Catlin woke up when the sun was shining in her eyes through the open door

Catlin woke up when the sun was shining in her eyes through the open door.

*It must be almost evening... This is Conor's hut. What am I doing here?* She tried to sit up but pain flashed through her head and stomach at the attempt.

"Ouch!"

"Oh, you're awake!" Conor stood up from his place by the fire. "The healer said you shouldn't try to move. How do you feel now?" He gave her a smile that warmed her heart. Had he been sitting there all the time, guarding her sleep?

Then the past few hours' events came back to her mind. They had reached the Sanctuary when the sun was about to rise.

Catlin tried to speak but found her throat too rough to do so.

"Wait!" Conor ordered. "Drink this!" He handed her a goblet full of fresh cool water and held it to her mouth. Catlin drank gratefully, feeling the healing coolness running down her throat.

"Thanks." She muttered. "Where's Lea? And Aruna?"

"They are in your hut. They are fine." Conor said. "Lea's only got a bump and some bruises, nothing serious."

Catlin looked at hands. "It was all my fault." She said quietly. "I wasn't able to protect her. I gave her only one promise and I wasn't able to keep it. What kind of mother am I?" She sighed. "As soon as I can stand up I'll take the two back to Karneol; to their home where they belong to."

"What? Cat, are you sure? You'd regret this decision! You love this child more than your own life, I know it."

Catlin swallowed hard. "I am sure. This is not for me. It's for Lea and nobody else. It's for her best. This life I'm leading isn't good for her and I want her happiness above all. I'm not the right mother for her – that's Aruna and her home is Karneol. So they'll go back."

Right then Lea stormed in Conor's hut like a little hurricane.

"Ma! You're awake!"

Catlin ignored the pain and sat up to embrace Lea. "Are you okay?"

Lea nodded. "I'm fine. But Ma, who was the man? And where is he now? He said he was my father – is that true?"

Conor looked at Catlin. What would she tell Lea? Catlin hesitated a few seconds, then she said: "No Lea. This man wasn't your father. It's true he fathered you but he's not your father. I know it's difficult to understand. Your father is the man who loves you more than his life and who will you protect from everything and takes care of you until you're grown up and even longer."

"Then Gawen, Aunt Una's husband is my father. Or Uncle Conor, or Uncle Fergus of Uncle Tully – no he is too young, he's even more childish than me..." Lea laughed.

"Well yes, I think you're right. It's Gawen who could be called your father." Catlin said and swallowed hard. "And for that reason I'll take you and Aruna back to Karneol."

"What?!" Lea shouted. "Ma... does that mean you don't want me?"

Catlin starred at her daughter, totally aghast, then embraced her fiercely again. "No, oh no! Please don't think that! I want you near me more than anybody or anything else! But you can't stay here with me, it's not good for you! Not until we have defeated the Romans and Eire is free again; it's only then that I can give you the attention you deserve, my love!"

*~*

The travelling back three days later wasn't very merry. Conor, Fergus and Tully accompanied them again but nobody felt like talking much. The weather seemed to accord to their mood; it was cool and misty all day long, the sun was hiding behind grey clouds. In the evening they built up a little camp and had their supper, talking only when it was necessary.

"Fergus tell me a story, please!" Lea asked when the had finished their meal, trying to break the silence.

"Er... let me think of one lass..."

"I would like to tell you story Lea" Catlin said suddenly. "I heard it when I was a sl-... a little girl."

"Really? Great!"

Catlin looked at her friends. Fergus nodded affirmative. Lea leaned on her mother and Catlin began to speak.

"A long, long time ago, in a land far away there lived a very wise king. All the men and women of his people asked him for advise when they had a problem. One day two women with a child came to the king. Both said they were the baby's mother and wouldn't give away the child. The king considered some minutes then he said: 'You both say the child is yours. So I take this sword and divide the baby in two parts and each of you gets one half.' The swindler agreed but the real mother burst into tears: 'No! Don't do that!' she screamed, 'I will rather give away my child than to see it die!' So the king knew who the real mother was and she got her baby back while the swindler was brought to prison. That's the end."

