Body

Ayla woke to the sounds of newborn fussing and smiled as she opened her
eyes. Her son was demanding to be fed, and she guided him to her breast. She
lightly kissed his head and picked up his tiny foot, noticing how small it
was compared to her hand. She had done the same with Tholiza, and with Durc.
Though her newest son was tiny when she compared him with Durc, she knew for
a child of the others he was a perfect size.

She closed her eyes and thanked her spirit totems, as well as the Mother for
allowing him to still be with her. When he was born not breathing, Ayla
wanted to die. Her dream had warned her though, and she had been thinking of
everything Iza had ever taught her about medicine to try and be prepared.

She was grateful when his lungs filled with air and he let out a feeble cry.
Exhausted beyond measure, she barely had enough energy to stay awake while
she tied off his umbilical cord.

When she woke later to find he was still alive, she had been relieved beyond
measure. That's when she allowed herself to study every detail of him. She
was surprised at first when she realized that he was of Ranec's spirit. All
the other children she'd seen at the summer meeting that Ranec had started
at least seemed to have his coloring come through.

She remember a conversation she had with Tricie though. She had said that
when Ralev was born, he was lighter than her. It was only later that his
coloring started to come through, though his facial features and hair let
everyone know right away that he was of Ranec's spirit.

Ayla smiled as she tried to imagine what he'd look like when he was older.
Would he look more like Ranec then? Looking at the baby, Ayla didn't regret
sharing pleasures with him. How could she? The Mother blessed her with a
beautiful son. She did feel some regret that the child wasn't of Jondalar's
spirit though. Knowing she'd have to tell him soon, Ayla decided to finish
feeding him, and Tholiza, then dressing.

~~~~~~~~~


"Ayla! What are you doing up?" Ranec chastized as she came out of the tent.
She seemed to ignore his question as she straightened with the baby.

"Could you get Tholiza for me?"

"Yes, but you should be resting!" he ran ahead of her and placed a fur on a
stone near the fire. Once she was sitting comfortably, he went into the tent
and brought her daughter out.

"Where's Jondalar and Madenia?" she asked as Ranec handed her a cup of tea.

"Madenia went down to the stream to fill the water bags. I guess that's
where Jondalar went too. He was gone when I woke this morning."
Ayla frowned as she sipped her tea. She was certain that everyone had to
have been up for awhile now, and it wasn't like Jondalar be gone for so
long.

Ayla sat her cup down. "Ranec, will you watch Tholiza for me?"

Ranec gave her a long look. The tone of her voice didn't sound good. "Yes.
Are you going back to sleep?" he hoped that she would be.

Ayla shook her head. "I need to speak with Jondalar."

Frowning, Ranec bounced Tholiza on his knee. "Shouldn't you wait until he
comes back? He could be anywhere!"

Ayla smiled at his concern. "Don't worry. I'm a big girl. Besides, after
Durc was born I had to take care of myself until we could return to the
Clan. A little walk isn't going to hurt me."

Knowing she was right, but not liking it, Ranec nodded his assent. Ayla
smiled and straightened the sling the baby was in. Standing, she gave Ranec
one more look.

"Don't worry. I'll be back soon." Calling Wolf, she headed towards the
water.

Ayla slowly made her way towards the stream, making sure to take her time.
She was still pretty tired from yesterday, and sore. More than anything she
was grateful that she didn't have to hunt and forage for food like when Durc
was born. She shuddered thinking about the time she had to leave him at the
small cave while she went out. The fire had died, and he was so cold when
she returned.

Reaching the water's edge, Ayla pushed that thought back to the recesses of
her mind once again. She wanted to remember the good times she had with her
son. Ayla didn't think there was a single day that went by though, that she
didn't think about him, hoping that he had mated, and had high status among
the Clan. Most of all, she hoped he was happy. Truly happy.

Ayla looked around but didn't see either Madenia or Jondalar. What she did
find though, was fresh tracks. She knew they were there not too long ago,
and followed the footprints down stream.

Madenia watched as Jondalar placed another clump of earth onto a fallen tree
and walked back to her.

"Go ahead and try it now." He said as he stood beside her. Madenia nervously
loaded a small spear into the spear thrower and took aim. She hoped she
wasn't visibly shaking with him being so close. Taking aim, she pulled her
arm back and let loose.

The spear went the distance, but she was off by about three of Jondalar's
feet from the target.

"I told you I wasn't very good." She admitted, not looking at him directly.

Jondalar smiled at her. "Nonsense. All it takes is some practice. It's
really not that different from using a regular spear. You're pretty good
with that."

Madenia thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I guess you're right. I
