The Senshi Crackhouse: A Sailor Moon Parody
Part 2
By: Lady Rava
Rating: PG-13 For that wonderfully insane content that you have come to expect from us.
Rava: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
(Both Stormy and Rava run and dive for shelter behind the couch. Suddenly, a loud explosion is heard from Stormy's kitchen and fragments of pink and red fly everywhere.
Stormy, peering over the couch: Baka! I told you Chibi-usa wasn't edible, you can't even bake her. And what's Elios gonna do to us when he finds out that we tried to make her into cherry bon-bons, using her as the filing?!
Rava whines: I don't want Elios to hate us, he has such a sexy voice…why does that spore Chibi-usa get him?
Stormy patting Rava on the head: There, there Rava-chan. When I finally hook him we'll share. I'm sure I can teach you to ride…
Rava looks at Stormy: Ecchi!!!
Stormy defensively: Hey! I was talking about riding Pegasus! Although, he DOES have the most gorgeous eyes. And his voice could melt Princess Snow Kaguya in her tracks. (Stormy shivers in delight)
Rava: ANYWAY! (sweatdrops) We need to get on with this.
Stormy awakening from her fantasy: Oh! Yes! Right! On we go! (Whistles that annoying little dwarf tune.)
Rava: So here's the story folks.
(Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, and we promise to return the characters unharmed…(facefaults) well, slightly unharmed…err that is we'll brainwash them into forgetting the traumatic events they endured in this fanfic. We don't have any money anyway so please don't sue us)
(Mentos is not owned by us, and, as far we know, has no life-saving capabilities.)
Thank you for reading all this crap, and not suing us. We really appreciate it.
Translucent streams of rich gold and red blanketed the streets of Tokyo; caressing the rough, forlorn pavement with a feather-like touch. Above a solitary blue jay glided gently through the soft sun-enriched thermals. Although beautiful, the morning sunrise was nothing but ordinary scenery to the bird, who instead turned its attention to a far more interesting sight. The many people who traveled the streets of Tokyo usually provided no more than moderate interest to the blue jay; however, this warm spring day one figure...well simply stuck out.
"NO! This can't be happening," a masculine voice screamed. "I can't have lost them, the fate of this world depends on them." Ignoring the startled looks from people nearby, the figure frantically searched for the apocalyptic preventing device.
"NO, God please no anything but this…" the figure wailed, falling to its knees. "Please! Just take me instead, don't harm them…" Above a neon sign flashed and the figure received an instant revelation. Sighing with relief, Haruka realized her Mickey Mouse sunglasses were still perched firmly upon her nose. With a quick glance to confirm the integrity of her mission had not been compromised, she removed her small, compact communications device. Lifting the big Luna-like ball to her mouth Haruka quickly uttered her secret password...err that is quickly screamed her "secret" password.
"PUFFY ORANGE MARSHMALLOWS!"
"Ok, ok...Haruka I CAN hear you," came the reply.
"Shh, use my code name, the ears have walls you know!" she said, naturally still screaming into the ball.
"Ok..." She sighed softly, "Mr. Milkshake Man...but isn't it the walls have ears?"
Slightly confused Haruka glanced around, lifting the ball she repeated her partner's code name, "Sexy Teddy Bear?"
Michiru sighed, "What...Mr. Milkshake Man?
Haruka quickly glanced around to confirm her suspicion. "There aren't any ears on the wall...Michiru?"
Michiru had picked up a gun, prepared to end it all, and pointed it at her head and, finding it wasn't loaded…
"DAMN IT," screaming with rage, she flung the empty gun aside.
"Sexy Teddy Bear? Come in...Are the eggs well done? I repeat are the eggs well done?
"YOUR @$#&%# MISSION IS FINE HARUKA! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BUY A DRESS!"
"Shh... Don't let anybody hear that… word, my reputation's at stake." With that she ran "surreptitiously" down the street.