There was an embarassed silence. The three men were looking at Catlin and Lea. Finally Conor cleared his throat and said "Well I think we should go to sleep now."

So they did – everybody was grateful not to have to say something.

*~*

The next afternoon they reached Karneol.

"I guess you'll be staying for the night?" Aruna asked.

Sudden fear flashed through Catlin – no, she wouldn't be able to stand this much longer! She looked at Conor, searching for help and he understood.

"No, I regret." He said. "I think we should head home soon. Thanks for the invitation."

"I have to thank you for all you did for us!" Aruna answered.

They stepped out of the hut.

"Time to say goodbye!" Fergus said and hugged first Aruna and then Lea.

"Don't forget the magic is in you!" Tully said when he held Lea in his arms.

"Good luck you two, no, three!" was Conor's comment.

Then Catlin stepped forward and hugged Aruna. "Good luck to you and the baby. Thanks for everything you did and are doing. And please take care of my... of our princess."

"I promise I will!"

Then Catlin knelt down and embraced Lea, stroking her hair and face. "My darling... I love you more than words can tell... Never doubt this! I know you are strong and brave so don't cry."

Lea nodded and sniffed. "Will you visit me?"

"I promise I will. And I'll be thinking of you everyday. And when you are older I'll teach all I know!"

"Okay. Ma I love you, too"

Catlin held Lea tight some more time, caressing her back, burying her face in her daughter's hair. Then she inched back slowly. Two pairs of deep blue eyes stared into each other. Catlin stood up and kissed Lea on the forehead. "Goodbye my darling..." she whispered and stood up.

The four friends mounted their horses and with a last "Goodbye" rode off. Catlin didn't look back to see Lea waving, afraid that she would turn back at an instant and wouldn't be able to leave ever again. Tears were shining in her eyes but she gulped them back. She hadn't allowed herself to cry since Rowan had kidnapped Lea and she wouldn't now either!

She forced her horse until she was galloping through the forest with her friends in close pursuit. Finally Catlin stopped her mare, jumped off and stormed through the undergrowth. She had to run; run away, only away! Away from her friends, her feelings, from everything. She felt knots and twigs hitting her face and ripping her clothes and skin but she didn't care. She ran until she fell over a root. There she lay and finally started sobbing.

"Hey lass what are you doing?" Fergus shouted in the direction where their friend had disappeared.

"Let her. She needs some time, I think." Conor only said and dismounted his horse.

"What shall we do now?" Tully asked.

"Built up a fire." Conor ordered. "I'll go and get Cat." With that he ran off too.

Conor understood Catlin's reaction – more or less. She had given up her own daughter, wanting the best for her and ignoring her own wishes and feelings.

He found Catlin kneeling at the base of a large tree, leaning on the tree trunk and sobbing uncontrollably. Tears were streaming down her face. Conor sat down beside her and embraced her gently.

"Shh... Hush Cat" he whispered stroking her hair. Catlin clutched his leather tunic and cried against his chest. He was so warm and gentle! He still held her, caressing her back.

"Hush Cat. It's okay." Conor gulped hard. It felt so right to hold her! This wonderful creature that looked so tough, yet so vulnerable at this very moment!

"Nothing is okay!" Catlin sobbed. "I lost my daughter! The only child I'll every have! She isn't mine anymore – she never was!"

"No, Cat!" Conor contradicted. "Your daughter loves you! She'll always be yours because she's in your heart. And you are still young. I'm sure you'll find love and get a lot of babies!"

"Who would love an abused slave-girl like me?"

Conor gulped hard. The next words were difficult to form for him. "I... I would."

Catlin stopped sobbing and raised her head slowly to face him. "You would?" she whispered.

"Aye. In fact I already do!"

Catlin looked into Conor's eyes, those deep brown pools she loved to drown in. She had expected to see pity but she didn't.

All she saw was love.

Their faces slowly inched forward to each other and then met shyly for the fist gentle kiss.

THE END

*~*~*

So that's it. I hope you liked it. It was my first attempt in Roar fiction. Please either review or sent me an e-mail to Bright.Phoenix@gmx.de to let me know what you think of it.

Sheela