Backstory, Part 6 Title: Backstory, Part 6 of 6

Author: Depudor

Email: depudor@hotmail.com

Category: Finn/Other

Rating: R

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended.

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will.

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it.

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there!

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! ________________________________________________________________________________

Finn hadn't been inside the boathouse since his JV crew team had packed away their equipment after a triumphant weekend in October. The air was slightly musty, no doubt from melting snow leaking in through the roof, but sunlight streaming through the window made it warm.

The mustiness went away when Kate stepped up to kiss him, bringing with her the intoxicating scent of her sweet perfume. She was so feminine, silk and flowers and softness. Finn could stand forever and just breathe her.

"What's that perfume you wear?"

"White Linen."

Finn smiled. "That's perfect."

"Why?"

"It just is."

As she looked up at him with a quizzical smile, he noticed that the tiny lines around her eyes just made her more beautiful.

Kate grasped the hem of his rugby shirt and whispered, "Lift your arms." He obeyed, bending forward so that she could pull it off of him. She tossed his shirt aside and laid her cheek against his bare chest, lifting her hand up and watching her fingers as she traced along his muscles. Finn dipped his head as she looked up. She kissed him, her lips sweet and refreshing like honeydew. He trailed kisses down her neck as her head lolled back and she moaned softly.

His fingers started undoing the buttons on her blouse, slowly and more carefully this time. The blouse slipped to the floor as he unfastened her bra. Kate moved her hands lower down his chest... and lower. She took his belt buckle and started undoing it.

A noise from outside made them both freeze.

"Oh, God!" Kate whispered.

Someone was outside the door, trying to get in.

She looked up at Finn. "Who would want to use the boathouse in February?"

He shrugged. "We did."

"You locked the door, didn't you?"

"Of course." He heard something slide into the lock. "Of course, that doesn't help if they've got a key."

"Who has a key besides you?" Kate asked, grabbing her shirt off the floor.

Finn put his arm around her. "Come on." They gathered up the rest of their clothes, and he led her around a corner, behind a boat rack. They knelt down behind the rack as they pulled their clothes back on.

The door opened, sending a soft breeze and a long ray of sunshine across the cement floor. Two people entered and closed the door. From Finn's vantage point, looking between two low shelves, he could only see them from the waist down. It appeared to be two boys, one in shorts and one in jeans. But then Finn heard a not-quite-masculine voice, and he knew exactly who it was. His stomach twisted.

"It stinks in here," Jake said. "Pee-yew."

"It's a little musty," Hamilton replied. "I used to help Finn clean up in here. Maybe he's given up."

Crouched behind the shelves, Kate looked at Finn in horror. He knew that the last person she wanted to be caught by was her son. Finn simply held his finger up to his lips, warning her to be quiet as she buttoned up her blouse.

"Yeah, it didn't smell this bad last summer," Jake commented.

Finn saw the two pairs of legs press up against each other, and then the talking was replaced by wet smacking noises that were unmistakable. He felt a hand clutch his shoulder. He turned to see Kate wide-eyed, the color draining from her face. Finn knew he had to do something, quickly. He racked his brain for a way out of this situation.

The two bodies parted, and Finn thought maybe they were off the hook. Maybe the kids would be driven away by the stale air. But then he heard a rustling noise as Hamilton threw a tarp down on the ground.

"That looks comfy," Jake said dryly.

"Yeah, it's not the Ritz-Carlton, but even the Ritz-Carlton gets old after a while."

"Not really. Not when you've got a hot tub."

Finn heard a growling noise and a soft giggle and saw them step up to each other again. A sweatshirt landed on the floor... then another sweatshirt. He heard the rip of Velcro and something else landed on the floor, something flat and white.

And then Finn remembered something that Will had said to him at the diner not long ago...

They're having sex.

He knew he had to stop them, had to do something before...

The pair of jeans dropped to the wearer's ankles, revealing thin, smooth, female legs - and a pair of panties, with a crotch clearly devoid of any male genitalia.

Finn couldn't even look at Kate now. He knew what she had seen. It was too late. Too late for Jake, and too late to save himself. And yet he still had to put a stop to it.

"Ahem," he coughed loudly.

"Aah!" yelped Jake. As Finn emerged from behind the shelves, she grabbed up her sweatshirt and held it in front of her chest, bra straps still showing.

"Hi, guys," Finn said.

"Finn!" Hamilton cried. "God! Why do you always walk in on us?"

