Without You
Without You
an original
work of FF7 fanfiction by OzZMaN
Without
You words & music copyright Andy Gray, After the Fall
Cloud sat in the window of
the villa, feeling the warmth of the sunlight play upon his features.
He was emotionless now, his soul somehow finding peace in the empty void
of sorrow. Why did she have to
go and do this, why? his mind repeatedly shouted at him.
If his memories and emotions weren't completely shambled before, now
they were a total wreck. She was
gone, never to return to him….
Lifetime
of deceit,
Don't know what it is to me.
So
what else can I be
Without
you?
He wasn't the only one affected by this tragedy; all the members of avalanche were as well.
They felt his sorrow, they sympathized with him, but deep down, they knew
nothing of his pain. His heart was stone cold now, totally devoid of the comfort
and joy that it overflowed when she was near him.
He knew now that this feeling was never to return, for she and she alone
had made his heart come to life. As
quickly as she had made that fateful decision, his soul had vanished.
He was lost, confused, and cold now, his heart iced over and empty.
So
blind I can see,
Without
you here to show me.
Life
is nothing to me,
Without you.
Cloud thought back to only
a few weeks ago, when she was still here. He
remembered the letter, those words blotted in ink on the wrinkled paper, the
words that essentially stopped his world from turning, and forced it in retreat.
The tears had blinded him only halfway down the page to where he could
understand no more, read no more, and think no more.
He refused to believe it at first, knowing it could be nothing more than
a sick Mako-induced illusion his battered mind was playing on him.
But somewhere within his heart, it felt right. He knew that something awful had happened, that gut wrenching
feeling he had within him, that somehow his worst nightmare was becoming a
reality. He had felt totally
helpless, powerless to do anything to stop the inevitable. Only then did Cloud realize that it was all his fault, that
if only he had said something to her sooner, only if he had just shoved his
pride aside and told her how he felt. It
was too late now; she was gone, and now he was forced to live the rest of his
life in this haze of guilt and sorrow.
Without
you,
Without
you in my arms,
Without
you here to hold me,
Without
you my dreams are empty,
Without
you…
Something boiled within
him, that all too familiar feeling he once had for his ultimate nemesis.
Sephiroth. But now, that
feeling wasn't directed at that curse of a being, instead, it was forced upon
himself. Yes, he felt a burning,
emotionless hatred for himself for causing this mess.
He had failed so many times in his life.
He failed to join soldier and become the hero he had told so many he
would become. He failed to protect Aeris from Sephiroth's cold blade of
hell, and now she no longer breathed, no longer lit up the world with her grace
and her beauty. But his ultimate
failure, his most feared moment, had become a grim reality. He failed to tell her sooner, and she gave up on this life.
She acted on emotion, on a whim, without ever knowing the truth.
She gave up on him, and now he had given up on himself.
That was his reality. A
failed experiment, doomed to live out an existence of emotional hell and
lamentation. He just couldn't
fathom why it had to be this way, why things, for one time in his pathetic life,
couldn't turn out the way he wanted. She
was all he ever cared about, all he ever loved, all he ever wanted, and just
when he thought he was so close to touching her, to finally reaching her, it all
came to a screeching halt.
Oh God, please end my
misery, end my suffering, I simply can't deal with this anymore.
His mind voiced the aching
pain his broken heart felt. It was rapidly becoming too much for this grief stricken
warrior to handle….
Cold
dark road,
Without a light to guide me.
I
trip and fall,
But
you're not here to stop me.
I
lose my way,
You
were the map to guide me.
Wish
you could see,
Oh
how I needed you beside me.
He had ridden for hours on
his chocobo until he arrived there. He
had to see her one last time, one last moment…
Cloud slowly approached the
grave of his beloved, his angel without a halo. She had fallen, fallen from the heaven from which she was
sent, fallen out of his life and entered a realm beyond his reach.
He kneeled down beside the headstone, placing a flower beside it.
He read the words delicately engraved in the shiny marble as a lone tear
slipped from his eye. Unable to
hold back his distraught emotions any longer, he leaned over and kissed the
headstone as the tears began to flow freely.
"WHY?????
