Author: Dazzling
Email: glitter_and_glam@hotmail.com
Disclaimers: I own nothing, songs nor characters. I only own the twisted ideas that made up this series in the first place.
Notes: After getting good feedback for the original story and being asked for a sequel, I decided to make it into a series of each of the character's dreams. They will contain a mix of all five season's characters and places, but only the major characters will actually have a dream. If you're into strip-teasing Wesley, this one's for you.
Distribution: If you really want it. Just let me know where it's going, I like seeing my name in print =)
Reviews and Feedback: Please? I live for reviews.

THE MIGHTY SUBCONCIOUS 2 - XANDER

Xander Harris came home to his basement, exhausted after an hour of arguing with Anya over the importance of being civil. He switched off the light and collapsed into bed, drifting into a dream world...

... suddenly transported back to the Magic Box. He looked around, but the store appeared to be deserted. The radio, however, had been left on, and was playing the opening strains of some female R&B song. Walking over to turn it off, Xander was startled when Anya popped up from behind the counter, and began to sing.

"Think it's time we got this straight
Let's sit and talk face-to-face
There is no way you could mistake
Him for your man, are you insane?"

Confused, Xander looked at Anya, waiting for an explanation. Anya seemed to be shooting death looks at someone behind Xander, and as he whirled around, he saw Buffy coming smoothly out from behind one of the shelves. Utterly perplexed, it came as no surprise to Xander when Buffy opened her mouth and sung.

"See I know that you may be
Just a bit jealous of me
But you're blind if you can't see
That his love is all in me."

Xander's head swiveled back and forth between one girl and the other as Anya stepped out from behind the counter and moved slowly towards Buffy in a boxer's stance, singing.

"See I tried to hesitate
I didn't want to say what he told me
He said without me he couldn't make it
Through the day, isn't that a shame?"

A sadistic smile on her face, Buffy circled Anya, ready to pounce. Xander looked on, mystified, as Buffy replied.

"Well maybe you misunderstood
Cause I can't see how he could
Wanna take his time, and that's all good
All my love was all it took."

Xander smiled then, finally realizing what was happening. Two gorgeous girls were fighting - and over him, no less. Ready for more bitchiness, Xander was not disappointed when they each took one of his hands and tugged, singing together.

"You need to give it up
Had about enough
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine
I'm sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine."

With a mighty tug, Anya pulled Xander away from Buffy and toward her, shooting malicious looks at Buffy while she sung.

"Must you do the things you do?
Keep on acting like a fool
You need to know it's me not you
And if you didn't know it, girl it's true."

Buffy threw herself at Anya, in an all-too-real replicate of Celebrity Death Match. She pinned Anya down as Xander watched, amused, and sung into her face.

"I think that you should realize
I'm trying to understand why
He is a part of my life
I know it's killing you inside."

Anya threw Buffy off with a burst of strength, and Buffy flew into the counter. Anya laughed, and moved towards Xander, holding out her arms possessively, as she started to sing at Buffy yet again.

"You can say what you want to say
What we have, you can't take
From the truth you can't escape
I can tell the real from the fake."

Buffy picked herself up off the floor in front of the counter, stormed up to Anya and threw a roundhouse kick at her, knocking her against one of the shelves. Merchandise fell down on top of her, and Buffy shrugged and turned to Xander, singing.

"When will you get the picture?
You're the past and I'm the future
Get away it's my time to shine
If you didn't know it the boy is mine"

Anya rose, and once again, each girl took one of Xander's hands and moved forward in a line dance, as they harmonized together.

"You need to give it up
Had about enough
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine
I'm sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine."

Anya moved away, and tugged at her dress. It came off, revealing a tiny pink bikini. Making sure Xander's eyes were glued to her, which they most definitely were, she looked triumphantly at Buffy as she sang.

"You can't destroy this love I've found
Your silly games I won't allow
The boy is mine without a doubt
You might as well throw in the towel."