never really thought about it before."

"Try another one," He encouraged.

Madenia loaded another spear and bit her lip as she concentrated on the
target. If it was a regular spear, she would have been able to hit it
without a problem. When it was only she and her mother at their hearth,
Madenia had went on a few hunts, but mostly set snares to catch their
supper. She used to practice quite a bit though, and this really shouldn't
have been any different, she told herself.

Pulling back, she let the spear fly and watched as it grazed the target this
time, though the big clump of mud was still where it had been. Smiling
triumphantly, she turned to Jondalar.

"I did it!"

He couldn't help but get caught up in her enthusiasm and laughed out loud.
"Keep practicing, and soon you'll be as good as Ayla."

Madenia highly doubted that she'd ever get that good, but having Jondalar
compliment her still made her blush. She loaded another spear and let it
fly. This time she was again a little off to the left and Jondalar stepped
towards her.

"Here, you're twisting your body just as you cast, stand like this," He
moved behind her and took her throwing arm in his hand.

Madenia had forgotten how to breathe as she felt his chest envelope her
back. Almost like in a trance, she let him move her arm to the right
position.

"Do you see the difference?" he asked, his breath tickling her ear.

Madenia could only nod as she leaned back to him. He pulled her arm back and
moved it forward a few times so she could get the feel of it. His other hand
was resting on her waist.

"Now try it."

Madenia threw the spear, and thought it flew true, it was short of the mark
by a good ten feet. Not moving, she looked where the spear had landed though
every part of her being was focused on the man behind her. Deciding that
now, since they were alone, would be a good time to tell Jondalar how she
felt about him, she slowly turned.

Of course, she wouldn't tell him that she would fantasize about him asking
her to co-mate with him and Ayla, or having babies of his spirit, but she
could at least let him know that she'd like to 'honor the Mother' with him.
After all, that was perfectly acceptable, even when people were mated.

Most couples at Mother's Festivals picked other partners to Honor the Mother
with.

Looking up into his eyes, she tried to find her voice. It was difficult with
his hand still on her waist, and when she turned, his other one joined it.
Cocooned in his embrace, she could only watch mesmerized as he bent his head
and kissed her gently. Stunned, it took her a moment to respond, but when
she did, he deepened the kiss.

By the time he pulled back, Madenia felt as if all her bones had melted.
Staring at him wide eyed, she desperately hoped he would kiss her again, or
do more.

"Jondalar."

Both of them jumped at the sound and looked towards Ayla. Madenia pulled
away from Jondalar and ran out of the small clearing before either of them
could react.

"Madenia!" Jondalar called after her. Turning to Ayla, he felt his face burn
with shame at first, then concern. "What are you doing out here?"

She looked down and he noticed the baby. Feeling his throat constrict,
jealousy and hurt filled him, as well as anger. Exactly who he was angry at
he wasn't sure, but nevertheless, the feeling was there.

"I....wanted...needed to speak with you." Ayla quietly answered. Jondalar
turned his back to her, and she could tell from his body language that he
was angry. Every muscle in his body was tense.

"You had to come all the way out here to do that? Couldn't it wait until
later?" He spat with venom, then regretted it immediately.

Ayla tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then took a deep breath as she
squared her shoulders. "You don't have to snap at me. I just came to tell
you......that our baby.....is of Ranec's spirit." She finished softly.

After a moment of silence, Jondalar spoke dejectedly, as if his spirit had
been broken. "I already knew that."

Ayla looked at him puzzled. "But....how?" Did he notice the subtle
differences in the baby? He didn't seem to.

"Does it matter?" He turned to face her again, and she could see the hurt in
his eyes.

"I'm sorry Jondalar. I know how much you wanted him to be of your spirit,
but I don't regret for a moment that he isn't. How could I? The Mother has
blessed me, blessed us, with a beautiful son. He's still the child of your
hearth, if not your essence. Please don't be upset."

Jondalar clenched his fists until his fingernails dug painfully into his
skin. He knew he shouldn't be bothered by the fact that Ayla's child wasn't
of his spirit. There were women everyday that gave birth to children not of
their mate's spirit. But it did.

He walked down to the practice target and picked up the small spears.
Walking back to Ayla, he paused momentarily before clearing his throat. "We
should be getting back." He took a few steps past her, then turned to wait.

Not knowing what to say to make things right between them, Ayla
avoided looking directly at him so he wouldn't see the hurt in her eyes as
she went past him. Silently, they made their way back to camp.