"What were you doing back there?" Jake asked. "Why didn't you come out sooner?"

"Jake, I'm not the one standing in the middle of the boathouse in my underwear. Maybe you shouldn't be asking the questions."

Jake looked down, and Hamilton put his arms around her and pulled her to his bare chest, as if protecting her from the big mean Finn.

"Sorry, Finn," Hamilton said. "We just wanted to... Well, it's so warm out, and we thought we'd..."

"Yeah, it's OK, Hamilton."

"And I know you keep telling us to be more careful, but I figured no one--"

"I said it's OK, Hamilton. Why don't you guys just get on out of here?"

Jake had already pulled up her jeans, and Hamilton picked up the flat white piece of cloth. Jake lifted her arms, and he quickly slid it around her back and fastened it over her chest. Finn finally realized what it was for. They each pulled their sweatshirts back on, and Hamilton bent to pick up the tarp as well.

"Leave it," Finn said. "I'll take care of it."

"If you say so. Bye, Finn." Hamilton and Jake opened the door, walked out, and closed it behind them.

Finn stood in the middle of the silent room. He waited a moment, ran his fingers through his hair, and sighed. "Kate? You can come out now." He wasn't surprised that she didn't. He walked around the boat rack to the hidden corner and found her sitting down, leaning back against the wall, staring at the space between the shelves as if her eyes were still stuck on what she had just seen.

"I can't believe it," she said quietly. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. How long have you known?"

Finn realized that the best course of action now was to be completely honest. "Since the end of summer session."

Kate nodded, taking this in. She was still quiet, still composed, but her mind was obviously reeling as she said, "OK, I'm missing something here. This is so bizarre I don't even know where to begin. Why would a girl pretend to be a boy..."

"Kate, there's a whole story behind all this. Jake has a bad family situation and wanted to prove a point about how neglected and ignored she is. She got shipped off to boarding school, rarely sees her mother--"

"Every student here got shipped off to boarding school. As did I. It didn't turn me into a cross-dresser. Is that why she said she's doing... whatever it is she's doing... There's got to be more to it than that. And whatever it is, I don't think I want Hamilton involved in it." She shook her head. "I had her in my home, cooked meals for her, let her sleep in... Oh, God!" She dropped her face into her hands. Her composure was slowly slipping away. "And you didn't say anything."

"Kate, I --"

"And this last month, you let me think he was gay! I didn't know my own son. Do you have any idea how much that... You know there's nothing in this world more important to me than my relationship with Hamilton."

"Really? I would have thought his happiness was more important to you."

She looked up at him suddenly. "How dare you say that to me?! Of course I want him to be happy."

"You know what makes him happy? Jake. He's a totally different person than he was before she came along."

"And here I thought it was going to school that made the difference." She shook her head again. "I can't believe he didn't tell me. But I understand why he didn't. You, I don't understand. I always trusted you."

"You can still trust me."

"And what about your job, your duty to report things like this? Do you have any idea what a huge deal this is? There's a girl masquerading as a boy at our school, living in a boys' dormitory, using a boys' rest room, showers."

"And that's exactly why Steven would kick her out. He wouldn't have a choice. And I couldn't let that happen."

Kate examined him carefully. "Why? Why would you risk your own job to protect them?"

"Because I was too stupid to seize the moment."

Kate looked at him but didn't speak.

"Young love," he continued. "You take it for granted, because you think every love will be this good. You don't know how much it means. You don't realize that this may be the best you'll ever know. And you have to grab onto it. Maybe what Hamilton and Jake have is just puppy love. Maybe it's just hormones. But maybe it's true love. Maybe they're made for each other. I think they deserve the chance to find out. Because you have to seize the moment. You never know when it's going to be too late..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Arts First week was in April that year. The Master of Adams House was letting the students use the old squash courts as an exhibition space, and Kate was the first to stake out a claim. When Finn walked in to help her set up for the next day, she had already hung three paintings.

"I thought you were going to wait for me," he said.

"I wanted to get a sense of the lay-out while the sun was still up, because natural lighting gives a totally different look."

He looked around at the tall white walls. "This is a great space. Nice to see it's found a more noble purpose than squash."

She tossed him her keys. "Hey, go back to my room and bring the rest of my paintings."

"Yes, sir!" He saluted and walked out.

Finn did as he was told and returned with five more paintings. He moved them around the room as Kate spent an excruciating amount of time determining exactly how she wanted them arranged. When the paintings were all hung to her satisfaction, she began to install a row of track lights that she brought, climbing on a stepladder to adjust them.

