Author: Dazzling
Email: glitter_and_glam@hotmail.com
Disclaimers: After the way the season is turning out, I wouldn't want to own them. Ditto with the songs, not mine.
Notes: This one is a mixture of all five seasons, character-wise. I realized I had never tried humour - review me and tell me if I never should've. Don't ask where this one came from, I think I was checking my CD collection. Oh, this one is dedicated to Jess and the voices in her head, who wanted their names in here (happy now, sweeties??)
Summary: I know the Slayer has weird dreams, but...?
Distribution: If my names on it and you tell me where it is, it's yours.
Reviews and Feedback: Go on...please?

THE MIGHTY SUBCONCIOUS

Buffy Summers, the Slayer, came home from a hard night of patrolling, got into bed, and slipped into dreamland...

...Suddenly finding herself in the cemetery. Strange music was playing, and she was wearing a tiger-print bikini top and matching skirt. Looking around, she saw Angel coming towards her. The music - a fast, pop-like beat - was getting louder. As Angel came up beside her, Buffy suddenly started to sing.

"Sometimes, the feeling is right
You fall in love for the first time
Heartbeat, and kisses so sweet
Summer time love in the moonlight
Ai-yippie-yiyoo-yi-yippie-yi-yay
Ai-yippie-yi-yoo-ahhh
Now that summer is gone
You have to go back home
Please come and see me again
I never felt more alone"

Angel, dressed in a fetching jungle print loincloth, came up beside her, knelt down on one knee, and began to croon.

"Baby I am missing you"

"I want you by my side" Buffy sang back to him.

"And I hope you miss me too"

"Come back and stay!"

"I think about you every day"

"I really want you to"

"You swept my feet right off the ground, you're the love I found"

As they entered into the chorus, Buffy and Angel began to do a line dance.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones get up now!" they sung in harmony, kicking their feet out.

"Wake up now!" Spike cut in, popping up from behind a headstone decked out in a leopard-print pair of pajamas.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones wake up now!" Buffy and Angel continued, still kicking wildly.

"Wake up now!" Spike sang out again, popping up from a different headstone, and loping over to them.

"Ai-yippie-yiyoo-yi-yippie-yi-yay-ai-yippie-yi-yoo-ahhh
Ai-yippie-yiyoo-yi-yippie-yi-yay-ai-yippie-yi-yoo-ahhh" all three sung together, joining hands and continuing to line dance. Buffy broke away and danced out the front.

"All I think of is you
And all of the things we had
Doctor, what can I do?
Why does he have to be like that?" she trilled, pirouetting. Angel dropped Spike's hand, and moved next to Buffy.

"Baby I am missing you" he sung to her.

"I want you by my side" Buffy, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu, sang back to him.

"And I hope you miss me too"

"Come back and stay!"

"I think about you every day"

"I really want you to"

"You swept my feet right off the ground, you're the love I found"

Spike ran up to join in the chorus and the three began to can-can in time to the beat they were singing.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones get up now!"

"Wake up now!" This time it was Ethan Rayne who popped up from behind one of the numerous headstones. He was wearing snake-print thigh-high boots with a pair of hot pants in a complimentary shade, and not much else.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones wake up now!" the can-canning trio sung again.

"Wake up now!" Ethan jumped over the headstone he had popped up from, pulled up his hot pants, and joined the three.

As they launched into a second round of ai-yippie-yi-yoo's, Giles - wearing a little green explorer's hat and carrying binoculars - began appearing and disappearing behind trees.

"Please, please, cure me" Buffy begged over and over again as the four can-canned their way around the cemetery.

"Doctor Jones, Jones" she sung, shaking her head madly.

"Wake up now!" Ethan and Spike sung together.

"Doctor Jones, Jones" she trilled again.

"Wake up now!" they replied.

"Doctor Jones, Jones"

"Wake up now!" Spike and Ethan yelled with gusto.

"Dr Jones, Dr Jones wake up now!" Buffy sang out.

As the four began to yippe-yi-yoo again, Giles started to appear and disappear again, in his little hat. He ran up to them, and the five began to boogie.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones get up now!" Buffy, Angel and Giles harmonized.

"Wake up now!" Spike and Ethan chimed in.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones wake up now!" they sung again.

"Wake up now!" Spike and Ethan yelled one last time before popping back down behind their respective headstones. Buffy whirled around to look for Angel...

...and found herself looking into the library. It was silent. All of a sudden, she heard Giles' voice saying "And again! A-one and a-two and a -three and go!"

Xander slid out from behind a bookshelf, a spotlight trained on him, and began to sing.

"Her name is Noelle, I have a dream about her, she rings my bell"

At this point Cordelia, coming out from behind another bookshelf, tinkled a bell.

"I got gym class in heaven" Xander continued, making his way down the stairs, "Oh how she rocks. In Kids and two socks. But she doesn't know who I am. And she doesn't give a damn about me"

"Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby" Xander and Cordelia, who had jumped over the banister, sung together. "Yeah I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby. Listening to Iron Maiden baby with me."

"Oooh ooohhh" Buffy chimed in, unable to resist. The spotlight slid off Xander and onto Oz, who had come smoothly out from behind another bookcase. He began to sing.

"And her boyfriend's a dick. And he brings a gun to school, and he'd simply kick my ass if he knew the truth. He lives on my block, and he drives and I-Rock. But he doesn't know who I am. And he doesn't give a damn about me"

"Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby" Xander, Cordelia, Oz and Willow, who had also appeared, sang, jumping up on the table and polka-dancing. "Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby. Listening to Iron Maiden with me."

