Body Ayla laid still as he came into the small tent. Though she had her eyes closed, she could sense him looking at her. They would be leaving in a day or two and he had busied himself this past week by hunting, or checking their supplies, or just finding anything to do so he wouldn't have to spend time with her. He did seem to find enough time to spend with Madenia, Ayla ironically thought.

She could hear his tunic brush against his skin as he lifted it over his head, and had to make herself breathe normally. She missed having him near her so much.

Normally, she'd be up earlier than him, but since the baby was born, he was always out of the tent even if it wasn't quite daylight yet. The furs pulled back and Ayla could feel the cold night air brush across her back and her exposed breast. The heat from Jondalar's body caressed her and she could feel his breath tickle her neck. She almost opened her eyes when he gently brushed her hair away from her face, and he didn't notice the tear slip from the corner of her eye as he covered them back up and rolled over, his back to her.

"Do you have everything?" Ranec asked Madenia as he tied the last basket down. She looked around the area, making sure everything was packed.

"I think so."

Jondalar was with Whinney, rearranging things one last time. It seemed that they had even more things to carry now that the baby was here. Ayla handed him a package.

"I'd like to keep this one near the top." She said as he took it.

"What's in it?"

"Clean packing for the Tholiza and Wynic, and an extra blanket."

Jondalar frowned, and roughly tied the bundle on top. Ayla was still standing there, looking at him, and he moved away to add more snow to the fire ring.

Whinney moved closer to her, and she placed her head on the mare's neck, drawing comfort as she scratched her in her favorite places.

"Ok, that's it then. Everyone ready?" Ranec cheerfully asked as he smiled at the small group.

Jondalar scowled, but quickly hid it as he walked towards Racer. He stopped short though, and looked at everyone.

"Maybe it'll be better for Madenia to ride with me today."

Ayla looked at him in disbelief, and he had to look away. Clearing his throat, he continued.

"Whinney is gentler for you Ayla."

Ranec looked at Ayla, then back to Jondalar. It was no secret how Jondalar felt lately, and he knew there was more to it than what he said. "I can ride Racer with her, that way you and Ayla can still ride together." Ranec offered.

He had never ridden with Ayla, and being that close to her... that, along with the fact that he knew she was hurting and wanted to be with Jondalar, made him offer.

The Zelandonii man shook his head as Madenia moved towards the stallion. "You haven't controlled Racer yet, but Whinney's used to you. It's better this way."

Before anyone could protest, he leapt onto Racer's back, and reached for Tholiza. Madenia looked hesitantly towards Ayla, but what could she say?

She handed the girl to him, then he helped her up.

Once Ayla was settled on Whinney, Ranec handed Wynic to her and climbed on behind her. Placing his hands tentatively around her waist, they followed behind as the four of them continued their journey.

Wolf looked from one horse to another, then whined before following his pack.

##########

The weeks passed slowly for the small band of travelers. The weather had taken a turn for the worse, and in the mountainous region they were traveling through, they were lucky if they made a few miles a day, despite the fact they had the horses.

Ayla glanced towards Jondalar who was guiding Racer. Madenia sat astride the stallion as they picked their way over a particularly icy patch of ground. Since they were also traveling up hill, it was twice as dangerous.

"Ranec, will you hold Wynic for me?" she turned and he gently took the child from her, cradling him with a protective tenderness.

"What are you going to do?" he asked as she slid off the mare.

"I'm going to help Whinney."

Ranec frowned. "I should be the one doing that." He made to move off the mare just as she lost her footing and had to grab hold of her stiff mane to keep from falling off. Wynic started to cry at the sudden movement, and he comforted the baby.

"Whinney will follow me better."

Jondalar stopped when he heard the noise and frowned. He walked back to them. "Ayla, what are you doing?"

She turned to face him, steeling herself from the rejection she knew would come. After these past few weeks of traveling, he barely spoke to her, and when he did, he'd pull away quickly. She had hoped by now that he would have gotten over what was bothering him, but so far...

"I'm going to lead Whinney. With the travois she can't choose her footing very well."

Jondalar opened his mouth, but changed his mind before speaking. Besides, what did it matter to him if she lead Whinney? After all, she could take care of herself, he reminded himself. Taking a step back, he took a deep breath.

"There's a flat spot just over this ridge. We can camp there for the night." He turned and walked away before Ayla could respond.

She tried to hide the hurt on her face and was glad that it was cold enough for her to have her parka hood up. The thick fur not only protected her face from the elements, it protected her feelings from being shown.

By the time Ayla reached the camp with Whinney and Ranec, Jondalar had already unhooked the travois from Racer and was setting up the tent. Madenia was gathering wood for a fire, and had to settle for breaking off low lying branches from the scraggly trees nearby. At this altitude with the harsh winters, hardly anything grew. Even mighty pine trees that would grow to over 80 feet where Ayla was from, barely grew past the size of a bush.