Finn sat down on the floor and looked through the stack of cassette tapes next to her portable stereo. "I can't believe your tape collection. No Cyndi Lauper, no Duran Duran. All you have is old stuff. No girl music."

"Do you go through a lot of girls' music collections?"

"Um... nope."

"I like the old stuff. In the '60s, music was poetry. I would think you'd appreciate that, you being a man of letters."

"It just sounds like poetry because they were all on drugs."

"They're still all on drugs, but the lyrics aren't as good anymore. That's what my brother says. He's a musician."

"What does he play?"

"Electric guitar."

"Cool." Finn popped a Beatles cassette into the tape deck and looked up at Kate on the stepladder, his thoughts turning from music to other matters... Her long blonde hair was twisted up on top of her head, and the faded denim overalls she always wore when she was painting hung loosely on her slender frame. She was so casual and unkempt, no make-up on; this was when Finn found her the most beautiful.

He walked up behind her, laid his hands on her hips and leaned his head against her back. She reached behind her and ran a finger down his cheek. He held onto her as she continued to work on the light. Finally she turned around and looked down at him.

"I like being taller than you," she said.

"I like eye level." He wrapped his arms around her and slowly lowered her until they were face to face. She wrapped her legs around his waist. Finn kicked the stepladder aside and pressed her up against the wall between two paintings. Her lips were all over him, her hands grasping his head, and her tongue quickly finding its way into his mouth.

But suddenly she pulled her lips away. "Finn --"

"What?"

Her eyes widened nervously. "What if no one comes?"

"People will come. I've told everyone I know to come to this."

"Yeah, but you're a freshman. How many people can you possibly know?"

"Shut up."

She laughed and hugged him. "Thanks, Finn," she whispered.

"You're welcome. And I accept the verbal abuse as part of your artistic temperament." He set her down and kissed her cheek. His lips drifted slowly along her jaw until he met her lips, and they kissed hungrily again.

But then Kate pulled away again. "What time is it?"

"Quarter to midnight. Why?"

"I have to call my parents! I don't know what time they're getting here tomorrow."

"Are you sure they're coming?"

"It's my very first art exhibit. I've been talking to them about it for months. If they miss this I might as well be an orphan."

"So we still getting pizza?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you back at your room in fifteen minutes."

"OK." He kissed her again, not wanting to let go. He loved seeing her so excited, loved the energy that emanated from her as she stood in that room surrounded by her creativity that was about to be unveiled to the public.

"Finn... I really have to go. We can continue this later. In your room." She raised an eyebrow and ran her tongue over her front teeth.

"OK, if you put it like that."

He let her go and went back to his room. Fifteen minutes later, she hadn't shown. Half an hour went by, and finally Finn called her room. Her roommate answered.

"Hey, Angela. Is Kate still there?"

"Hi, Irving."

"Don't call me that. It's Finn. No one calls me Irving."

"I know. That's why I like it."

"Just put Kate on the phone."

"She took off like a while ago."

"How long ago?"

"I don't know. Like, twenty minutes? She was totally pissed off."

"Pissed off? About what?"

"Well, let's see. The only two things my woman-of-steel roommate gets pissed about are, like, you and her parents. So if you don't know, then I'd guess it was her parents. She, like, got off the phone and said, and I quote, 'Fuck this. Fuck the whole thing.' And then she totally stormed out."

"Shit. Thanks, Angela."

"I hope you find her."

"Me too."

Finn slammed down the phone. He knew exactly where she would be. He ran from his dorm to the squash courts as fast as his long legs would carry him.

But he didn't get there in time. The exhibit was in disarray. Kate had pulled down all of the paintings and was stomping on them.

"Kate, stop!" He ran to her and tried to pull her off one of the canvases.

She pushed him away. "Leave me alone!"

"What are you doing?"

"What does it matter? According to my father, everything I do is worthless!"

She ran over to the corner, knelt next to a large can and started unscrewing the cap. She had it off by the time Finn realized that it was paint remover.

"You know what he said to me?" she cried, her voice full of disgust. "He said that perhaps painting is not the best hobby for me. Hobby! He wanted to know why I couldn't take up horseback riding or fencing like my sisters." She hoisted the can up. "Next he's going to ask why I haven't joined the Young Republicans club." She swung the paint remover out over the nearest painting, splashing two other paintings and herself in the process.