Madenia practically ran into the camp, and stopped short when she saw Ranec
sitting with Tholiza. She turned from him, hoping that he hadn't seen the
tears running down her face.

"Madenia? Are you hurt?" he asked concerned, as he stood and started to go
to her.

'Only my pride' she ruefully thought before shaking her head. "No." when he
neared her, she moved away, and picked up a basket.

Ranec stood there watching her, knowing that something was bothering the
woman. He wondered if she'd found Jondalar, and also noted that she didn't
have the water skins.

"Did something happen at the river?"

Madenia shook her head again, as she busied herself with rearranging the
contents of the basket.

"Where are the water skins?"

She stopped what she was doing as her heart jumped. She had left them in the
clearing!

"II forgot them."

Puzzled, Ranec was about to sit beside her when he noticed Tholiza wandering
towards the edge of camp. Retrieving her, she let out a laugh as he lifted
her into the air.

When he turned back around, Madenia had went into the tent. Sighing, he
placed the toddler down again and gave her the small carving of Wolf that he
made, to play with.



Ayla and Jondalar walked in silence back to the camp, neither wanting to
face the hurt each was feeling. The baby started to fuss, and Ayla stopped
so she could adjust her tunic so he could nurse. Jondalar had also stopped.
Apparently, though he was angry with her, he wanted to make sure she made it
back to camp safely. She was still confused about his behavior. There had
been many times in the past where he would lash out, and also avoid her, but
she came to realize it was because he cared so much for her he couldn't
handle the strength of the feelings. She had hoped that they had moved
beyond that stage by now, but apparently she was wrong.

She was cold, and had been out much longer than she had intended. Wanting
nothing more than to crawl back under her furs, Ayla glanced at Jondalar and
continued to walk. Wolf appeared from the brush, and whined at Ayla.

"Not now Wolf." She wasn't in the mood for playing at all.

He let out a yip and wagged his tail, moving in front of her, blocking her
way.

"Not now!" She snapped. When Wolf hunkered down and slunk out of her way,
she felt guilty.

"Wolf," Jondalar called, and the lupine bounded to him, happy again.
Jondalar gave him a scratch behind the ear as he continued to walk. It was
as if he was trying to do the opposite of whatever she wanted.

Sighing in frustration, Ayla plodded along, wanting nothing more than to get
back to camp and get warm.



Reaching camp, Ranec smiled with relief when she came into view. "Thank
Muta! I was getting ready to go and look for you."

Ayla managed half a smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take so long." She
looked around the area then, "Is Madenia here?"

"She's in the tent."

Jondalar moved past Ayla and entered the tent, not saying anything to either
of them. Frowning, Ayla decided to give them time to talk, and sat by the
fire. Opening her medicine bag, she decided to make a calming tea for
herself.

Digging through the different pouches, she added some chamomile and rosemary
to help settle her stomach and calm her nerves. To that, she added lemon
balm to lift spirits, and thinking of how heavy she was bleeding, yarrow.

Adding the boiling water, she waited for it to steep as she warmed herself
by the fire.

By the time Jondalar and Madenia came out of the tent, Ayla had finished
most of the tea as well as nursed Tholiza. Ranec was holding the baby and
she couldn't help but smile when she saw how loving and attentive he was.


Ayla glanced up at the two of them, and noticed how Jondalar looked more
flushed than normal. She hoped he was feeling well, and was glad she had
made more than just one cup of tea. She poured him a cup, and placed it
beside her where he normally sat.

Though there was no 'set rule' it always seemed that she and him would sit
together, and Madenia and Ranec would spread out on the other side of the
fire. She was hurt when he didn't sit down beside her though, opting to sit
beside Madenia.

The younger woman wouldn't look at her, or anyone else for that matter. She
seemed a little dishelved, and uncomfortable.

"I'm going to lay down for a little while." Ayla announced. As she stood,
Ranec also did and handed the baby back to her.

"Have you decided what you're going to name him yet?" he asked as he looked
at the sleeping child.

Ayla glanced at Jondalar and noticed his muscles stiffen.
"No."

Settling onto the furs, she sighed and fought the urge to cry. She knew it
must be because of the moods that women go through after they give birth,
and tried to not let the events of earlier get to her.

In her dream, Jondalar wasn't jealous, and she knew that all he needed was
some time to himself. He loved her, and the baby. She knew that from the way
he was acting yesterday, and soon they would have a complete hearth again.
All he needed to do was come to terms with his feelings.

Tholiza had a new brother, and this time she was going to do everything in
her power to make sure she didn't lose this son.