Balance

Balance

Seconds. Years. Days. Minutes. Centuries. Don't know, don't understand without her voice. I can't hear it and its been that long.

He's won, but he hasn't. She has, in failure. I want to hear her again. Been so long.

That's why he smiles at my back. Why the anger burns him cold when I kill.

When I kill. I. Yes. I kill.

Again, again. And he frowns. Burns, hates me. Hates seeing me corrupted. Killing.

And I know why. Twisted up. Dirty and dangerous and sparking something crazy. Me, not him.

Rational. He's rational, always rational. Likes his mirror tarnished.

Hates me.

But I don't hate him. Love him. Love him, love her more.

Balance, that's the word. My gun's balanced, silver and tarnished and in my hand clicking, clicking.

I told you! Balance. Nice word, soft in my head like she is. Was. It's been so long. Seconds? Centuries?

I remember a different battle. People, friends. Death and pain. Doesn't make any sense. I may have won.

But he's won, now. Now, now remember to share. Yes, Rem. Good boys.

Taking turns. But I won, I think. Even now. I killed her. The sharp one, the one more grey than gold - not me, not me - thought he did. But it was me.

But it's the only way!!!!!

I miss her. She's dead. Both. Her and her. Death in my hand, I resurrect and kill them. The priest was wrong. I don't have to sacrifice.

I have my brother.

He hates.

Me.

But - balance. There's a song that's a reason. And I hear it.

I hear it, when it clicks, when they die. She sings to me.

And I need her. I need her. Her, only her. Don't know which. Her.

They die and I hear her and she dies and I have to hear her again.

Didn't sacrifice, I have everything now.

note: Uh . . . right. This is my version of Vash crazy. Barring AU, I tried to come up with a reason for him to kill other than desperate situations. This is the result. It's funny, because I think Vash evil would be the utterly most devastating force ever (which is why he has to be the hero) and Knives good would just be a wuss or a hippy. Umm, the repetition seems a little overly much to me. It's pretty disjointed, but then again, he's supposed to be nuts. Not sure I like it at all, even if I'm at terms with it enough to post.

Trigun is copyright (c) Yasuhiro Nightow and Young King Ours.