Now our hidden camera circles the street to give us a different perspective...Oh look there's our creamy heroine throwing herself onto a car top to catch a quick ride. With her large green overcoat, oversized purple cowboy hat, combat boots, and, of course her Mickey Mouse sunglasses, she's practically invisible. Bringing the camera in closer we can hear the helpful advice given by other drivers.
"AHHH: AN ALIEN, CALL 911!"
"PERVERT, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"
"KILL THE MONSTER!"
"DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY HORSERADISH?"
Haruka smiled and waved, thanking the people for their advice. Dodging vegetables, she leaned forward and made vroom sounds.
Curious as always, our solitary blue jay came in for a closer look. Landing on the road, the bird looked up to see a purple hat on the hood of a car…
THUMP
* * *
"Mamo-chan! Wake up!"
Usagi frantically shook the now nearly comatose Mamoru, searching for some sign of life. After several hours of attempting to awaken our friendly "bum", via flamethrower, chain saw, hand grenade (etc.), Usagi had finally realized that Mamoru was not simply asleep.
(Rava: that's got to be a record, I thought it would've taken her longer. Stormy whacks her on the head with one of her cheap plastic moon rods: Shut up and keep writing I want to know what else Usagi is going to do to Mamoru. Rava whips out Uranus's "borrowed" space sword and chops Stormy's moon rod in half, Stormy whips out another and Rava chops it again. Stormy pulls out another cheap plastic moon rod...
Several hours, and hundreds of cheap plastic moon rods later:
Rava: Whew! (Wipes sweat off her face), that was tiring. Stormy laughs tiredly: just finish the story, I have to go order another truckload of moon rods.
Rava: The cheap plastic kind?
Stormy: naturally.)
"OH NO! I'LL HAVE TO GIVE HIM CPR!" Usagi screamed. With a slightly determined look on her face she gently picked up Mamoru's hand and blew into it twice, then she moved by his leg and compressed it fifteen times. After taking his pulse at the top of his head she wailed, "NO, he can't be dead." Painfully lifting her head she begged bystanders nearby for help.
As Usagi had suspected, bystanders were more than eager to help. A couple of men rushed over and proceeded to help Mamoru by relieving him of unnecessary belongings.
"Quick, grab his wallet."
"Oooh look a gold card."
"Cool a fake Swiss watch."
Even after the men's help Usagi was forced to admit that Mamoru looked no better. After a quick assessment of the contents of her bag, Usagi removed a small capsule and gently fed one of its contents to Mamoru.
Mamoru coughed weakly, "Usako?"
"Mamo-chan! You're awake... Oh my God it worked!
"What worked?"
Ignoring Mamoru, Usagi turned to the camera and raised a tube in her fist. Smiling brightly she said "Mentos! The Fresh-maker!"
"Um Usako what are you doing?"
Usagi frowns, "Nothing."
"Oh, ok. Want to go for a walk?"
"Ok."
* * * *
It was strangely quiet for a Saturday, at least compared to the usual confusion amidst the dark twisting corridors, and the signs that could be labeled nothing short of misleading. Yes, the airport was certainly less crowded than usual, the figure mused, but then again that suited her just fine. Turning her attention to an overhead sign she allowed her thoughts to wander. Remembering her nearly completed scheme, she sighed with pleasure, who would have thought pickled ham would have such a negative effect on an airplane engine. Ah yes, she would have her revenge, and flight 123 would suffer. Clanging overhead interrupted her from her pleasant if not devious plan. Covering her ears to block out what sounded like an elephant stampede, the figure slowly turned...
"HURRY UP! We're going to miss our flight. RUN, DORK-GIRL, RUN! I SAID MOVE!"
Ami turned just in time to see an object of Rei's anger projected at her. (In other words: fire shot at her butt.) Screaming in pain she darted down the corridor...and collided with a figure laughing deviously, rendering her unconscious. Feeling a quick burst of flame, Ami resumed her strenuous pace.
"Do you see her?"
"NO. She's like totally too far ahead."
