Gifts and Sacrifices

Gifts and Sacrifices

Into the Woods

Part One: Homesickness

Chapter One: Home

Ursa walked through the halls, musing over last night's events. She still found it hard to believe her child had taken on an entire army, planned everything and won. He was indeed Barbic, in the purest sense of the word. She smiled to herself. But he was also a child.

She thought back to the night before, or actually the early morning. He'd told them, filled them in and then laid down in her arms and closed his eyes. He'd been asleep in minutes. Ursa had dismissed herself from the others and carried him upstairs. He had stirred a bit but hadn't woken up.

As Ursa wandered about, her thoughts drifted back to the early morning hours…

* * *

Buddi, his willpower to stay awake finally extinguished, leaned back into Ursa's warm arms and closed his eyes.

Ursa smiled at him. He curled into a ball and nuzzled deeper into her arms, oblivious to the arguing going on, the shouts and disbelief. The…profanity.

Ursa had never heard so many curses at once, mainly from Ryo. He was arguing with Gritty but that was nothing new. But Ursa pulled Buddi closer to her, wrapping her arm around his head. Grubbi caught her with his eye and smiled. She gave him a delicate smile back and slowly got to her feet, clutching Buddi to her.

The Barbic leader said nothing, just cradled Buddi in her arms and walked out into the hallway. He moaned, muttered something incomprehensible, and turned back towards her body heat. She looked down at him, her little cub and her little warrior. More planner than warrior really but that was a strength in itself.

He was out like a light.

As she climbed the stairs, and watched the cub toss occasionally and mutter in his dreams, she knew that even ten years from now, her feelings would be the same. She voiced it, in a noiseless whisper,

"You will always be my baby."

She smiled to herself and knew that no matter how big Buddi got, he would forever be a cub to her, a child. Even when he became a full-fledged warrior, an adult, she knew that Buddi would have to fight to go on battles with the others. She knew that wasn't fair of her. She was leader. Leaders did not pick favorites, nor did they try and shield one more than another.

She smiled, faintly,

"But a mother does."

Ursa shifted Buddi's weight to her left arm and opened his door. Lying the cub down, she draped the sheets over him and removed his hood. He looked so peaceful. Seeing him that way, made all the mischief and trouble he could cause when he was awake more than worth it.

It was uncanny how much Buddi was like her. When she was young, although she was a tomboy and loved to train she also was always getting into mischief. And like Buddi she for a time had expressed an interest in music, although she went for the harp or lyre than a flute.

But she was tone deaf and quickly gave it up, creating a wave of relief among the others.

Ursa sat by Buddi's bed, watching him sleep. He would moan occasionally or turn or maybe mumble something in Barbic. But he deserved the rest. Brushing, his hair back one more time, Ursa turned the gas lamp by his bed off and shut his window, to seal out the sunlight.

Then, she walked out into the hallway and to her own quarters, to take a short nap herself.

* * *

Ursa's memories were interrupted by a childish giggle and shout,

"Ursa! Save me!"

She turned and a fully energized cub came barreling down the stairs, leapt to her and knocked her to the ground. She was stunned at first but then laughed, lifting Buddi off her and over her head as she sat up.

"I think you're getting a bit too big for that, Buddi."

He looked at her with wide innocent eyes. She sighed and ruffled his hair.

"Or not."

Buddi beamed and the two walked down the hallway, towards the kitchen. Ursa had been on her way to grab some brunch and judging from Buddi's face, he had been headed that way too. She took off ahead and Buddi had to jog to keep up with her. He looked up at her and said,

"Ursa?"

She took a gaze down at him and smiled.

"What, Buddi?"

He growled. "You're too tall. I have to run to keep up with your walk!"

She chuckled. "My mother was tall. I got that from her. Besides, it's good for you."

He grimaced. "I hate being little!"

Ursa smiled. "Aw, don't say that kid. Besides, hate to tell ya but I think you're always going to be small. It's the genes from your mother."

Buddi looked at her, curious. "Ursa? Tell me the truth here, okay?"

She nodded.

"Did…did I kill my mother?"

Ursa stopped cold. "What? Buddi, of course not! How in Gum's name could you think such a thing?"

"Cause she died having me, right?"

Ursa knelt down to Buddi's level, sitting on her knees. Grasping his shoulders in her stronger hands, she thought about how fragile the cub she held was. Meeting his eyes, she said sternly but not unkindly,

"Buddi Timba Barbic, you listen to me and listen good. Your mother was a small Barbic, like you. She only got about to my shoulder. When she told me she was pregnant with you, I knew when I looked in her eyes that she knew she was in danger when she…uh,"

Buddi smiled. "Ursa, I'm thirteen. You can say sex, you know?"

