Stormy: Hello and welcome to The Senshi Crackhouse: A Sailor Moon Parody. I am Princess Stormy, but most people drop the title and just call me Stormy. (Smiles sweetly) I first want to thank you for coming in to read our fanfic. Then, I want my partner to introduce herself. But unfortunately, she found our old recipe for blue spam and chocolate chip cookies. Oh... wait... here she comes now...
Rava rushes in with dough in her hair: Did I miss my intro? No...? Um...yes...oh well. Hello and welcome...she already said that, didn't she?
Stormy: yes...
Rava facefaults: umm...ok...hi I'm Lady Rava, Rava for short and... STORMY!!
Get out of my cookies!!!
Stormy, chocolate chip and blue spam cookie dough in her hands and mouth: I wasn't in your cookies!!!
Rava: Yes you were! (Pauses) Put the mixing bowl back on the counter Stormy!
Stormy, in her sweetest and most soothing voice: Rava-chan. Would *I* ever eat any of your cookie dough without your permission?
Rava: Yes.
Stormy: But I didn't! (Crosses her fingers) I promise!
Rava, smiling brightly at the other girl: Oh! OK! Anyway, I should warn you that this is a parody (duh read the title), so don't get upset if we diss your favorite senshi; we're insulting all the senshi including our favorites too. We like all of the senshi...really we do! (Both authors cross their fingers behind their backs)...well except maybe Ami, Mamoru, Taiki, and of course the pink spore Chibi-usa, but who really likes them anyway?
Stormy, glaring at Rava: "I" do!!! Mamo-chan is SUCH a hunk!!! And Chibi-usa is kinda cute... once you run over her... and Taiki looks good when you set him on fire. Then, he's moving too fast for you too see what he REALLY looks like. But I have to agree with you on Ami. She is SUCH a dork! I hope she gets eaten by a rabid donkey!
Rava facefaults:...and you can send your flames to Stormy at Goldstorm@sailormoon.com, and remember to send me your glowing comments at Lady_Rava@aol.com.
Stormy: Really Rava-chan! Do you ALWAYS have to make me look bad? YOU'RE the one who thinks Ami should be burned at the stake for ruining such a good and wonderful show like Sailor Moon. (Which does NOT belong to us by the way but to a glorious and generous goddess named Naoko Takeuchi. And we don't have ANY money at all because we spend it on those wonderful Sailor Moon products like art books, Cd's, movies, and cheap plastic moon rods that break the first time you hit someone over the head with them... so please don't sue us. However, those wonderful inventions called chocolate chip and blue spam cookies DO belong to us so please do NOT steal our creation without giving some credit. Arigato!
Rava: You done?! Anyway, we will be writing our story in parts and I get to do the first part because I'm cooler.
Stormy: Ha! You wish!
Rava: ...Anyway...enjoy the show.

P.S. By the way, the name of this story has nothing to do with the content. It's just so messed up that we had to give it an equally screwy name. Except for some references to what people could POSSIBLY be on to be so psycho, there is no drug content in this story. -Stormy

The Senshi Crackhouse: A Sailor Moon Parody
Prologue
By: Lady Rava
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing and insane content



Chibi-usa: Hi howdy hi and welcome to "Losers Who Can't Do Shit" Game Show, a show for the little people, the normal people, the hairless people, and the dog shit people...

A slightly spacey and insane Chibi-usa: The fourteen fingered people, the
people who wet their bed, the people who eat sloppy joes with pickled honey, the people who will give me all their money... that's right YOU (in a wicked but still insane voice). I see you hiding beneath that chair taking the gum I saved. Do you think you are more important than me, all I suffered in SMR? I didn't even become a senshi until SMS and all I can do is shoot @$#$*# pink hearts that don't do shit. Now it is your turn to suffer ha ha ha Wheeze cough cough hack hack! Meat- Oops! I mean hairball.
(She mutters to herself for a while before giving a sweet smile) I am so sweet and cute and everyyyyyone loves me. (She smiles brightly ignoring the sound of glass breaking and the millions of people who rush to get their cavities filled.)

Chibi-usa squeals: I feel better! My psychiatrist told me this would work... um ...um (face faults) ok continuing on, drum roll please, and of course the psychotics, pyromaniacs, convicts, and losers!!!!!!!! I'm your host and fellow lose- Hey! Wait! I'm not saying that!

Cameraman: It's in the cue cards you wrote last night, remember we were
playing strip poker and you had a little too much to drink...

Chibi-usa: That was NOT me, that was... Usagi-chan (sweat drop) yeah ummm alright... I'm, cough cough, your host Chibi-usa
(pauses, listens for cheers, hearing none shrugs and continues), and today we have a loser who is the ultimate of loserdom, so stupid, so freakin' insane...

Mamoru weakly: um Chan-chan do you have to be so... descriptive?

Chan: Shut up! This is my intro, as I was saying a loser so freakin' insane that even a padded cell, two straight jackets and...Usagi-chan's cookies couldn't tranquilize him, even if he is kinda hunky...

Mamoru: What?!

Chibi-usa: Um...nothing. ANYway I introduce to you the most supreme loser in the SM world...MAMORU
(Mamoru grins and waves at the camera proudly showing off his bright pink nail polish. The camera zooms in on him sitting at a table eating what looks to be spaghetti and meatballs)

Chibi-usa: Now Mamoru is here to...um, Mamoru-san are those meatballs... yellow?
(Mamoru screams like a girl franticly trying to cover up the meatballs managing to cover Chibi-usa in marinara sauce)
Mamoru: No why would you think that cough wheeze oops hairball.

Chibi-usa: Good because if those are what I think they are...You DO know what the penalty is for confusing the Japanese and US versions of SM. Odangos are a desert; you don't eat them with spaghetti.

Mamoru replies smoothly: no of course not oh wise Chibi-usa-chan, these meatballs aren't yellow they're norrrrrmal.

(He pulls a pink bow out of the spaghetti and hands it to Chibi-usa), here have a present.
Chibi-usa takes the bow and pins it in her hair pleased that the sauce she's covered in matches the stains on the bow)
Chibi-usa: Why thank you, anyway Mamo-chan gets so sick of Usagi-chan...

Mamoru: Yum, tastes good with chicken

Chibi-usa smiles weakly and face faults: ...that he decides to dump her fortunately... I mean unfortunately somewhere he snaps and decides to kill her.
So after an incredibly long intro, in a land of beauty...no wait that's not right, I mean in a normal average land... wrong again, crap ok in a really messed up place our story begins.
Mamoru smiles brightly at the audience: Have a good time now okey-day. (Not noticing (of course) that the audience is empty.)

E-mail Lady Rava at Lady_Rava@aol.com and Princess Stormy at Goldstorm@sailormoon.com