"Once I find that fire-whore I'm gonna beat the crap out of her," Makoto growled, running though the crowded corridors. Naturally she stopped now and then to bash a few heads, allowing her ditzy friend to keep up.
"Like oh my like God, there's like an unconscious like women against the wall," Minako said worried.
"It's Queen Beryl! And there's a note in her hand." After a crinkling of paper, Makoto read, "Die flight 123,die. Hmm I wonder what that means," she frowned slightly, then shrugged. "Oh well," she said, throwing a punch in Beryl's face. "Lets go, our flight leaves in four hours we're gonna be late."
"Which flight are we like on?" Minako manages in the midst of running.
"Flight 123"
"O.k."
Minako knew she should be happy at the chance to stop running, but running into Makoto, who for some strange reason had halted in mid-stride, was less than fun.
"Like ow!"
Makoto ignored her, frozen in her spot. "That guy looks just like my last sempai!"
Looking up Minako wrinkled her brow in confusion, "But isn't that, like, a girl?"
-FOUR HOURS LATER-
"Last call for flight 12..uh 3. I repeat last call for flight 123.
"Make way, coming though!" These were the last words heard by numerous coma victims, their last sight being what they described as a 'brown pony-tail of death'. "Whew, we made it," Makoto sighed in relief. Minako sank into a seat next to Ami, who had, wisely, chosen to sit behind Rei. "Like that took forever, we were like so totally lost that I like thought we were like gonna die," Minako wailed to Ami. Ami scowled slightly, paying no attention to Minako, she was, at the moment, thoroughly engaged applying ace bandages and gauze to her uh... injured area.
Likewise Makoto chose a seat next to a still fuming Rei. "Took you long enough," Rei grumbled.
Makoto slammed Rei repeatedly into the wall, "Now listen fire-whore and listen good. The fact that we are late is you #@$%*@# fault, if you hadn't run so freaking fast, I'd a never been left with a blond ditz who couldn't find her way out of a paper bag."
"You wanna die you boy-crazy slut!" Rei shouted
"You think you got it, I'm gonna beat the crap outta you."
"You both are big meanies," Ami cut in.
(Stormy: Oooh, that's gotta hurt.)
"SHUT UP," they snapped in unison.
*BEEP* The following fight is censored, all we know is that it involved some big flames, sizzling lightning zaps, and lots of punches. However; some sounds such as: "SHIT!" and "OUCH!" could be heard amidst the dust cloud. Behind our unfriendly brawl we see Minako reading a magazine, glad her two friends are finally getting along, and Ami crying her eyes out. That's it for today we now return you to our regularly scheduled program with another annoying...*BEEP*
* * *
"I hate this job," Lori grumbled, stacking cheap plastic trays on top of each other. But as a stewardess she had to be cheerful, so with a sigh she fixed a fake, plastic, Barbie-smile on her face, lowered her gas mask, and wheeled the trays of food to awaiting passengers.
She wheeled the cart to a stop when the smell of blood broke her out of her reverie. Looking up she saw two girls with matted hair, burned and scratched faces, and torn, blood-ridden clothes. She wrinkled her nose, "God, what teenagers will do for fashion," she mumbled under her breath. Smiling she said, "Would you like the chicken or the fish?"
"What?! You call this food?!" the browned haired fashion victim said, "How dare you bring me less than superb quality food?! No matter; I'll fix this!" she said tying a red cape around her shoulders. "I command you to take me to your kitchen!"
A sudden lurch took care of the food problem, as it was now splattered all over the floor, and looking slightly more edible. The plane shook, then steeply nose-dived.
"PLEASE EXCUSE THE INTERRUPTION FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE," came a voice from a nearby intercom. "THE PLANE IS CURRENTLY CRASHING, BY THE TIME YOU HEAR THIS MESSAGE YOUR LOYAL PILOT AND COPILOTS HAVE ALREADY JUMPED OUT THE PLANE, WE URGE YOU TO EVACUATE IN A CALM, ORDERLY MATTER. BUT WE REALLY DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR NOT. HAVE A NICE DAY.