After Whinney was unhitched and Ayla spent some time rubbing her down and thanking the animal with her special words and motions, she took a good look around. They were on the top of the small mountain they had climbed, and Ayla knew she'd been in this area before when she and Jondalar first came from the Mamutoi. From were they were, she could see the tops of 3 more mountains and part of one that was obscured from the clouds in the distance. Luckily the weather had calmed and she had a clear view of the beautiful ruggedness of this region.

Looked toward the camp, she knew that everyone had everything taken care of. Jondalar efficiently set up the tent with a little help from Ranec, and Madenia had a fire going. Tholiza was gumming a piece of dried traveling meat, and Ayla made a mental note to make some more of the paste from her dried plants to help with her teething.

She turned to go and thought she heard something off in the distance. Scanning the area again, she waited for the wind to carry the sound back to her but it didn't come. Wolf brushed against her leg and she absentmindedly scratched him behind his ears.

Making her way to the fire, she sat down in-between Jondalar and Ranec. Tholiza smiled at her and squealed before crawling towards her mother. Ayla picked her up and smiled lovingly the girl. She was getting more beautiful everyday. Jondalar used to say that she looked just like Ayla, but she didn't think so. She was big and ugly, always had been. To her, she looked like Jondalar.

She placed the toddler under her tunic and nursed her as they waited for the water to boil for tea.

Jondalar looked at the sky and smelled the air. It seemed that their temporary reprieve from the weather was about over. He could tell there was snow in the air again, and hoped that they'd have time to get into the small valley below so they'd be protected from the elements before the worst of the storm hit. Where they were at now left them with little protection from the elements.

He was also concerned about their supply of food. Normally they'd at least spot a heard of mountain goats, or other animals that made their home out of the harsh climate, but so far he hadn't even seen any signs that any were near.

Ayla cleared her throat. "I think I'll look around for a little while."

"I don't think that's a good idea Ayla. The weather could change at any moment. It's better if we all stay around the camp." Ranec warned. He was always concerned for her, even if there didn't seem to be any danger present. He looked to Jondalar to back him up, but he was just looking at Ayla before he tore his eyes away from her.

Though he didn't want he going off alone, and didn't want anything to happen to her, he was still hurting and for the past few weeks he didn't know what to say to her. At first he'd been so hurt and angry, he didn't even want to be around her. Every time he looked at the carver or Wynic, he was reminded that they'd shared pleasures. It didn't matter that she had no memories of them together, this was a constant reminder that she had chosen another. He was acutely aware that since the baby was born she hadn't shared pleasures with the dark man with the laughing eyes. Part of him imagined her running to his furs after she gave birth to a child of his spirit.

He thought of Madenia then and felt a blush creep to his cheeks. He'd used her to take his mind off of Ayla. It wasn't fair to her and he knew it. Though they'd only shared pleasures once, the day after Wynic was born, he still spent most of his time with the young woman. He had been angry, hurt, and she was so willing...

Knowing she had only known pain at first, he had pleasured her with the best of his skill. She had experienced pleasures twice before he spilled his essence into her. In his mind though, it was Ayla he was pleasuring. She who had fit him perfect from the beginning. Madenia couldn't take his entire length and he'd held back, but in his mind, it was his Ayla, his perfect woman.

He looked up to see Ayla staring at him and he turned his head quickly, hoping she hadn't sensed what he had been thinking.

Ayla tried to hide the look of hurt on her face when Jondalar turned from her. It was true, he didn't care about her any longer. "I won't be gone long."

She stood and grabbed her spear thrower before walking quickly out of camp. Wolf whined and looked at Jondalar. He could sense something wasn't right, but he had taken it upon himself to keep charge of the children. He wouldn't give up his guard unless he had permission.

"Go with her Wolf" Jondalar quietly said and watched as the lupine dashed off in the direction Ayla had gone. 'Protect her' he added silently to himself.

###############

Ayla wiped angrily at the silent tears that escaped from her eyes. She didn't understand why she kept putting herself through this. After all, this wasn't the first time that he had acted this way towards her.

He claimed that he loved her, and that he wanted her to share a hearth with him, but now she wasn't so sure. After all, she hadn't done anything wrong! All of the 'others' she met believed that a woman could chose whomever she wanted to share pleasures with. Why did he act as if she wasn't allowed that same right?

Though she knew she shouldn't care, she couldn't help but care. She still loved him more than anything or anyone. He was chosen for her. Her totem chose him the same way she was chosen. His totem was strong enough to defeat hers, and that's why Tholiza was here. But... if that was true, then how did the black cat, Ranec's totem, defeat her cave lion to make Wynic? She knew that a baby was started when a man's essence entered a woman, but that not everyone had a baby every time pleasures were shared. She wished she could understand how the totems worked to help make a baby.