"Oooh ooohhh" Buffy sang again, still standing in the doorway.

"Ooh yeah, dirtbag" the four on the table sang together. "No, she doesn't know what she's missing. Ooh yeah, dirtbag. No, she doesn't know what she's missing."

As the spotlight swung around the room and finally landed on the office door, Buffy turned to see Giles slide out in a tuxedo.

"Man I feel like mold" he crooned, and she looked around to notice that the rest of her friends had been transformed, and were now wearing prom gear topped off with bright orange bowling shoes.

"It's prom night and I am lonely, low and behold! She's walking over to me" At this point, Buffy couldn't control herself and began to walk towards Giles.

"This must be fake" he continued. "My lips start to shake. How does she know who I am? And why does she give a damn about me?"

"I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden baby" Buffy sung softly, displaying the tickets which had mysteriously appeared in her hand. "Come with me Friday don't say maybe. I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby like you."

"Ooh ooohhh" Cordy and Willow chimed in.

Buffy and Giles joined the four on the table and the six of them danced under a disco ball, which had just dropped from the skylight.

"Ooh yeah, dirtbag," they sung. "No, she doesn't know what she's missing."

Jumping off the table one by one, they faded away.

"Ooh yeah, dirtbag," Buffy looked around her and saw that they'd all disappeared. Shrugging and looking a tad perplexed, she continued. "No, she doesn't know what she's missing," she sung by herself. Glancing up, she noticed the huge disco ball dropping. Looking wildly around...

...Buffy noticed that she was now standing outside the Bronze. By now used to all this craziness, she walked inside. It was pitch black, and she couldn't see a thing. Suddenly, voices came out of the dark.

"Bye bye bye!"

Someone hit the lights, and Buffy saw her mum, Giles and Snyder sitting around a table playing poker. They paused, and as music came on, started to sing.

"I'm doing this tonight
You're probably gonna start a fight
I know this can't be right
Hey baby, come on"

The three went back to their poker game as they were shrouded in darkness once again, and light came onto Parker and the Master, who were sitting at another table sharing a jug of beer. They picked up.

"I loved you endlessly
When you weren't there for me
So now it's time to leave and make it alone."

They clinked glasses and took a swig, as the light illuminated Dru and Darla, who were doing their nails at the bar. They chimed in.

"I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie
I wanna see you out that door baby bye bye bye"

Lights came on around Parker and the Master's table, and they all crowded together and sung, raising their glasses.

"Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for today
You may hate me but it ain't no lie
Baby bye bye bye
Don't really wanna make it tough
I just wanna tell you that I've had enough
It might sound crazy but it ain't no lie
Baby bye bye bye"

They were lost in the shadows as lights came over Wesley, Cordy and Angel, who were playing pool. They stood up and twirled their cues in time to the rhythm as they sang.

"You just hit me with the truth
Now girl you're more than welcome to
So give me one good reason baby come on"

They went back to playing their game as Willow, Oz, Xander, Tara and Anya were caught in the light. Sitting on the couches, they stood up and swayed with the tune they were starting to sing.

"I lived for you and me
And now I really come to see
That life would be much better once you're gone
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie
I wanna see you out that door
Baby bye bye bye"

They ran over to the others at Parkers table, and the large group waved lighted candles as they sung together.

"Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for today
You may hate me but it ain't no lie
Baby bye bye bye
Don't really wanna make it tough
I just wanna tell you that I've had enough
It might sound crazy but it ain't no lie
Baby bye bye bye"

The group was once again swallowed in darkness as the Mayor, Faith and Kendra came into view. The girls were stake swapping, and they drummed the table with the aforementioned stakes as they harmonized.

I'm giving up I know for sure
I don't wanna be the reason for your love no more."

"Bye bye!" the Mayor cut in.

"I'm checking out I'm signing off
I don't wanna be the loser and I've had enough."

Kendra, Faith and the Mayor raised their stakes in a salute and disappeared from view. Light fell over Riley, Dawn, Spike and Ethan, who were sitting on the stairs sipping red cordial. Spike, dressed in a tweed three-piece suit, started to croon and the rest followed.

"I don't wanna be your fool in this game for two
So I'm leaving you behind."

"Bye bye!" Dawn chirped, out of tune. The men resumed.

"I don't wanna make it tough
But I've had enough"

"Bye bye!" Dawn broke in again. Ethan shot her an annoyed look, and continued to sing.

"But it ain't no lie, baby."

Suddenly, the whole gang - Ethan, Spike, Giles, Willow, Cordy, Xander, Oz, Angel, Dru, Anya, Riley, Darla, the Master, Kendra, Faith, the Mayor, Dawn, Snyder, Parker, Joyce, Wesley and Tara - were on the stage, dressed in tweed suits, and swaying, holding lighted candles aloft. Buffy, feeling left out and unable to resist, ran up to join them for a final chorus.


"Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for today
You may hate me but it ain't no lie
Baby bye bye bye
Don't really wanna make it tough
I just wanna tell you that I've had enough
It might sound crazy but it ain't no lie
Baby bye bye bye"

Then they all vanished, Dawn's voice floating out. "Bye bye........"

... and Buffy woke up.

"Whoa."

FIN

AN: I know 'Bye Bye Bye' didn't really fit, but I wanted the whole gang to dance. Should I stick with humour, or go back to my usual angst/romance/death?