Paranoia gripped the passengers as they all fought to jump the plane. Fortunately, Rei's fire and Makoto's punches allowed our four misfits to be some of the first to jump...
"WEEEEE," the girls shouted, "this is fun."
"I get this feeling we forgot something," Makoto said.
"Like what?" Rei questioned, "OH MY GOD WE FORGOT PARACHUTES!
"AHHHH"
"Like wait a second," Minako said having just gotten an idea, (definitely a new thing for her) "Like can't cartoon characters fall and like not get hurt?"
"I never thought of that...but, hey! We're not cartoons we're anime!" Makoto protested.
"Maybe it'll work anyway," Ami chimed in...
SPLASH
Our "heroes" plunged into the icy depths of the ocean, and emerged wet, but alive on a deserted island. Tired from their ordeals they sat down to dry off.
-30 MINUTES LATER-
Rei fumed remembering the scene that had taken place just a few minutes ago. She had been sitting there, tired when she realized her "friends" were all chewing bubblegum. After being refused a piece she had tried everything from begging to threats, but nothing had worked. "I WILL get their bubblegum," she vowed, "even if I have to kill them I'll get it, ha ha ha ha." After a few minutes of maniacal laughter she began to set her plan in motion.
* * *
"Ok, here's the deal," Makoto said to the senshi. "It looks like we're stranded on an island, and I don't know about you but I'm staving."
"It has been an hour since we last ate," Ami agreed.
"Like yeah, we're all like gonna die of starvation," Minako wailed.
"So our first objective find food," Makoto continued, "I suggest we power-up..."
"But isn't Rei-chan like, already powered up?" Minako questioned.
"No."
"Then, like, how does she, like, totally shoot fire."
Rei shrugged, "Beats me."
"Okay let's power… wait a minute. What transformation phrase are we supposed to shout anyway?" Makoto said.
"That depends on what season of Sailor Moon we're in, lets consult the script." Ami put in, reaching into her pocket she pulled out two wads of paper. "Now, do we want the Japanese or the dub version?"
"Hmm..." Rei said deep in thought, "Well, we all have Japanese names, and the outer senshi are in it and plus the dub version sucks, and we're cool, so I guess it would have to be the Japanese version."
"Ok, so we have to say make-up...crap these pages are too wet to read. Oh well we'll just have to say what we think is right," Ami continued.
Raising a pen she shouted:
"MERCURY POWER!"
"LIKE, VENUS, LIKE, STAR, LIKE, POWER!"
"JUPITER PUNCH POWER!"
"MARS BUBBLEGUM POWER!"
"MAKE-UP!" they shouted in unison.
* * *
Mamoru walked hand in with Usagi, deep in thought. As was normal when he thought he sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" in a high-pitched soprano voice. His thoughts drew to his favorite subject: how to break up with Usagi as "gently" as possible. He had already prepared to stick out his foot and trip her so he could laugh at her, when he heard Usagi's earsplitting shriek. Mamoru looked up to see Usagi transform to Sailor Moon, quickly looking away at the part where she was naked, and saw a youma in the distance. He was preparing to transform, when a siren interrupted him.
* * *
Bob the policeman pulled up to curb with a sigh. He'd received a complaint to arrest a young woman for public nudity. She should have two odangos on her head and a thin figure. Walking over to the young couple the officer realized he had a problem. Even with his description he couldn't tell the two apart, he mulled over it for a while the best possible decision. Grabbing Mamoru by the arm he said, "Young lady, you are under arrest for public nudity."
"What?!"
"You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." The officer continued leading Mamoru to a squad car.
Stormy: That makes sense, Mamoru is so feminine.
Rava: True, and he is a soprano.
Stormy: That's a point in his favor
Rava: You want some pickled ham?
Stormy: Sure, you have any blue spam cookies?
Rava: No, but I have some Strawberry icing...
Stormy: STRAWBERRY ICING! Give me some...