She thought of her newest son as she picked her way down a steep hill. She wondered what his totem would be, and Tholiza's. she wished that Creb was still here so he could search and find their totems. She hoped they would reveal themselves before too long. It wasn't good to go without the protection of a totem. She knew she'd have to make Wynic an amulet soon also.

Ayla barely took note of her surroundings, so lost in thought that she was. When she heard snow crunching behind her, she turned around quickly to find wolf loping towards her.

"Oh Wolf! You frightened me!" she hugged him as he licked her face with his raspy tongue. "So you decided to come hunting too? Lets see if we can find something good for dinner tonight."

She was glad that the wolf showed up when he did. It took her mind off of Jondalar, and she was starting to feel better as she watched his antics. He would dash into a small bush, or run behind a boulder, to wait for her to approach, then he would 'mock' pounce. At one point, he buried himself in the snow and waited for her. Normally someone not looking for him would have not noticed him, except for his tail which was wagging rapidly, throwing snow to and fro.

The snow was getting fairly deep where they were walking and Ayla had decided it was time to turn back. They had been out there long enough for the sun to move half way across the afternoon sky. She knew they only had about another hour or so of daylight left. As she turned to go, she heard that noise again. Wolf heard it too, and whined a half growl. Turning back, Ayla lost her footing and let out a scream as she slid down a snow covered rock incline.

Wolf howled as he paced back and forth on the ledge above. It wasn't until Ayla started to move that he found the courage to find his way down to her. By the time he reached her, she was just sitting up.

Shakily, Ayla reached for her spear thrower as she sat almost waist deep in the cold snow. Though there was enough snow at the bottom to keep her from being more seriously hurt, she had hit at quite a few places on the way down.

"I'm alright Wolf." She reassured him as she examined the wooden instrument. It was broken. Split almost down the middle. She knew it would be useless now and thought about how angry Jondalar would be with her. She should have seen that ledge, even with the extra snow hanging over the top.

Looking up, she tried to plot a path that would be easiest to reach the top, but the snow covered most of the distinguishing landmarks. She couldn't tell where a foothold would be, or even a branch or root. Knowing she couldn't sit there forever, Ayla moved to stand when a pain shot up her leg.

"Aggh!" sitting back down, she gingerly pulled her left leg towards her. Either on the way down, or when she landed she must have injured her ankle. Hot tears of frustration clouded her vision as she thought of what she could do. She didn't want to wait until Ranec and Jondalar came looking for her. That could take a long time. Without a fire her thick fur parka wouldn't keep her warm for long. She needed to keep moving.

Wishing she had one of the walking sticks Jondalar made, she braced a mitted hand against the rock wall and stood, testing the weight she could put on that leg. Wolf whined and she knew she could send him for help. He did it before. Part of her didn't want to bother Jondalar though. They had enough problems going on without him having to come after her as if she were a child.

Ayla tried to walk and managed a few steps before the pain sent her to her knees. There would be no way she could climb up the incline like this. Knowing she had no choice, she looked at the wolf. "Wolf, find Jondalar." She commanded as she gave him the hand signals to go with it. "Get Jondalar."

Wolf whined at her and she repeated herself one last time before he disappeared from sight.

Ayla pulled a pouch out from under her parka and took a strip of traveling meat. Chewing slowly she scanned the area nearby for any signs of animals. She hoped that Ranec and Jondalar would be able to find her quickly. The stars were now low in the sky and only a sliver of daylight remained close to the western horizon. Drinking sparingly from her water skin, Ayla shivered as she curled herself up into a ball as best she could.

She must have dozed for a little bit, because when she awoke the stars were covered and it was snowing lightly. Shivering, she knew she had to move around to keep warm. She could hear rustling nearby and reached for her sling, readying two stones. When nothing materialized, she allowed herself to relax a little, convincing herself that it was just the wind.

The tall figure slowly made his way over the rocky ground. The pitch torch he'd been carrying died out, and he was mostly 'hearing' his way. At first when that large wolf came to the edge of his campsite he'd been scared and reached for his spear. Before he could get a good hold on it, the animal had knocked him down. He was certain that he would meet his end, and no one would ever know what had happened to him, but the animal only licked him and whined.

It was then he realized that this was no ordinary wolf. He could only recall one other time when he met such docility in an animal. That's when he took a closer look.

The wolf took hold of his hand and pulled gently, not breaking skin. It took him awhile to figure out the animal wanted him to follow. Hope burned inside him. If Wolf was here, then certainly Ayla and Jondalar couldn't be too far away. But what if something had happened to them? What if the animal wasn't even traveling with them any longer? He was reluctant to leave the security of his fire. After all, the weather was changing for the worse, and he didn't want to be caught without shelter.

Wolf had become more agitated, so the tall man lit a torch covered in pitch, readied his spear, and followed the animal.

