This Is What Happens When You Turn Your Friend Into a Toad
By Saphron
WW alert (warning: weird…)
To my wonderful, creative, imaginative reviewers-THANK YOU! You ppl are genius! I'm gonna use a mixture of your ideas and my own, so many, many thanks to: Kaya (why didn't I think of that? Hee-hee ^-^) Renaissance Girl (nutty! And *very* weird) Wicked Lady (I like! Your idea, cartoons, and pixie sticks! All the wonderful things in this world ^-^) Nzgirl (You are nuts honey! Your idea is crazily whack-very, very, VERY weird! And way cool! A whole story unto itself…with it's own plot and everything…*thinking* hmm…and I LOVE the Wizard of Oz thing (which I am so using)…) Annie (from the deepest, darkest, corners of my mind! MUAHAHA! Or maybe too many soap-operas…tehe…) Magelet (I'm not a signing-in fan either ^-^ -way too lazy) Keladry (too kind m'dear! Much too nice) Me-(I actually had the potion idea ironically! ^-^ We think along the same lines!) Thanks Kitkat ^-^ Hee-hee… Saturn68-Oh that's GENIUS! I should have done that shouldn't I? It *does* fit his personality! But alas…he shall remain an amphibian…But then Cassie-(*snorts*-double-hockey sticks? HA! Where've I been? If I told you I'd have to kill you…muahaha…no really, I got sucked down a black-hole in cyberspace and only got out cuz I had some spare pixie sticks to load up the starship engine with, but then I got tangled in a nasty time-warp that duplicated myself three times, so there were four of us Saphys runnin' round spreading the chaos. Each of us kept trying to sign on but since we were all fighting over the keyboard it got chucked at the comp screen by accident and poof! There went that. Only good part was that the three imposter Saphs went bye-bye once the comp exploded. I've finally just got Bob to fix it with his telekinetic powers. Tehe…I really should quite the sci-fi eh? But seriously-I know, I've only been on once this week I think (when you weren't on unfortunately)…tell ya 'bout it later hun, ok? Or ask Jae, but I didn't tell her much so she probably won't know what you're talking about… And then you gotta tell me alls your dreams! Fair exchange for my beef ^-^)
~
"Ah-well," Numair began, "Never mind that. We'll give you some magic tests later. But as for now-" he cleared his throat, "you can only change him back by…"
The children inched forward in their seats…eagerly listening…come on, come on, what could they do…
He shrugged and stopped. They gaped at him.
"What? What do we hafta do?"
Numair looked at them, "I'm not really sure…but we can try a few things."
"Ok, fine. Let's go."
"You're not gonna like it-"
"I don't care! I just wanna go take a shower!"
Numair shook his head, "Ok…first up is the classic disenchantment. Cleon, hand Neal the toad-er, I mean, lord Wyldon."
Cleon did so silently, and Neal took him tentatively in his hands, practically squealing at the slime slipping through his fingers.
"Kiss it." Gracias Kaya
"WHAT?!?"
"Kiss the toad, it's simple."
Neal paled visibly-"Uh-huh, no way, I am so NOT kissing a toad!"
"It's not a toad, it's Lord Wyldon. Just do it," Kel berated.
Neal grumbled something inaudible while Cleon snickered behind his back. "Pucker up princy-want some Lipsmackers? I have five flavors-strawberry pink, rose-pink, pink-pink, cheery pink-and banana."
Neal glared at him, "Just give me the toad." With great reluctance and obvious pain Neal raised the toad (who was glaring back at him just as evilly) to eye-level. Squeezing his eyes shut, he puckered his lips, leaned in, and pecked the amphibian on the head.
Nothing happened.
The toad just gave a loud gurgling bellowing grunt-croak and Neal kept spitting saliva and gagging to death. The others shook their heads, clearly disappointed.
"Well, Numair said, "That didn't work."
"No shit Sherlock." Neal grumbled, still wiping his mouth with his sleeve, but Numair pretended not to hear.
"Well, I suppose…this could always work…"
"Spit it out."
"Ok-you gotta appease Lord Wyldon's restless soul by telling him how much you love punishment duty-"
They all three gagged, "But we hate punishment!"
Numiar shrugged and thumbed the toad, "He doesn't."
They took a few calming breaths, "All right, I'll do it," Neal stated solemnly, very martyr-like.
Numair grinned at him, "one sec," and opened up his drawer. He took out two shiny, sequin-covered, red magic shoes and told Neal to put them on. "I keep these here just in case."
Neal shot him a weird look (in case of what? People didn't turn their teachers into toads all that often…), but unhappily put on the slippers nonetheless.
"Now click your heals and say, 'there's nothing like punishment duty, there's nothing like punishment duty…'" Nzgirl to the rescue! Supergirl!
Neal glared at Cleon, who threatened to explode from contained laughter, but still half-heartily clicked his heels and began the chant. Fifteen minutes later, he was still chanting, and Wyldon was croaking along, even tapping his webbed foot to the beat. He loved punishment duty.
Numair scratched his head apprehensively, an idea forming, "Let's try this than," he began, smiling crazily. They didn't admit it but the gleeful look on Numair's face kinda scared the children. He looked way too happy… "You gotta spin around three times and touch your toes," The kids glanced at each other, "Then shout out 'wee willy winky, my son Jon!'" he exclaimed, even doing a short demonstration. Muy interesante Renaissance Girl!
