looked at him and said, "I'm still in love with you."
Finn blinked and shook his head, thinking that he must be dreaming. He stared at her without responding.
She continued, "And I felt that since we've always been friends, and then for the last few months we haven't been, I felt that I need to tell you why. Your friendship still means a lot to me."
Now Finn was confused. "So you're telling me that you're in love with me because you value my friendship?"
Kate nodded. "I'm not saying that I want us to be together like we were last summer."
"Are you saying that you don't want us to be together?"
She didn't have an answer for that one -- at least, not an answer she would say.
"Kate, tell me. Please. I'm not asking for anything right now. I just want to know - do we have a chance?"
Still she remained silent, and Finn knew there was only one way to get the answer. He unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted in his seat to face her. She turned to him, and he reached out one tentative hand to touch her face. Then he leaned forward to kiss her.
"Don't!" she cried, turning away at the last possible second. Finn exhaled and turned to bang his head on the dashboard.
"I don't want to make out with you in a car," she said. "Besides, my food is getting cold."
He sat back up and looked at her hopefully. "So let's go back to your house."
"Hamilton might be there."
"He won't be."
"How do you know?"
"Let's go to my place."
"No, I've got to think about this. I need some time."
"Kate --"
"Please, Finn. Give me some time."
End of Part 2
