Lost and Found

Lost and Found

By: rainjewel

A/N: Hello again! Here is the epilogue! It would have been out much sooner, but I came down with the sickies and was very out of it for awhile! Wow! I got a lot of reviews from everyone over the last chapter (even some flames)! That makes me really happy! Anyways, enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hitomi

I'm sitting on the field where the battle took place a few days ago. Seventeen souls died here. Only two were resurrected.

I came tonight to try and piece together what happened, the battle, my little trip to the afterlife, and most importantly Ryan's death. But for some reason my mind draws a complete blank.

With a sigh I bring my knees up to my chest. I would look at the midnight stars, but Earth, the "Mystic Moon" is up there, and I don't want to look at it.

Ryan came from the Mystic Moon.

I wanted to remember him tonight, sort of as a tribute. A simple way to end this pain. Yes, a wonderful idea so it seemed, but my brain seems to not want to remember these things. It's as if everything has been locked in a box inside my mind labeled "Do Not Touch," at least not tonight.

I remember lying on my bed after the battle, curled on my side with my head in my arms, remembering everything about Ryan. I didn't move. I didn't cry openly, just bore the secret pain in my chest like a heavy iron chain.

Van thought I was upset from of seeing all the bloodshed. That and rescuing him from the "Land of the Dead," but he would never admit to the latter openly. Merle simply considered me "the freak from the Mystic Moon." And Allen, well, he thought I'd simply seen too much for such a fragile lady as myself.

"Hitomi?" a voice breaks through the darkness. Ah, yet another insomniac.

"Yes Van?" I ask, not needing to turn around to see whom it is. I'd know his voice anywhere.

In response Van sits down beside me. He steals his gloved hand through my folded arms and drags out one reluctant hand. Gently he weaves his fingers with mine, creating a nice, comforting handhold. I smile at his newfound affection. Ever since the entire "Dying Episode" that happened on the battlefield, we've been more open to each other. Van's come out of his shell, and I've actually become slightly braver to admitting my true feelings. Now we share these hidden intimacies that I'm starting to hold very dear to my heart.

"What are you doing out here?" Van asks softly, noting my rather distant mood. I think he'd assumed that I was out of my depression. Well, we all know what happens when you assume things.

"Trying to think of everything that's happened," I reply truthfully. Van nods, looking unsure of what to say. "But so far I'm failing," I add on. Van frowns at this, his facial expressions keeping a running commentary on my words.

With an exasperated sigh (I seem to be sighing a lot lately) I stretch my feet out in front of me and wiggle my toes. Van looks at me oddly for a moment then turns his head up to the night sky. For a long time we stay that way, saying nothing.

"You know," I say finally, "you never told me how you died." Van turns his head to me, a smile on his face. However, his russet irises show the pain my question sparked. Interesting.

"Hitomi, I want you to think about what you just said and realize how absurd you sounded," he says lightly with a forced grin. A cute grin, but a forced one.

"Yes, it's absurd, but why won't you tell me?" I ask again. When I want to be I'm a very persistent person.

"Why won't you tell me about that Zaibach soldier?" Van asks, his voice losing its light tone.

Just like those old action television shows, I can see the screen now: "BAM!"

"Don't answer a question with a question!" I snap back. The wave of sorrow that had ensconced me earlier comes back in the form of a tsunami.

"Why? You scared to answer?" Van replies back with equal ferocity. I realize I'm still holding his hand and I try to snatch it back, but Van doesn't let go.

"I asked you first!" I say indignantly.

"I asked you second," Van replies simply.

"Then you answer first!" I retort, vaguely aware how stupid this argument is beginning to sound.

"And you'll answer second?" Van asks.

Deep breath.

"Yes," I say challengingly. Van smiles.

"They came for me, the Dragon Slayers," Van begins. His mood changes abruptly, making his voice soft and his eyes deep. The chocolate irises search mine, feeling for a reaction. "Their souls, I suppose, came for mine."

"How can that—" I begin to ask, but Van holds up a hand to silence me.

"Do you want to hear my answer or not?" Van asks in a strange hybrid tone of jest and seriousness. I nod in reply.

"I remember seeing them in my guymelef. They spoke to me," Van says, his eyes dropping now to his feet, "I can see them so clearly. There was one with chin length hair; he was the first. I don't even think he said anything. Then came the sweet-faced one, the boy with a child's face. I don't even remember what he said, but he had the saddest blue eyes," Van drones on, his voice thick with some unnamed motion.

Suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks. Ryan. Oh my god, Ryan could be one of them. Heaven knows he didn't like Van. I stiffen inwardly; steeling myself against a blow that will never come, at least physically. But I have to put Ryan aside for now. I'm going to be strong. I'll have plenty of time to think on him in a few minutes. Right now, Van is going to have to let his emotions out, not me.

"But, lastly," Van says again, after a momentary hiatus, "Came the tall one—the slayer with the handsome features and plain hair. He whispered in my ear" Van trails off.

"What did he say?" I ask hesitantly.

"He said something aboutDilandau," Van spits the Captain's name bitterly, "But he whispered What comes around goes around, Van Fanel. You took my life, I'll take your soul.' It sounds stupid now," Van says, breaking off. His eyes are closed. I scoot closer to him, seeing his defense systems temporarily down. Carefully I place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He places a hand over mine.

Ah, look who's chivalrous now.

Van continues softly, "And then I looked to Dilandau, and they were there. It was probably the scariest thing I've ever seen. Every single one of them, all surrounding that damn red Alseides. Except"

"Ryan," I say for him. A little bubble of bittersweet joy bursts in my stomach. He wasn't there. Ryan wasn't there!

Van snaps his head up with my interjection.

"Was that his name?" he asks with controlled neutrality.

