If the World Were Any Crueler
I cant help being scared. The moment anything happens it imidiatly reminds me of the past. The horror of my past. My soul is heavily weighed by this. A hand on my shoulder, the feeling of someone watching me… It all leads to the memories.
I stay huddled in the corner of the room for nearly an hour. Remus reentered the room with someone hidden behind him. She didn't want to be seen. I knew it was Scarlett. She was afraid. I had a knack for sensing freight. I had lived with it half my life.
She stood there for awhile. She peeked out eventually and stepped out. I had stopped blubbering long before but my face showed the signs that I had in fact been crying. Remus stepped away from Scarlett and went to fix the vase. He tut-tutted.
"Sirius, you've managed to kill my vase and crack my window. If I were a muggle I'd be out to kill." HE said trying to lighten the mood. I glared at him. I realized I must have an evil look on because Scarlett backed away. I didn't mind. I wished she would leave… I wished everyone would leave… After being able to talk… I felt the longing to be alone once more.
That longing, I had thought, had dissapeared once I got into Azkaban. The feeling that I had felt before I met James and Remus and… nevermind. I don't care.
This world is fucking messed up. I don't care anymore.
Scarlett sat down on the couch, avoiding my hard stare. She seemed to be so overwhelmed with new information that she had gotten a large headache.
I sniggered. I couldn't help it. For some reason, I felt like blaming everything on her.
Remus was staring at me I realized. I looked to him, my face half hidden in shadows from the corner. I knew what he was saying.
He was saying "What are you doing?" Being the same Moony. Always trying to help others who don't want the help. He told her about the truth, now get her out and leave me be.
I buried my face back into my knees. Scarlett was hiding herself behind cushions on the couch but was watching me still. She glanced to Remus questioningly.
Remus turned to me I lifted my head so that only my eyes shone in the darkness of the corner.
"Sirius, I didn't tell Scarlett about anything that came after you escaped. I think you should tell her—just don't brake anything please!" He said as he backed to the door. He looked at Scarlett and walked out shutting the door behind him.
"Go away." Was all I said.
Scarlett got up, appearantly whatever she was thinking about earlier had been cleared from her mind.
"Sirius… I—," She stopped and started again. "I want to know what's wrong… Please tell me…" She sounded so sincere… No! Sirius stop thinking like that! You know that nobody cares about you! Nobody!
"Go away." I said harshly. It came out more bitter than intended but I liked the affect. Scarlett seemed stunned for a few minutes.
She sat down again. Staring at me. Tears had welled up in her eyes. Why? Why would she cry about me? About me! The one that killed James and Lily! It's all my fucking fault!
She was crying now. WHY!?
"Sirius please tell me!" She said through tears. I stared coldly at her. I felt that feeling that I had before I lost it in front of Remus coming back… no! Your not going to tell her Sirius! Hold yourself together. Or…tell her before you lose it…
"Bad stuff."
She stared at me. "Bad stuff?"
"The guards at Azkaban… The death eaters later on… The dementers…"
I stopped. I wouldn't give her details. That's all she needs to know. Next thing I relised she was over here hugging me. I realised that I had been crying. I didn't mean to but I cant help it… Why am I so god damn emotional?
It felt so good to be hugged by her again. I remembered at Lily and James' wedding when she hugged me before she left to visit her parents in America. That was the last time I saw her.
She pulled away. No don't leave me please! Please…
She quickly walked out of the room. Leaving me there. Leaving me alone. Why did you leave me alone? I don't want to be alone… I did earlier but not anymore! Please come back…
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The next part is going to be CHAPTER ONE. These two things are just the little prologue things. Next chapter you see exactly what happened to Sirius from James and Lily's wedding all the way to and past Azkaban! R&R!
~***ME***~