E-mail Lady Rava at Lady_Rava@aol.com and Princess Stormy at Goldstorm@sailormoon.com
Part 2
By: Lady Rava
Rating: PG-13 For that wonderfully insane content that you have come to expect from us.
Rava: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
(Both Stormy and Rava run and dive for shelter behind the couch. Suddenly, a loud explosion is heard from Stormy's kitchen and fragments of pink and red fly everywhere.
Stormy, peering over the couch: Baka! I told you Chibi-usa wasn't edible, you can't even bake her. And what's Elios gonna do to us when he finds out that we tried to make her into cherry bon-bons, using her as the filing?!
Rava whines: I don't want Elios to hate us, he has such a sexy voice…why does that spore Chibi-usa get him?
Stormy patting Rava on the head: There, there Rava-chan. When I finally hook him we'll share. I'm sure I can teach you to ride…
Rava looks at Stormy: Ecchi!!!
Stormy defensively: Hey! I was talking about riding Pegasus! Although, he DOES have the most gorgeous eyes. And his voice could melt Princess Snow Kaguya in her tracks. (Stormy shivers in delight)
Rava: ANYWAY! (sweatdrops) We need to get on with this.
Stormy awakening from her fantasy: Oh! Yes! Right! On we go! (Whistles that annoying little dwarf tune.)
Rava: So here's the story folks.
(Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, and we promise to return the characters unharmed…(facefaults) well, slightly unharmed…err that is we'll brainwash them into forgetting the traumatic events they endured in this fanfic. We don't have any money anyway so please don't sue us)
(Mentos is not owned by us, and, as far we know, has no life-saving capabilities.)
Thank you for reading all this crap, and not suing us. We really appreciate it.
Translucent streams of rich gold and red blanketed the streets of Tokyo; caressing the rough, forlorn pavement with a feather-like touch. Above a solitary blue jay glided gently through the soft sun-enriched thermals. Although beautiful, the morning sunrise was nothing but ordinary scenery to the bird, who instead turned its attention to a far more interesting sight. The many people who traveled the streets of Tokyo usually provided no more than moderate interest to the blue jay; however, this warm spring day one figure...well simply stuck out.
"NO! This can't be happening," a masculine voice screamed. "I can't have lost them, the fate of this world depends on them." Ignoring the startled looks from people nearby, the figure frantically searched for the apocalyptic preventing device.
"NO, God please no anything but this…" the figure wailed, falling to its knees. "Please! Just take me instead, don't harm them…" Above a neon sign flashed and the figure received an instant revelation. Sighing with relief, Haruka realized her Mickey Mouse sunglasses were still perched firmly upon her nose. With a quick glance to confirm the integrity of her mission had not been compromised, she removed her small, compact communications device. Lifting the big Luna-like ball to her mouth Haruka quickly uttered her secret password...err that is quickly screamed her "secret" password.
"PUFFY ORANGE MARSHMALLOWS!"
"Ok, ok...Haruka I CAN hear you," came the reply.
"Shh, use my code name, the ears have walls you know!" she said, naturally still screaming into the ball.
"Ok..." She sighed softly, "Mr. Milkshake Man...but isn't it the walls have ears?"
Slightly confused Haruka glanced around, lifting the ball she repeated her partner's code name, "Sexy Teddy Bear?"
Michiru sighed, "What...Mr. Milkshake Man?
Haruka quickly glanced around to confirm her suspicion. "There aren't any ears on the wall...Michiru?"
Michiru had picked up a gun, prepared to end it all, and pointed it at her head and, finding it wasn't loaded…
"DAMN IT," screaming with rage, she flung the empty gun aside.
"Sexy Teddy Bear? Come in...Are the eggs well done? I repeat are the eggs well done?
"YOUR @$#&%# MISSION IS FINE HARUKA! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BUY A DRESS!"
"Shh... Don't let anybody hear that… word, my reputation's at stake." With that she ran "surreptitiously" down the street.