Finn jumped back. "Kate!!"

"Get out of the way, Finn. You don't want to get this on you."

"Kate, stop it!"

"Now I know why my brother doesn't talk to them anymore." She waved the can again, and more of the volatile liquid splashed out across the floor. Finn charged at her and managed to wrestle the can away from her.

The noxious fumes were so overpowering he could barely breathe. "Come on." He set the can down and pulled Kate outside into the cool night air of the Adams House courtyard.

"Just breathe," he said, running his hands over her face. "Calm down."

She looked up at the starry sky, and her anger gave way to grief. Tears formed in her eyes. "They're not coming, Finn."

"Yeah, I figured that."

"They live an hour away, and they're not coming."

"Shh..." He wrapped his arms around her.

"I hate them."

"No, you don't."

She took a deep breath. "I promise you someday, when I have children, I'm going to treat them like they're the most important thing in the world. I'll support them and give them all my attention. And I'll never leave them all alone."

"You're not all alone, Kate. You've got me."

She broke away from his embrace and stepped back. "I don't have you, Finn. You won't give yourself to me." She glared at him, then stormed back inside.

"What do you mean?" he asked, ignoring the fumes and following her.

"We don't have a real relationship."

"Of course we do. I'm closer to you than to anybody."

"And that's exactly what you always say. 'We're close.' 'We're friends.' We've been sleeping together for three months, and you won't even refer to me as your girlfriend!"

"I just don't see why that matters. Why do we have to categorize everything, put labels on things?"

"That's your way of saying that you're not in love with me."

"Kate, I'm 17! What do you want from me?"

"You're 18."

"OK, but just last year I was 17. I've got three more years of college ahead of me. I'm not looking to jump into a serious relationship right now."

"What if you're already in a serious relationship and you just don't realize it?"

"Listen, I care about you. A lot."

"Is it because of Karen?"

"Of course not. I broke up with Karen not long after you and I started..." He stopped, realizing that he didn't word that the best possible way. "Listen, you don't understand what it's like... You grew up in this world. Harvard isn't such a big deal for you. You've traveled everywhere, done everything. I'm a kid from New Rawley. I have to soak up as much of this experience as I can. I still have a lot of exploring to do."

"Well, it's good to know that you stopped exploring with Karen only shortly after you started exploring with me."

"Kate, I'm serious about exploring. I want to see the world. I've never been to Europe, never even been outside the U.S. So... I applied to study in London next semester."

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't say anything before because I probably won't get into the program anyway, with my grades. But I want to make sure you're not making any long-term plans for us. Let's just take things slowly, see where it goes. One day at a time. OK?"

Kate stood with her arms crossed, her glare slowly softening. There was no way for her to win this argument. "OK, but I don't know if that's enough for me, Finn."

"Maybe not, but I don't see anyone else standing here willing to stay up all night asphyxiating to help you get this mess straightened up."

Kate finally looked around at the destruction she had wrought. "Oh, God... What's the point? I can't do the show now."

"Sure you can. We just need to clean these babies up. Well, except for that one. That one's probably a lost cause."

"Finn, I can't."

"I'll help you. Go get your paints."

"But there isn't time, even if we stay up all night. The exhibit opens at nine."

"Yeah, but nobody'll show up right at nine. No one wakes up that early on a Saturday."

Kate sighed and finally smiled. Finn nodded. Together, they could do it.

She got her paints, and they worked all night. Finn knew her paintings so well he could do some of the reconstructive work for her, touch-ups and wiping away shoe prints. One splattered canvas couldn't be salvaged, but a couple of them looked even better than before, the garish gashes and splashes giving them an edginess that made her work look more mature than it was.

They managed to fix the paintings, re-hang them, and adjust the track lights all by the time the morning sun came filtering in through the skylight. Finn looked at his watch. It was 8:30.

"We made it," he said.

Kate collapsed on the floor. "But I don't even have time to go home and get a shower and change."

"You look cute all messed up. Besides, you don't have to be here all day. You can take off for a while and get cleaned up. Right now you should try to get some rest."

Finn sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap. She leaned against his chest. They were next to the stereo, and Finn looked through her tapes for some soothing music. He chose one with a Leonard Cohen song that he loved because it reminded him of Kate. He had to agree with her -- the '60s song was like poetry. He held her and closed his eyes as he listened to the soft guitar strums.

Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by, you can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half-crazy but that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her that you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength and she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her, and you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind

Finn opened his eyes and looked down at Kate, her head now pillowed in his lap. Wow, she was beautiful... beautiful and a firestorm - of emotion, of creativity, of need. He watched her as she slipped into an uneasy slumber. Her lush lips parted slightly and moved almost as if she were arguing with her dreams. Her long blonde hair had fallen out of its twist and now fanned out in Finn's lap and curled around her face like a golden nest, tiny rays of morning sunlight dripping down into it from the skylight.

Finn had always been better at writing things down than explaining himself in conversation. Somehow, when he had a piece of paper in front of him, his thoughts all made sense. Several times he had tried to write her a letter to explain how he felt, but he thought she might find it too corny. He didn't realize until now just how much he'd hurt her, or how much she really cared. He hated to wake her up, but at that moment he thought he might be able to tell her.

"Kate?"

"Mm-hmm?" she murmured, not opening her eyes.

Finn looked up at the skylight, took a deep breath, and began, "I guess I've never explained why I don't call you my girlfriend. And I know it's a stupid thing, but believe me when I say that it means so much more to me that you're my best friend. You understand me, and I trust you. I've never been this close to anyone before. I've never let anyone read my journals before, or my poetry. And the first time we had sex -- God, I can't believe I'm telling you this -- the first time we had sex, I freaked out. I'd never felt so... exposed... honest. I guess I'd never really made love before." He paused and ran his fingers through her hair, but still he didn't look down at her. He was still too scared by what he was saying. "You have no idea how hard that is for me to say the word. It's such a new thing for me, I guess I have to get used to it. But I know that being here like this with you, holding you, is the best thing I've ever felt. And I know that... I do... I do love you. "

He stopped, having finally gotten it out. He looked down at her now, expecting to see a rapt gaze returning his love. But her eyes were closed, her breathing slow.

"Kate?" he murmured. No response. "Kate?" he said louder.

She opened her tired eyes and yawned. "What? Did you say something?"

As deflated as he was, Finn still smiled and laughed slightly. He was an English major, and he could appreciate the irony. "It's OK. Get some sleep. I'll tell you later." He bent and kissed the top of her head and added, "It can wait."

But Kate opened her eyes wider. "What time is it? I have to get up. I have to get back to my room and get the food."

"Food?"

"The refreshments. Wine and fruit and cheese."

"Ooh, fancy."

"That's what you serve people at these things."

"OK. You stay here, rest. I'll go get it."

Kate nodded, and he slid out from underneath her. She lay down on the ground and closed her eyes again.

Finn walked to the door and opened it. Sunlight poured through, and he turned to watch it touch Kate's face and light up the golden nest of hair around her like a halo. She stirred slightly, as if his gaze were a hand caressing her face.

At that moment, Finn knew he wasn't going to London.

Suddenly, the sunlight disappeared as a shadow fell across her face and obscured her features. There was someone behind him in the doorway, blocking the light.

"Good morning, Finn!"

Uh-oh, Finn thought as he turned. Kate was passed out on the floor, and she already had her first visitor. Worse still, it was a teaching fellow who happened to be Finn's academic advisor. They met so rarely -- the school was notorious for its lack of guidance for undergrads -- that it was pure coincidence Finn had run into him just last week and invited him to the exhibit. Now if he could just remember the guy's name...

"Hey!" Finn greeted him. "Man, you're early."

"You said the exhibit opened at nine."

"Yeah, but we didn't expect anyone to be here right at nine."

"Well, the early bird catches the --" The teacher stopped as he spotted the fair-haired maiden on the floor. "Is this sleeping beauty Kate?"

Kate heard her name and opened her eyes groggily. She yawned and covered her mouth with the back of her hand, not moving to get up but simply staring up at this stranger.

Finn finally came up with a name to introduce them. "Kate, this is Steven Fleming. He's my academic advisor. Steven, this is the artist, Katherine Hamilton." He then added in a whisper, "She had a last-minute fiasco with some of the paintings and was up all night."

Steven nodded, then smiled broadly at Kate. "Finn tells me you're an amazing artist, and his best friend in the whole world."

At the words 'best friend' Kate rolled her eyes slightly. She started to get up.

Steven went to her and held out his hand. "Let me help you." She took his hand and he pulled her to her feet as he looked around and said, "This is amazing stuff. I love painting, but I don't have the talent for it myself. So I'm in awe of artists."

Kate smiled politely. "Thank you."

"Steven, I have to run get something," said Finn. "I'll be back in just in a minute."