Oh God, what did I do to deserve this?
I can't go on…any longer….not..like this…"
Cloud shouted to the heavens.
Without
You,
Without
your heart,
Without
you my life is tearing me apart,
Without
you my soul is old,
Without
you…
The full moon glistened in
the night sky, casting a dark shadow of Cloud's sleeping figure on the ground
beside him. The air around him was
thick with emotion and grief, his body enraptured in a torturous nightmare.
His eyes suddenly shot wide awake, but there was no fear in them.
Instead there was fire, will, and determination.
He had made up his mind, cast aside his doubt and worries, his heart
beating with anticipation. He
slowly stood up, his eyes returning to the name engraved in the stone.
His lips moved, but he heard no voice, only emptiness.
"Your death was not in
vain. I see no end to this dismal
limbo within which I am trapped, never to break free. I have decided that this is the last time I will allow myself
to fail. There is no atonement for
my existence, for that too, is now tainted with your blood.
My hands aren't any cleaner, and at least I'll have rid the world of
a perpetual curse."
Drowning
in this flood,
Bleed
my last drop of blood.
Dying
here in the mud,
Without
you.
All
the roses I gave you,
Withered
just like our love.
Though
I thought it was from God above,
And
now I'm nothing, nothing,
Without
you.
He looked up at the starlit
sky as if seeking reassurance, asking the stars for a second chance with his
love. They were shining
brilliantly, the entire sky seeming to be an endless ocean of stars, just like
that night at the well years ago. His
Mako infused eyes glowed like fireflies in the moonlight, yet there was no light
in them. Their light and their life
had faded with the loss of an angel, a dear friend whom he'd have lived and
died for. She had left too soon,
because of his absentmindedness, because of his failure to tell her what she so
badly needed to hear from him. His
failure. The words stung in the
back of his mind like a thousand hot needles, such as the desolate memories he
had of his consistent shortcomings. It
was his fault his angel had departed, and he was not prepared to live any longer
with such a bleak memory branded into his mind.
He wanted his existence erased from the folds of time.
He had sown in the wind, and now he must reap the whirlwind.
Without
you,
Without
you in my arms,
Without you here to hold me,
Without
you my dreams are empty,
Without
you,
Without
you,
Without
your heart,
Without
you my life is tearing me apart,
Without
you my soul is old,
Without
you...
Wearing a mask of
fortitude, he closed his eyes and concentrated.
A glowing green mist began to encircle the ground around him, and colored
orbs of light flew through the air, penetrating his body with pure energy.
The ground beneath his feet began to shake, and it soon caved in, causing
him to fall into another dimension, a dimension of his end – his ultimate end.
Without
you,
Without
you,
Without
you,
I
am nothing without you,
Nothing
without you,
Nothing
without you,
All
alone and nothing without you…
The knights began to
strike, pure fury and hatred burning in their ghostlike eyes. Blow after blow they delivered him, each one releasing him
from his failures on this planet, from his curse, from his living hell.
He relished in the pain his broken body was receiving, knowing even this
could never propitiate for the death he had caused.
His eyesight was now fading, the last images his eyes receiving being a
red caped monster with an enormous sword, the sword of justice, the sword of his
punishment. It came down upon him
in one swift stroke, then just as quickly his battered body was returned to
reality. Weak, mortally wounded,
and emotionally shattered, he found just enough strength to reach out and touch
the letters of the name on the headstone. Choking
on powerful sobs of guilt and regret, he gathered all the strength his body had
left. With all his might, he let
loose a blood curdling scream to the night sky.
"TIIIIIIFFFFFAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
And then he fell, the light
in his eyes extinguished.
My
soul is gone,
My
heart is cold,
I
can't go on,
Without
you......
----------------------------------------------------
Okay, this was a total spur
of the moment deal. The idea for it
popped into my head after hearing the gorgeous song in this fic, so I had to
follow through on it. The song was written
by a very good friend of mine, and maybe one of the most talented songwriters
I've ever had the grace of meeting. Hope you like
it, although I'm not a big fan of death fics.
Email at OzZMaN547@aol.com with
any comments.
Signed OzZMaN…..