Shaking her head, she went on, "When she conceived you, she knew the danger. She knew if she got pregnant there was a good chance, she might not survive it. She knew Buddi. She knew."

Buddi swallowed. "Then, why did she risk it?"

Ursa smiled and picked Buddi up, resting him on her hip. "Because, she said when she first felt you kick in her stomach, that you and I'd have some sort of connection. She knew I'd raise you, should something happen to her." She fingered his hair. "And she wanted to be a mother. Even if only for a few hours. She wanted to create a child."

Buddi smiled. He felt better. "So…it wasn't my fault?"

Ursa shook her head and hugged him. "Of course not. It could never have been. Remember that. It wasn't your fault."

Ursa set him down. "Now, with that out of the way, let's eat huh?"

The cub's enthusiastic grin and nod made her laugh again.

Grubbi greeted the two.

"Help yourselves," he gestured to the table where he had brunch ready. Ursa thanked him politely but Buddi with childish gratitude.

"Thanks Grubbi! You're philapharbic!"

Grubbi laughed along with Ursa. Buddi had a tendency to mix Barbic with the common language, subconsciously. Philapharbic meant cool, awesome or neat. It was typical teenager comment. Ursa had said it often when she was younger. Now, she leaned towards more adult termed ways of commenting others.

Buddi sat down and started eat. Ursa soon followed. She waited until he swallowed and then said,

"Buddi?"

he looked at her, before taking the bite of another fruit. He almost answered but Ursa gave him a raised eyebrow, he nodded and swallowed before saying,

"Yeah?"

"I…I need to do some discussing with Grubbi and Gritty today, mainly Grubbi. So…you get off the hook, kid. No training today."

Buddi stared. Was she serious? He asked,

"You mean it? No training?"

She nodded, a small smile playing at her lips. "Yes, Buddi. No training. You can just play."

Buddi leapt up, hugged her around the waist as that was the highest he got on her, and said,

"Oh, I love you. You're philapharbic!"

Ursa smiled and ruffled his hair.

"Finish eating, imp. Then, you can play."

Buddi ate quickly, put his dishes away and then tore outside like the kitchen was full of snakes. Ursa smiled as she watched him. Grubbi put a hand on her shoulder. She looked back at him. The elder Barbic smiled,

"He's a cub Ursa. But after what we heard last night, he deserves a break don't you think?"

Ursa nodded and still following him with her eyes said,

"I was going to give him a break anyway."

* * *

Gritty smiled as Buddi ran past him. The black Barbic waved at him. Buddi smiled and said,

"Hi Gritty. Bye Gritty."

Then, he was lost in the falling snow. Gritty got up and followed, although discreetly. After what had happened and hearing about Buddi falling into such a state of depression from Celina, many of the Barbics, particularly gritty, Grubbi and especially Ursa had taken it upon themselves to look after their little one.

He watched Buddi. The cub would frolic in the snow, play his flute, or just run around and be a cub. It reminded Gritty of when he was in Barbic Woods, seeing the cub play. He'd go up the trees, when they were coated with frost. Of course, when Ursa found out about that, she'd tanned his hide right then and there. Gritty winced; he still remembered that.

Buddi sat still a minute, watching the snow. He felt strange. He should have been happy, no training. But he wasn't. He swallowed and found that familiar lump in his throat. He felt like he wanted to go climb trees. He needed the trees.

He wanted to go home.

He shook his head. He hadn't been homesick for a while. He'd been homesick the first few weeks after they moved into Ursalia. It got so bad that he would get really bad stomachaches so Grubbi gave him some herbs to help the physical pain. Ursa'd talk to him to ease the mental pain.

Buddi remembered…. that night directly after the woods had fallen but before they met the Glens. They'd seen Ursalia in the distance. But it was about four AM then. He smiled and thought back…

* * *

Buddi shivered and tightened Ursa's cloak. She'd seen him trembling when they first entered the mountains so she gave him her cloak. It helped at first but now he was cold again. And tired. And hungry. They'd been traveling since Barbic woods fell, about twenty-four hours ago. Ursa and the others had agreed to stop for a brief rest and he'd tried to sleep.

But he couldn't. Every time his eyes slid closed, he'd see it burn again, die again. Then, the tears would come, his wounds in the heart opened to bleed afresh. Then, right when he felt like he could sleep, Ursa'd come over, shook his shoulder and said,

"Come on Buddi. Let's go."

But now, that they were so close, he felt like he'd collapse. He was so tired.