"Take your time," Steven replied. "I'll keep Kate company."

"Thanks," Finn said as he hurried out the door. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Steven, wondering why he was still holding Kate's hand.

"Although, you could probably use a cup of coffee," Steven was saying to her. "Would you like me to run down to the café and get you something?"

"You don't have to do that."

"I'll do anything to foster the arts."

Kate laughed. "Maybe I'll go with you."

Finn took off for the dorm, but something struck him as slightly creepy. His academic advisor wasn't hitting on Kate, was he? Finn shook his head. That was too weird a thought, and his mind was too exhausted to deal with it now. He'd ask her about it later, when they talked. This would all get worked out later...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kate stared up at him silently for a moment. Finn hoped that he had touched that part inside of her that remembered, that would understand.

She stood up and stepped out from behind the boat rack, dusting off her skirt. "This has nothing to do with us, Finn."

"You asked me why, and I'm telling you. When I heard Jake's story, her issues with her mother, my heart went out to her. Do you know who she sounded like? When she came to Rawley, she was even more unhappy than Hamilton was. And now, you've seen yourself how happy they are together. They do love each other. They've told me so themselves. And who knows where it might go? If she got kicked out, they'd try to stay in touch, but the moment would have passed. Life would take them on separate courses, and it would be too late. All I wanted was for Jake and Hamilton to be able to seize that moment before Fate wielded her ugly hand and ripped them apart. If they get caught, that will happen. But I wasn't going to play the part of their executioner."

Kate sighed. "Fine, I understand that the romantic in you wouldn't turn them in. But what about me? Do you have so little respect for me that you think I would go running to Steven to tell him that... I don't even know how I'd say it... My son's boyfriend is really his girlfriend?"

"This has nothing to do with how much I respect you. I didn't want Steven to find out, and I didn't want you to have to carry the burden of lying to him about it. I didn't think you needed one more secret in your marriage."

"You'd rather I carry the burden of thinking that my son is gay and has come out to everyone on campus except for me?"

"When you started to see that something was going on, when you started to make assumptions, I wanted to tell you the truth. But it was Hamilton's place to do it, not mine."

"Even though you knew it was breaking my heart?"

"Kate --"

"What about when you knew she was sleeping in his bedroom? You didn't think about telling me then?"

"I don't know. It didn't seem like a big deal."

Kate rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "You are so obviously not a parent."

"No, I'm not. And maybe I screwed up. But trust me when I say --"

"How can I trust you now, Finn? At all? How can I trust you enough to give up my marriage, give up the whole world I've built for myself, the only world I've known since I was a teenager? I should've learned when I was nineteen that I can't count on you."

"I did what I did for your son's happiness! Doesn't that count for anything?"

"You know what I think? I think you did it to assuage your own guilt. I think you let Hamilton have his little secret girlfriend so you wouldn't feel so bad about taking his mother away. Because that's what you were always planning, wasn't it?"

"No, I never planned on any of this."

"I wanted to leave my marriage because it wasn't honest anymore. But apparently, honesty isn't what I have with you. At least when Steven tells me he has Hamilton's best interests at heart, I can believe him."

Kate walked to the door and opened it. Only then did Finn realize that she was walking out.

"Kate, tell me you're not going back to Steven because I didn't tell you about Jake."

She stared at him for a few long, tortuous seconds, and then said simply, "Goodbye, Finn."

She turned and walked out into the bright sunlight. Finn ran to the doorway, but he didn't go after her. There were too many people around now. He walked back to the window and watched as she walked away across the campus, toward the house she shared with her husband and son.

He stood looking out the boathouse window until she disappeared. He stood there until the setting sun lengthened the shadow behind him and painted the boat rack with rays of pink and orange. Then he left and locked the door behind him.

When he walked back into his empty apartment, he went straight to the stereo. The CD was still in there. He turned it on to play what had become for him "their song."

Now here I am
Half a man, standing alone
Feeling like I lost
my only chance at happiness
when I let you go

I don't want to be alone
thinkin' bout you girl,
I've got nothin' left to hold
in this lonely world

The first time my heart was ever touched,
was the day I lost your love
I can feel it in my flesh, my flesh and blood,
but my soul can only take so much

So there it is
Why can't you give us one more try
You and I could find a way to live,
if you let me in just one more time

I know you lost your faith in me
but I still believe
Can I make you understand
Can I make you see
I am desperate for your love
and it's breakin' me

It's breakin' me

THE END