The wolf stopped a little way away, and he slowly made his way over. He could tell there was something on the ground, but it wasn't until he was almost upon her that he realized it was a person.

Turning her over he was surprised to see who it was. "Ayla, wake up." She stirred and slowly opened her eyes. He was thankful that he could feel her shivering.

"What are you doing up here alone? Where's Jondalar?"
Ayla squinted her eyes against the snow flying around and when she recognized him, her eyes opened wide with shock.

"Dalanar! What are you doing here?" she asked.

He smiled as he lifted her up, pulling her into his arms to help warm her. Responding with a tinge of humor. "I believe I asked you that first."

"I was out hunting after we made camp, and I fell down that cliff. I think I twisted my ankle. How did you find me?"

"Wolf."

Ayla looked around, puzzled. Wolf was nearby digging himself a hole to hide in. the weather was picking up and he wanted no part of it.

"I told him to get Jondalar."

Dalanar looked up a the cliff and shook his head. "He probably couldn't find a way back up. The winds are calmer here, you were lucky." He looked around and knew that there was no way they could stay the night where they were. He also knew that without help he'd never get her back up that cliff. He wasn't even sure he could do it himself!

Everyone had warned him of trying to cross the glacier and visit the Losandunai this late in the season, but he wouldn't listen. A runner from a Zelandonii cave reported seeing the son of his hearth traveling through Lanzandoni territory. He was hurt that they hadn't stopped at the cave to stay. When he had arrived at the summer meeting the other year and found out they'd been banished, he, along with most of his cave, had been outraged.

Most of the Zelandonii hadn't known Ayla, or met the animals, and rumors had spread rampantly that she commanded evil drawing flathead spirits to her and had to be kept away. His cave had issued a formal protest to the Council of Mothers, but since they were 'Lanzadoni' their objection warranted little merit. Since then, he'd tried to find out where they may have gone, but no one knew. He didn't think a single day had gone by when he didn't worry about Jondalar and Ayla. The Zelandonii of the 9th cave had said she'd been blessed, but even still they'd been banished.

When he found they had gone east, he had assumed they were heading across the glacier again. His dreams had plagued him nightly for months, and finally he announced that he was leaving to try and find them. Everyone argued against it, saying that he was foolish to leave in such weather, but he didn't care. He knew he had to at least try. Echozar had wanted to go with him, but Joplaya had finally been blessed and he told the man to stay. Jerika was a different matter altogether. They had many a heated debate over him wanting to go, but in the end they both knew he had to. He'd been gone over two moons now, and he had just about given up hope of reaching the Losandunai, let alone finding the son of his spirit.

Dalanar toed the snow with his boot and uncovered some rocks. Prying them loose from their frozen hold, he placed them in a straight line, with a tick mark. Next he broke some branches and laid them also in the same direction. He knew his markers may likely be covered up before Jondalar found them, but if he did see them he'd know which direction they were taking.

"Come on" he lifted Ayla and waited for her to balance herself.

"Where are we going?"

"Back to my camp. It isn't too far from here. I left markers so they'll be able to find us. In the morning Ill come back and try to find your camp."

Ayla stopped and looked at him. "We can't! I must get back."

"It's too dangerous to try and climb up there in the dark and in this weather! As soon as it's light out Ill back track." When she still didn't move he bent to pick her up and carry her.

"No!" Ayla twisted from him and he stared at her in shock. It wasn't like her to be outspoken and firm. Perhaps the cold had gotten to her more than he thought at first. If that was the case he'd have to get her to a fire quickly. Before he could say anything, she spoke again.

"I'm nursing. I have to get back to my babies." She explained.

Dalanar was elated to their hearth had indeed been blessed. "Babies?"

Ayla nodded and smiled at him. "Tholiza is a little over 2 old, and Wynic is not quite two moons."

He frowned when he thought of how close together they were. Normally women who gave birth didn't get blessed again until two or three seasons had passed. The Mother must have been lavish with her blessings. Thinking about the babies made him smile again. She had a son and a daughter! Jondalar must be proud. This did present a problem though.

Tholiza, the older one, could probably go a day or two without mother's milk. She would be old enough to drink tea and water. The boy though.... he would need his mother. "When did you nurse him last?"

"The sun was just over it's zenith." Her breasts were starting to ache with the milk that needed to be used. Determined, he looked at the cliff again.

"Will you be alright here?"

Ayla nodded as she realized what he was going to do. She gave him the general direction of their camp, and watched as he picked his way up the cliff. He fell twice, but luckily he hadn't gotten too far before that happened. After that, he had taken his knife and jammed it into the snow covered rocks to help boost himself up. Once he made it to the top, he looked down and waved at her before disappearing.

Ayla slid herself over to where Wolf was at the base of the cliff and dug herself a hole beside him. Curling against him, she closed her eyes hoping they'd be back soon.