He stopped and fell to his knees.

Ursa stopped too and looked at Gritty.

"Gritty?"

"Hmm?"

"Buddi, where's Buddi?"

The black Barbic noted the cub's absence for the first time. He'd stuck by Ursa ever since the woods fell. She'd carried him a bit; let him weep into her chest. Then, he walked. Now, the two friends noted that Ursa's little 'shadow' wasn't by them.

Ursa turned around and then started back. Curious, Gritty followed. He saw immediately what she was doing.

Buddi'd fallen to his knees in the snow, trembling and crying. Gritty watched as his best friend walked towards him and then knelt to his level.

"Come on, Buddi." Buddi winced as he recognized Ursa's tone. She pulled him to his feet, and kept an arm around his back and she pushed him forward.

"Come on, Buddi. Buddi we can't stop now."

"'Know," he muttered. "M'sorry. But, I'm tired."

Ursa smiled. "Buddi when we get to Ursalia, there's plenty of rooms. You can sleep then, okay?"

Buddi nodded but rubbed his eyes and hooked one of his fingers through Ursa's belt. She smiled at him and slowed her pace a tad.

They kept this up for a time. Then, Buddi stopped again and looked ready to pass out on his feet. Ursa took off her small sack where she had saved a few belongings and said,

"Can you carry these Gritty?"

Then, she'd scooped Buddi up into her arms and walked on. The cub had closed his eyes and rested but Ursa knew he wasn't really sleeping. It was a disturbed sleep, of nightmares. She could tell by the way he'd tremble and mutter. But she held him close to her.

When they finally reached Ursalia, she said softly,

"It's time to wake up, Buddi. We'll get you in a bed soon."

Gritty and Ursa fought their own sorrow at his words,

"But I wanna go home."

* * *

"Buddi!"

The cub was snapped form his thoughts and turned. Gritty walked over to him, picked him up from the fountain and then said,

"Inside. Didn't you notice it's raining?"

Buddi looked up and then said,

"Actually, I didn't. I was thinking."

Gritty smiled and tugged the cub inside. "Well, about what?"

The older Barbic took the cub's hood off, rung the water out before slapping it back on his head. It was damp and slid down over his eyes. The cub lifted it back up.

"Nothing profound."

Gritty gave the cub a smile and winked with his good eye. "About what, kid?"

Buddi's face dropped and taking the towel Gritty offered him, he dried his hair.

"Home."

Gritty looked at the cub with sympathy and squeezed his shoulder. Buddi sighed.

"It's never gonna go away, will it Gritty?"

"What?"

The cub's bright eyes met his older experienced ones.

"The pain."

Gritty looked at him gently, and fingered his cheeks before he answered,

"No."

Buddi sighed deeply. "I didn't think so. It dulls but it's always there."

Gritty smiled at him kindly. Then said,

"It's late anyway Buddi. And you can't go back outside; you and I both know Ursa won't have it. So go get a bath. You'll find something to do inside."

* * *

Ursa stretched and set the last spear back into the case. She'd spent a lot of the day fixing and repairing the worn weapons. She had spoken to Grubbi, but only briefly. And she'd promised Buddi that he would have no training and Ursa was a Barbic of her word.

"Two weeks,' she said aloud. "Two weeks to the day."

"What day?" a voice behind her asked. She turned and Buddi bounded in, still a bundle of energy. She smiled at him. He'd been clothed in his nightshift at dinner, but several others had too because the rain prevented them from doing anything that could make them real dirty. This rain meant spring would be coming soon so he had on his lighter winter one. The Barbics essentially had the same type of nightshift, one that could be removed quickly. Ursa'd made him this one. She was not an expert with the needle by any means but that's why Buddi loved it. She'd tried at something she wasn't good at for him. Ursa supposed she did spoil the boy a tad. But then, he wasn't a brat, on the contrary he was a fairly easy child although he did tend to explore a bit more than he should have. And he got into mischief occasionally but what child didn't?

"I said," Buddi repeated with impatience, "What day?"

Ursa smiled at him, at his childish impatience. 'The Curse of Youth' is what Grubbi called it when she was young.

"The day of…" Ursa's grin fell as she pulled Buddi from the room and to his room. "When Barbic Woods fell."

Buddi's face fell as well and he drew closer to Ursa. She gave him a smile and put a hand on his hair. Buddi usually would have pulled away as she ruffled his hair but tonight he just stood still and took it. Ursa looked at him, at his face. She knew those eyes anywhere. Stopping, she knelt and said softly,

" Buddi? You're homesick, aren't you?"

