Lost and Found

Lost and Found

By: rainjewel

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Hitomi

"For Fanelia," Van's low, guttural tone emits from the giant mecha. The huge, ivory sword is poised above Ryan's guymelef, seconds away from delivering the fatal blow.

He's going to kill him. Oh god, he's actually going to do it.

Yes, I stood by while he killed the first one, the one who they called Chesta. Yes, I stood by while the next one fell and the one after that. Yes, I stood by while every single boy fell in a spray of screams.

Well, I'm not going to stand by while he kills the last one.

"Van, no!" I scream across the crimson field, but my cry is lost in the wind. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I have to get to Ryan. Quickly I dash to where the sapphire guymelef lies. Although I can't see it, I know Ryan's broken body lies on top of the huge metal mound.

"Hitomi! Stop!" Van cries to me angrily. His guymelef stands poised to strike. I reply by scrambling up the fallen giant. Screw him.

Be alive. Just be alive.

I feel my stomach flip flop as Ryan comes into view. He's crumpled on his right side, holding a mangled appendage that I take to be his left arm. His gray eyes are closed and his brown locks are sweaty and sticking out in weird directions. A small trickle of blood flows from his mouth. I watch for a tense second for a sign of breath. Mercifully it comes.

Slowly I kneel at his side, tenderly brushing the brown locks away from his face. I see through his ripped uniform his crushed chest. He's probably suffering from broken ribs and one or two punctured lungs.

"Ryan," I whisper to him. His steel-colored eyes snap open at the sound of my voice. He offers a weak smile as a sign of recognition. It serves also as a mask for his pain.

"You're always saving me," he whispers weakly. The blood pours from his mouth in a torrent with each word. The sight makes me ill, but I shake off the feeling.

"I came a little too late this time, didn't I?" I reply quietly.

Ryan nods in response. He closes his eyes and grimaces in pain, curling into himself. Gently I take Ryan's good hand in my own. A small comfort. Ryan looks back up to me with a wince upon his face. Slowly he rises to a sitting position, gently leaning against me for support. Carefully I wrap my arms around him so his right shoulder leans against my chest.

Typical Ryan, always trying to be strong. I wish I were as strong as he is.

I feel my eyes begin to burn with an all too familiar sensation.

Oh no, I'm not going cry. Not now. Against my will, traitorous tears course down my cheeks. Well fuck.

"Don't," Ryan whispers fiercely, catching sight of my tears, "don't cry tears for me. Cry for Zaibach's victims, my victims."

"You are a victim of Zaibach," I reply shakily.

"I know, I know," Ryan replies softly. He turns his head and spits out a mouthful of hot blood, then his head falls weakly upon my shoulder. He moans, and I feel his body tighten as the pain courses through him.

Pain encased in skin, yes, pain encased in skin. That's all he is right now, is pain encased in skin.

I shut my eyes tightly, forcing the simple morbid rhyme out of my head. I pull Ryan closer, trying to absorb his agony in vain. I feel the old grief of years ago hit me full force in the gut. A sudden foreboding loneliness washes over me.

"Please Ryan, don't go. I just found you," I say selfishly.

"It's all right Hitomi. You're strong. You've already been through this once anyway," Ryan says, trying to force his trademark sarcasm. I laugh bitterly at his remark, but it comes out more as a sob.

Ryan looks up at me with glassy eyes. Eyes that are full of love that I can never return, not in the way he wants. He doesn't have a lot time left. He tries to say something, but nothing but a thin trickle of blood leaves from his mouth.

Pain encased in skin

Ryan's breath is coming in short labored gasps. His complexion is white and waxy, like that of a corpse and I can feel his body trembling with pain-induced cold.

Pain encased in skin

Trembling, I brush Ryan's messy bangs away from his eyes with my hand. Gently I cradle his head, then lean down and kiss Ryan full on the mouth. He inhales sharply with surprise (or pain), then returns the kiss, his emotions pouring forth through his kiss. I feel his sorrow, his pain, and his bittersweet joy through his lips. He knows I don't love him the way he loves me. It is not a kiss of burning passion—simply a tender kiss of love.

I feel my tears begin to pour down my cheeks again in a hot wave of sorrow. I feel his blood on my lips, rouging them with death. But most of all, I feel his soul.

Slowly Ryan pulls away, his look distant and bewildered. His eyes are wide, his pupils dilated. He's hovering somewhere in a far off place between this world and ours.

Between Earth and Gaea, between reality and dreams, between life and death.

"I love you, Hitomi," Ryan says suddenly, his eyes snapping into focus. His gentle voice is weak with emotion. With agonizing grace he turns his head to the side and kisses my hand that still cradles his head.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way"

"I love you too, Ryan," I reply softly. I'm sorry too.

"Thank you," Ryan says. He smiles brilliantly at me, a classic grin that could illuminate this world and Earth.

But the smile stops.

"It's all right Hitomi"

His breathing stops.

"You're strong"

And his heart stops.

"I love you, Hitomi"

Ryan Michael Labariel is dead.

I suck in my breath as my heart surges with grief.

"May the gods welcome your soul," I say, remembering his words to Allen. I look into his glassy eyes. Nothing lies within. Quickly I close them with my fingers. Hot tears drip down my face.

"You've already been through this once anyway"

It doesn't get any easier. Dear god, it doesn't get any easier at all.

Gingerly I place a hand to my mouth, feeling the sticky, still-warm blood from Ryan's kiss. To wipe it away would be sacrilege. Softly I lick my lips, feeling the bitter taste of iron and my salt tears on my tongue. Swiftly the film of crimson blood dissolves in my mouth, and whatever evidence of Ryan's kiss is gone.

Gone. The word echoes through my veins.

"Ryan," I whisper fiercely, as if calling his name will bring him back. A small moan resounds from the back of my throat as I speak.

I lost this one too. I said I wasn't going to stand by while I lost him, but I did.

I failed. A stream of tears pours down my face. I lower my face in sorrow, sobbing for all I have lost.

"Don't cry for me"

Ryan's words hit me with full force. With a resigned sigh, I blink my tears away. I won't cry anymore, Ryan, I promise. At least not on the outside.

Slowly I bring Ryan's heavy body to my own, hugging him fiercely. I don't take heed of his injuries anymore. There's no need.

No need, no need. He's gone.

At this thought a choked sob escapes my lips and falls upon Ryan's newly deaf ears. But no tears fall. Never again.

And so I sit upon the damaged Alseides, my face buried in Ryan's soft chestnut hair, rocking back and forth as the darkness overwhelms me.

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A/N: *SOB* Yes, I did it. I gave you a very unhappy ending. I just squished all of the Hitomi x Migel romance possibilities, didn't I? Actually, I've gotten quite a few requests to have an alternate "happy" ending for everyone so that they don't come and burn done my house and kill my children. Oh, and another thing, the entire kiss scene was inspired by happenings in Sarah-neko's fanfic, "Scars on the Heart," which is one of the best fanfictions running around out there! Thank you for reading! I'll be including an epilogue soon in case you would like to read it! ^.^

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