Now our hidden camera circles the street to give us a different perspective...Oh look there's our creamy heroine throwing herself onto a car top to catch a quick ride. With her large green overcoat, oversized purple cowboy hat, combat boots, and, of course her Mickey Mouse sunglasses, she's practically invisible. Bringing the camera in closer we can hear the helpful advice given by other drivers.
"AHHH: AN ALIEN, CALL 911!"
"PERVERT, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"
"KILL THE MONSTER!"
"DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY HORSERADISH?"
Haruka smiled and waved, thanking the people for their advice. Dodging vegetables, she leaned forward and made vroom sounds.
Curious as always, our solitary blue jay came in for a closer look. Landing on the road, the bird looked up to see a purple hat on the hood of a car…
THUMP
* * *
"Mamo-chan! Wake up!"
Usagi frantically shook the now nearly comatose Mamoru, searching for some sign of life. After several hours of attempting to awaken our friendly "bum", via flamethrower, chain saw, hand grenade (etc.), Usagi had finally realized that Mamoru was not simply asleep.
(Rava: that's got to be a record, I thought it would've taken her longer. Stormy whacks her on the head with one of her cheap plastic moon rods: Shut up and keep writing I want to know what else Usagi is going to do to Mamoru. Rava whips out Uranus's "borrowed" space sword and chops Stormy's moon rod in half, Stormy whips out another and Rava chops it again. Stormy pulls out another cheap plastic moon rod...
Several hours, and hundreds of cheap plastic moon rods later:
Rava: Whew! (Wipes sweat off her face), that was tiring. Stormy laughs tiredly: just finish the story, I have to go order another truckload of moon rods.
Rava: The cheap plastic kind?
Stormy: naturally.)
"OH NO! I'LL HAVE TO GIVE HIM CPR!" Usagi screamed. With a slightly determined look on her face she gently picked up Mamoru's hand and blew into it twice, then she moved by his leg and compressed it fifteen times. After taking his pulse at the top of his head she wailed, "NO, he can't be dead." Painfully lifting her head she begged bystanders nearby for help.
As Usagi had suspected, bystanders were more than eager to help. A couple of men rushed over and proceeded to help Mamoru by relieving him of unnecessary belongings.
"Quick, grab his wallet."
"Oooh look a gold card."
"Cool a fake Swiss watch."
Even after the men's help Usagi was forced to admit that Mamoru looked no better. After a quick assessment of the contents of her bag, Usagi removed a small capsule and gently fed one of its contents to Mamoru.
Mamoru coughed weakly, "Usako?"
"Mamo-chan! You're awake... Oh my God it worked!
"What worked?"
Ignoring Mamoru, Usagi turned to the camera and raised a tube in her fist. Smiling brightly she said "Mentos! The Fresh-maker!"
"Um Usako what are you doing?"
Usagi frowns, "Nothing."
"Oh, ok. Want to go for a walk?"
"Ok."
* * * *
It was strangely quiet for a Saturday, at least compared to the usual confusion amidst the dark twisting corridors, and the signs that could be labeled nothing short of misleading. Yes, the airport was certainly less crowded than usual, the figure mused, but then again that suited her just fine. Turning her attention to an overhead sign she allowed her thoughts to wander. Remembering her nearly completed scheme, she sighed with pleasure, who would have thought pickled ham would have such a negative effect on an airplane engine. Ah yes, she would have her revenge, and flight 123 would suffer. Clanging overhead interrupted her from her pleasant if not devious plan. Covering her ears to block out what sounded like an elephant stampede, the figure slowly turned...
"HURRY UP! We're going to miss our flight. RUN, DORK-GIRL, RUN! I SAID MOVE!"
Ami turned just in time to see an object of Rei's anger projected at her. (In other words: fire shot at her butt.) Screaming in pain she darted down the corridor...and collided with a figure laughing deviously, rendering her unconscious. Feeling a quick burst of flame, Ami resumed her strenuous pace.
"Do you see her?"
"NO. She's like totally too far ahead."
"Once I find that fire-whore I'm gonna beat the crap out of her," Makoto growled, running though the crowded corridors. Naturally she stopped now and then to bash a few heads, allowing her ditzy friend to keep up.
