I miss you

Disclaimer:  I do not own Gundam Wing.  They are owned by Sunrise, Bandai, and several other companies I can't remember.  I am not making any money off of this fic.  Please don't sue!  This is for hentai entertainment only.  Please don't sue!

I miss you.

Yesterday I could swear I heard you call my name.  I stopped in my tracks, head craning on my neck, ignorant of the people swarming around me.  I peered through the crowds, desperate for just a glimpse of you.  All I saw were unknown faces.  There was no sign of you, just the empty echoes resounding in the corners of my heart.

I made my way home in a daze.  It seems that you were with me for every step I took, hand warm on my shoulder.  The warmth disappeared the moment I stepped through the door of my small apartment; instead I was left with the cold ache I've lived with for so long.  For a moment I was tempted to turn around, to continue walking until I could go no further, all to have that warmth back again.  I didn't give into my impulse.  I carefully closed the door behind me, trapping myself into my private hell.

You'd think that after six years, I'd stop turning to you to share a laugh or make a comment on something I'd seen today.  You'd think that I'd stop straining my ears for the sound of your tread on the stairs, for the sound of your breathing in the night.

Last night I woke with tears wetting my cheeks, arms reaching out for you.  Of course you weren't there.  You never are.  I lay there in the darkness, cursing the fact that I still live even after my heart has stopped beating.

I move through my days like a ghost, drifting from home to work and then back again.  It's almost as if an invisible wall surrounds me, buffering me from the world outside.  On the surface I seem unchanged, interacting with co-workers and those who consider themselves to be my friends.  But in truth I am locked somewhere deep inside.  I'm frozen, unable to reach out to another person for the comfort and companionship every man craves.

Why did you leave?

I saw Relena the other day.  It was unexpected.  For years I had avoided anything and anyone that reminded me of you.  She seemed happy to see me, hesitant as she asked me how I was.  My mouth tasted like ash as I lied and told her that I was doing fine.  I know that she didn't believe me.  She's always been able to read me, no matter how I might wish it otherwise.  I could hardly look her in the face, knowing that I would see pity in her eyes.  Even after all these years, she still pities me.  I hate her for it.

I've tried to stay away, but I can't seem to help myself.  Every Saturday, just like clockwork, I show up here.  I clean away the dead flowers and replace them with new ones.  I brush my fingers against the carved letters of your name, as if by doing so I can bring you back to me.

I'm sorry I lied to you when I said I wouldn't be alone, that I would be all right.  To ease your pain I told you what you wanted to hear, even when I knew that it wasn't true, that it could never be true.   When you left, I lost the only person I'd ever loved.  When you left, you took my heart and soul with you.  Now all I can do is wait.

 

I love you, Duo.

Someday I'll be with you again.

Ninmu ryoukai.