"He wouldn't have said so," I whisper with a wry grin to the night. A small private joke between you and me Ryan, just you and me. The tight grip sorrow has on my heart loosens slightly with my pinch of black humor.

"His name was Ryan Michael Labariel, but he would have said his name was Migel. Either way, it's not important," I reply, catching sight of Van's confused look.

"How did you know him?" Van asks guardedly.

"I'm getting there. Do you want to hear this story or not?" I ask, mimicking Van's earlier remark. Van doesn't smile at the comment, but he loses the defensiveness that I felt lurking in his undertones.

With a sigh I lie down on my back, pulling a Van down beside me. I want him to look at the moons. He lies down with a somewhat bewildered look on his face, but doesn't say anything. He probably thinks its another one of my "Mystic Moon" quirks. Either that or I'm a complete slut.

Anyway, speaking of the Mystic MoonSlowly I roll my eyes towards the heavens, and look at Earth for the first time. For some reason it's brighter tonight.

"About two years ago, a good friend of mine died. His name was Ryan Labariel," I begin, plunging head-on into my tale.

I tell Van everything; Ryan's background, our friendship, even how he (we) escaped from the palace. I don't leave anything out, but I don't go into immense detail. Van moves into a sitting position as I talk and somewhere along the line I sit up as well. Soon I come to the tale of the battle, and I feel Van take my hand in his.

"and that's when I heard you scream, and you know everything from that point on." I finish. Something wet falls on my arm. I wonder what it is.

Is it raining?

This rain iswarm?

With a jerk I place a hand to my cheek. Damp.

I'm crying.

With a sudden gasp I jump to my feet, furiously wiping the tears away. At some point in my tale I began crying, but I don't remember when. Van stands up, his nut-brown eyes revealing his puzzlement.

"Hitomi?" Van asks softly.

"I promised," I say through gritted teeth, "I promised him I wouldn't cry."

You broke your promise Kanzaki, just telling the simple story to Van of all people. Way to be strong.

The thought makes my cry harder. I'm sobbing now—crying at the fact I'm crying.

I can see Ryan shaking his head and laughing at the irony of this. But, oh wait, he's dead. Never mind. Now I'm crying so hard I'm shaking.

Van steps up to me and encircles his arms around my shoulders. I all but fall into his embrace, curling my arms up against his chest and crying harder then I've ever have in my life. He gently strokes my hair and mumbles something I can't decipher, but his tone is soothing.

Ah, chivalry does have its perks.

Eventually my sobbing subsides, and all the pain that I've kept inside for so long washes away with my tears. It numbs my entire body like Novocaine.

"When you go the dentist, don't get the Novocaine"

"And why not?"

"Because Hitomi, laughing gas is so much more fun!"

Ryan was stronger then I was. He could hold everything in and absorb pain. I have to let go of it. I can't keep it inside.

Ryan, my friend, how typical of you to ask me to do the one thing I can't.

"Do you feel better?" Van asks softly. His voice is tentative. I think I've scared him a little by all of my tears. He probably didn't think I could feel so much pain. I nod in response to his question. The crook of Van's neck is damp with my tears and his shirt collar is probably soaked too. Yummy.

"It felt good to let it out," I say by way of explanation. I slip my arms around Van's waist, pulling him a little closer. His rocklike stance of "be-strong-for-the-poor-crying-Hitomi" relaxes and he folds slightly into my embrace.

"You know," Van whispers after a bit, "some promises are made to be broken."

"What about this promise?" I ask. Van doesn't say anything for a bit, and close my eyes in anticipation his answer.

"Yes. You needed to cry to deal with your grief. Some people have to do that," Van says. His hand runs through my hair again.

"You don't have to. You're strong," I reply bitterly.

Yeah Van, you don't cry. You're strong. You're the king of a destroyed country. Your father died, you're mother abandoned you, and your brother did the same but now spends time ordering insane pyromaniacs to kill you with heavy weaponry. But you never cry. An old friend of mine died and I'm bawling like a baby. I'm weak.

"I'm different than you. Just because I don't cry doesn't make me any stronger or weaker then the next person. I either accept things or simply get pissed. And mostly it's the latter," Van says truthfully.

"I have to accept a lot of things," I reply to Van. I lift my head off his chest and look into his face, giving him a reassuring smile.

"I think you can," Van states. "Hitomi" he begins, but drifts off. Suddenly he leans down and kisses me gently on the lips, then pulls back quickly and blushes profusely.

I'm still standing here openmouthed and shocked. I would love to see the expression on my face. Yes, I knew that I liked Van, but I never, ever thought he returned the same feelings. Suddenly I feel very fuzzy and warm.

Kind of like when you first got drunk. Hush inner voices.

"I'm sorry. I just, wellI don't know. Oh hell," Van blusters. I smile widely at him and put a finger to his lips, feeling braver then I ever have in my entire life.

"You wanted to kiss me?" I ask shyly.

"Yes," Van says, his lips brushing my finger. I look into his mahogany irises and see the puzzlement, fear, and most importantly the love in them.

"I think I can accept that," I whisper, then remove my finger from his lips and kiss him openly on the mouth. And unlike Ryan's kiss, this one is passionate and all I feel is Van's love.

Oh yes. I can most definitely accept that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: And so concludes "Lost and Found." It was a great ride. Right now I'd just like to thank everyone who reviewed, and most importantly Remalna Marguerite for all of her support (Yes Remalna, you kept this fanfic going in its earlier stages). I hope this epilogue was a nice salve for all of people I bruised with poor Migel/Ryan's demise. Eat your heart out V/H fans! Important Notice: if you would like an alternate ending written for this fanfic, I will write oneprovided I get enough requests to do so (about 10). Other than that, thank you for reading!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~