"Like oh my like God, there's like an unconscious like women against the wall," Minako said worried.
"It's Queen Beryl! And there's a note in her hand." After a crinkling of paper, Makoto read, "Die flight 123,die. Hmm I wonder what that means," she frowned slightly, then shrugged. "Oh well," she said, throwing a punch in Beryl's face. "Lets go, our flight leaves in four hours we're gonna be late."
"Which flight are we like on?" Minako manages in the midst of running.
"Flight 123"
"O.k."
Minako knew she should be happy at the chance to stop running, but running into Makoto, who for some strange reason had halted in mid-stride, was less than fun.
"Like ow!"
Makoto ignored her, frozen in her spot. "That guy looks just like my last sempai!"
Looking up Minako wrinkled her brow in confusion, "But isn't that, like, a girl?"
-FOUR HOURS LATER-
"Last call for flight 12..uh 3. I repeat last call for flight 123.
"Make way, coming though!" These were the last words heard by numerous coma victims, their last sight being what they described as a 'brown pony-tail of death'. "Whew, we made it," Makoto sighed in relief. Minako sank into a seat next to Ami, who had, wisely, chosen to sit behind Rei. "Like that took forever, we were like so totally lost that I like thought we were like gonna die," Minako wailed to Ami. Ami scowled slightly, paying no attention to Minako, she was, at the moment, thoroughly engaged applying ace bandages and gauze to her uh... injured area.
Likewise Makoto chose a seat next to a still fuming Rei. "Took you long enough," Rei grumbled.
Makoto slammed Rei repeatedly into the wall, "Now listen fire-whore and listen good. The fact that we are late is you #@$%*@# fault, if you hadn't run so freaking fast, I'd a never been left with a blond ditz who couldn't find her way out of a paper bag."
"You wanna die you boy-crazy slut!" Rei shouted
"You think you got it, I'm gonna beat the crap outta you."
"You both are big meanies," Ami cut in.
(Stormy: Oooh, that's gotta hurt.)
"SHUT UP," they snapped in unison.
*BEEP* The following fight is censored, all we know is that it involved some big flames, sizzling lightning zaps, and lots of punches. However; some sounds such as: "SHIT!" and "OUCH!" could be heard amidst the dust cloud. Behind our unfriendly brawl we see Minako reading a magazine, glad her two friends are finally getting along, and Ami crying her eyes out. That's it for today we now return you to our regularly scheduled program with another annoying...*BEEP*
* * *
"I hate this job," Lori grumbled, stacking cheap plastic trays on top of each other. But as a stewardess she had to be cheerful, so with a sigh she fixed a fake, plastic, Barbie-smile on her face, lowered her gas mask, and wheeled the trays of food to awaiting passengers.
She wheeled the cart to a stop when the smell of blood broke her out of her reverie. Looking up she saw two girls with matted hair, burned and scratched faces, and torn, blood-ridden clothes. She wrinkled her nose, "God, what teenagers will do for fashion," she mumbled under her breath. Smiling she said, "Would you like the chicken or the fish?"
"What?! You call this food?!" the browned haired fashion victim said, "How dare you bring me less than superb quality food?! No matter; I'll fix this!" she said tying a red cape around her shoulders. "I command you to take me to your kitchen!"
A sudden lurch took care of the food problem, as it was now splattered all over the floor, and looking slightly more edible. The plane shook, then steeply nose-dived.
"PLEASE EXCUSE THE INTERRUPTION FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE," came a voice from a nearby intercom. "THE PLANE IS CURRENTLY CRASHING, BY THE TIME YOU HEAR THIS MESSAGE YOUR LOYAL PILOT AND COPILOTS HAVE ALREADY JUMPED OUT THE PLANE, WE URGE YOU TO EVACUATE IN A CALM, ORDERLY MATTER. BUT WE REALLY DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR NOT. HAVE A NICE DAY.
