Lost and Found
Lost and Found
By: rainjewel
A/N: Hello again!
Here is the epilogue! It would have been out much sooner, but I
came down with the sickies and was very out of it for
awhile! Wow! I got a lot of reviews from everyone over the last
chapter (even some flames)! That makes me really happy! Anyways,
enjoy!
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Hitomi
I'm sitting on the
field where the battle took place a few days ago. Seventeen souls
died here. Only two were resurrected.
I came tonight to try and
piece together what happened, the battle, my little trip to the
afterlife, and most importantly Ryan's death. But for some
reason my mind draws a complete blank.
With a sigh I bring my knees
up to my chest. I would look at the midnight stars, but Earth,
the "Mystic Moon" is up there, and I don't want to
look at it.
Ryan came from the Mystic
Moon.
I wanted to remember him
tonight, sort of as a tribute. A simple way to end this pain.
Yes, a wonderful idea so it seemed, but my brain seems to not
want to remember these things. It's as if everything has
been locked in a box inside my mind labeled "Do Not
Touch," at least not tonight.
I remember lying on my bed
after the battle, curled on my side with my head in my arms,
remembering everything about Ryan. I didn't move. I
didn't cry openly, just bore the secret pain in my chest
like a heavy iron chain.
Van thought I was upset from
of seeing all the bloodshed. That and rescuing him from the
"Land of the Dead," but he would never admit to the
latter openly. Merle simply considered me "the freak from
the Mystic Moon." And Allen, well, he thought I'd
simply seen too much for such a fragile lady as myself.
"Hitomi?" a voice
breaks through the darkness. Ah, yet another insomniac.
"Yes Van?" I ask,
not needing to turn around to see whom it is. I'd know his
voice anywhere.
In response Van sits down
beside me. He steals his gloved hand through my folded arms and
drags out one reluctant hand. Gently he weaves his fingers with
mine, creating a nice, comforting handhold. I smile at his
newfound affection. Ever since the entire "Dying
Episode" that happened on the battlefield, we've been
more open to each other. Van's come out of his shell, and
I've actually become slightly braver to admitting my true
feelings. Now we share these hidden intimacies that I'm
starting to hold very dear to my heart.
"What are you doing out
here?" Van asks softly, noting my rather distant mood. I
think he'd assumed that I was out of my depression. Well, we
all know what happens when you assume things.
"Trying to think of
everything that's happened," I reply truthfully. Van
nods, looking unsure of what to say. "But so far I'm
failing," I add on. Van frowns at this, his facial
expressions keeping a running commentary on my words.
With an exasperated sigh (I
seem to be sighing a lot lately) I stretch my feet out in front
of me and wiggle my toes. Van looks at me oddly for a moment then
turns his head up to the night sky. For a long time we stay that
way, saying nothing.
"You know," I say
finally, "you never told me how you died." Van turns
his head to me, a smile on his face. However, his russet irises
show the pain my question sparked. Interesting.
"Hitomi, I want you to
think about what you just said and realize how absurd you
sounded," he says lightly with a forced grin. A cute grin,
but a forced one.
"Yes, it's absurd,
but why won't you tell me?" I ask again. When I want to
be I'm a very persistent person.
"Why won't you
tell me about that Zaibach soldier?" Van asks, his voice
losing its light tone.
Just like those old
action television shows, I can see the screen now: "BAM!"
"Don't answer a
question with a question!" I snap back. The wave of sorrow
that had ensconced me earlier comes back in the form of a
tsunami.
"Why? You scared to
answer?" Van replies back with equal ferocity. I realize
I'm still holding his hand and I try to snatch it back, but
Van doesn't let go.
"I asked you
first!" I say indignantly.
"I asked you
second," Van replies simply.
"Then you answer
first!" I retort, vaguely aware how stupid this argument is
beginning to sound.
"And you'll answer
second?" Van asks.
Deep breath.
"Yes," I say
challengingly. Van smiles.
"They came for me, the
Dragon Slayers," Van begins. His mood changes abruptly,
making his voice soft and his eyes deep. The chocolate irises
search mine, feeling for a reaction. "Their souls, I
suppose, came for mine."