Tossing a towel to Buffy as she laughed, Anya didn't see the right uppercut coming her way. She was knocked backwards as Buffy moved in front of Xander, following suit and ripping off her dress to reveal a pair of (see-through) white hot pants and a tiny white (also-see-through) boob tube. She swayed seductively in front of a mesmerized Xander, singing to Anya.

"What makes you think that he wants you
When I'm the one that brought him to
The special place that's in my heart
He was my love right from the start."

Anya got groggily up, looking around. Spotting Xander and Buffy, she ran up and shoved Buffy out of the way, taking one of Xander's hands as Buffy recovered and grabbed the other, singing together for a third time.

"You need to give it up
Had about enough
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine
I'm sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine."

The girls tugged Xander back and forth as they fought.

"Not yours," Anya sang

"But mine," Buffy yelled back.

They continued on like this until Anya gave one all-mighty tug and stole Xander away, grinning at Buffy. She sang once more for Buffy's benefit, getting her point across.

"I'm sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine."

Xander pulled away from Anya's embrace for a second, looking backwards at Buffy. Instead of the front of the Magic Box, he found himself looking at...


... "DeadBoy?" Xander whispered, scared now. Angel sat sprawled on a bench in Weatherly Park, half in shadow. Xander looked around, and saw Riley, Spike, Snyder, Giles, Wesley and Oz sitting in the same sprawled, shadowed fashion. Bottles littered the ground around them, and each male looked decidedly wasted.

Xander looked around, seeking the porthole back to the Buffy-Anya hijinks, but had no such luck. Turning back, he saw the guys around him getting up. In creepy slow motion, they formed a circle around him. Petrified, Xander shrank back as Spike opened his mouth and sung:

"I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime."

Spike moved back and the shadows swallowed him. It was quiet once more, and Xander heaved a sigh of relief, only to have Spike replaced with a very drunk-looking Riley, who was singing:

"And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through!"

Giles, Wesley and the rest of the gang slunk forward, arms around each other, stumbling, as they launched into the chorus:

"And I need to go on and on and on and on
We are the champions, my friend
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
Cause we are the champions, we are the champions
No time for losers, cause we are the champions of the world."

Snyder lurched up to Xander, still wearing the look that had terrorized Xander in high school. His shirt wasn't buttoned properly, and his shoes were on the wrong feet. He sung to Xander's face, his breath stinking of alcohol.

"I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You've bought me fame and fortune
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all."

Stumbling up beside Snyder, Wesley (in a classic rendition of the video strip scene in Blood Money), swung his shirt around his head and threw it to Xander while he sung:

"But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge
Before the whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose!"

Oz slung an almost-too-friendly arm around a very confused and scared Xander, motioning for everyone else to join him while yelling:

"And I need to go on and on and on and on!"

Once again, the men joined Xander in a communal hug for the chorus. Wesley's singlet, shoes and socks flew at Xander, and he ducked, bumping into Giles. The very smashed Englishman slipped in the mud and fell on his bum, dirtying his tweed suit, and Angel giggled and pointed. Riley tried to help Giles up, only to be pushed down into the mud in his face by a triumphant Spike, who placed one foot on Riley's back and stood with one arm risen high in a victory pose. Giles got to his (rather unsteady) feet as the guys sung:

"We are the champions, my friend
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
Cause we are the champions, we are the champions
No time for losers, cause we are the champions of the world."

Xander started to back away, even as Wesley's pants, undies and tie came flying at him. Grossed out, and not wanting to know what was going on behind him, Xander tried to walk away, only to be confronted by six drunken guys (and vampires) and a very naked Wesley, all ready for the final chorus.

"We are the champions, my friend
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
Cause we are the champions, we are the champions
No time for losers, cause we are the champions of the world."

Xander joined in out of fear, more than anything. On the last note, he threw Wesley's clothes to him, traumatized by the scene he had just witnessed. Angel giggled again as Xander ran far, far away. Not looking where he was going, he crashed into a tree. Coming to, he found himself...