Ok-was Numair all right? I mean, he was a powerful mage yes, but mayhap all that magic had gone to his head and turned him loony…
"Do it," he persuaded, nodding his encouragement.
They all shrugged-what the hell? And spun around three times (Neal, who was already grossed out and now incredibly dizzy, threatened to hurl on the spot). "WEE WILLY WINKY, MY SON JON!" They shouted at the top of their lungs.
A head poked through the door, "Someone call my name?"
Kel froze and spun around--there was the king!
Numair grinned, "no your highness, just doin' a little magic incantation."
"Ah, that explains it then." He looked like he was about to poke his head back out again but then stopped and entered the room, "looks interesting-what are you doing?"
"Um…"
"Er,"
"Having a luau, "Numair said promptly (the genius idea coming to him from Neal's intended snow globe-And from Wicked Lady!), "in fact-you can help! Go get us some grass skirts and Gilligan's hat woudlja your majesty?"
Jon frowned at being asked to do something normally required of a lowly servant, not a high king, but shrugged when the prospect of how fun it would be to party occurred to him, and ran to fetch the requirements. He was back in no time, and with a wave of his hand, Numair had turned his office into one of the Hawaiian Islands.
Strings of flowers and grass hung from the ceiling, which was made entirely of palm-tree leaves, and bright-beaded straw mats littered the floor. All along the walls hung ancient Teki masks and surfboards. The window looked out to a dazzling, shining, bright emerald sea, with soft white sand outside the door. Numair's desk was gone, replaced with a bar counter complete with a tiny monkey behind it, servin' up the drinks.
"Chee-chee, che chee?" It squeaked at them as they looked around in confusion. But apparently Lord Wyldon understood-"croak, crooooak cro-croak." He responded, to everyone's great shock.
The monkey hoped behind the counter and returned with half a coconut shell filled with white liquid (that greatly resembled pina-colada) and a little umbrella sticking out of the rim. Lord Wyldon hopped over to it and took a large swig.
"Let's par-TE like it was 456!" Numair hollered, swinging his lai around his neck. Jon shrugged and grabbed a ukulele conveniently placed by him, and started strumming on it, singing (way off-key), "Oh we're goooooin' to a Hukiloa, a huki-huki-huki-hukiloa, everyboooooody, loves a huki-loa, where the lao-lao and the-" He didn't get a chance to finish though, because then Neal grabbed a surfboard off the wall and shouted, "Callabunga dude! Surf's up!" And ran out the door, heading straight towards the water.
Cleon grinned and started dancing to Jon's boisterous, restarted, playing of the ukulele, grabbing a hula skirt and throwing it over his head in the process. He started waving his arms through the arm, dancing to the rhythm, "ah! I love to dance! I thought I made a good ballerina…but now I've found my true calling in life! A hula-dancer is what I'll be!"
Kel threw her arms up into the air--oh the insanity! Would it ever cease to stop? All this confusion, this noise (nya nya nya nya…a large splash sounded, that was evidently Neal wiping out, and getting his shower) this craziness! Kel closed her eyes-was she the only sane one left?
A faraway sound echoed like a mirage, and as she opened her eyes she saw, to her great relief, she was no longer on some tropical isle.
Neal was shaking a snow globe, watching the white sand swirl around, and Cleon was nodding approvingly. Lord Wyldon was actually Lord Wyldon, not a neon-orange, wart-covered, bug-eyed, slimy little toad. (Numair was no where in site) And they were all four in the library, which as far as Kel could tell, was not Hawaii.
"Good job with the snow globe Neal, only-"
However…
"Why is there a little frog in the hula skirt, not a girl?"
Everything seemed abnormally…large…
"I dunno…musta messed it up somehow…"
And Neal's face was all stretched out and funky, like she was looking at him through glass…
"Hey where'd Kel go?"
And there were little white pieces of fluff whirling around…
"I dunno, probably to bed."
"No! I'm right here! Can't you guys see me?" She asked, slightly dazed and getting paranoid, only…it came out in a few short toad-like croaks.
"I dun blame her, I'm tired too."
"Wh-what? This so can not be happening!"
"Yea, let's go."
The two exited, yawning with eyes leaded down with exhaustion, and left a tiny snow-globe on the table. This left Wyldon-
"Hmm…what an interesting object! It'd make an ideal paperweight…"
Kel gave a high scream, which sounded like one big croaking bellow, and Wyldon skipped his heels in glee, "oh goody! It talks!"
She lowered her head in despair; looked like she'd be spending the rest or her days as a Hawiian-grass-skirt-wearing-hula-dancing-talking-toad-paperweight for the Stump.
Gods…this is what happens when you turn your friend into a toad…
~
~*Saphron*~
You wanted weird…you got weird! Hee-hee ^-^
Thanks again to all reviewers! Your ideas and comments were very much appreciated…and if you reviewed just after I uploaded this I'm sorry you weren't mentioned, but thank you for reviewing, I really do appreciate it.
i.j.-you're wonderful! I'm going to build you a thrown made entirely of coconut shells just for you, for being the best beta-reader in all the Emerald sea.
Disclaimer: Not mine, TP. And Giligan owns his hat (got that from a friend).