"How can
that—" I begin to ask, but Van holds up a hand to
silence me.
"Do you want to hear my
answer or not?" Van asks in a strange hybrid tone of jest
and seriousness. I nod in reply.
"I remember seeing them
in my guymelef. They spoke to me," Van says, his eyes
dropping now to his feet, "I can see them so clearly. There
was one with chin length hair; he was the first. I don't
even think he said anything. Then came the sweet-faced one, the
boy with a child's face. I don't even remember what he
said, but he had the saddest blue eyes," Van drones on, his
voice thick with some unnamed motion.
Suddenly it hits me like a
ton of bricks. Ryan. Oh my god, Ryan
could be one of them. Heaven knows he didn't like Van. I
stiffen inwardly; steeling myself against a blow that will never
come, at least physically. But I have to put Ryan aside for now.
I'm going to be strong. I'll have plenty of time to
think on him in a few minutes. Right now, Van is going to have to
let his emotions out, not me.
"But, lastly," Van
says again, after a momentary hiatus, "Came the tall
one—the slayer with the handsome features and plain hair. He
whispered in my ear" Van trails off.
"What did he say?"
I ask hesitantly.
"He said something
aboutDilandau," Van spits the Captain's name
bitterly, "But he whispered What comes around goes
around, Van Fanel. You took my life, I'll take your
soul.' It sounds stupid now," Van says, breaking off.
His eyes are closed. I scoot closer to him, seeing his defense
systems temporarily down. Carefully I place a comforting hand on
his shoulder. He places a hand over mine.
Ah, look who's
chivalrous now.
Van continues softly,
"And then I looked to Dilandau, and they were there. It
was probably the scariest thing I've ever seen. Every single
one of them, all surrounding that damn red Alseides.
Except"
"Ryan," I say for
him. A little bubble of bittersweet joy bursts in my stomach. He
wasn't there. Ryan wasn't there!
Van snaps his head up with
my interjection.
"Was that his
name?" he asks with controlled neutrality.
"He wouldn't have
said so," I whisper with a wry grin to the night. A small
private joke between you and me Ryan, just you and me. The
tight grip sorrow has on my heart loosens slightly with my pinch
of black humor.
"His name was Ryan
Michael Labariel, but he would have said his name was Migel.
Either way, it's not important," I reply, catching
sight of Van's confused look.
"How did you know
him?" Van asks guardedly.
"I'm getting
there. Do you want to hear this story or not?" I ask,
mimicking Van's earlier remark. Van doesn't smile at
the comment, but he loses the defensiveness that I felt lurking
in his undertones.
With a sigh I lie down on my
back, pulling a Van down beside me. I want him to look at the
moons. He lies down with a somewhat bewildered look on his face,
but doesn't say anything. He probably thinks its another one
of my "Mystic Moon" quirks. Either that or I'm a
complete slut.
Anyway,
speaking of the Mystic MoonSlowly I roll my eyes
towards the heavens, and look at Earth for the first time. For
some reason it's brighter tonight.
"About two years ago, a
good friend of mine died. His name was Ryan Labariel," I
begin, plunging head-on into my tale.
I tell Van everything;
Ryan's background, our friendship, even how he (we) escaped
from the palace. I don't leave anything out, but I
don't go into immense detail. Van moves into a sitting
position as I talk and somewhere along the line I sit up as well.
Soon I come to the tale of the battle, and I feel Van take my
hand in his.
"and that's
when I heard you scream, and you know everything from that point
on." I finish. Something wet falls on my arm. I wonder what
it is.
Is it raining?
This rain iswarm?
With a jerk I place a hand
to my cheek. Damp.
I'm crying.
With a sudden gasp I jump to
my feet, furiously wiping the tears away. At some point in my
tale I began crying, but I don't remember when. Van stands
up, his nut-brown eyes revealing his puzzlement.
"Hitomi?"
Van asks softly.
"I promised," I
say through gritted teeth, "I promised him I wouldn't
cry."