... in Buffy and Willow's old dorm room. It appeared to be empty but after his previous escapades, Xander knew better. He checked the wardrobe and under the beds, feeling rather silly. Just as he was about to lie on one of the beds and sleep, still scarred after his encounter with Wesley, music began playing. Xander recognized it immediately, and groaned.

"Please, anything but boy bands," he muttered, even as Cordy, Amy (who has been de-ratted for the purpose of fiction), Harmony and Jenny Calendar burst through the door. Cordy ran up to him and began to sing:

"Everybody wonders, and some people know
I guess that I'm some people cause baby it shows
When will you do it, and why will you go?
If you've already decided then deliver the blow."

She and the rest of the posse joined hands and blocked the door, Xander's only escape route from this madness. They looked at him with contempt, determined to let him suffer. Their voices joined together for the chorus:

"The way you walk around me
The way you talk around me
You act so speechless
You've got nothing to say
The way you walk around me
The way you talk around me
Makes me wonder
If this was only play."

Xander sighed. This was revenge of the scorned lovers. Xander still felt remorse over that love spell in 11th grade. And Cordy - well, he could never fix that. Amy swaggered over and joined Cordy in their rage, singing:

"And I wonder, will you still love me
Do you still love me
Like you did before?"

Jenny came over and slapped him in the face, mumbling something about how he mocked her that day, as she sung:

"Said come on baby, you think I'm so blind
I see what you're doing behind my back all this time
I get suspicious when you call me someone else's name
You think I don't notice that nothing's the same."

Once again, the girls crowded the door, stopping Xander from getting away from their accusations. He moaned, knowing what was coming next. The chorus.

"The way you walk around me
The way you talk around me
You act so speechless
You've got nothing to say
The way you walk around me
The way you talk around me
Makes me wonder
If this was only play."

Harmony broke away from the group and came over to Xander. She grabbed his face in her hand and squashed his cheeks together. Muttering something about 'say my name, bitch', she sung into his compressed face:

"And I wonder, will you still love me
Do you still love me
Like you did before?"

The girls regrouped once more, determined to make Xander pay for what he had done to them all. They formed a circle around him, and it was getting smaller and smaller. Cordy sung out to him:

"Ooh baby, you think I'm so blind
Ooh baby, I'm not playing around this time."

Yet again, the women clustered at the door. Xander looked hopefully at the window, but his little notion of escape was crushed when Amy moved to guard the window to stop him getting away, as they all sung:

"The way you walk around me
The way you talk around me
You act so speechless
You've got nothing to say
The way you walk around me
The way you talk around me
Makes me wonder
If this was only play."

Jenny ran up and pushed Xander to the ground, sitting on him, smushing his face into the ground, forcing him to listen to her singing:

"And I wonder, will you still love me
Do you still love me
Like you did before?"

The rest of the group came over and joined Jenny, adding their weight to Xander's back. They bounced up and down, smashing his, uh, more private parts into the floor. They sung like women wanting revenge, which of course, they were:

"Ooh baby, you think I'm so blind
Ooh baby, I'm not playing around this time."

Then they rose up and started towards the door. One by one, the group of scorned women disappeared through it, and Xander heaved a sigh of relief. But he was relaxing too soon, as Harmony ran back into the room and jumped on Xander for good measure. Laughing hysterically, she went back to wherever she had cone from in the first place.

After five minutes, Xander dared to breathe again. The music had thankfully stopped, and Xander smiled, as he hated boy bands like the plague. Pulling himself onto the bed, Xander finally allowed himself to close his eyes...

...only to wake up in his own bed, back home in his basement. Sitting up in terror, he looked around the room. Finding it empty, apart from the dryer, he lay back down. A vision suddenly hit him of Wesley stripping, and Xander was shocked.

"Weird..."

FIN



A/N Well, that was the second installment in this series. What'd you think? Stay tuned for the third one: Spike!

A/N 2: The songs are 'Boy Is Mine', by Brandy and Monica, 'We Are The Champions', by Queen, and 'Speechless', by Hanson.