Buddi looked at her. She had an uncanny ability to tell what he was thinking, just as he could tell what she was thinking. But he answered her, in a low voice,

"I wanna go home."

Ursa drew him to the window and the two gazed outside. Ursa had learned quickly after she took over Buddi's upbringing that the cub was, like most Barbics herself included, claustrophobic and was calmed by the open sky. She had always been claustrophobic but hers was not nearly as bad as Buddi's. She was uncomfortable but if Buddi got in a tight enough space, he couldn't breathe.

Ursa thought back, to the woods again. She'd been thinking of it a lot lately and judging from Buddi's face, he had too.

As she thought back, she whispered to Buddi,

"I wanna go home too Buddi."

* * *

Barbic Woods

Twenty-Seven Years Ago

"Let me go. I wanna go play!"

Grubbi swallowed his next comment and struggled with the squirming girl in his arms. Ursa. The only female besides Ola left among the Barbics. He wished that she was more like Ola at times, as that girl was a Barbic but not nearly as tomboyish as this one.

"Ursa, for the last time, no!" he grabbed her by the shoulders and set her down on the bed by his examination table. "You're still feverish. You can't play today."

"The heck I can't."

That said, the girl was up and running to the door. Grubbi swiftly overtook her and picked the squirming cub up into his arms.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

"Stop it and save your breath Ursa Barbic. You're not leaving this room until your fever falls."

"You can't keep me here," she said stubbornly. Grubbi smiled as he sat the girl down on the bed, and in one swift motion snatched her arm and injected a sedative into it.

"Watch me."

Ursa groaned as the medicine started to pour through her blood, making her sleepy. She turned on her side and closed her eyes. Grubbi sighed in relief and pulled the blanket over the small six-year-old cub. He looked at her. She was a spitting image of her mother. She was going to be tall, Grubbi knew that already. Her silky hair was red, making her a carrot top. But she was likely to made red blood flow from the nose of whomever called her that. It was also fairly long for a child, to her shoulders. She had the eyes of her father, determined and fierce. And although she rarely gave a wide smile, when she did, Grubbi could see the faint dimples her father had given her. She was a cute child. But she hated to be called that. She was constantly begging Grubbi to let her train. Her friend Gritty, at nine years had already started the training, although it was in the form of games. He was three years her senior so, he could begin but she was too young.

"Grubbi?"

He turned to the small cub. She had her eyes shut but was muttering,

"My…my Daddy said before he died that he believed that no matter how bad things were, things would always come full circle. Was he telling me the truth?"

Grubbi smiled at her. "I think so. I happen to think that no matter how bad things are, if you keep your courage and faith, things will come full circle for you."

Ursa smiled in her sleep and went from feigned to true rest.

* * *

Present

Ursa was shook from her memories by a loud chime. Looking outside, she saw the clock in the courtyard had struck twelve times, indicating midnight. She looked to her right and the cub was still there, gazing at the stars. She had realized how much trouble she was for Grubbi when she started raising him. But she loved every second of it.

She plucked him up and held him over her head.

"Time for bed, little one," she said, a smile in her voice. Buddi scowled at that infernal nickname of little one. She smiled.

"Actually, it's past time for bed. An hour past." She smiled again as Buddi hid a yawn with the back of his hand. "But I think you knew that."

Ursa set him on his feet and led him upstairs to his room. She'd been thinking about that theory that every thing comes full circle a lot lately. And every day that passed, the memory of home grew harder. It always hurt but she'd shoved it to the back of her mind.

"Humans," she muttered aloud, an acidic tone to her voice. Buddi hadn't heard her or if he did, he made no note. She was glad. She knew he was missing home too and it was harder for him. He'd only been twelve when they lost it, barely twelve. But he was more willing to forgive than she was. Humans had killed her parents, when she was barely six. And when Gritty was twenty-five, he'd fought the humans from their woods but at the cost of one of his eyes. He never talked about it.

Ursa sat Buddi down on his bed and drew the covers around his small form. She probably didn't need to tuck him in but it was habit. And besides, she had a feeling when he got homesick that he appreciated it.

Ursa got up and closed Buddi's window, locking it. Turning around, she sat back down on his bed, removed his hood and turned his light off. But she started to smooth his hair a bit. It helped him fall asleep. He was homesick and although he was tired, she for one knew that homesickness could keep you awake.

"Try not to think about it, Buddi." She said softly as she saw, even in the dark, the pain in his eyes. "If you must think about when you played, not about when it fell."

Buddi nodded, she felt his head move under her fingers.

But even as she started to leave, she heard his muttered cry of,

"I wanna go home."