You broke your promise
Kanzaki, just telling the simple story to Van of all people. Way
to be strong.
The thought makes my cry
harder. I'm sobbing now—crying at the fact I'm
crying.
I can see Ryan shaking his
head and laughing at the irony of this. But, oh wait,
he's dead. Never mind. Now I'm crying so hard
I'm shaking.
Van steps up to me and
encircles his arms around my shoulders. I all but fall into his
embrace, curling my arms up against his chest and crying harder
then I've ever have in my life. He gently strokes my hair
and mumbles something I can't decipher, but his tone is
soothing.
Ah, chivalry does have
its perks.
Eventually my sobbing
subsides, and all the pain that I've kept inside for so long
washes away with my tears. It numbs my entire body like
Novocaine.
"When you
go the dentist, don't get the Novocaine"
"And why
not?"
"Because
Hitomi, laughing gas is so much more
fun!"
Ryan was stronger then I
was. He could hold everything in and absorb pain. I have to let
go of it. I can't keep it inside.
Ryan, my friend, how
typical of you to ask me to do the one thing I can't.
"Do you feel
better?" Van asks softly. His voice is tentative. I think
I've scared him a little by all of my tears. He probably
didn't think I could feel so much pain. I nod in response to
his question. The crook of Van's neck is damp with my tears
and his shirt collar is probably soaked too. Yummy.
"It felt good to let it
out," I say by way of explanation. I slip my arms around
Van's waist, pulling him a little closer. His rocklike
stance of "be-strong-for-the-poor-crying-Hitomi"
relaxes and he folds slightly into my embrace.
"You know," Van
whispers after a bit, "some promises are made to be
broken."
"What about this
promise?" I ask. Van doesn't say anything for a bit,
and close my eyes in anticipation his answer.
"Yes. You needed to cry
to deal with your grief. Some people have to do that," Van
says. His hand runs through my hair again.
"You don't have
to. You're strong," I reply bitterly.
Yeah Van, you don't
cry. You're strong. You're the king of a destroyed
country. Your father died, you're mother abandoned you, and
your brother did the same but now spends time ordering insane
pyromaniacs to kill you with heavy weaponry. But you never
cry. An old friend of mine died and I'm bawling like a baby.
I'm weak.
"I'm different
than you. Just because I don't cry doesn't make me any
stronger or weaker then the next person. I either accept things
or simply get pissed. And mostly it's the latter," Van
says truthfully.
"I have to accept a lot
of things," I reply to Van. I lift my head off his chest and
look into his face, giving him a reassuring smile.
"I think you can,"
Van states. "Hitomi" he begins, but drifts off.
Suddenly he leans down and kisses me gently on the lips, then
pulls back quickly and blushes profusely.
I'm still standing here
openmouthed and shocked. I would love to see the expression on my
face. Yes, I knew that I liked Van, but I never, ever
thought he returned the same feelings. Suddenly I feel very fuzzy
and warm.
Kind of like when you
first got drunk. Hush inner voices.
"I'm sorry. I
just, wellI don't know. Oh hell," Van blusters. I
smile widely at him and put a finger to his lips, feeling braver
then I ever have in my entire life.
"You wanted to kiss
me?" I ask shyly.
"Yes," Van says,
his lips brushing my finger. I look into his mahogany irises and
see the puzzlement, fear, and most importantly the love in
them.
"I think I can accept
that," I whisper, then remove my finger from his lips and
kiss him openly on the mouth. And unlike Ryan's kiss, this
one is passionate and all I feel is Van's love.
Oh yes. I can most
definitely accept that.
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A/N: And so concludes
"Lost and Found." It was a great ride. Right now
I'd just like to thank everyone who reviewed, and most
importantly Remalna Marguerite for all of her support (Yes
Remalna, you kept this fanfic going in its earlier stages). I
hope this epilogue was a nice salve for all of people I bruised
with poor Migel/Ryan's demise. Eat your heart out V/H fans! Important
Notice: if you would like an alternate ending written for
this fanfic, I will write oneprovided I get enough requests
to do so (about 10). Other than that, thank you for reading!
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