Paranoia gripped the passengers as they all fought to jump the plane. Fortunately, Rei's fire and Makoto's punches allowed our four misfits to be some of the first to jump...
"WEEEEE," the girls shouted, "this is fun."
"I get this feeling we forgot something," Makoto said.
"Like what?" Rei questioned, "OH MY GOD WE FORGOT PARACHUTES!
"AHHHH"
"Like wait a second," Minako said having just gotten an idea, (definitely a new thing for her) "Like can't cartoon characters fall and like not get hurt?"
"I never thought of that...but, hey! We're not cartoons we're anime!" Makoto protested.
"Maybe it'll work anyway," Ami chimed in...
SPLASH
Our "heroes" plunged into the icy depths of the ocean, and emerged wet, but alive on a deserted island. Tired from their ordeals they sat down to dry off.
-30 MINUTES LATER-
Rei fumed remembering the scene that had taken place just a few minutes ago. She had been sitting there, tired when she realized her "friends" were all chewing bubblegum. After being refused a piece she had tried everything from begging to threats, but nothing had worked. "I WILL get their bubblegum," she vowed, "even if I have to kill them I'll get it, ha ha ha ha." After a few minutes of maniacal laughter she began to set her plan in motion.
* * *
"Ok, here's the deal," Makoto said to the senshi. "It looks like we're stranded on an island, and I don't know about you but I'm staving."
"It has been an hour since we last ate," Ami agreed.
"Like yeah, we're all like gonna die of starvation," Minako wailed.
"So our first objective find food," Makoto continued, "I suggest we power-up..."
"But isn't Rei-chan like, already powered up?" Minako questioned.
"No."
"Then, like, how does she, like, totally shoot fire."
Rei shrugged, "Beats me."
"Okay let's power… wait a minute. What transformation phrase are we supposed to shout anyway?" Makoto said.
"That depends on what season of Sailor Moon we're in, lets consult the script." Ami put in, reaching into her pocket she pulled out two wads of paper. "Now, do we want the Japanese or the dub version?"
"Hmm..." Rei said deep in thought, "Well, we all have Japanese names, and the outer senshi are in it and plus the dub version sucks, and we're cool, so I guess it would have to be the Japanese version."
"Ok, so we have to say make-up...crap these pages are too wet to read. Oh well we'll just have to say what we think is right," Ami continued.
Raising a pen she shouted:
"MERCURY POWER!"
"LIKE, VENUS, LIKE, STAR, LIKE, POWER!"
"JUPITER PUNCH POWER!"
"MARS BUBBLEGUM POWER!"
"MAKE-UP!" they shouted in unison.
* * *
Mamoru walked hand in with Usagi, deep in thought. As was normal when he thought he sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" in a high-pitched soprano voice. His thoughts drew to his favorite subject: how to break up with Usagi as "gently" as possible. He had already prepared to stick out his foot and trip her so he could laugh at her, when he heard Usagi's earsplitting shriek. Mamoru looked up to see Usagi transform to Sailor Moon, quickly looking away at the part where she was naked, and saw a youma in the distance. He was preparing to transform, when a siren interrupted him.
* * *
Bob the policeman pulled up to curb with a sigh. He'd received a complaint to arrest a young woman for public nudity. She should have two odangos on her head and a thin figure. Walking over to the young couple the officer realized he had a problem. Even with his description he couldn't tell the two apart, he mulled over it for a while the best possible decision. Grabbing Mamoru by the arm he said, "Young lady, you are under arrest for public nudity."
"What?!"
"You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." The officer continued leading Mamoru to a squad car.
Stormy: That makes sense, Mamoru is so feminine.
Rava: True, and he is a soprano.
Stormy: That's a point in his favor
Rava: You want some pickled ham?
Stormy: Sure, you have any blue spam cookies?
Rava: No, but I have some Strawberry icing...
Stormy: STRAWBERRY ICING! Give me some...
E-mail Lady Rava at Lady_Rava@aol.com and Princess Stormy at Goldstorm@sailormoon.com
